Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 In a message dated 11/1/01 5:53:49 AM Central Standard Time, soaringeagle@... writes: << In fact, she will cry (literally) and say she did the best she could >> You know, what I tell myself, is she probably did do the best SHE could. My mother says that to me all the time, I did the best I knew how. The truth is that she was raised by a mother who was the meanest woman who ever lived, I do believe, and that was my grandmother, who beat her with anythng and everything. I knew this woman and I can believe it. My grandmother said to me many times, I raised 7 children and I didn't want none of them. So my mother, by not physically abusing me, sees it as a great improvement (and in that way it is) and she probably did do the best SHE was able to do. That doesn't make us any better off, necessarily. " It's never too late to have a happy childhood " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 In a message dated 11/1/01 5:53:49 AM Central Standard Time, soaringeagle@... writes: << In fact, she will cry (literally) and say she did the best she could >> You know, what I tell myself, is she probably did do the best SHE could. My mother says that to me all the time, I did the best I knew how. The truth is that she was raised by a mother who was the meanest woman who ever lived, I do believe, and that was my grandmother, who beat her with anythng and everything. I knew this woman and I can believe it. My grandmother said to me many times, I raised 7 children and I didn't want none of them. So my mother, by not physically abusing me, sees it as a great improvement (and in that way it is) and she probably did do the best SHE was able to do. That doesn't make us any better off, necessarily. " It's never too late to have a happy childhood " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 In a message dated 11/1/01 5:53:49 AM Central Standard Time, soaringeagle@... writes: << In fact, she will cry (literally) and say she did the best she could >> You know, what I tell myself, is she probably did do the best SHE could. My mother says that to me all the time, I did the best I knew how. The truth is that she was raised by a mother who was the meanest woman who ever lived, I do believe, and that was my grandmother, who beat her with anythng and everything. I knew this woman and I can believe it. My grandmother said to me many times, I raised 7 children and I didn't want none of them. So my mother, by not physically abusing me, sees it as a great improvement (and in that way it is) and she probably did do the best SHE was able to do. That doesn't make us any better off, necessarily. " It's never too late to have a happy childhood " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 Thanks Ilene I understand. I think I suspected that! I know my nada will never realise I didn't do anything to her, I just hoped she would forgive me for being so " horrible " ... and for abandoning her. Just being on this list is like having a whole lot of wonderful friends. Take care Minja > forgiveness > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her forgiving you are not > that > good. > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their own guilt. To do so > would > threaten their > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt and blame you for the > problems, > then they remain safe. > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as the rest of your family > goes > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy little world to live > in, > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek help. > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow the rest of the family to > take > care of themselves. Find good friends that can support you and hug you > when you > need it! > > Hugs, > Ilene in TX > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 Thanks Ilene I understand. I think I suspected that! I know my nada will never realise I didn't do anything to her, I just hoped she would forgive me for being so " horrible " ... and for abandoning her. Just being on this list is like having a whole lot of wonderful friends. Take care Minja > forgiveness > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her forgiving you are not > that > good. > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their own guilt. To do so > would > threaten their > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt and blame you for the > problems, > then they remain safe. > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as the rest of your family > goes > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy little world to live > in, > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek help. > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow the rest of the family to > take > care of themselves. Find good friends that can support you and hug you > when you > need it! > > Hugs, > Ilene in TX > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 Thanks Ilene I understand. I think I suspected that! I know my nada will never realise I didn't do anything to her, I just hoped she would forgive me for being so " horrible " ... and for abandoning her. Just being on this list is like having a whole lot of wonderful friends. Take care Minja > forgiveness > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her forgiving you are not > that > good. > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their own guilt. To do so > would > threaten their > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt and blame you for the > problems, > then they remain safe. > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as the rest of your family > goes > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy little world to live > in, > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek help. > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow the rest of the family to > take > care of themselves. Find good friends that can support you and hug you > when you > need it! > > Hugs, > Ilene in TX > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 Minja, You live in a different world from your nada. You live in a world where forgiveness and mutuality are possible. Where people in relationships respect one anothers differences and promote individuality. Abusive people do not live in this reality. Anyone in their path is a mere appendage of themselves. It's wonderful to cultivate what is ours while leaving what is someone else's to them. Beautiful things begin to blossom... Cyndie " Just because something appears reasonable, doesn't mean it's realistic. " --- Minja Simpson wrote: > Thanks Ilene > I understand. I think I suspected that! I know my > nada will never realise I > didn't do anything to her, I just hoped she would > forgive me for being so > " horrible " ... and for abandoning her. > Just being on this list is like having a whole lot > of wonderful friends. > Take care > Minja > > > forgiveness > > > > > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full > forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her > forgiving you are not > > that > > good. > > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their > own guilt. To do so > > would > > threaten their > > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt > and blame you for the > > problems, > > then they remain safe. > > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as > the rest of your family > > goes > > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy > little world to live > > in, > > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek > help. > > > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow > the rest of the family to > > take > > care of themselves. Find good friends that can > support you and hug you > > when you > > need it! > > > > Hugs, > > Ilene in TX > > > > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send > questions & concerns to > > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on > Eggshells, " a primer for > > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL > (). For the table of > > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 Minja, You live in a different world from your nada. You live in a world where forgiveness and mutuality are possible. Where people in relationships respect one anothers differences and promote individuality. Abusive people do not live in this reality. Anyone in their path is a mere appendage of themselves. It's wonderful to cultivate what is ours while leaving what is someone else's to them. Beautiful things begin to blossom... Cyndie " Just because something appears reasonable, doesn't mean it's realistic. " --- Minja Simpson wrote: > Thanks Ilene > I understand. I think I suspected that! I know my > nada will never realise I > didn't do anything to her, I just hoped she would > forgive me for being so > " horrible " ... and for abandoning her. > Just being on this list is like having a whole lot > of wonderful friends. > Take care > Minja > > > forgiveness > > > > > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full > forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her > forgiving you are not > > that > > good. > > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their > own guilt. To do so > > would > > threaten their > > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt > and blame you for the > > problems, > > then they remain safe. > > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as > the rest of your family > > goes > > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy > little world to live > > in, > > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek > help. > > > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow > the rest of the family to > > take > > care of themselves. Find good friends that can > support you and hug you > > when you > > need it! > > > > Hugs, > > Ilene in TX > > > > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send > questions & concerns to > > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on > Eggshells, " a primer for > > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL > (). For the table of > > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I do know that " forgiveness " and " nada " dont go together. My nada did terrible things to me. Like all nadas, she rewrites history and of course, did NOTHING wrong. In fact, she will cry (literally) and say she did the best she could Hania forgiveness > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her forgiving you are not > that > good. > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their own guilt. To do so > would > threaten their > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt and blame you for the > problems, > then they remain safe. > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as the rest of your family > goes > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy little world to live > in, > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek help. > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow the rest of the family to > take > care of themselves. Find good friends that can support you and hug you > when you > need it! > > Hugs, > Ilene in TX > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I do know that " forgiveness " and " nada " dont go together. My nada did terrible things to me. Like all nadas, she rewrites history and of course, did NOTHING wrong. In fact, she will cry (literally) and say she did the best she could Hania forgiveness > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her forgiving you are not > that > good. > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their own guilt. To do so > would > threaten their > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt and blame you for the > problems, > then they remain safe. > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as the rest of your family > goes > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy little world to live > in, > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek help. > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow the rest of the family to > take > care of themselves. Find good friends that can support you and hug you > when you > need it! > > Hugs, > Ilene in TX > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 Cyndie Thanks for putting it so clearly. I cannot hear this often enough! Take care Minja > forgiveness > > > > > > > > > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full > > forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > > > > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her > > forgiving you are not > > > that > > > good. > > > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their > > own guilt. To do so > > > would > > > threaten their > > > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt > > and blame you for the > > > problems, > > > then they remain safe. > > > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as > > the rest of your family > > > goes > > > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy > > little world to live > > > in, > > > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek > > help. > > > > > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow > > the rest of the family to > > > take > > > care of themselves. Find good friends that can > > support you and hug you > > > when you > > > need it! > > > > > > Hugs, > > > Ilene in TX > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > > > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send > > questions & concerns to > > > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on > > Eggshells, " a primer for > > > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL > > (). For the table of > > > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2001 Report Share Posted November 1, 2001 Cyndie Thanks for putting it so clearly. I cannot hear this often enough! Take care Minja > forgiveness > > > > > > > > > > > > Minja said <<< I'm hoping eventually for full > > forgiveness (both ways).>>> > > > > > > Minja, you can forgive her, but the chances of her > > forgiving you are not > > > that > > > good. > > > First of all, a person with BPD cannot admit their > > own guilt. To do so > > > would > > > threaten their > > > identity. As long as they can shift the guilt > > and blame you for the > > > problems, > > > then they remain safe. > > > It's the nature of the illness. 2nd, as long as > > the rest of your family > > > goes > > > along with her delusions, then she has a nice tidy > > little world to live > > > in, > > > and no reason to adjust her thinking or to seek > > help. > > > > > > Be good to yourself and your daughter and allow > > the rest of the family to > > > take > > > care of themselves. Find good friends that can > > support you and hug you > > > when you > > > need it! > > > > > > Hugs, > > > Ilene in TX > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > > > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send > > questions & concerns to > > > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on > > Eggshells, " a primer for > > > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL > > (). For the table of > > > contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again. Dag Hammarskjöld Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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