What I feel

October 19, 2002

Morning All,

Donna, my heart grieves with your loss. I pray for you and your

family that all is better now that your loved one is at peace in

heaven.

I have never belonged to a group, or an organization, or anything

else that has brought out my feelings as this group has in the short

period of time that I have belonged. When I read Donna's post, I

cried as I think I feel what she has felt. My wife came into our

computer room when I was reading Donna's post and saw what I was

going through and respectfully turned around and walked out.

Afterwards, when I explained what I had read, she understood and

extended her condolences. When I read everyone's experiences and

dealings it gives me the strength to endure what my outcome will be,

for which I am greateful for. I share these ideals and feelings with

my family which I truely believe helps them and I have all of you to

thank for providing guidence and support. I want to share with you

what I feel:

Since the diagnosis of my fathers disease (LBD) in 1998 I have

searched frantically for the meaning of life as it seemed so cruel

and unjust and certainly unfair. I have not been able to locate the

meaning of life, yet, but I have come to terms regarding my fathers

condition and I accept what he's doing and why he is doing it. For my

entire life (53 yrs) my father has always lead the way for us. He

taught us social skills, he taught us love and respect, he taught to

respect our elders as they have wisdom for us to draw on. He taught

us right from wrong, and how to deal with lifes uncertainties and

cruelities. When forced to retire in 1998 he was scared and angry,

but he never complained and showed us how to adapt. Soon afterwards

he showed us how to enjoy life and reap the rewards that are there

for the taking. And now, in his current condition, he is teaching us

how to pass on with dignity and I am convinced that he will enter

heaven and will prepare a place for us, just as he has always has.

His job on earth is done, for he has shown us everything there is to

show, he has taught us and prepared us for all we will encounter. God

I love that man!

As we go through life, we collect data form many sources, from

friends, from family, from school, from the media and so many more

places. As we grow older we convert that data into knowledge, then

again as we grow older the knowledge converts to wisdom. That is what

my father has, wisdom. He was the most influential mentor I have ever

known.

Several years ago, Clapton released a song called " My Fathers

Eyes " . It is a song that talks about going through life happy go

luck without a care, then relizing that he needed the wisdom his

father had, and how he retrieved that wisdom by looking into his

fathers eyes. I listen to the song on my way to work, on the way home

and most other times when I am alone in the car. I see my fathers

eyes, and every time I listen to the song, it brings a tears to my

eyes. But it's not tears of sorrow that I will soon lose my dad, it's

tears of joy knowing that I will still have him, right here in my

heart and mind. And he still there to answer my questions and help

guide through life when I stumble for he has taught me everything I

need to know. I don't know how many times you can play a CD on

repeat, but I must be nearing the end, so I'll just buy another copy.

Listen to the song if you can, it helps me a lot, and thanks for

bearing with me as I ramble on with this long post. I wanted to write

this for a while so thank you Sandie for reminding me to get my head

out of my butt and do the things that are important to me, you have

wisdom.

Love ya.......

Dennis from Wisconsin

October 19, 2002

Thanks Dennis for puttting into words what all of

us would like to say. Joanne in Oregon

October 19, 2002

Dennis

First, you are welcome...for your thank you. I can relate to the

Clapton song, as many times, even when my dad was unable to talk he

spoke volumes through his eyes. Often I mentioned his " big blue eyes " .

The day before he passed, as I was setting at the end of the recliner,

on the floor at his feet, he leaned toward me many times staring into my

eyes. I asked repeatedly " What are you trying to tell me, it is as if

you have so much going on in there and you want to say something. " Even

then, he was teaching, speaking, and telling me his plans and that he

must go now. The next morning he passed away. As I set here with that

incredible lump in my throat, and as tears fall down my face, I am proud

to say my dad meant more than the world to me and in his dignified,

honorable death he will be remembered as a true couragous mentor to me.

Dennis, thank you for your writing. You did not babble as it was

evident it came straight from your heart. I will print it off and put

it in my files to read over again. God Bless you!!

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

October 19, 2002