Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

You need a break!!!!!!!!

Is there someone you can leave him with for a few days so you can

get away? This sounds just like my son, and I don't have any

suggestions how to change him. but I do know I need to make sure I

take a break away from him every once in a while or I go nuts.

Today, my mom came over and watched him for 2 hours while I went and

got a facial. I relaxed and did nothing for 2 hours and it was

heavenly. Try to find someone to give you a break. Also, try to

give your daughter a break too.

Debi

By the way, just as I am typing this, came downstairs AGAIN to

complain that he was hungry. He was supposed to be in bed an hour

ago. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

>

> Im wondering if I list an example day of someone could give me

some tips on how *they* would handle it?

>

> I realize I may not agree but I think just asking for something

different might help.

>

>

>

> Note: you have to be open minded enough to know this is not

complaing.

>

> This is asking for help for an exhausting child etc..

>

>

>

> Here's an example of my day.

>

>

>

>

>

> ake up. He's 9(almost 10) but in the am likes to walk and talk

like a baby. He doesn't care who observes this.

>

> Wants to eat unhealthy food. Tells me daily he doesn't like what

we are having. He eats it after we discuss for the thousandth time

how certain food effect him.

>

> He then starts with the questions. They don't stop. How when, how

much longer, what time, is it time yet, whose coming? No matter how

many times you say it he still follows you around asking.

>

> If you ask him to assist you with something. He gets confused and

doesn't understand something simple like go get some hangers.

>

> It takes so long you eventually get worn out and do the stuff

yourself. His sister luckily helps.

>

> He starts arguing with his sister over anything. You can hear it

begin. Its like a wave that comes in.

>

> The no matter where the fun is he starts up issues.

>

> In the pool he has to jump ontop of people. There's plenty of run

yet he has to swim into them. If they have a float he somehow knocks

them off. Even though there are 3 more floats exactly like it. He

can NOT stay in his own space in the pool. If the pools empty he

wont go in. He has to jump in and splash everyone until they are

soaked. If you move or go inside to cook he no longer wants to jump.

He only wants to splash so that he can soak people or their book

etc..

>

> His interest is lost if he's not annoying someone.

>

> Time for lunch. He wants to eat eat eat but not what we make. He

will ask 20 times what's for desert. He wants junk all day and wants

more more more. If you offer fruit or healthy things he's says he

doesn't want them grumpily.

>

> Later if he sees his sister is talking on the phone in his room or

near his room he yells at her. Always being grouchy to her even

though she's kind to him.

>

> He wants to watch TV ALL day. We don't feel this is good for our

families situation. Then he wants video games, or the computer. We

limit those also. We would use them for a reward but it always

backfires.

>

> He also talks all day about his interests. You must hear every

line of every book he's ever read or a movie he's seen. He doesn't

care that you have a life and need a minute to yourself. If you tell

him you need a break from the talking he gets upset and says he was

about to tell you something. He does this all day.

>

> If others try to talk to them he interrupts them and starts

talking about himself.

>

> When I'm sick etc.. He comes in the room and is VERY grumpy about

it. He wants me to turn off my movie so that he and his sis can

watch TV.

>

> All the while I'm throwing up and have a high fever! He has no

understand of others having needs or wants.

>

> All day he is not familiar with peoples boundaries. He puts his

body on people or in their space. He doesn't understand that people

need a little breathing room etc.. He talks right into everyone face

really close up. He walks on the back of my heels everywhere we go.

>

>

>

> If you try to shop he doesn't want to go unless he's going to get

to go to the toys. If your in a hurry then he doesn't want to go.

>

> If you let him push the buggy he just has to run the buggy onto

everyone's ankles until their ankles bleed. You slowly start taking

all these privileges away because at 9 almost 10... he should be

better by now etc.. The whole time were shopping he's repeating the

same questions over and over and over.

