An OB Nurse's Mother's Day Letter to family and friends

[Guest guest]

This was posted on Mothering.com with permission to share. I

thought it was a very powerful letter and invite you to pass it on as you see

fit.

Gloria

My Mother's Day Gift

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My first big intactivist moment...an email I just wrote and sent to my family

and friends...

Not anything you were expecting to get from me at all...but here goes--Many

of you know my story, but some do not...and I am choosing today, Mother's

Day, to share it with my friends and family. Sharing this information with

all of you is my Mother's Day Gift to myself and all of you...If you do

nothing else for me ever again, please read my story and please check out the

links I have provided...this truly comes from heart...please feel free to

share and forward it along...

From the beginning...I guess my story really started when I was

young...somewhere in my childhood, I must have learned about circumcision as

something that " gets done " to baby boys, " extra skin "

that gets cut off the penis because it is " better " for them. I

never questioned it as a child or teenager, it was the " norm " .

Everyone in my family was circumcised (until I later learned that my mother's

father wasn't!) and it was the expected thing to do. I too held the false

thinking that boys who weren't circumcised were " dirty " . I'm still

to this day amazed that even as a young child, this thinking was so ingrained

within me, as I'm sure it still is in those mothers/parents who continue to circumcise...some

without question.

When I was in nursing school, one of my classmates did a presentation on the

pros and cons of circumcision. I can remember her clearly saying, " Dude,

there's just no pros to circumcision. " Even so, I can still remember

thinking there must be since " everybody does it " . I remember being

excited to have my turn to see a circumcision during my postpartum nursing

school rotation. Please hear me when I tell you, I was horrified by what I

saw. Basically my role as a nursing student was to just stand there and

observe. Now I am not somebody who gets squeamish or grossed out or

anything...and I wouldn't describe the procedure as gross...I would describe

it as torture. It was a life changing experience for me and I need to tell

you what it meant to me. I couldn't believe what I was bearing witness

to...this perfect new baby, his legs strapped down to a white plastic board

called a circumstraint, betadine splashed on his genitals as the doctor

jabbed him with a couple shots of lidocaine. The baby was screaming and as I

watched the doctor quickly get to work with her tools a rush of weird

sensations came over me. Every intuition in my body was screaming NO! It was

like I was frozen and couldn't move or speak. I didn't want to look but I

couldn't look away. I watched the doctor repeatedly jam an instrument under

the baby's foreskin to separate it from the glans (which I later learned is

comparable to separating a fingernail from the finger by carving under it

with a knife) After she separated it, she was able to cut around the circumference

of the penis and remove the foreskin...and she tossed it in the trash like it

was a worthless piece of skin...like the last few generations in the US were

foolishly led to believe.

When I got home that day, it was all I could think about...that poor baby and

the glazed look he had in his eyes after the procedure...like he had given

up...he had been defeated. I couldn't believe this procedure had become a

routine thing to do to babies. I felt awful knowing that men in my life had

endured this procedure...one of the first things they had had done to

them...some welcome to the world...and just because they can't remember

doesn't make it right. I tried to describe to Wade that day what I had seen

and told him that I could never do that to my baby. We didn't really talk

much more about it since we were still a few years away from starting a

family.

Fast forward to when I became a post-partum nurse. Luckily, working nights I

never had to deal with a circumcision taking place, but I did have to take

care of babies in the nursery who had been circ'd earlier that day. You could

tell which boys had been circumcised...they were the ones that awakened with

a scream as they peed, no doubt it stung their fresh wound. It was during

that time that I entered my second trimester with Noah. My motherly instincts

must have been in overdrive. I remember knowing that I would never let my

baby be hurt like those poor babies. I took those weeks to do some internet

research and Wade and I both read a couple of books that one of our doctors

had donated to the postpartum unit. “The Hidden Trauma of Circumcision”

and “Circumcision: What Your Doctor Isn't Telling You”.

Everything I learned further cemented in me that circumcision is wrong. I

remember the day we found out Noah was a boy. We were so excited and felt so

blessed. There was never a dilemma as to whether or not he would be

circumcised. We were and still are at peace that both of our boys have their

whole perfect bodies. It horrifies me knowing what I know now, that had I not

gone into nursing, I may never have explored circumcision and I would have

" just done it " like so many without questioning it have done. I am

so grateful I am a mother who found out before it was too late.

I have been researching circumcision information for 6 years now and try to

keep up with the lastest studies and statistics. I have tried in the past to

gently share this information with some friends and some family and some

patients....and sometimes I just don't have " the fight " in me or

the know how to talk to certain people about it. I am sad to say that there

are some people I never even tried to educate...and now it's too late. It can

definitely be a hard topic to bring up with some people, it has taken me

years to realize that sometimes social conformity is more powerful than me,

but to not be afraid and to not be silent. I hate feeling sad when I hear

someone is having a boy just because I'm sure they'll circumcise him. I hate

feeling that because as the mother of two little boys, I know that little

boys are amazing little people with or without intact genitals... I'm not

some " crazy hippie " and parents who don't circumcise their boys

aren't part of some " tree-hugging cult " or bizarre stuff that

pro-circ people sometimes spout off because the truth is too painful to fully

comprehend. To those of you still reading...you know me. This is me, ,

talking to you, all of you, from my heart. You know that I'm the mother of

two boys, I'm an OB nurse who works weekend nights so I don't have to pay for

daycare. I like to bargain shop at TJMaxx for hours, and gossip with my

girlfriends, and eat chocolate like it's going out of style. You know that I

support natural childbirth...but love epidurals for myself! You know that I

can be wild and sarcastic and I like to complain...and you also know that I

would do anything for my friends and family. You know that my kids can drive

me bonkers and that sometimes I find motherhood overwhelming and joke about a

one way ticket to Mexico to self-medicate with Margaritas, but motherhood is

still my proudest accomplishment in life...so for those of you really know

me, I hope that you don't dismiss this email.

I am a firm believer of when you know better, you do better. I'm sharing my

story and some information with you, because if life hadn't taken me down the

path that it did, I may not have learned the truth about circumcision. I just

can't fathom this barbaric " custom " going on for another

generation...I can't be silent anymore.

Happy Mother's Day.

Love and Peace to you all--

www.nocirc.org National

Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers

www.cirp.org Circumcision

Information and Resource Page

www.icgi.org Internation

Coalition for Genital integrity

www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org

Please view the video " The Prepuce " (another name for the foreskin)

The narrarator is a little " Beuller " as in monotone, but the

information is great