Re: Booke's home from hospital/

[Guest guest]

No I never mentioned any of it to . She did ask early on in the

hospital if they know she's in the hospital? That was her way of asking if they

are

going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes they know but they

are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

though.....she's been very aware of the difference in treatment. Get this

though.......during one of the arguments had over the phone with his

Dad....told

him that I covered for them and told that they are out of town on

business so that wouldn't feel bad. His Dad's response: " Well that's

bizarre...why would she lie and tell her that? " DUHHHHHH....what did he think I

should tell her????? That they don't care?....that they don't want to visit her

or send a card?.....that they'll never feel the same way about her as na

cause she's not a REAL " blood " grandchild like na?....God are they

really that heartless and selfish????? Yup! It sure appears that way. It's just

way beyond my comprehension. Waaaaay beyond! Uhhhhh....it just pisses me off.

Sorry....I didn't mean to go that far on your question. Can you tell I'm

still fuming???

Thanks for the cheers Chris.

/CA

Oh, I'm so happy that 's doing so well!! And I'm glad she

doesn't have to go back to school yet. We're all cheering her on.

And I hope the in-laws just hold off on calling for a while. Did you

ever mention any of that to , did she ask about them or

anything?

[Guest guest]

,

You're in a difficult situation allright. I went through this with

my son when his dad (and we were divorced) jobless then jailed then

homeless then in rehab and then just unreliable and thouughtless for

years - I tried to be matter of fact when talking about him - he has

big problems of his own, he loves you and shows you in the best way

he can - unfortunately, the best he can is *this*.

Though he's improved it's still much less than you'd think a father

would want.

The only thing I could do was arrange it to be as reliable as I

could. I gave him money when he spent time with Cody - I drove Cody

to and from - he became much more consistent then. Many visits were

supervised or brief until he'd proven he could do it well.

Someone (or several) suggested supervised visits with this set of

grandparents and I see that as the best solution - it sends the

message to all the children that something is wrong here - and it

sends the message that even though they are flawed you will still try

to work with them because they're family. Then with firm limits on

what kind of behavior from them will cut them off from all the kids,

and so insisting they behave themselves, the kids can spend some time

with these people.

I'm so glad 's home - she must have done a terrific job - that

didn't take nearly as long as it seemed it would.

> No I never mentioned any of it to . She did ask early on in

the

> hospital if they know she's in the hospital? That was her way of

asking if they are

> going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes they know

but they

> are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

> though.....she's been very aware of the difference in treatment.

Get this

> though.......during one of the arguments had over the phone

with his Dad....told

> him that I covered for them and told that they are out of

town on

> business so that wouldn't feel bad. His Dad's

response: " Well that's

> bizarre...why would she lie and tell her that? " DUHHHHHH....what

did he think I

> should tell her????? That they don't care?....that they don't want

to visit her

> or send a card?.....that they'll never feel the same way about her

as na

> cause she's not a REAL " blood " grandchild like na?....God are

they

> really that heartless and selfish????? Yup! It sure appears that

way. It's just

> way beyond my comprehension. Waaaaay beyond! Uhhhhh....it just

pisses me off.

> Sorry....I didn't mean to go that far on your question. Can you

tell I'm

> still fuming???

> Thanks for the cheers Chris.

> /CA

>

>

>

> Oh, I'm so happy that 's doing so well!! And I'm glad she

> doesn't have to go back to school yet. We're all cheering her

on.

> And I hope the in-laws just hold off on calling for a while. Did

you

> ever mention any of that to , did she ask about them or

> anything?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

You're in a difficult situation allright. I went through this with

my son when his dad (and we were divorced) jobless then jailed then

homeless then in rehab and then just unreliable and thouughtless for

years - I tried to be matter of fact when talking about him - he has

big problems of his own, he loves you and shows you in the best way

he can - unfortunately, the best he can is *this*.

Though he's improved it's still much less than you'd think a father

would want.