>

>

>

> If you try to make small talk and say you just saw a work truck go

down the road, he will argue that there was NO truck! If he didn't

see it then it didn't happen.

>

>

>

> Every kind gesture gets squashed like a bug.

>

> Today I made special plans for mommy son night. We are going to a

Harry Potter party. I got it all planned and went and told him.

>

> I barely got a response. Yet he's obsessed with HP.

>

> He never likes the vacations we plan though other kids beg to go

with us. He doesn't like any entertainment that we chose. We have

went out of our way to do interesting and fun things for our kids.

Its all lost on him. He doesn't seem to appreciate anything?

>

>

>

> We have always been frugal and my kids are not used to being

spoiled. This one Xmas we had a little extra so I bought tons more

stuff than usual. My son had every item he had ever dreamed of. His

only response was how he didn't get a so and so.

>

> My best friend went out of her way to get him these special cards.

>

> His only response to her was he really wanted Yugio cards.

>

> We get worried taking him out because when people greet him you

just don't know what he will say. Its never nice or polite.

>

> He tells everyone pretty much what he thinks.

>

>

>

> I could go on and on. But I want to make this clear that this is

all day long. It never stops. There's never a break.

>

> This all happen with the time frame of ONE day and I'm leaving out

tons of stuff.

>

>

>

> -----

[Guest guest]

Well we have no family. We come from abusive familys etc.. Maybe mentally ill etc..

So family for sure is not in the picture.

My son never gets invited to anything anywhere so not there is no break.

My hubbie does give me a break on monday and wednesday afternoons though.

Thats really about it. He drives a daily route but goes in at 1 or 3 am etc...

I dont know.

All this has me thinking that theres no way we can homeschool again!

But dealing with the school sort of adds on more stress.

Anyway I need to just take breaks even if they are only 2 hours ha?

Asperger's may ultimately be a blessing, rather than a curse. ´¨¨)) -:¦:- ¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) ((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:- Michele E -:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

