Re: -thanks (social problems)

[Guest guest]

Hi Ellen, your post caught my eye because of you mentioning that your OCD

etc. daughter doesn't want to be independent. I have the same problems with

my child (11 in January) and they are OCD because of " not right " feelings

when I suggest to her that she can do some things for herself now. Examples

are put on socks, make snacks/simple meals, etc. Just yesterday I slept in

later than usual and she was starving and quite peeved at me when I got up.

I asked her why she didn't make herself something or at least get an apple

or cheese stick. She responded that she can't make a peanut-butter sandwich

(!!! I've taught her this repeatedly, but hers aren't " right " where mine

that I've made for her since toddler years are " right " according to OCD),

and she wasn't sure it was OK to eat an apple, in other words she wanted my

permission (reassurance.) That *was* the rule when she was a toddler but

sheesh, I get the idea she would starve to death if I weren't the dependable

Mom I (usually! LOL) am.

Same thing with putting on socks, brushing her hair, the bedtime routine, on

and on. I do everything " right " and she can't do it " right " . I think I

fostered some of this stuff in part because she was so sick during the years

she would have normally begun doing for herself, and also because she is an

only child. I think I've just continued on doing some things that no way

would I be doing if I had more kids besides her!

Anyway over the past year or so I've noticed my daughter does these things

just fine when she is elsewhere--at camp for example or at school or a

friend's home. Positive peer pressure and not wanting to appear weird has

helped out here. For some reason though at home she wants to do everything

the way it has always been--the " right " way according to OCD.

My child is maturing at a furious pace physically which she is emotionally

not quite ready for. So I also think in her case, there is some " normal "

stuff going on too, confusion feelings about growing up and etc.

Take care,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

<snip>

> exhausting! I do most of the helping because I am home and I am

> burnt. I need to step out of it more again, I realize. I will talk

> to her later and we have an appt. with the therapist on Monday.

> I just MADE her make her own EasyMac on her own. A little argument

> of course, but she did it. She doesn't want to be independent. And

> the biggest problem is that she gets extremely angry when you make

> her do something that she doesn't want to. Is this OCD or just

> stubborness? She is so head-strong.

> Your daughter is 14 now? How was she at 11 1/2? I wonder how much

> maturity helps.

<snip>

[Guest guest]

I made sequenced picture card cues for Ava when she was very young. As

she got older I had her make her own sequenced cues. I suspected that

she was pulling me into her " routine " by having me tell her her next

task so the picture cards helped me to not get involved, I could

re-direct her to " look at her next card " . Now (she's 16) I see that she

makes a morning list for herself when she has a lot to do.

Dana in NC

Kathy Mac wrote:

>

>

>

> > When getting ready to go out

> > anywhere or get ready for bed, she needs us involved or she just

> > doesn't do it. Many reminders, limits, etc...It is totally

> > exhausting!

>

> We have this same issue with my daughter, Billie. At 13, we still

> have

> to prompt her each step of the way in getting ready for school, etc.

> " Did you take your meds? You need to brush your teeth. Have you

> brushed your hair yet? Where are your shoes? " It's enough to make me

>

> nuts. However, in Billie's case, we have recently come to realize

> that

> she very likely has Non-Verbal Learning Disability and one of the

> hallmarks of that is problems with organization. We are currently in

> the process of having her evaluated but it's looking more and more

> like

> this is the issues for her. As if she needed one more thing to deal

> with!

>

> Kathy

> (Billie, 13 OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Conversion Disorder,

> asthma, migraines, allergies and, more than likely NVLD

> and Trude, 17, over-achieving, college freshman, Red Sox fan)

>

>

>

>

>

> Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

> at: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group// .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.,

> Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators

> are Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes,

> Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription

> issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner,

> at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I made sequenced picture card cues for Ava when she was very young. As

she got older I had her make her own sequenced cues. I suspected that

she was pulling me into her " routine " by having me tell her her next

task so the picture cards helped me to not get involved, I could

re-direct her to " look at her next card " . Now (she's 16) I see that she

makes a morning list for herself when she has a lot to do.

Dana in NC

Kathy Mac wrote:

>

>

>

> > When getting ready to go out

> > anywhere or get ready for bed, she needs us involved or she just

> > doesn't do it. Many reminders, limits, etc...It is totally

> > exhausting!

>

> We have this same issue with my daughter, Billie. At 13, we still

> have

> to prompt her each step of the way in getting ready for school, etc.

> " Did you take your meds? You need to brush your teeth. Have you

> brushed your hair yet? Where are your shoes? " It's enough to make me

>

> nuts. However, in Billie's case, we have recently come to realize

> that

> she very likely has Non-Verbal Learning Disability and one of the

> hallmarks of that is problems with organization. We are currently in

> the process of having her evaluated but it's looking more and more

> like

> this is the issues for her. As if she needed one more thing to deal

> with!

>

> Kathy

> (Billie, 13 OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Conversion Disorder,

> asthma, migraines, allergies and, more than likely NVLD

> and Trude, 17, over-achieving, college freshman, Red Sox fan)

>

>

>

>

>

> Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

> at: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group// .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.,

> Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators

> are Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes,

> Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription

> issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner,

> at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I made sequenced picture card cues for Ava when she was very young. As

she got older I had her make her own sequenced cues. I suspected that

she was pulling me into her " routine " by having me tell her her next

task so the picture cards helped me to not get involved, I could

re-direct her to " look at her next card " . Now (she's 16) I see that she

makes a morning list for herself when she has a lot to do.

Dana in NC

Kathy Mac wrote:

>

>

>

> > When getting ready to go out

> > anywhere or get ready for bed, she needs us involved or she just

> > doesn't do it. Many reminders, limits, etc...It is totally

> > exhausting!

>

> We have this same issue with my daughter, Billie. At 13, we still

> have

> to prompt her each step of the way in getting ready for school, etc.

> " Did you take your meds? You need to brush your teeth. Have you

> brushed your hair yet? Where are your shoes? " It's enough to make me

>

> nuts. However, in Billie's case, we have recently come to realize

> that

> she very likely has Non-Verbal Learning Disability and one of the

> hallmarks of that is problems with organization. We are currently in

> the process of having her evaluated but it's looking more and more

> like

> this is the issues for her. As if she needed one more thing to deal

> with!

>

> Kathy

> (Billie, 13 OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Conversion Disorder,

> asthma, migraines, allergies and, more than likely NVLD

> and Trude, 17, over-achieving, college freshman, Red Sox fan)

>

>

>

>

>

> Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed

> at: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group// .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.,

> Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators

> are Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes,

> Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription

> issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner,

> at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/31/2004 4:54:23 AM Pacific Standard Time,

kathymac45@... writes:

At 13, we still have

to prompt her each step of the way in getting ready for school, etc.

" Did you take your meds? You need to brush your teeth. Have you

brushed your hair yet? Where are your shoes? "

*** Oh boy, don't even get me started on this one. I have done everything

ever suggested in all the books, to no avail. I have a laminated list which each

kid is supposed to check in the morning, so I can be less of a nag. My son

loves it, and it works beautifully for him. My daughter never looks at hers and

usually can't find it. As always, all the interventions that I find (designed

for kids like Annie with issues) work for the normal child but not for her.

Recently I put huge signs on the kids' bathroom mirror informing them of big

monetary fines for not using a bathmat and not hanging up the towel. Annie still

couldn't remember and just quit using a towel since she was losing all her

allowance regularly. And these were BIG colorful signs. She DOES often remember

her pills, but that's the only progress we've made in many years, I'm afraid.

She still leaves for school without a coat and socks, and often without shoes -

and we've had snow already here.

in NV