Guest guest Posted November 13, 1999 Report Share Posted November 13, 1999 Sometimes I can't tell the difference between Numbness and levels/degrees of estrangement. After the car Crash I went through various levels of talk therapy, and one of the things that came out of the sessions is the absence in my life of my parents. Consequently, I had to deal with co-dependency issues, and one of the results was to divorce myself from my parents so that I could deal with issues in a more systematic way ( instead of in a Maelstrom). Anyway, I was called by my brother today and told that my biological Father had died after a 5-6 week period in and out of ICU battling Cancer. I felt no negative response about my biological Fathers death since I have/had no personal connection with him. I suppose that to a degree I may have wanted a Father model in life, but I found other role models overall. My biological father was a lawyer right to the core. Certain types of lawyers are control freaks, and he tried to take over my own health treatments with his own pre-conceptions, and this resulted in various unproductive confrontations instigated by my biological Father. I guess that if I was upset about my Fathers death, it might be because of a situation that never was ... a Father I never had as it were. The only emotional pain I feel right now is about a recollection of my Nan's Death and Funeral, and Nan had been my surrogate Mum when my biological Mum had shown that she was incapable of parenting. My brother also tried to put me on various guilt trips over the situation, and he phrased them in the typical co-dependency manner that I have become used to. And so, another ambiguous call from my " brother " is born in my memory. Talk about " TOXIC PARENTS " , well My experience shows that there are " TOXIC SIBLINGS " as well. Such a " lovely " day... I start out with a visit to the city where I had a minor muscular seizure in a public place, and the day has started to deteriorate. Ah well, I better build on my positives, and work on arranging some music for the singer I back. 3.30pm here now. I did some house cleaning that seems to have given my body a chance to howl. I have been told that a nervous or " mental " breakdown is a matter of " Choice " ... well, I don't really agree; Sometimes I feel right at the precipice myself. However there are too many things I want to achieve before I move on. Via Con Dios. . ***************************************** Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash. - Harriet Rubin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 1999 Report Share Posted November 15, 1999 At 03:28 PM 11/14/99 +1100, C. Milton wisely said: >I felt >no negative response about my biological Fathers death since I have/had no >personal connection with him. Sorry for your loss anyway, and best wishes for you. Ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 1999 Report Share Posted November 15, 1999 Hi > Eres Cubano? I am so sorry to hear about your father and your family. It sounds like you are going through some type of ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic Parents) counselling? I went through a group tyrpe of counselling based on ACOA about 10 years ago. It was good for me at the time. > Such a " lovely " day... I start out with a visit to the city where I had a > minor muscular seizure in a public place, and the day has started to > deteriorate. This must be very difficult for you to deal with? > Ah well, I better build on my positives, and work on arranging some music > for the singer I back. > 3.30pm here now. I am (or was) a musicain myself. I play some guitar/piano/keyboards. But mostly I used to sing. I'm trying to get started again. I don't have a place to set up my keyboards and my hands hurt when I play the guitar. My music friends are living two states away. But I did bring my guitar out a couple of days ago and have been playing a bit every day...and singing. I love music...I miss it. I wish that....well I wish that I could " will " away all of my pain. I did some house cleaning that seems to have given my body > a chance to howl. This I can relate to as well...but I can't stand the mess that accumulates if I don't clean. > I have been told that a nervous or " mental " breakdown is a matter of > " Choice " ... well, I don't really agree; Sometimes I feel right at the > precipice myself. This is something that I heard when I was in the ACOA group. I took it as truth at the time....but since then I have learned that things can get way out of one's own control. I do however still believe that if you let yourself go " over " the edge....it is a very long journey back. Hang in there! > > However there are too many things I want to achieve before I move on. Me too! Keep up the music. If there's anything that is good for the soul...well that is it. > Via Con Dios. Y tu! Peace... Love... And Happiness... Candy > > . > > ***************************************** > Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about what you > can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash. > - Harriet Rubin > > > Know someone who could profit from our list? Send our direct sign-up URL: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/chronic_pain or write us at: chronic_pain-listowneronelist > Manage your subscription with several special email addresses: > chronic_pain-owneronelist - Sends email to the list owners > chronic_pain-subscribeonelist - Subscribe to the list through email > chronic_pain-unsubscribeonelist - Unsubscribe from the list > chronic_pain-normalonelist - Switch your subscription to normal > chronic_pain-digestonelist - Switch your subscription to digest > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 1999 Report Share Posted November 15, 1999 Hi > Eres Cubano? I am so sorry to hear about your father and your family. It sounds like you are going through some type of ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic Parents) counselling? I went through a group tyrpe of counselling based on ACOA about 10 years ago. It was good for me at the time. > Such a " lovely " day... I start out with a visit to the city where I had a > minor muscular seizure in a public place, and the day has started to > deteriorate. This must be very difficult for you to deal with? > Ah well, I better build on my positives, and work on arranging some music > for the singer I back. > 3.30pm here now. I am (or was) a musicain myself. I play some guitar/piano/keyboards. But mostly I used to sing. I'm trying to get started again. I don't have a place to set up my keyboards and my hands hurt when I play the guitar. My music friends are living two states away. But I did bring my guitar out a couple of days ago and have been playing a bit every day...and singing. I love music...I miss it. I wish that....well I wish that I could " will " away all of my pain. I did some house cleaning that seems to have given my body > a chance to howl. This I can relate to as well...but I can't stand the mess that accumulates if I don't clean. > I have been told that a nervous or " mental " breakdown is a matter of > " Choice " ... well, I don't really agree; Sometimes I feel right at the > precipice myself. This is something that I heard when I was in the ACOA group. I took it as truth at the time....but since then I have learned that things can get way out of one's own control. I do however still believe that if you let yourself go " over " the edge....it is a very long journey back. Hang in there! > > However there are too many things I want to achieve before I move on. Me too! Keep up the music. If there's anything that is good for the soul...well that is it. > Via Con Dios. Y tu! Peace... Love... And Happiness... Candy > > . > > ***************************************** > Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about what you > can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash. > - Harriet Rubin > > > Know someone who could profit from our list? Send our direct sign-up URL: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/chronic_pain or write us at: chronic_pain-listowneronelist > Manage your subscription with several special email addresses: > chronic_pain-owneronelist - Sends email to the list owners > chronic_pain-subscribeonelist - Subscribe to the list through email > chronic_pain-unsubscribeonelist - Unsubscribe from the list > chronic_pain-normalonelist - Switch your subscription to normal > chronic_pain-digestonelist - Switch your subscription to digest > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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