You need a break!!!!!!!!Is there someone you can leave him with for a few days so you can get away? This sounds just like my son, and I don't have any suggestions how to change him. but I do know I need to make sure I take a break away from him every once in a while or I go nuts. Today, my mom came over and watched him for 2 hours while I went and got a facial. I relaxed and did nothing for 2 hours and it was heavenly. Try to find someone to give you a break. Also, try to give your daughter a break too.DebiBy the way, just as I am typing this, came downstairs AGAIN to complain that he was hungry. He was supposed to be in bed an hour ago. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > > Im wondering if I list an example day of someone could give me some tips on how *they* would handle it?> > I realize I may not agree but I think just asking for something different might help.> > > > Note: you have to be open minded enough to know this is not complaing.> > This is asking for help for an exhausting child etc..> > > > Here's an example of my day.> > > > > > ake up. He's 9(almost 10) but in the am likes to walk and talk like a baby. He doesn't care who observes this.> > Wants to eat unhealthy food. Tells me daily he doesn't like what we are having. He eats it after we discuss for the thousandth time how certain food effect him.> > He then starts with the questions. They don't stop. How when, how much longer, what time, is it time yet, whose coming? No matter how many times you say it he still follows you around asking.> > If you ask him to assist you with something. He gets confused and doesn't understand something simple like go get some hangers.> > It takes so long you eventually get worn out and do the stuff yourself. His sister luckily helps.> > He starts arguing with his sister over anything. You can hear it begin. Its like a wave that comes in.> > The no matter where the fun is he starts up issues.> > In the pool he has to jump ontop of people. There's plenty of run yet he has to swim into them. If they have a float he somehow knocks them off. Even though there are 3 more floats exactly like it. He can NOT stay in his own space in the pool. If the pools empty he wont go in. He has to jump in and splash everyone until they are soaked. If you move or go inside to cook he no longer wants to jump. He only wants to splash so that he can soak people or their book etc..> > His interest is lost if he's not annoying someone.> > Time for lunch. He wants to eat eat eat but not what we make. He will ask 20 times what's for desert. He wants junk all day and wants more more more. If you offer fruit or healthy things he's says he doesn't want them grumpily.> > Later if he sees his sister is talking on the phone in his room or near his room he yells at her. Always being grouchy to her even though she's kind to him.> > He wants to watch TV ALL day. We don't feel this is good for our families situation. Then he wants video games, or the computer. We limit those also. We would use them for a reward but it always backfires.> > He also talks all day about his interests. You must hear every line of every book he's ever read or a movie he's seen. He doesn't care that you have a life and need a minute to yourself. If you tell him you need a break from the talking he gets upset and says he was about to tell you something. He does this all day.> > If others try to talk to them he interrupts them and starts talking about himself.> > When I'm sick etc.. He comes in the room and is VERY grumpy about it. He wants me to turn off my movie so that he and his sis can watch TV.> > All the while I'm throwing up and have a high fever! He has no understand of others having needs or wants.> > All day he is not familiar with peoples boundaries. He puts his body on people or in their space. He doesn't understand that people need a little breathing room etc.. He talks right into everyone face really close up. He walks on the back of my heels everywhere we go.> > > > If you try to shop he doesn't want to go unless he's going to get to go to the toys. If your in a hurry then he doesn't want to go.> > If you let him push the buggy he just has to run the buggy onto everyone's ankles until their ankles bleed. You slowly start taking all these privileges away because at 9 almost 10... he should be better by now etc.. The whole time were shopping he's repeating the same questions over and over and over.> > > > If you try to make small talk and say you just saw a work truck go down the road, he will argue that there was NO truck! If he didn't see it then it didn't happen.> > > > Every kind gesture gets squashed like a bug.> > Today I made special plans for mommy son night. We are going to a Harry Potter party. I got it all planned and went and told him.> > I barely got a response. Yet he's obsessed with HP.> > He never likes the vacations we plan though other kids beg to go with us. He doesn't like any entertainment that we chose. We have went out of our way to do interesting and fun things for our kids. Its all lost on him. He doesn't seem to appreciate anything?> > > > We have always been frugal and my kids are not used to being spoiled. This one Xmas we had a little extra so I bought tons more stuff than usual. My son had every item he had ever dreamed of. His only response was how he didn't get a so and so.> > My best friend went out of her way to get him these special cards.> > His only response to her was he really wanted Yugio cards.> > We get worried taking him out because when people greet him you just don't know what he will say. Its never nice or polite.> > He tells everyone pretty much what he thinks.> > > > I could go on and on. But I want to make this clear that this is all day long. It never stops. There's never a break.> > This all happen with the time frame of ONE day and I'm leaving out tons of stuff.> > > > -----

[Guest guest]

Michele,

I can totally relate, especially this week. I felt like *I* was going insane at times this week. I often feel that way! You really do need a break. If there's no family support, is there any chance of getting him involved in a Sunday school setting? You'd get a couple of hours a week of personal time and he'd get some good teaching, too.....

Just an idea!

