Re: Are you more comfortable...

[Guest guest]

I haven't told many people I'm AS and everything goes along just fine.

[Guest guest]

I haven't told many people I'm AS and everything goes along just fine.

[Guest guest]

I haven't told many people I'm AS and everything goes along just fine.

[Guest guest]

" A problem I have is people not knowing what to make of me at all.

They can't like or dislike because I'm so quiet I don't give them

enough to work with. Also my silence can be mistaken for *me*

disliking *them*, and I don't have the social know-how to remedy

this other than by telling the truth. (Which I rarely do so probably

lots of people think I don't like them!) "

It's a difficult situation. It's funny, isn't it, how all of us in

this group can feel reasonably at ease with one another as though we

are all sitting together drinking TV/having coffee, and yet when we

go out into the " real " world we are all wall-flowers or the like?

Being AS, I have no real answer to give you. I have found myself in

your shoes many times and didn't know what to do either.

The only I advice I can really give is just to be yourself and do

only that which you feel natural doing. That's the only way you can

really feel at ease, I should think.

" I yearn to be open with people, but in reality I am very closed and

reserved. Quite a discrepency! I guess I feel that if people could

see the 'real me' that is trapped behind my fears, the person I know

and like, they might like me too. "

I often feel this way also. However, it still pleases me to be

cautious. What we all talk about here in these forums tends to

fascinate us and keep us going for hours. Yet it bores your average

everyday person. All this is by way of saying that many NTs do not

like the " real me " when they see him. Sometimes I feel that I am

from some other planet in terms of my ability to relate to and be

liked by someone else.

" If I was able to release those fears by sharing them, maybe my real

self could come out? I don't know. It worked that way with my

boyfriend, but that is quite a different situation than a party. "

I think revealing yourself over time might be the best bet for

establishing friendships with people. My experience has been that

people tend to only be able to take me in small doses, and it takes

them a while to get aclimated to me. A friend of mine only hangs out

with me when he wants deep conversations or when he's pondering some

kind of deep philosophical but pertinent life problem. He knows

that I will be able to provide many different, non-judgemental,

objective perspectives on his issues, and so that is what he needs

me for. But before it could get to the point where he could accept

me the way I am and trust me as a friend, he had to get to know me

over an extended period of time (years).

Even though I only currently see him four or five times a year, I

still consider this a good friendship because we do have a bind

between us that tends to transcend other more shallow friendships.

Tom

[Guest guest]

" A problem I have is people not knowing what to make of me at all.

They can't like or dislike because I'm so quiet I don't give them

enough to work with. Also my silence can be mistaken for *me*

disliking *them*, and I don't have the social know-how to remedy

this other than by telling the truth. (Which I rarely do so probably

lots of people think I don't like them!) "

It's a difficult situation. It's funny, isn't it, how all of us in

this group can feel reasonably at ease with one another as though we

are all sitting together drinking TV/having coffee, and yet when we

go out into the " real " world we are all wall-flowers or the like?

Being AS, I have no real answer to give you. I have found myself in

your shoes many times and didn't know what to do either.

The only I advice I can really give is just to be yourself and do

only that which you feel natural doing. That's the only way you can

really feel at ease, I should think.

" I yearn to be open with people, but in reality I am very closed and

reserved. Quite a discrepency! I guess I feel that if people could

see the 'real me' that is trapped behind my fears, the person I know

and like, they might like me too. "

I often feel this way also. However, it still pleases me to be

cautious. What we all talk about here in these forums tends to

fascinate us and keep us going for hours. Yet it bores your average

everyday person. All this is by way of saying that many NTs do not

like the " real me " when they see him. Sometimes I feel that I am

from some other planet in terms of my ability to relate to and be

liked by someone else.

" If I was able to release those fears by sharing them, maybe my real

self could come out? I don't know. It worked that way with my

boyfriend, but that is quite a different situation than a party. "

I think revealing yourself over time might be the best bet for

establishing friendships with people. My experience has been that

people tend to only be able to take me in small doses, and it takes

them a while to get aclimated to me. A friend of mine only hangs out

with me when he wants deep conversations or when he's pondering some

kind of deep philosophical but pertinent life problem. He knows

that I will be able to provide many different, non-judgemental,

objective perspectives on his issues, and so that is what he needs

me for. But before it could get to the point where he could accept

me the way I am and trust me as a friend, he had to get to know me

over an extended period of time (years).

