Why Men & Women Handle Stress Differently

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http://my.webmd.com/content/Article/107/108405.htm

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Why Men and Women Handle Stress Differently

Ezman's life is a little on the stressful side these days. She's a first-

grade teacher to a classroom full of rambunctious 6-year-olds, she's planning

a July wedding, and she's house hunting with her future husband. So it's a

common occurrence for her to come home after a harried day and feel

stressed. What does she do?

" When it all piles up, I usually need to cry and get it all out, " says Ezman, of

Sherrill, N.Y. " I talk and then talk some more and then some more, and then

once I've had a chance to talk through all the things that bottle up inside me

during the day, I usually feel better. "

Flynn's pregnant wife and 5-year-old daughter have relocated from

Long Island, N.Y., to upstate N.Y., while he still works on Long Island. He

commutes once a week back and forth, and in the meantime, tries to get his

family settled in their new house near Syracuse. Stress is unfortunately a part

of his life for the time being.

" I don't talk about my feelings when I'm stressed, " says Flynn. " It's easier

just to

let it pass and move on. "

Clearly, men and women tend to deal with stress in very different ways -- but

why?

Men vs. Women and Hormones

One of the most important reasons why men and women react differently to

stress is hormones. Three play a crucial role: cortisol, epinephrine, and

oxytocin.

When stress strikes, hormones called cortisol and epinephrine together raise

a person's blood pressure and circulating blood sugar level, and cortisol

alone lowers the effectiveness of the immune system.

" People used to think there was a difference in the amounts of cortisol

released during a stressful situation in women, " says Sapolsky, PhD,

professor of neurobiology at Stanford University. " The thinking was women

released more of this hormone, and that produced all sorts of nutty theories

about why women are so emotional. "

But the fact of the matter, explains Sapolsky, is that there is no consistent

difference in cortisol production at all between men and women. It really all

comes down to the hormone called oxytocin.

In women, when cortisol and epinephrine rush through the bloodstream in a

stressful situation, oxytocin comes into play. It is released from the brain,

countering the production of cortisol and epinephrine, and promoting

nurturing and relaxing emotions.

While men also secrete the hormone oxytocin when they're stressed, it's in

much smaller amounts, leaving them on the short end of the stick when it

comes to stress and hormones.

Tend and Befriend, Fight or Flight

Tend and Befriend, Fight or Flight

While most people are familiar with the fight or flight theory (when confronted

with stress, do you stay and fight or turn tail and run?), there's a new theory

in

town tailored just for women.

An influential study published in the July 2000 issue of Psychological Review

reported that females were more likely to deal with stress by " tending and

befriending " -- that is, nurturing those around them and reaching out to others.

" Tending involves nurturant activities designed to protect the self and

offspring that promote safety and reduce distress; befriending is the creation

and maintenance of social networks that may aid in this process, " write

researchers, including E. , PhD, a distinguished professor in the

department of psychology at UCLA.

Why do women tend and befriend instead of fight or flight? The reason, in

large part, is oxytocin combined with female reproductive hormones,

explained researchers in the study.

Men, on the other hand, with smaller amounts of oxytocin, lean toward the

tried and true fight or flight response when it comes to stress -- either

bottling it

up and escaping, or fighting back.

Demand vs. Energy

" The major sex differences I see have to do with the management of demand

and maintenance of energy, " says Carl Pickhardt, PhD, a psychologist and

author of The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive Discipline. " Because male

self-esteem is often built around adequacy of performance, and female self-

esteem is often built around adequacy of relationships, overdemand and

insufficient self-maintenance tend to cut somewhat different ways for women

and for men. "

A woman, explains Pickhardt, is often at risk of letting other people's needs

determine her limits, while her own needs are ignored.

" Self-sacrifice in relationships is how many women enter stress, " says

Pickhardt, who is a spokesman for the American Psychological Association.

Men, on the other hand, are often at risk of letting challenge and competition

set the pace.

" Men tend to let their rival's efforts or their employer's agenda set the level

of

their demand, losing focus on the self to preoccupation with winning or

attaining an extrinsic objective, " Pickhardt tells WebMD. " Achieving a winning

performance at all costs is how many men enter stress. "

What is the greatest stressor for women and for men? Not surprisingly,

" Relationship loss for women, performance failure for men, are often the

greatest stressors each sex experiences, " says Pickhardt.

Managing Stress

Managing Stress

When it comes to managing stress, men and women just handle it differently.

Take Ezmen and Flynn, for example. Both lead stressful

lives, but both handle it in their own way.

" Managing stress is very different by sex, " Pickhardt tells WebMD. " Women

often seek support to talk out the emotional experience, to process what is

happening and what might be done. "

Whether its friends, family, or a support group, women like to tell their

stories.

" Men often seek an escape activity to get relief from stress, to create a

relaxing diversion, to get away, " says Pickhardt.

Golfing is a common example of how men escape -- they're acting out their

stressful energy in a challenging way while enjoying the companionship of

other men. They typically, explains Pickhardt, don't take time out of a round of

golf to discuss their feelings or stress amongst each other.

Stress and Evolution

For both sexes, stress has evolved from the days on the savannah when we

were running for our lives. Now, it's mortgage payments and childcare that

keep us up night after night.

" The single most important point to make is that stress has evolved from

dealing with a single short-term crisis to the ability to turn stress on in a

chronic way, " says Sapolsky, author of Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers.

Unfortunately, because the hormonal result of stress is increased blood

pressure and circulating blood sugar levels, and a less-effective immune

system, chronic stress can lead to serious health problems.

" Men and women need to find ways to deal with chronic stress. This is not

what the body has evolved for, and it can increase a person's risk of

everything from heart disease to metabolic disorders to impaired wound

healing, " Sapolsky tells WebMD.

Dealing With Stress

In part 2 of this series, experts give WebMD tips on how men and women can

better handle all the curveballs life throws at them. Here's a preview of what's

to come:

" Managing stress from overdemand and inadequate self-maintenance is very

simple, and so very complex, " says Pickhardt. " Two little words are all it

takes:

'No' and 'Yes.' "

Published June 6, 2005.

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SOURCES: Carl Pickhardt, PhD, psychologist; author, The Everything

Parent's Guide to Positive Discipline, Austin, Texas. E. , PhD,

distinguished professor, department of psychology, UCLA. Sapolsky,

PhD, professor of neurobiology, Stanford University; author, Why Zebras Don't

Get Ulcers, Stanford, Calif. , S.E. Psychological Review, 2000; vol 107:

pp 411-429.