Re: Difference between male and female aspies?

[Guest guest]

,

Have you tried any diet changes or medications with her?

Tony

in Wyoming

Difference between male and female aspies?

[...snip]

I am so sorry to rant-but today was kinda the nail on the head. I am at

a total loss, and feel like I am at the end of my rope with my girl...

angelacl@...

~~Ask me to show you poetry in motion, and I will show you a horse.~~

[Guest guest]

The farthest we have gotten with her is a recommendation from her

pediatrician to see a psychiatrist. (This was after her screaming for 5

minutes solid before a shot, then reaching down and pulling the needles

out her leg and swinging at the nurse with it). And even though this is

California, where you can't walk 5 steps without tripping over a psych,

we can't find anyone who is accepting new " pediatric " patients. The big

Children's Hospital in our area has a waiting list of almost 18 months,

and they only take you quicker if you have something they consider serious.

I guess I am dreading going through the whole process of reaching a

diagnoses with her. It took doctors almost 5 years to diagnose my son,

and that was only after I offered up the theory of Aspergers. We went

from being told it was depression, to ADD, to ADHD, to post traumatic

stress disorder (from being neglected by his mom for so long), then

finally arriving as Aspergers and Sensory Integration Disorder. We are

still very involved in getting my oldest son " on track " , and he demands

alot of our time. Even with having a very involved dad, it's still

really hard when you have three hyper kids pulling you in all directions

wanting all the attention to themselves.

Then, of course is doesn't help that the bio mother " enables " her kids

in a way, by fighting with the kids grandparents right in front of them,

slapping her own parents, making threats of disappearing with the kids

and never coming back, and basically just acting like a grown up child.

And-you guessed it-she tells everyone and her own kids that the way

she and her kids act is all my fault.

Of course, there are many levels to any story, and so many details are

left out. But all I can think of these days is " my gosh-will things

ever be calm-peaceful-can I go someplace without having to chase three

different kids in three different directions-without having the kids

fighting and arguing almost constantly?

I know that a big part of the battle is changing my perception-these

kids really can't help the way they act. I can't change the way the

mother acts. I can't change the fact that people give me dirty looks

when my kids are moving through the mall or movie theater like a

synchronized team of Tasmanian Devils with Tourettes Syndrome-they are

the way they are. I just get so tired of being on the bottom of the

pile sometimes...

Again thanks everyone for letting me ramble-this talk has been a long

time coming....

Tony R. Wickersham wrote:

> ,

>

> Have you tried any diet changes or medications with her?

>

> Tony

> in Wyoming

>

> Difference between male and

> female aspies?

>

> [...snip]

> I am so sorry to rant-but today was kinda the nail on the head. I

> am at

> a total loss, and feel like I am at the end of my rope with my

> girl...

>

>

> angelacl@...

> ~~Ask me to show you poetry in motion, and I will show you a horse.~~

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

You can do diet changes at home, without the permission of a doctor, if you just want to try it. Get some good books. Introduce changes one at a time, and slowly. Keep a log, to see if it makes any difference. Remove obvious things first, like casein (milk products) and dyes and additives. Move on to gluten, if necessary. We are what we eat!

Tony

in Wyoming

Re: Difference between male and female aspies?

The farthest we have gotten with her is a recommendation from her

pediatrician to see a psychiatrist. (This was after her screaming for 5

minutes solid before a shot, then reaching down and pulling the needles

out her leg and swinging at the nurse with it). And even though this is

California, where you can't walk 5 steps without tripping over a psych,

we can't find anyone who is accepting new " pediatric " patients. The big

Children's Hospital in our area has a waiting list of almost 18 months,

and they only take you quicker if you have something they consider serious.

I guess I am dreading going through the whole process of reaching a

diagnoses with her. It took doctors almost 5 years to diagnose my son,

and that was only after I offered up the theory of Aspergers. We went

from being told it was depression, to ADD, to ADHD, to post traumatic

stress disorder (from being neglected by his mom for so long), then

finally arriving as Aspergers and Sensory Integration Disorder. We are

still very involved in getting my oldest son " on track " , and he demands

alot of our time. Even with having a very involved dad, it's still

really hard when you have three hyper kids pulling you in all directions

wanting all the attention to themselves.

Then, of course is doesn't help that the bio mother " enables " her kids

in a way, by fighting with the kids grandparents right in front of them,

slapping her own parents, making threats of disappearing with the kids

and never coming back, and basically just acting like a grown up child.

And-you guessed it-she tells everyone and her own kids that the way

she and her kids act is all my fault.

