Welcome

February 17, 2001

Hi Ilene,

My older daughter is 18 yrs and my youngest daughter is 11. I lost my

second husband 6 weeks after she was born, and so have been single parenting

ever since.

My " nada " tells me that I got my name from the comic book " The Good

Little Witch " , the friend to Casper. Of course she would leave out the

" good " part. I remember one time we were all sitting outside my house having a

bar- b- que I had put on and my one uncle jumped on her about that. I was so

surprised by his response!! I'd grown used to being talked at like that and

hadn't realized how mean she had been. Little surprises like that still crop up,

but the pain is now minimal. I now understand where that all comes from. ;0)

Welcome

I love your name - my 13 yo has the same name! How old are your children?

I'm so glad to know you had a great doctor and are feeling better. You are so

right about the silence bringing healing-

just hearing my nada's voice on my answering machine sent me into a short

tailspin. I've been free for 4 months, but she's still trying desperately to

hoover me back into a " relationship " .

Ilene in TX

February 17, 2001

Hi Ilene,

My older daughter is 18 yrs and my youngest daughter is 11. I lost my

second husband 6 weeks after she was born, and so have been single parenting

ever since.

My " nada " tells me that I got my name from the comic book " The Good

Little Witch " , the friend to Casper. Of course she would leave out the

" good " part. I remember one time we were all sitting outside my house having a

bar- b- que I had put on and my one uncle jumped on her about that. I was so

surprised by his response!! I'd grown used to being talked at like that and

hadn't realized how mean she had been. Little surprises like that still crop up,

but the pain is now minimal. I now understand where that all comes from. ;0)

Welcome

I love your name - my 13 yo has the same name! How old are your children?

I'm so glad to know you had a great doctor and are feeling better. You are so

right about the silence bringing healing-

just hearing my nada's voice on my answering machine sent me into a short

tailspin. I've been free for 4 months, but she's still trying desperately to

hoover me back into a " relationship " .

Ilene in TX

February 17, 2001

and Casper were my favorite cartoons growing up! However, I didn't name

my daughter after the cartoon - a friend I admired in my church was named .

She was terrific and always upbeat. Later she was diagnosed as bipolar - and

that really hurt all of us.

Hugs,

Ilene

February 17, 2001

and Casper were my favorite cartoons growing up! However, I didn't name

my daughter after the cartoon - a friend I admired in my church was named .

She was terrific and always upbeat. Later she was diagnosed as bipolar - and

that really hurt all of us.

Hugs,

Ilene

May 15, 2001

Welcome to the group. I'm going through the same thing. My nada is very

demanding and this past week was terrible for me. I was consumed with total

guilt for not seeing my mother on Sunday. My sister took my mom out for dinner

with her soon-to-be husband, so of course that made me look selfish and

unconcerned. I had a very difficult time selecting a Mother's Day card for her

because all the cards were about a loving, caring mother's. That does not apply

to my mother.

I recently was kicked out of my house (i lived with my mom and sister). I'm

living on my own and haven't seen my mom in over 2 months. I miss her so much

it hurts, but then I realize how much she has hurt me and then I'm filled with

anger. My mother is expecting me to make up Mother's Day by taking her out to

brunch soon. I'm not ready to see her yet. I worked with my mother for 7 years

and lived with her. I have a new job now so these 2 months have felt strange

living and working without having to see or hear her.

I too have trouble separating MY TIME to heal and time spent with my mother. I

feel like maybe things weren't that bad, maybe it's my fault. Then I think

about how my life has been and a tiny voice in the back of my mind tells me

" it's not your fault " of course my therapist helps also!!!

I hope you find some comfort with this group and I hope we all find ourselves.

E D wrote:

Hi everyone. I'm new to the group, but I've been

reading over past messages. It amazes me that so many

people have experienced the same things that I have.

I'm in the process of trying to cut off ties with my

parents. Either that, or make them realize that they

need help, which isn't working.

My nada has either BPD or NPD. She has definite

qualities of both. My stepfather is co-dependent.

It's almost like he thrives off her illness. I tried

to tell him about BPDcentral and SWOE, but he won't

admit that there's a problem, even though he's had it

worse from her than I have.