Even though I only currently see him four or five times a year, I

still consider this a good friendship because we do have a bind

between us that tends to transcend other more shallow friendships.

Tom

[Guest guest]

I think first and foremost I would rather have people accept me for

me - dx or no dx, that would be secondary.

I think in certain situations I might need to explain to certain key

people that I have certain difficulties - but just a social situation

I personally would not divulge. It is extremely unlikely for people

to get to know me at parties - as I am too busy trying to avoid the

sensory overload such situations put me under. I do occasionally go

to parties - but am usually fairly distant whilst I am there - I tend

to zone out a lot - or find a quieter area.

> If people know about your AS or not?

>

> I have heard some people say they don't like people to know, at

least

> not right away, because they want to be seen for who they are and

not

> their Asperger's. This makes sense to me in theory. But in

practice,

> I find I prefer people to know as soon as possible. If they don't

> know they tend to assume I am just 'quiet,' which makes me sound

far

> less interesting than I feel I am! Also if the pressure is off to

try

> to act 'normal', I can be more myself than I could have been

> otherwise. I find that having an actual 'condition' is more

> understandable to the average person than just being different.

Most

> people, if you tell them that, will react appropriately. If you

don't

> tell them, they just wonder what's going on and it can be very

> uncomfortable.

>

> This is on my mind because I have to go to this party with my

> boyfriend on Saturday, and I am kind of freaking out about it. My

> relationship with his friends is very casual, so I am unable to

tell

> them the truth about me. I can't even imagine what they must think.

> What makes this party scary is that it's one of the

incomprehensible

> events that exists merely for the sake of socializing. Often when

we

> get together with his friends it is to watch a sporting event,

which

> is in my comfort zone. I'm a big sports fan, and I find I am

> comfortable with people if I have something to focus my attention

on

> other than them. But in this situation I'll have nothing safe to

> focus on so I'm really nervous.

>

> Kitty

[Guest guest]

I think first and foremost I would rather have people accept me for

me - dx or no dx, that would be secondary.

I think in certain situations I might need to explain to certain key

people that I have certain difficulties - but just a social situation

I personally would not divulge. It is extremely unlikely for people

to get to know me at parties - as I am too busy trying to avoid the

sensory overload such situations put me under. I do occasionally go

to parties - but am usually fairly distant whilst I am there - I tend

to zone out a lot - or find a quieter area.

> If people know about your AS or not?

>

> I have heard some people say they don't like people to know, at

least

> not right away, because they want to be seen for who they are and

not

> their Asperger's. This makes sense to me in theory. But in

practice,

> I find I prefer people to know as soon as possible. If they don't

> know they tend to assume I am just 'quiet,' which makes me sound

far

> less interesting than I feel I am! Also if the pressure is off to

try

> to act 'normal', I can be more myself than I could have been

> otherwise. I find that having an actual 'condition' is more

> understandable to the average person than just being different.

Most

> people, if you tell them that, will react appropriately. If you

don't

> tell them, they just wonder what's going on and it can be very

> uncomfortable.

>

> This is on my mind because I have to go to this party with my

> boyfriend on Saturday, and I am kind of freaking out about it. My

> relationship with his friends is very casual, so I am unable to

tell

> them the truth about me. I can't even imagine what they must think.

> What makes this party scary is that it's one of the

incomprehensible

> events that exists merely for the sake of socializing. Often when

we

> get together with his friends it is to watch a sporting event,

which

> is in my comfort zone. I'm a big sports fan, and I find I am

> comfortable with people if I have something to focus my attention

on

> other than them. But in this situation I'll have nothing safe to

> focus on so I'm really nervous.

