A funny take on life (long)

[Guest guest]

Morning all.

I had an experience the other day with my youngest son (15 yo)that kind of

re-opened my eyes to different view points. Most of us when we read or hear

something tend to relate it internally or to take it personally to our out

look on life. My son and I were traveling home and we came to one of those

signs that you see occasionally next to a church. In our area there are

several that have weekly " witticisms " on them. This one had on it, " The better

the advice, the harder it is to take. " I pondered it and then said that was

true. I meant that a lot of times we tend to ignore advice from others that

would be good for us. My son thought a little longer and then said that it was

very true especially with him. I, (hoping for a deep, profound,

internalization of a teenage thought), said, " how do you mean that? " He

proceeded to tell me of his experiences with trying to help some of his

friends that are girls. He said that he tried to advise several of them not to

go out with certain guys because they were " bad " types. He said the girls told

him they didn't care that they thought the guys were cute, After a few weeks

he said, the girls came back to him and said that he was right, that they guys

were really trash. He said he gets frustrated when he knows something is right

and other people don't take his advice.

I thought it was very interesting how his outlook and mine were so alike yet

so different. We both thought the sign was right but we had a completely

opposite view point.

I wonder how many of us, due to the chronic pain and frustration of these

diseases and injuries, internalize everything. I know that I have a really bad

tendency to take everything that's said as an attack on me, whether or not it

was even related to me. I think that it's a reaction to the frustration, anger

and pain of these conditions. I don't mean to do it but I think I've developed

it as a kind of defensive response to protect my self from attacks or being

devalued by others. I know when people have a cavalier attitude towards my

pain or condition or even the situation that I'm in, metally, emotionally,

physically or financially, I get extremely defensive. I try to be tolerant of

others but I have to admit that I'm a " type A " personality. I don't like

changes to routine or people to get in my " space " . When well meaning people

try to help without asking what I would like or need, I tend to take it as an

attack on me. Because I feel that others don't understand or care what I'm

going through, I try to defend my " turf " so that I have a comfort zone. When

people intrude, (and I know that's not the best word) it disrupts my coping

mechanisms.

I've had these damn problems for 21 years now and I've developed certain ways

to be able to function. When my " routines " are changed, it interrupts the ways

that I have to cope with the pain. When this happens, I feel out of control.

(BTW, I'm a BIG control freak but I don't see anything wrong with it!) When I

feel out of control, I get panic attacks and my pain level increases

dramatically. This increase in pain also tends to increase the feeling of

being out of control. I know when I do things with my family, that when they

want to change things that we are doing, especially if they don't tell me,

that I get very upset. I also know that while it's extremely hypocritical of

me, that while doing things with them, it's ok for me to change my plans. It

all comes back to the control thing.

Well thanks for listening. I don't know if you can tell but my pain level is

about 9.5 even with taking massive meds. I tend to ramble a bit when I take

this much medicine but it's the only way I can cope.

Y'all have a good day!

Jami

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