Preview of my first Lipo Diary Article for Q-Life Newspaper

[Guest guest]

For Q-Life News

BODY IMAGE JOURNAL OF A GUY WITH HIV

By Mark Hooker

Let me introduce myself. I'm Mark Hooker, I'll be 48 years old on

January 15th, and I've been living with HIV for over 20 years. Since

1979, I have kept a personal journal. I find that it helps me sort

out my life issues. Writing in my journal gives me clarity, like

practicing Yoga. Or cleaning house. Or pining over Alec Baldwin as

he was in the 80s.

I'd like to share with you excerpts from what my friends Marc and

call " Old Lady Hooker's Diaries. " The excerpts I'll share focus on my

life with HIV, specifically related to body image. Here's the

situation – a situation that is not unique to me. Countless others

share it. But I'll talk about it in terms of me (even though my

friends will tell you that's SO UNLIKE ME).

HIV and the meds I take to treat it have had devastating effects on

both my mind and my body. We'll get into my mind another time (if we

dare). For now, I'll stay in the physical realm. A condition called

Lipodistrophy from which I, and many other men, women and children

with HIV/AIDS suffer, has devastated me. In a nutshell, this

condition unnaturally redistributes a person's body fat. And it isn't

pretty.

The look is unmistakable: sunken cheeks, facial wasting, limb

wasting, protruding veins, and swelling of the belly -- due to body

fat redistributed between the abdomen and the vital organs -- are a

few of the consequences some people living with HIV endure. Oh, and

there is the dorsal fat pad which can form on your back around your

neck and shoulders called " Buffalo Hump. " Buffalo hump is not only

ugly, but it can hinder movement and cause pain and difficulty sleeping.

At one point, I went to visit my physician, AIDS Specialist Dr. Ian

Gilson at Aurora. I was distraught because my insurance company would

not approve the reconstructive surgeries that would alleviate both my

physical and my psychic pain. This was a few months ago. I was at an

all-time low.

I asked Ian how long it would take to die if I just went off the

medications. If I had to live in this body for the rest of my life,

it just wasn't worth continuing. Ian called the HIV Nurse Specialist,

the incomparable Busalacchi, into the examination room, and

closed the door. For the next 45 minutes Ian and read me the

riot act. It would take YEARS for me to die, and if I thought I was

suffering now, just wait until my immune system weakened, and then all

of the opportunistic infections started to set in. Then they

described my fate if I went off my meds in graphic detail.

Okay, okay, I finally gave in. I'll take my meds and I'll live,

dammit. But not like this. I need those corrective surgeries, and I

WILL find a way to get them. But how?

Dr. Gilson was (as always) sympathetic. " For years the HIV/AIDS

community has been " dissed " by the insurance companies. Many insurers

refuse to take responsibility and pay for the surgical correction of

disfigurements caused by this medical condition. "

" It's really the same struggle that women had to go through years ago

with breast cancer. After a mastectomy, the insurance companies

refused to pay for breast reconstruction. It took law suits and long

battles to get this injustice corrected. "

" Now HIV/AIDS patients face a similar battle. This is a medical

condition, and reconstructive surgery would make it easier for people

to get through it. "

Already my mind was running a sub-routine on how to take charge of

this situation. Hmmmmm. Let's see, I'm on Social Security

disability, and I get a check every month for $1,075. I'm allowed to

work a part time job as long as I don't earn OVER $800. If I make

$801, they'll take away the $1,075. So working part-time won't really

help me get the surgery right away.

But I DO have three credit cards with about $20,000 worth of unused

credit on them. Don't ask me WHY credit card companies gave me this

credit, but they DID! The cards just keep coming in the mail,

pre-approved. And up until now, with the financial guidance of my

very responsible partner Dave, I've been very good with credit. I pay

the balance each and every month. That's when I'm picking up jeans

and a t-shirt at the GAP, however. NOT when I'm about to embark on an

insurance-denied reconstructive surgery EXTRAVAGANZA.

Next month, Q-Life readers, the saga begins!