>

> Kitty

[Guest guest]

" Also my silence can be mistaken for *me* disliking *them*,... "

I've had this - people think I am avoiding them - when I am not -

just trying to escape overload of sensory stuff - I am fine in the

right environment/situation - usually ones that I have some control

and familiarity with and if people take the time to get to know me I

am usually fine - as long as they aren't touchy feely with me :-)

Of course misunderstanding occasionally (or sometimes frequently)

arise - but the more a person gets to know me the more they

understand me and me likewise with them. I like predictability -

which is why if I am going to interact with someone many times and by

choice I do like to get to know them - I like seeing the pattern that

forms in their behaviours and re-actions - does this pattern seeing

thing make sense?

>

> > People either like you or they don't.

>

> A problem I have is people not knowing what to make of me at all.

They

> can't like or dislike because I'm so quiet I don't give them enough

to

> work with. Also my silence can be mistaken for *me* disliking

*them*,

> and I don't have the social know-how to remedy this other than by

> telling the truth. (Which I rarely do so probably lots of people

think

> I don't like them!)

>

> I yearn to be open with people, but in reality I am very closed and

> reserved. Quite a discrepency! I guess I feel that if people could

see

> the 'real me' that is trapped behind my fears, the person I know

and

> like, they might like me too. If I was able to release those fears

by

> sharing them, maybe my real self could come out? I don't know. It

> worked that way with my boyfriend, but that is quite a different

> situation than a party.

>

> Thanks for your reply; it's helpful to know how other aspies feel

about

> this!

>

> Kitty

[Guest guest]

" Also my silence can be mistaken for *me* disliking *them*,... "

I've had this - people think I am avoiding them - when I am not -

just trying to escape overload of sensory stuff - I am fine in the

right environment/situation - usually ones that I have some control

and familiarity with and if people take the time to get to know me I

am usually fine - as long as they aren't touchy feely with me :-)

Of course misunderstanding occasionally (or sometimes frequently)

arise - but the more a person gets to know me the more they

understand me and me likewise with them. I like predictability -

which is why if I am going to interact with someone many times and by

choice I do like to get to know them - I like seeing the pattern that

forms in their behaviours and re-actions - does this pattern seeing

thing make sense?

>

> > People either like you or they don't.

>

> A problem I have is people not knowing what to make of me at all.

They

> can't like or dislike because I'm so quiet I don't give them enough

to

> work with. Also my silence can be mistaken for *me* disliking

*them*,

> and I don't have the social know-how to remedy this other than by

> telling the truth. (Which I rarely do so probably lots of people

think

> I don't like them!)

>

> I yearn to be open with people, but in reality I am very closed and

> reserved. Quite a discrepency! I guess I feel that if people could

see

> the 'real me' that is trapped behind my fears, the person I know

and

> like, they might like me too. If I was able to release those fears

by

> sharing them, maybe my real self could come out? I don't know. It

> worked that way with my boyfriend, but that is quite a different

> situation than a party.

>

> Thanks for your reply; it's helpful to know how other aspies feel

about

> this!

>

> Kitty

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to add - I generally get to know people over time in RL

and parties are generally for me not the right environment for me to

do this.

Of course there are always exceptions - one person I had met only a

few times managed to see right through me. When she confessed her

opinion of me she said she thought I was an Aspie trying to be NT -

she is however quite an insightful friend and sees more than most :-)

> " A problem I have is people not knowing what to make of me at all.

> They can't like or dislike because I'm so quiet I don't give them

> enough to work with. Also my silence can be mistaken for *me*

> disliking *them*, and I don't have the social know-how to remedy

> this other than by telling the truth. (Which I rarely do so

probably

> lots of people think I don't like them!) "

>

> It's a difficult situation. It's funny, isn't it, how all of us in

> this group can feel reasonably at ease with one another as though

we

> are all sitting together drinking TV/having coffee, and yet when we

> go out into the " real " world we are all wall-flowers or the like?

> Being AS, I have no real answer to give you. I have found myself in

> your shoes many times and didn't know what to do either.

>

> The only I advice I can really give is just to be yourself and do

> only that which you feel natural doing. That's the only way you can

> really feel at ease, I should think.