Of course, there are many levels to any story, and so many details are

left out. But all I can think of these days is " my gosh-will things

ever be calm-peaceful-can I go someplace without having to chase three

different kids in three different directions-without having the kids

fighting and arguing almost constantly?

I know that a big part of the battle is changing my perception-these

kids really can't help the way they act. I can't change the way the

mother acts. I can't change the fact that people give me dirty looks

when my kids are moving through the mall or movie theater like a

synchronized team of Tasmanian Devils with Tourettes Syndrome-they are

the way they are. I just get so tired of being on the bottom of the

pile sometimes...

Again thanks everyone for letting me ramble-this talk has been a long

time coming....

[snip...]

[Guest guest]

.

If you are having trouble getting psych services you can usually get

emergent psych services on most health plans by saying your child is

a threat to herself or others. Some Health plans have psych

services you have to call etc., or show up at your local ER with

your child after she has done something horrible and say she is a

danger to others. My oldest daughter had a self destructive period

as an adolescent, I took her to the ER after she had made a gesture

and it was amazing how fast services can fall in place.

Dana ('s mom)

[Guest guest]

I fully agree. You dd is sadly in danger of hurting someone in her

rages. And I know your pain. My oldest started having crazy outbursts

last January. It hurts to see him like that. I do not understand

where the anger comes from. Luckily we are already seeing a

developmental specialist. And thankfully he's only gotten physical a

few times. But I feared that it would get worse. That's why I

immediately took him to see his doctor. We are trying different

medications. I can not see waiting in your case. She is physically

attacking others in her rages. She needs some intervention. A hosptal

is a good place to start if you can not find someone willing to see

her soon. 18 months! Yikes! Here it's usually about a 3 month wait.

Isn't this a problem in school too? I hope you find help soon. Best

Wishes, a

-- In autism-aspergers , " Dana " <dsherrera@h...>

wrote:

> .

> If you are having trouble getting psych services you can usually

get

> emergent psych services on most health plans by saying your child

is

> a threat to herself or others. Some Health plans have psych

> services you have to call etc., or show up at your local ER with

> your child after she has done something horrible and say she is a

> danger to others. My oldest daughter had a self destructive period

> as an adolescent, I took her to the ER after she had made a gesture

> and it was amazing how fast services can fall in place.

> Dana ('s mom)

[Guest guest]

,

My heart goes out to you as I read your posts because they sound very familiar to mine, except I only had to deal with ONE child at a time. My bio son is 8 years older than my adopted daughter. And he's neurotypical; no problems. He's all grown up and married now so it's like we have an only child in Beth, who is now 14.

But your descriptions sound so much like her! SHe's always had rage in her and has never been able to handle things that don't go her way. It *is* so hard. I would, like others, encourage you to get her into a good psych as soon as you can (18 months??!!!). I don't know how you feel about medication but it has certainly helped us over the years. Beth started it at age 7 and we've had to make adjustments through the years to different types of meds. Beth attacks us physically (not so much anymore but occasionally I get nails in my arms), has threatened us with a knife (we put them all away last summer), made a feeble attempt at suicide (last summer was the end of the rope...it was an awful, awful year in 7th grade).

We've been in family counseling for 3 years too...it just helps to have support on a regular basis as you go through life with these challenging kids. I also have many friends/family who care and pray and support and listen and sometimes take Beth off of my hands for an afternoon....all helpful things! You've got to have support. God bless you for raising/loving your husband's two children too.....that's not easy.

Your description of your kids' mom scares me because I can see my daughter being that mom someday. I don't want her to have children; she won't be a good mom! But what can we do about that? She, at almost 15, talks about it already...."when I have my daughter, I'm going to do this....." UGH UGH UGH I see how she reacts to her cat, knocking him around when she is angry, and I don't want to see her doing that to her kids...which I can definitely envision happening. YOu know how challenging kids can be....and especially if they inherit her asperger/odd/social anxiety/possibly bipolar? genes which they most likely will.....

Sigh. One day at a time....

Toodles!>^..^<Maralee

Difference between male and female aspies?

