I want to put my fist through a window

October 17, 2002

It is 3:52 am. I have been turning mom, and adjusting pillows under her

legs, feet and neck for the last 6 hours. I have fell to sleep about 7 times

so far for about 20 min each time only to awaken to her yelling or crying

out. I have been sleeping on the couch next to the room she is in for the

last 5 nights. My arms hurt, my backs hurts my throat is sore and I feel

like I want to put my fist though a wall or window. I can't live without

sleep. I am not a doctor, I am not a nurse, my four kids are no longer

babies. M;y mom is finally realizing she may not ever get better.A nurse

from Kaiser finally came out today. She was so discusted that so many things

haven't been done. She says she should have been here when mom was released

on Saturday. She says that another patient went through what my mom and her

roomate went through at the nursing home with the nasty cna. She asked the

other persons name and shook her head in discust when she realized it wasnt

the same pateint in the room with my mom but yet another victim of the

nursing home in the last week that walked out becuse of the bad treatment.

SHe is trying to order a lot of stuff equipement to help with mom but the

way Kaiser does things it is a long process. The last time when I first got

a nurse to come to my parents home and set up PT it took over a month. her

doctor is always on vacation then he left the papers on his desk for days

etc. mom keeps telling me to put her pillow up put it down move the towel

move her foot this way no that way. turn me no turn me back, wake up one of

the kids to help scoot me up Im falling my neck hurts my back hurts im

comstipated, this has been going on all might she is calling me 4 times over

while typing this up. I can't even finish this , I am being tortured, she is

being tortured have faith? for what ? my dad is slowing down so much now

also, he walks in a daze, I asked him to go to the longs drug to get some

supositories and he wanted to know why he couldnt go to Home Depot to get

them. My kids are starting to hate me because I am angry, my son jeff will

be home tonight at 10 pm for a short while, I am not even excitged, my

husband will be home saturday, i dont even miss him. shirley

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