>

> " I yearn to be open with people, but in reality I am very closed and

> reserved. Quite a discrepency! I guess I feel that if people could

> see the 'real me' that is trapped behind my fears, the person I

know

> and like, they might like me too. "

>

> I often feel this way also. However, it still pleases me to be

> cautious. What we all talk about here in these forums tends to

> fascinate us and keep us going for hours. Yet it bores your average

> everyday person. All this is by way of saying that many NTs do not

> like the " real me " when they see him. Sometimes I feel that I am

> from some other planet in terms of my ability to relate to and be

> liked by someone else.

>

> " If I was able to release those fears by sharing them, maybe my

real

> self could come out? I don't know. It worked that way with my

> boyfriend, but that is quite a different situation than a party. "

>

> I think revealing yourself over time might be the best bet for

> establishing friendships with people. My experience has been that

> people tend to only be able to take me in small doses, and it takes

> them a while to get aclimated to me. A friend of mine only hangs

out

> with me when he wants deep conversations or when he's pondering

some

> kind of deep philosophical but pertinent life problem. He knows

> that I will be able to provide many different, non-judgemental,

> objective perspectives on his issues, and so that is what he needs

> me for. But before it could get to the point where he could accept

> me the way I am and trust me as a friend, he had to get to know me

> over an extended period of time (years).

>

> Even though I only currently see him four or five times a year, I

> still consider this a good friendship because we do have a bind

> between us that tends to transcend other more shallow friendships.

>

> Tom

[Guest guest]

I am glad you are feeling a bit better :-)

Do you find that you need 'time out'/alone after a social event?

> > It's a difficult situation. It's funny, isn't it, how all of us

in

> > this group can feel reasonably at ease with one another as though

we

> > are all sitting together drinking TV/having coffee, and yet when

we

> > go out into the " real " world we are all wall-flowers or the like?

> > Being AS, I have no real answer to give you. I have found myself

in

> > your shoes many times and didn't know what to do either.

>

> Sometimes I just wish my brain had an off switch. But I feel

better

> after posting here, like I can stop obsessing for a while!

>

> Thanks,

> Kitty

[Guest guest]

I am glad you are feeling a bit better :-)

Do you find that you need 'time out'/alone after a social event?

> > It's a difficult situation. It's funny, isn't it, how all of us

in

> > this group can feel reasonably at ease with one another as though

we

> > are all sitting together drinking TV/having coffee, and yet when

we

> > go out into the " real " world we are all wall-flowers or the like?

> > Being AS, I have no real answer to give you. I have found myself

in

> > your shoes many times and didn't know what to do either.

>

> Sometimes I just wish my brain had an off switch. But I feel

better

> after posting here, like I can stop obsessing for a while!

>

> Thanks,

> Kitty

[Guest guest]

I am glad you are feeling a bit better :-)

Do you find that you need 'time out'/alone after a social event?

> > It's a difficult situation. It's funny, isn't it, how all of us

in

> > this group can feel reasonably at ease with one another as though

we

> > are all sitting together drinking TV/having coffee, and yet when

we

> > go out into the " real " world we are all wall-flowers or the like?

> > Being AS, I have no real answer to give you. I have found myself

in

> > your shoes many times and didn't know what to do either.

>

> Sometimes I just wish my brain had an off switch. But I feel

better

> after posting here, like I can stop obsessing for a while!

>

> Thanks,

> Kitty

[Guest guest]

If these people have already accepted you they maybe will continue to

do so?

" I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner wish

to disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being

exposed. Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the

situation. "

In a party situation do you have to disclose yourself? If anyone asks

why you are not your usual self - whatever - maybe you could just say

you are not very good at parties or something like that?

I can understand the wanting to disclose and yet being scared - but

if you do decide to disclose then would it be better to do it in a

situation that you do have more control over?

" That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is. "

She does run a support group for people with AS and her husband has

AS - so I suppose she has more knowledge than most :-) Infact her

husband is always getting digs in at me saying that I am more Aspie

than he is (I do not have a diagnosis).

> > Just wanted to add - I generally get to know people over time in

RL

> > and parties are generally for me not the right environment for me

to

> > do this.

>

> I should probably have specified that many of the people who will

be at

> the party are people I see often, as they are my boyfriend's close

> friends. But I rarely see them outside of 'safe' situations, like

> everyone gathered around watching the Super Bowl. This will just be

> people talking with no other stimuli. Even though I know them

somewhat,

> I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner wish

to

> disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being exposed.

> Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the situation.

>

> > Of course there are always exceptions - one person I had met only

a

> > few times managed to see right through me. When she confessed her

> > opinion of me she said she thought I was an Aspie trying to be

NT -

> > she is however quite an insightful friend and sees more than

most :-)

>

> That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is.

>

> Kitty

>

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

If these people have already accepted you they maybe will continue to

do so?

" I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner wish

to disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being

exposed. Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the

situation. "

In a party situation do you have to disclose yourself? If anyone asks

why you are not your usual self - whatever - maybe you could just say

you are not very good at parties or something like that?

I can understand the wanting to disclose and yet being scared - but

if you do decide to disclose then would it be better to do it in a

situation that you do have more control over?

" That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is. "

She does run a support group for people with AS and her husband has

AS - so I suppose she has more knowledge than most :-) Infact her

husband is always getting digs in at me saying that I am more Aspie

than he is (I do not have a diagnosis).

> > Just wanted to add - I generally get to know people over time in

RL

> > and parties are generally for me not the right environment for me

to

> > do this.

>

> I should probably have specified that many of the people who will

be at

> the party are people I see often, as they are my boyfriend's close

> friends. But I rarely see them outside of 'safe' situations, like

> everyone gathered around watching the Super Bowl. This will just be

> people talking with no other stimuli. Even though I know them

somewhat,

> I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner wish

to

> disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being exposed.

> Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the situation.

>

> > Of course there are always exceptions - one person I had met only

a

> > few times managed to see right through me. When she confessed her

> > opinion of me she said she thought I was an Aspie trying to be

NT -

> > she is however quite an insightful friend and sees more than

most :-)

>

> That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is.

>

> Kitty

>

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

If these people have already accepted you they maybe will continue to

do so?

" I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner wish

to disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being

exposed. Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the

situation. "

In a party situation do you have to disclose yourself? If anyone asks

why you are not your usual self - whatever - maybe you could just say

you are not very good at parties or something like that?

I can understand the wanting to disclose and yet being scared - but

if you do decide to disclose then would it be better to do it in a

situation that you do have more control over?

" That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is. "

She does run a support group for people with AS and her husband has

AS - so I suppose she has more knowledge than most :-) Infact her

husband is always getting digs in at me saying that I am more Aspie

than he is (I do not have a diagnosis).

> > Just wanted to add - I generally get to know people over time in

RL

> > and parties are generally for me not the right environment for me

to

> > do this.

>

> I should probably have specified that many of the people who will

be at

> the party are people I see often, as they are my boyfriend's close

> friends. But I rarely see them outside of 'safe' situations, like

> everyone gathered around watching the Super Bowl. This will just be

> people talking with no other stimuli. Even though I know them

somewhat,

> I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner wish

to

> disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being exposed.

> Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the situation.

>

> > Of course there are always exceptions - one person I had met only

a

> > few times managed to see right through me. When she confessed her

> > opinion of me she said she thought I was an Aspie trying to be

NT -

> > she is however quite an insightful friend and sees more than

most :-)

>

> That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is.

>

> Kitty

>

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

> If these people have already accepted you they maybe will continue

to

> do so?

I don't know if they really accept me, or they just feel they have to

because I'm with their friend.

>

> " I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner

wish

> to disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being

> exposed. Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the

> situation. "

>

> In a party situation do you have to disclose yourself? If anyone

asks

> why you are not your usual self - whatever - maybe you could just

say

> you are not very good at parties or something like that?

>

> I can understand the wanting to disclose and yet being scared - but

> if you do decide to disclose then would it be better to do it in a

> situation that you do have more control over?

Yes. One thing I have learned is to not blurt things out at

inappropriate times. Here's an example of a situation I don't know

how to handle: when people ask me what I do. I don't work; I've never

worked. So I just say I don't work, I don't say I'm on disability or

anything, but they still look at me weird like I have a canary on my

head or something. Anyone else have this problem? What do you say?

>

> " That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is. "

>

> She does run a support group for people with AS and her husband has

> AS - so I suppose she has more knowledge than most :-) Infact her

> husband is always getting digs in at me saying that I am more Aspie

> than he is (I do not have a diagnosis).

