Re: Addiction and Pain Control

[Guest guest]

Boy, can I relate to most of what you write here!

It's like you've taken some of my innermost thoughts and anxieties about med.

addiction and written them in this post, Trish!

OK, this is going to get teary, but it's good to write about these things to

people who TRULY UNDERSTAND, deep down in their soul.

I can remember once when I was at the pain clinic (they've tried almost every

type of treatment on me, from nerve blocks to meds through IVs....I'm a real

" problem child " ). I have a

great pain specialist, who I feel I know so well now that we really understand.

We were talking about the latest treatment I'd been given, which had worked for

a few days, and I

told him about some of the side effects I'd had. Then the nurse who was there

(who also knows me well), said something like " sound like withdrawal signs " . I

felt like someone was

driving a nail into my soul, as this has been one of my greatest fears, and

there is so much prejudice about pain meds. and the mental pain we also need

help with ( " it's all up in

your head " - ever heard that one?), so I cried many tears over that nurse's

comment. I know she didn't mean anything bad, and really it was meant as a

flippant joke, but we as

chronic pain patients are so vulnerable, and we put our lives and hearts on the

line begging for some help - a day of less pain, or at least a few hours.

I feel that I'm getting stronger when it comes to this thing with the meds. I

know my body very well (as I'm sure most of you do). I know if something is

helping, and I also know at

once if I am getting bad side effects from a med. Morphine and I don't combine -

the only thing it does is give me itching, cold sweats, and the pain is still

there. Bad deal.

I also know that I'm not addicted to my meds. I pray for the day when I won't

have to take any, and I have to hold onto the belief that that day WILL COME.

Giving up (giving in) is

not an option. There's too much I want to do.

I had some blessed days now before Christmas. It was like I was totally (or

almost) pain free, and as you write, Trish, I forgot totally to take the meds

I'm supposed to take daily.

Now the pain is back with a vengence, but I'm thankful for the days I had, and

one comment from my husband both made me so happy and yet so sad, as I knew that

since the pain goes

up and down, it was only a passing relief...he said that he felt he had his wife

back. I wish I could give him that more every day, but how is it possible when

everything is

" pain " ?!

Anyways, hope you all are doing better than I feel at the moment, and are having

a relaxing Holiday

Gentle hugs,

Chris