school decision

August 20, 2004

My daughter started first grade 2 weeks ago at a new school. She

went to another school for kindergarten, but we moved and she is now

in a different setting. Prior to the school year, my wife went and

spoke with the new principal and explained our daughter has mild ocd

and we wanted him to help place her with the teacher he felt would be

more qualified and nurturing. Well, when we went to open house we

were told that the teacher of the class she had been placed in would

be out on medical leave a " couple of weeks. " We were concerned but

decided not to say anything. It turns out the teacher will be out at

least 6 weeks, and there have already been 3 substitute teachers in

the classroom. My wife is furious and is going to talk with the

principal today.

Our dilemma: Our daughter was very nervous at the beginning of the

school year and developed some nervous tics, which she is starting to

get over somewhat. She likes the school and has made some new

friends. We're concerned about the quality of education she is

receiving, seeing as how the first of the school year is when rules

are established, a bond with the teacher is established, testing is

done to evaluate students. My wife thinks a new classroom may be

best. But my daughter is already way ahead for her age -- reads at a

second or third grade level. I think switching classes will make her

feel like starting a new school again and make her feel out of

place. She'll wonder why she is being put in another class when no

one else is. She'll have to make new friends all over again, and

she's very shy when meeting new people.

Needless to say, we're really mad at the principal right now. My

wife put a note on the registration papers to take my daughter's file

to the principal due to their prior conference. We're not sure if he

received it or not.

We need some input. What are your thoughts on what we should do?

Thanks in advance for your help.

August 20, 2004

Hi there, this is an unfortunate situation and it does seem the principal

dropped the ball. Perhaps though the original teacher's need for medical

care was a sudden thing, and the extended leave also unknown until it

happened?

If this were me I'd leave my daughter in the classroom where she is, even

with the " parade " of different teachers here at the start of the year. I'm

thinking of my own daughter with OCD at that age, she would have had even

more trouble transferring into a new classroom late, than coping with the

sub teachers. After all, this option will also mean getting used to yet

another teacher, and who is to say that one won't have some medical problem

or need for extended leave this year? The original teacher, when she

returns, will have to play catch up in establishing rules and rapport with

all the students, not just your daughter. I'm sure she is aware of this and

planning accordingly.

This is not a great situation for anyone, the sick teacher or your daughter

or the rest of the kids in the class, not one that anyone involved would

have chosen. Life is like this though, and it is an opportunity for you and

your wife to demonstrate for your daughter the value of being flexible,

making the best of a bad situation, general coping skills, etc. all things

that do not come easily to kids with OCD. That you notice your daughter's

tics are subsiding in this situation is a good sign that she is coping well.

Is there a guidance counselor or other at the school who can keep a

particular eye on your daughter during this unsettled time, and perhaps

intervene if she sees a problem brewing?

My daughter is 10 now, she had an abrupt onset of severe OCD at age four, so

she has had the disorder through her whole school career. I have many times

been very angry when a teacher or a principal seemed to not take her OCD

into account or " think ahead " to smooth her path, causing unnecessary stress

and upset for her. But over time I learned that most things did work out

alright, and my daughter was more resilient and able to cope in the school

setting than I gave her credit for. In other words, frequently the problem

boiled down more to my own " what ifs " and worries than hers. I also learned

I did my best advocacy by giving myself enough time to calm down from my

anger before talking with school personnel.

Good luck, my two cents,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

> My daughter started first grade 2 weeks ago at a new school. She

> went to another school for kindergarten, but we moved and she is now

> in a different setting. Prior to the school year, my wife went and

> spoke with the new principal and explained our daughter has mild ocd

> and we wanted him to help place her with the teacher he felt would be

> more qualified and nurturing. Well, when we went to open house we

> were told that the teacher of the class she had been placed in would

> be out on medical leave a " couple of weeks. " We were concerned but

> decided not to say anything. It turns out the teacher will be out at

> least 6 weeks, and there have already been 3 substitute teachers in

> the classroom. My wife is furious and is going to talk with the

> principal today.

>

> Our dilemma: Our daughter was very nervous at the beginning of the

> school year and developed some nervous tics, which she is starting to

> get over somewhat. She likes the school and has made some new

> friends. We're concerned about the quality of education she is

> receiving, seeing as how the first of the school year is when rules

> are established, a bond with the teacher is established, testing is

> done to evaluate students. My wife thinks a new classroom may be

> best. But my daughter is already way ahead for her age -- reads at a

> second or third grade level. I think switching classes will make her

> feel like starting a new school again and make her feel out of

> place. She'll wonder why she is being put in another class when no

> one else is. She'll have to make new friends all over again, and

> she's very shy when meeting new people.

>

> Needless to say, we're really mad at the principal right now. My

> wife put a note on the registration papers to take my daughter's file

> to the principal due to their prior conference. We're not sure if he

> received it or not.

>

> We need some input. What are your thoughts on what we should do?

> Thanks in advance for your help.

August 20, 2004