It must be nice to have friends like that! Do you tend to feel more

comfortable around them than those who don't know about AS?

Kitty

>

>

[Guest guest]

> If these people have already accepted you they maybe will continue

to

> do so?

I don't know if they really accept me, or they just feel they have to

because I'm with their friend.

>

> " I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner

wish

> to disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being

> exposed. Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the

> situation. "

>

> In a party situation do you have to disclose yourself? If anyone

asks

> why you are not your usual self - whatever - maybe you could just

say

> you are not very good at parties or something like that?

>

> I can understand the wanting to disclose and yet being scared - but

> if you do decide to disclose then would it be better to do it in a

> situation that you do have more control over?

Yes. One thing I have learned is to not blurt things out at

inappropriate times. Here's an example of a situation I don't know

how to handle: when people ask me what I do. I don't work; I've never

worked. So I just say I don't work, I don't say I'm on disability or

anything, but they still look at me weird like I have a canary on my

head or something. Anyone else have this problem? What do you say?

>

> " That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is. "

>

> She does run a support group for people with AS and her husband has

> AS - so I suppose she has more knowledge than most :-) Infact her

> husband is always getting digs in at me saying that I am more Aspie

> than he is (I do not have a diagnosis).

It must be nice to have friends like that! Do you tend to feel more

comfortable around them than those who don't know about AS?

Kitty

>

>

[Guest guest]

" when people ask me what I do....

Anyone else have this problem? What do you say? "

I've made various replies in the past and have become rather flippant

with my answers varying from; 'nothing' 'anything I want' 'try to

survive' etc or alternativly real of a list of interests - I

generally don't notice if the other person is getting bored until

they try escaping :-)

" It must be nice to have friends like that! Do you tend to feel more

comfortable around them than those who don't know about AS? "

I am generally more comfortable around people who are more accepting

of me - including my quirks :-) We do have occasional disagreements

when she accuses me of; black and white thinking, rigidity, niaveity,

innapropriatness etc. She understands AS, but she has told me she can

never know what it is like. She is tolerant of my stimming :-)

> > If these people have already accepted you they maybe will

continue

> to

> > do so?

>

> I don't know if they really accept me, or they just feel they have

to

> because I'm with their friend.

>

> >

> > " I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner

> wish

> > to disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being

> > exposed. Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the

> > situation. "

> >

> > In a party situation do you have to disclose yourself? If anyone

> asks

> > why you are not your usual self - whatever - maybe you could just

> say

> > you are not very good at parties or something like that?

> >

> > I can understand the wanting to disclose and yet being scared -

but

> > if you do decide to disclose then would it be better to do it in

a

> > situation that you do have more control over?

>

> Yes. One thing I have learned is to not blurt things out at

> inappropriate times. Here's an example of a situation I don't

know

> how to handle: when people ask me what I do. I don't work; I've

never

> worked. So I just say I don't work, I don't say I'm on disability

or

> anything, but they still look at me weird like I have a canary on

my

> head or something. Anyone else have this problem? What do you say?

> >

> > " That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is. "

> >

> > She does run a support group for people with AS and her husband

has

> > AS - so I suppose she has more knowledge than most :-) Infact her

> > husband is always getting digs in at me saying that I am more

Aspie

> > than he is (I do not have a diagnosis).

>

> It must be nice to have friends like that! Do you tend to feel more

> comfortable around them than those who don't know about AS?

>

> Kitty

>

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

" when people ask me what I do....

Anyone else have this problem? What do you say? "

I've made various replies in the past and have become rather flippant

with my answers varying from; 'nothing' 'anything I want' 'try to

survive' etc or alternativly real of a list of interests - I

generally don't notice if the other person is getting bored until

they try escaping :-)

" It must be nice to have friends like that! Do you tend to feel more

comfortable around them than those who don't know about AS? "

I am generally more comfortable around people who are more accepting

of me - including my quirks :-) We do have occasional disagreements

when she accuses me of; black and white thinking, rigidity, niaveity,

innapropriatness etc. She understands AS, but she has told me she can

never know what it is like. She is tolerant of my stimming :-)

> > If these people have already accepted you they maybe will

continue

> to

> > do so?