The only thing I could do was arrange it to be as reliable as I

could. I gave him money when he spent time with Cody - I drove Cody

to and from - he became much more consistent then. Many visits were

supervised or brief until he'd proven he could do it well.

Someone (or several) suggested supervised visits with this set of

grandparents and I see that as the best solution - it sends the

message to all the children that something is wrong here - and it

sends the message that even though they are flawed you will still try

to work with them because they're family. Then with firm limits on

what kind of behavior from them will cut them off from all the kids,

and so insisting they behave themselves, the kids can spend some time

with these people.

I'm so glad 's home - she must have done a terrific job - that

didn't take nearly as long as it seemed it would.

> No I never mentioned any of it to . She did ask early on in

the

> hospital if they know she's in the hospital? That was her way of

asking if they are

> going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes they know

but they

> are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

> though.....she's been very aware of the difference in treatment.

Get this

> though.......during one of the arguments had over the phone

with his Dad....told

> him that I covered for them and told that they are out of

town on

> business so that wouldn't feel bad. His Dad's

response: " Well that's

> bizarre...why would she lie and tell her that? " DUHHHHHH....what

did he think I

> should tell her????? That they don't care?....that they don't want

to visit her

> or send a card?.....that they'll never feel the same way about her

as na

> cause she's not a REAL " blood " grandchild like na?....God are

they

> really that heartless and selfish????? Yup! It sure appears that

way. It's just

> way beyond my comprehension. Waaaaay beyond! Uhhhhh....it just

pisses me off.

> Sorry....I didn't mean to go that far on your question. Can you

tell I'm

> still fuming???

> Thanks for the cheers Chris.

> /CA

>

>

>

> Oh, I'm so happy that 's doing so well!! And I'm glad she

> doesn't have to go back to school yet. We're all cheering her

on.

> And I hope the in-laws just hold off on calling for a while. Did

you

> ever mention any of that to , did she ask about them or

> anything?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

You're in a difficult situation allright. I went through this with

my son when his dad (and we were divorced) jobless then jailed then

homeless then in rehab and then just unreliable and thouughtless for

years - I tried to be matter of fact when talking about him - he has

big problems of his own, he loves you and shows you in the best way

he can - unfortunately, the best he can is *this*.

Though he's improved it's still much less than you'd think a father

would want.

The only thing I could do was arrange it to be as reliable as I

could. I gave him money when he spent time with Cody - I drove Cody

to and from - he became much more consistent then. Many visits were

supervised or brief until he'd proven he could do it well.

Someone (or several) suggested supervised visits with this set of

grandparents and I see that as the best solution - it sends the

message to all the children that something is wrong here - and it

sends the message that even though they are flawed you will still try

to work with them because they're family. Then with firm limits on

what kind of behavior from them will cut them off from all the kids,

and so insisting they behave themselves, the kids can spend some time

with these people.

I'm so glad 's home - she must have done a terrific job - that

didn't take nearly as long as it seemed it would.

> No I never mentioned any of it to . She did ask early on in

the

> hospital if they know she's in the hospital? That was her way of

asking if they are

> going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes they know

but they

> are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

> though.....she's been very aware of the difference in treatment.

Get this

> though.......during one of the arguments had over the phone

with his Dad....told

> him that I covered for them and told that they are out of

town on

> business so that wouldn't feel bad. His Dad's

response: " Well that's

> bizarre...why would she lie and tell her that? " DUHHHHHH....what

did he think I

> should tell her????? That they don't care?....that they don't want

to visit her

> or send a card?.....that they'll never feel the same way about her

as na

> cause she's not a REAL " blood " grandchild like na?....God are

they

> really that heartless and selfish????? Yup! It sure appears that

way. It's just

> way beyond my comprehension. Waaaaay beyond! Uhhhhh....it just

pisses me off.

> Sorry....I didn't mean to go that far on your question. Can you

tell I'm

> still fuming???

> Thanks for the cheers Chris.

