Motherly advise needed.

[Guest guest]

Good morning/afternoon/evening,

After being a good girl and saying my affirmations like, " I deserve

all good, " " I deserve unconditional love " , and " The Divine has a

soulmate in mind for me that will love, cherish, and adore me, " it

all manifested! I'm so happy it's sickening. Only thing is, there's a

catch (isn't there always?). He comes with three kids, two his own

and one that he adopted from his first marriage. Now I've never dealt

with kids, never planned on having any of my own, didn't really want

them, but now I've kind of got them.

The oldest one, adopted, is 25 going on 13 and he lives with us. He's

not that much of a problem, and I've got him pretty much under

control.

The next one is 15 going on 30, and wants to move in with us because

he views our home as more stable but he hasn't made up his mind. The

beauty about this one is that he's highly intelligent and he's pretty

much a carbon copy of his father so I know how to deal with him. The

problem is that he knows he's smart and thinks he can get away with

things like no doing his homework, or not paying attention to what

time it is, or whatever.

The youngest is 13 going on 8, is a complete mama's boy, painfully

shy, and thinks I'm too strict because I asked him to put his dishes

in the sink instead of leaving them on floor like he can do at his

mom's house. He whines and cries a lot, can't seem to express himself

with words too well, and throws temper tantrums. I have no clue how

to handle him, and sadly neither does his dad. You ask this kid a

direct question like " What is it that you expect? " Or " What do you

want or need? " and he gives you a blank look with tears in his eyes

like you're supposed to read his mind.

Suddenly I'm thrust into being " instant mom " to these boys and I'm

scared half to death. Their mom wants all of us to sit down and talk

about the living arrangements and wants to meet me since I maybe

raising one or both of her kids. Trust me, she's never going to win

the mother of the year award and the middle boy has told her to her

face what a horrible mom and person she is, which is the truth but

his dad is trying to get him to tell her that with tact and still

show some respect because it is his mom after all.

My issue was that I was raised as an abused child, one reason why I

didn't want to have kids because abuse is a cycle and I didn't want

to pass it on, so my theory was no kids = no abuse ergo cycle ends. I

want to be a good mom to these boys, I want to the do the loving,

nurturing aspect of raising them without being too mushy, but since

they're so old is it too late? Then again, I'm seeing aspects of my

mom coming through when I'm dealing with them and that scares me -

I'm seeing the cycle starting to turn and I'm standing on the brakes.

Any ideas, or suggestions?

(( hugs ))

~ Kassandra