>

> I don't know if they really accept me, or they just feel they have

to

> because I'm with their friend.

>

> >

> > " I still don't know what to say to them. Also, despite my inner

> wish

> > to disclose the truth about myself, I am also afraid of being

> > exposed. Confusing! I guess I just want to be in control of the

> > situation. "

> >

> > In a party situation do you have to disclose yourself? If anyone

> asks

> > why you are not your usual self - whatever - maybe you could just

> say

> > you are not very good at parties or something like that?

> >

> > I can understand the wanting to disclose and yet being scared -

but

> > if you do decide to disclose then would it be better to do it in

a

> > situation that you do have more control over?

>

> Yes. One thing I have learned is to not blurt things out at

> inappropriate times. Here's an example of a situation I don't

know

> how to handle: when people ask me what I do. I don't work; I've

never

> worked. So I just say I don't work, I don't say I'm on disability

or

> anything, but they still look at me weird like I have a canary on

my

> head or something. Anyone else have this problem? What do you say?

> >

> > " That is very insightful! No one I know even knows what AS is. "

> >

> > She does run a support group for people with AS and her husband

has

> > AS - so I suppose she has more knowledge than most :-) Infact her

> > husband is always getting digs in at me saying that I am more

Aspie

> > than he is (I do not have a diagnosis).

>

> It must be nice to have friends like that! Do you tend to feel more

> comfortable around them than those who don't know about AS?

>

> Kitty

>

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

> wrote:

> " when people ask me what I do....

Anyone else have this problem? What do you say? "

,

The times I actually 'meet' people I'm dressed in the garb of a

peasant merchant of England during the times of Her Divine Grace,

I. So, my next comment is: " You must be from the future! "

This allows lots of opportunity for creative dialog! For instance I

might reply that I do the best I can under the 'circumstances'.

Rainbow

[Guest guest]

> wrote:

> " when people ask me what I do....

Anyone else have this problem? What do you say? "

,

The times I actually 'meet' people I'm dressed in the garb of a

peasant merchant of England during the times of Her Divine Grace,

I. So, my next comment is: " You must be from the future! "

This allows lots of opportunity for creative dialog! For instance I

might reply that I do the best I can under the 'circumstances'.

Rainbow

[Guest guest]

Hi Rainbow,

You sound like you work at a renasance faire, I love those things, I actually feel almost normal there. No one prejudges you if you have alot of knowlege about the time period, and history, especially, that era and the late 60's facinate me.

BethRainbow wrote:

> wrote:>"when people ask me what I do....Anyone else have this problem? What do you say?",The times I actually 'meet' people I'm dressed in the garb of a peasant merchant of England during the times of Her Divine Grace, I. So, my next comment is: "You must be from the future!" This allows lots of opportunity for creative dialog! For instance I might reply that I do the best I can under the 'circumstances'.Rainbow

Discover Yahoo! Have fun online with music videos, cool games, IM more. Check it out!

[Guest guest]

Hi Rainbow,

You sound like you work at a renasance faire, I love those things, I actually feel almost normal there. No one prejudges you if you have alot of knowlege about the time period, and history, especially, that era and the late 60's facinate me.

BethRainbow wrote:

> wrote:>"when people ask me what I do....Anyone else have this problem? What do you say?",The times I actually 'meet' people I'm dressed in the garb of a peasant merchant of England during the times of Her Divine Grace, I. So, my next comment is: "You must be from the future!" This allows lots of opportunity for creative dialog! For instance I might reply that I do the best I can under the 'circumstances'.Rainbow

Discover Yahoo! Have fun online with music videos, cool games, IM more. Check it out!

[Guest guest]

>Beth wrote:

>You sound like you work at a renasance faire

Yes Beth, you're right! For thirty six years! At the original, the

first one in several hundred years. See my 'links' in the forum data.

>I actually feel almost normal there.

Yes, for me also! My 'craft' is treen, the fabrication of small, useful

objects of wood. I carry on a family tradition, my ancestors being

woodworkers, using my grandfather's tools.

Rainbow