> /CA

>

>

>

> Oh, I'm so happy that 's doing so well!! And I'm glad she

> doesn't have to go back to school yet. We're all cheering her

on.

> And I hope the in-laws just hold off on calling for a while. Did

you

> ever mention any of that to , did she ask about them or

> anything?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, . You're in-laws are beyond belief. Completely toxic. It makes me

want to cry for . Thank god she has such as wonderful mother! Wishing

you and her all the best.

Mo

of asking if they are going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes

they know but they

are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

though.....she's been very aware of the difference in treatment. Get this

though.......during one of the arguments had over the phone with his

Dad....told

him that I covered for them and told that they are out of town on

business so that wouldn't feel bad. His Dad's response: " Well that's

bizarre...why would she lie and tell her that? " DUHHHHHH....what did he think

I

should tell her?????

[Guest guest]

Well, I think I said this before but when/if realizes about

her " step-grandparents " , I hope she will also realize it is THEIR

loss. And that some people just are a bit more narrow-minded; not

because of 's problems, but they just don't have enough caring

to go around, love to share, etc., and she shouldn't take it

personally. I really just don't get it myself.

Keep us updated on things when you get a minute!

> No I never mentioned any of it to . She did ask early on in

the

> hospital if they know she's in the hospital? That was her way of

asking if they are

> going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes they know

but they

> are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

[Guest guest]

Well, I think I said this before but when/if realizes about

her " step-grandparents " , I hope she will also realize it is THEIR

loss. And that some people just are a bit more narrow-minded; not

because of 's problems, but they just don't have enough caring

to go around, love to share, etc., and she shouldn't take it

personally. I really just don't get it myself.

Keep us updated on things when you get a minute!

> No I never mentioned any of it to . She did ask early on in

the

> hospital if they know she's in the hospital? That was her way of

asking if they are

> going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes they know

but they

> are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

[Guest guest]

Well, I think I said this before but when/if realizes about

her " step-grandparents " , I hope she will also realize it is THEIR

loss. And that some people just are a bit more narrow-minded; not

because of 's problems, but they just don't have enough caring

to go around, love to share, etc., and she shouldn't take it

personally. I really just don't get it myself.

Keep us updated on things when you get a minute!

> No I never mentioned any of it to . She did ask early on in

the

> hospital if they know she's in the hospital? That was her way of

asking if they are

> going to come visit her in there. I just told her yes they know

but they

> are out of town on business. (I lied for them.) She's not stupid

[Guest guest]

His Dad's response: " Well that's

bizarre...why would she lie and tell her that? "

For some people it isn't enough to win - someone else has to lose.

And for some people stereotyping helps them put people in categories

so that no more thought is required - thinking is just too much work

for some people.

But, for some people, when stereotyping isn't enough, and when

prejudice is at it's ugliest, it is not enough that they feel

superior, the other must feel inferior.

I've always described this to my son as " people who need to stand on

someone else's shoulders to feel tall " .

These grandparents aren't innocently admitting a lack of depth

feeling for ....they are actively trying to make feel

like " less " and her sister feel like " more " . You ruined their game

when you covered for them.

Very, very dangerous to let this go undiscussed amongst yourselves as

a close family. I think you absolutely must tell the children what

it is they are seeing - first, so they can recognize it for what it

is when they see it again; second, so they don't subconsciously

absorb it as correct behavior; and third, so you have the opportunity

to 'teach' them exactly where your values and morality stands on this

topic.

It can be described to the children in a calm, thorough way so they

understand what's going on during their contact with these

relatives. Encourage the children to pay attention and spot the

subtelties of it - it will become a bit of a twisted family game to

discuss it afterwards. This way ALL the weirdness is on them - the

children are just curious observers - safe and sound within your

home.

There really isn't any need to fight with these people - they are

what they are. My mom is the 'psycho' in my family - I've wished all

my life she'd just go away, but over time I've learned to disregard

her poison, taught my son to do the same..... and make sure she's

never alone with him unless he says it's okay.