Do male and female aspies "display" their traits differently?My son, who is 10, has been "formally" diagnosed with Aspergers. But more often then not, the attention has been turning to my daughter who is 6.Her anger/temper is like something out of a psycho movie. When she gets mad, she lunges for people's throats with both hands, yesterday she backed her older brother up against the wall in the bathroom and put the "sharp" edge of the toothpaste tube up to his neck. She flies into these screaming rages, claiming that everyone is out to get her, or picking on her, or that no one cares about her. She rabbit punches people repeatedly if they don't do things exactly the way she wants them too, or if she can't be in charge. Taking her outside today with her two brothers and two neighbor friends into the backyard today was like running a mental ward...She basically screamed for an hour straight, despite all my efforts to try and remain cool headed for her. She just can't handle when things don't go her way, or when she can't run the show. When people "defy" her, it makes it even worse. She will hook her hands into claws and rake them at people, punch with closed fists, kick and sometimes even bite. And the newest twist in the story-she will commit some "henious" act, then promptly blame it on someone else-EVEN IF YOU WERE STANDING THERE WATCHING WHEN SHE DID IT. She is constantly in motion, and like her 10 year old brother she still sucks her thumb.But then two seconds later she will come into the room, all red faced from crying, and start laughing, being as sweet as can be, asking me if I need anything, telling me she loves me, throwing herself into my lap to give me hugs.To be fair, here's a little backround-my two oldest kids, the 10 year old aspie and his 6 year old sister are my husbands children from his previous marriage. I have been raising the both of them, almost full time, for almost six years. We also have a son together who is 5.My hubbies ex has a long history of mental problems, which amazingly are almost like what the kids are displaying now. Flying into rages, physically attacking people, and attempting suicide several times, talking to herself and pacing, and jumping up and running out of theatres (even as an adult!) when things became too tense or too loud.She can't handle being around any people unless she is "in charge", and if she isn't the center of attention she will slump into a corner and mope almost cartoonishly (she's in her early fourties.) Even now, when the kids go up to visit her, we hear stories from the two oldest how "mommy is sick" " she says she'll never get better" "it's all everyone elses fault".Now, dont' get me wrong-I love my kids. My only frustration with my oldest son is his apparent lack of concern when it comes to completing any task at all-especially school work (haven't found an answer to that puzzle yet). But my daughter...sometimes I just sit and cry at the end of the day, wondering how someone is so angry and only 6 years old. I worry she will hurt her younger brother (even though they are pretty close in size) because I have caught her a couple of times trying to choke him, hands wrapped around his neck. He doesn't seem to distressed by it, he views it as her "fighting" him. But she fights, for lack of a better phrase, like a gangster. We don't watch anything worse then Nick Jr. 90% of the time, and we certainly don't act like that is our house-hubby and I don't fight, when the kids are with us we are very careful who they are exsposed too.I just don't know what to do. I am so worried she will turn out just like her mother, that she might hurt one of us or all of us, that she will get kicked out of school if she attacks another kid when they upset her.I am so sorry to rant-but today was kinda the nail on the head. I am at a total loss, and feel like I am at the end of my rope with my girl... angelacl@...~~Ask me to show you poetry in motion, and I will show you a horse.~~

[Guest guest]

I don't know the differences except from what I've read here (I have

all boys)....sounds me that males and females can have the same

characteristics.

About getting help... *saw several posts mentioning 'when others are

at risk'*.. Exactly why you should go to the extreme in trying to

get her help right now; before someone else gets seriously hurt.

Its not easy; but I've had to make the same decision several times

now.

Try the local Human Services Department; Childrens MH/MR

Department. Most have Crisis Management and will have access to

Drs., Psychologists, and Psychiatrists that we may not be able to

get appointments with.

To the worse extreme.. *been there done that with an

oldest*....*sighs* I've had to bring in Child Protection Services

ppl to help my oldest. The schools weren't helping, the outside

agencies were not helping; he 'played the system' and was released

from every hospital/facility we put him in (pretends to be normal to

get out....insurance companies release them no matter what). He

would return home and begin hurting my younger children

immediately. This became too much for me. After spending a month

sleeping outside his bedroom door at nights....I called a meeting

with all agencies involved and asked them if this was what was BEST

for my children. Answer... NO. Every child has the right to feel

safe in their homes. Like I said... extreme...but sometimes

necessary.

I would agree with the others... ER is a viable option. Most have

on-call Psychiatrists ready to handle the cases as they come in.

(((HUGS)))

Des

[Guest guest]

It is very hard when you are forced to make the decision to hospitallize

your child. two days before my son went in the hospital he hit me five

times in the face and bruised the whole side of my face and he killed

two one week old kittens not to mention he was awake for 21 hours so I

couldn't even get a break from his rage there. I was scared of him and

knew he needed help soon. When we went to see him he was angry with us

and refused to come out and see us and it was a 2 hour drive to go see

him that's when I broke down in hysterics and the counslers had to come

talk to me. We are all here for you and do understand how hard it can

be.

Tami