Guest guest Posted September 2, 1999 Report Share Posted September 2, 1999 Much sympathy for the turtle who thought he was a bird -- I seem to find much of Tommy in myself (not to beat a dead horse!!) but I just can't seem to give up on lost causes sometimes. I'm slowly but surely learning where to put my " extra effort " and when to cut and run!! Thanks for the laugh (and the thoughts)!! Take care, Tracey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 1999 Report Share Posted September 2, 1999 At 01:57 PM 9/2/99 -0400, you wrote: >but I just can't seem to give >up on lost causes sometimes. I'm slowly but surely learning where to put my > " extra effort " and when to cut and run!! Mostly I think our causes aren't lost until we decide they are (except for things like radically changing our parents). But we still can radically change our lives. Ken Turbin | mailto:kturbin@... | http://www.1west.net * Page me online through ICQ: http://www.mirabilis.com/17198172 Tel. (702) 312- 6888 | Fax | GetICQ http://www.icq.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 1999 Report Share Posted September 2, 1999 At 01:57 PM 9/2/99 -0400, you wrote: >but I just can't seem to give >up on lost causes sometimes. I'm slowly but surely learning where to put my > " extra effort " and when to cut and run!! Mostly I think our causes aren't lost until we decide they are (except for things like radically changing our parents). But we still can radically change our lives. Ken Turbin | mailto:kturbin@... | http://www.1west.net * Page me online through ICQ: http://www.mirabilis.com/17198172 Tel. (702) 312- 6888 | Fax | GetICQ http://www.icq.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 1999 Report Share Posted September 3, 1999 Dear Ken, Your words of wisdom are so very true, and I have come a long way since I was discharged from the hospital on August 14, 1998 after two weeks of ECT treatments, etc. At that time I felt so much guilt because of the pain I inflicted on my husband, children, MIL and FIL, my mother and grandmother (and the list goes on) that I hated the person I was and the way I felt 24/7. My husband went with me to see psychiatrist who did shock treatments a few days after I was released and this doctor actually expected me to be " cured " and he was very rude and negative when I told him I was still having problems due to chronic pain and other issues (I'm so glad Hus was with me because he never would have believed this doctor would act that way otherwise) and WE told him at the end of the visit that I needed more positive influences and his services would be detrimental and so on. I finally found a neurosurgeon who actually believed there was something wrong with me and had MRI in early October which showed several different problem areas (degenerative disc disease, two herniated discs and others), discussed surgery pros and cons and decided to go with reputable pain doctor who would do procedures other than epidurals and trigger point injections. I've since had facet injections, rhizotomy (cauterizing nerves to prevent pain signal transfer) but no improvement. She has prescribed pain medication that allows me to live in " relative " comfort compared to what it was before and I thank her for that. I have realized while dealing with my mother and other situations that I am strong enough to get through this pain without taking my own life (attempted suicide 4 times, came too close for comfort each time) and now feel that living with the pain, etc. is better than losing my husband and children forever. I no longer want to die, but I do want to keep pushing until I've tried every treatment available for my back, only then will I be satisfied that I have done " everything " to help, and if nothing is successful, then I will be happy to live my life as it is now because I want to see my children's faces light up when they come in the door from school and I'm here to greet them (suicide is DEFINITELY not the answer!!) and get a hug and kiss from my husband when he gets home from work!! I appreciate those things now where before I was just thinking of myself and " my " pain (very selfish). Stumbling upon this list was the BEST thing I've ever found on the Web, it's nice to correspond with people who walk the same walk and share my experiences and feelings with them, instead of bottling it all up inside me until it explodes. YOU are a very special person to care enough about other people suffering from chronic pain to take the time and effort to put this list together and maintain it and I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!! Much love (and thanks!) Tracey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 1999 Report Share Posted September 3, 1999 Dear Ken, Your words of wisdom are so very true, and I have come a long way since I was discharged from the hospital on August 14, 1998 after two weeks of ECT treatments, etc. At that time I felt so much guilt because of the pain I inflicted on my husband, children, MIL and FIL, my mother and grandmother (and the list goes on) that I hated the person I was and the way I felt 24/7. My husband went with me to see psychiatrist who did shock treatments a few days after I was released and this doctor actually expected me to be " cured " and he was very rude and negative when I told him I was still having problems due to chronic pain and other issues (I'm so glad Hus was with me because he never would have believed this doctor would act that way otherwise) and WE told him at the end of the visit that I needed more positive influences and his services would be detrimental and so on. I finally found a neurosurgeon who actually believed there was something wrong with me and had MRI in early October which showed several different problem areas (degenerative disc disease, two herniated discs and others), discussed surgery pros and cons and decided to go with reputable pain doctor who would do procedures other than epidurals and trigger point injections. I've since had facet injections, rhizotomy (cauterizing nerves to prevent pain signal transfer) but no improvement. She has prescribed pain medication that allows me to live in " relative " comfort compared to what it was before and I thank her for that. I have realized while dealing with my mother and other situations that I am strong enough to get through this pain without taking my own life (attempted suicide 4 times, came too close for comfort each time) and now feel that living with the pain, etc. is better than losing my husband and children forever. I no longer want to die, but I do want to keep pushing until I've tried every treatment available for my back, only then will I be satisfied that I have done " everything " to help, and if nothing is successful, then I will be happy to live my life as it is now because I want to see my children's faces light up when they come in the door from school and I'm here to greet them (suicide is DEFINITELY not the answer!!) and get a hug and kiss from my husband when he gets home from work!! I appreciate those things now where before I was just thinking of myself and " my " pain (very selfish). Stumbling upon this list was the BEST thing I've ever found on the Web, it's nice to correspond with people who walk the same walk and share my experiences and feelings with them, instead of bottling it all up inside me until it explodes. YOU are a very special person to care enough about other people suffering from chronic pain to take the time and effort to put this list together and maintain it and I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!! Much love (and thanks!) Tracey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 1999 Report Share Posted September 3, 1999 Tracey, At 03:40 PM 9/3/99 -0400, you wrote: >where before I was just thinking of myself and " my " pain (very selfish). It is all too easy to buy into doc's & others' perceptions that we are bad patients because we just don't get well the *right way.* Fact is our conditions are too threatening to most everyone to think about seriously. Or disabilities remind people of their mortality. But we shouldn't have to be punished for that. Depression is part of our loss process, and I am going to hold my tongue here because you have had a heavy duty series of treatments for it. Before I became severely disabled, and while it was happening, I was involved in managing very large scale mental health services, rehabilitation services, did lots of individual treatment too. I was & am regarded as someone who has changed directions of care & results. At that time, traditional treatments more beat patients into submission than improved their lives. I am just coming out of my own depressed period of having to learn how to survive with my damaged body & mind, and returning to advocacy, individual help, service development & my own varied business interests. I am doing these for primarily myself & my own satisfaction. I spent about 6 - 7 years hiding in bed. I decided I would just have to live through it, hopefully learn & later resume growth. In this process I lost my family relationships, financial status, profession, sometimes dignity, self-respect & a lot more. I didn't have to fear abandonment any more, because I simply was abandoned. But now I am getting myself back & finding myself occupied continually with things that have deep meaning to me, when my physical shape is better than horrible. I am creating a new life for myself. The point of all this is that sometimes we have to come through the pain & disruption, and not around it basically to please others & seem to fit in. If I did the disabled person trying to fit in & excuse my meager life strut, I would not have been true to myself, would by now have lost my creativity and probably will to live. And would have been consigned to life as the family's disabled former human. We are products of an age that uses medicine as a magic cure in the name of instant change, cure, or just to make the impaired person less obvious & demanding. Don't get me wrong, I am glad you could find a way of fitting in & belonging with your family while having your depression in some measure removed. But there is a chance that for some of us depression is for a valid reason, and fundamental changes are needed. While getting well in other peoples' eyes, do not abandon your inner self, even if it must suffer. This may be controversial & confusing, but I had to say it. To thine own self be true. Ken Ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 1999 Report Share Posted September 3, 1999 Tracey, At 03:40 PM 9/3/99 -0400, you wrote: >where before I was just thinking of myself and " my " pain (very selfish). It is all too easy to buy into doc's & others' perceptions that we are bad patients because we just don't get well the *right way.* Fact is our conditions are too threatening to most everyone to think about seriously. Or disabilities remind people of their mortality. But we shouldn't have to be punished for that. Depression is part of our loss process, and I am going to hold my tongue here because you have had a heavy duty series of treatments for it. Before I became severely disabled, and while it was happening, I was involved in managing very large scale mental health services, rehabilitation services, did lots of individual treatment too. I was & am regarded as someone who has changed directions of care & results. At that time, traditional treatments more beat patients into submission than improved their lives. I am just coming out of my own depressed period of having to learn how to survive with my damaged body & mind, and returning to advocacy, individual help, service development & my own varied business interests. I am doing these for primarily myself & my own satisfaction. I spent about 6 - 7 years hiding in bed. I decided I would just have to live through it, hopefully learn & later resume growth. In this process I lost my family relationships, financial status, profession, sometimes dignity, self-respect & a lot more. I didn't have to fear abandonment any more, because I simply was abandoned. But now I am getting myself back & finding myself occupied continually with things that have deep meaning to me, when my physical shape is better than horrible. I am creating a new life for myself. The point of all this is that sometimes we have to come through the pain & disruption, and not around it basically to please others & seem to fit in. If I did the disabled person trying to fit in & excuse my meager life strut, I would not have been true to myself, would by now have lost my creativity and probably will to live. And would have been consigned to life as the family's disabled former human. We are products of an age that uses medicine as a magic cure in the name of instant change, cure, or just to make the impaired person less obvious & demanding. Don't get me wrong, I am glad you could find a way of fitting in & belonging with your family while having your depression in some measure removed. But there is a chance that for some of us depression is for a valid reason, and fundamental changes are needed. While getting well in other peoples' eyes, do not abandon your inner self, even if it must suffer. This may be controversial & confusing, but I had to say it. To thine own self be true. Ken Ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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