After one of her rages right before Christmas, I told

them that I wasn't going to pretend that everything

was okay anymore. Her rages and abuse were a pattern

of behavior, and, in the past, my letting things go

only encouraged it. Of course, when she asked for

examples of when she had done these things before, I

gave her plenty, but I was " mistaken " . Those things

never happened. This is one of the things that is

absolutely infuriating about dealing with her. My

stepfather only agrees with her, telling her that

she's a wonderful mother and he could never see her

doing those things.

I hadn't talked to them for about 5 months, which was

the most peaceful and relaxing time of my life, until

this past weekend. The reason they called was because

I didn't send her a Mother's Day card. My stepfather

called, crying, asking how could I do this to them.

Not that either one of them will admit that they've

ever done anything to me. It's very exasperating,

because how can you prove to anyone that they need

help when every example you give, they deny. He kept

telling me how miserable they are and that I just need

to let go.

I'm having a lot of problems dealing with the guilt of

making them unhappy. I know that it's part of the FOG

thing, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I

know that if I go back there, I'll lose my mind. Does

anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the

guilt?

Thanks,

__________________________________________________

May 15, 2001

Welcome to the group. I'm going through the same thing. My nada is very

demanding and this past week was terrible for me. I was consumed with total

guilt for not seeing my mother on Sunday. My sister took my mom out for dinner

with her soon-to-be husband, so of course that made me look selfish and

unconcerned. I had a very difficult time selecting a Mother's Day card for her

because all the cards were about a loving, caring mother's. That does not apply

to my mother.

I recently was kicked out of my house (i lived with my mom and sister). I'm

living on my own and haven't seen my mom in over 2 months. I miss her so much

it hurts, but then I realize how much she has hurt me and then I'm filled with

anger. My mother is expecting me to make up Mother's Day by taking her out to

brunch soon. I'm not ready to see her yet. I worked with my mother for 7 years

and lived with her. I have a new job now so these 2 months have felt strange

living and working without having to see or hear her.

I too have trouble separating MY TIME to heal and time spent with my mother. I

feel like maybe things weren't that bad, maybe it's my fault. Then I think

about how my life has been and a tiny voice in the back of my mind tells me

" it's not your fault " of course my therapist helps also!!!

I hope you find some comfort with this group and I hope we all find ourselves.

E D wrote:

Hi everyone. I'm new to the group, but I've been

reading over past messages. It amazes me that so many

people have experienced the same things that I have.

I'm in the process of trying to cut off ties with my

parents. Either that, or make them realize that they

need help, which isn't working.

My nada has either BPD or NPD. She has definite

qualities of both. My stepfather is co-dependent.

It's almost like he thrives off her illness. I tried

to tell him about BPDcentral and SWOE, but he won't

admit that there's a problem, even though he's had it

worse from her than I have.

After one of her rages right before Christmas, I told

them that I wasn't going to pretend that everything

was okay anymore. Her rages and abuse were a pattern

of behavior, and, in the past, my letting things go

only encouraged it. Of course, when she asked for

examples of when she had done these things before, I

gave her plenty, but I was " mistaken " . Those things

never happened. This is one of the things that is

absolutely infuriating about dealing with her. My

stepfather only agrees with her, telling her that

she's a wonderful mother and he could never see her

doing those things.

I hadn't talked to them for about 5 months, which was

the most peaceful and relaxing time of my life, until

this past weekend. The reason they called was because

I didn't send her a Mother's Day card. My stepfather

called, crying, asking how could I do this to them.

Not that either one of them will admit that they've

ever done anything to me. It's very exasperating,

because how can you prove to anyone that they need

help when every example you give, they deny. He kept

telling me how miserable they are and that I just need

to let go.

I'm having a lot of problems dealing with the guilt of

making them unhappy. I know that it's part of the FOG

thing, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I

know that if I go back there, I'll lose my mind. Does

anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the

guilt?

Thanks,

__________________________________________________

October 26, 2002

Thanks Kim,

I only wish that I could be there to give her that hug in person, but

I live 1,000 miles away and we met online coz our kids had similar

symptoms. My son Mike (13yo) has Mitochondrial Myopathy, but he has

the epilepsy, quad cerebral palsy, the g-tube, cvi and whilst Hannah

has the brilliant smile ~ Mike has a wicked sense of humour. I have

been writing to nearly everyday for almost 2 years now and I

treasure her friendship and I ache for her and Gavan. I hope that

things will improve for Hannah, but deep down I am not optomistic

My greetings to you all and that you for allowing me to join your

informative group.

Regards Lynn, Sunshine Coast (north of Brisbane, Australia)

October 26, 2002