Toodles!>^..^<Maralee

Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

You need a break!!!!!!!!Is there someone you can leave him with for a few days so you can get away? This sounds just like my son, and I don't have any suggestions how to change him. but I do know I need to make sure I take a break away from him every once in a while or I go nuts. Today, my mom came over and watched him for 2 hours while I went and got a facial. I relaxed and did nothing for 2 hours and it was heavenly. Try to find someone to give you a break. Also, try to give your daughter a break too.DebiBy the way, just as I am typing this, came downstairs AGAIN to complain that he was hungry. He was supposed to be in bed an hour ago. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > > Im wondering if I list an example day of someone could give me some tips on how *they* would handle it?> > I realize I may not agree but I think just asking for something different might help.> > > > Note: you have to be open minded enough to know this is not complaing.> > This is asking for help for an exhausting child etc..> > > > Here's an example of my day.> > > > > > ake up. He's 9(almost 10) but in the am likes to walk and talk like a baby. He doesn't care who observes this.> > Wants to eat unhealthy food. Tells me daily he doesn't like what we are having. He eats it after we discuss for the thousandth time how certain food effect him.> > He then starts with the questions. They don't stop. How when, how much longer, what time, is it time yet, whose coming? No matter how many times you say it he still follows you around asking.> > If you ask him to assist you with something. He gets confused and doesn't understand something simple like go get some hangers.> > It takes so long you eventually get worn out and do the stuff yourself. His sister luckily helps.> > He starts arguing with his sister over anything. You can hear it begin. Its like a wave that comes in.> > The no matter where the fun is he starts up issues.> > In the pool he has to jump ontop of people. There's plenty of run yet he has to swim into them. If they have a float he somehow knocks them off. Even though there are 3 more floats exactly like it. He can NOT stay in his own space in the pool. If the pools empty he wont go in. He has to jump in and splash everyone until they are soaked. If you move or go inside to cook he no longer wants to jump. He only wants to splash so that he can soak people or their book etc..> > His interest is lost if he's not annoying someone.> > Time for lunch. He wants to eat eat eat but not what we make. He will ask 20 times what's for desert. He wants junk all day and wants more more more. If you offer fruit or healthy things he's says he doesn't want them grumpily.> > Later if he sees his sister is talking on the phone in his room or near his room he yells at her. Always being grouchy to her even though she's kind to him.> > He wants to watch TV ALL day. We don't feel this is good for our families situation. Then he wants video games, or the computer. We limit those also. We would use them for a reward but it always backfires.> > He also talks all day about his interests. You must hear every line of every book he's ever read or a movie he's seen. He doesn't care that you have a life and need a minute to yourself. If you tell him you need a break from the talking he gets upset and says he was about to tell you something. He does this all day.> > If others try to talk to them he interrupts them and starts talking about himself.> > When I'm sick etc.. He comes in the room and is VERY grumpy about it. He wants me to turn off my movie so that he and his sis can watch TV.> > All the while I'm throwing up and have a high fever! He has no understand of others having needs or wants.> > All day he is not familiar with peoples boundaries. He puts his body on people or in their space. He doesn't understand that people need a little breathing room etc.. He talks right into everyone face really close up. He walks on the back of my heels everywhere we go.> > > > If you try to shop he doesn't want to go unless he's going to get to go to the toys. If your in a hurry then he doesn't want to go.> > If you let him push the buggy he just has to run the buggy onto everyone's ankles until their ankles bleed. You slowly start taking all these privileges away because at 9 almost 10... he should be better by now etc.. The whole time were shopping he's repeating the same questions over and over and over.> > > > If you try to make small talk and say you just saw a work truck go down the road, he will argue that there was NO truck! If he didn't see it then it didn't happen.> > > > Every kind gesture gets squashed like a bug.> > Today I made special plans for mommy son night. We are going to a Harry Potter party. I got it all planned and went and told him.> > I barely got a response. Yet he's obsessed with HP.> > He never likes the vacations we plan though other kids beg to go with us. He doesn't like any entertainment that we chose. We have went out of our way to do interesting and fun things for our kids. Its all lost on him. He doesn't seem to appreciate anything?> > > > We have always been frugal and my kids are not used to being spoiled. This one Xmas we had a little extra so I bought tons more stuff than usual. My son had every item he had ever dreamed of. His only response was how he didn't get a so and so.> > My best friend went out of her way to get him these special cards.> > His only response to her was he really wanted Yugio cards.> > We get worried taking him out because when people greet him you just don't know what he will say. Its never nice or polite.> > He tells everyone pretty much what he thinks.> > > > I could go on and on. But I want to make this clear that this is all day long. It never stops. There's never a break.> > This all happen with the time frame of ONE day and I'm leaving out tons of stuff.> > > > -----

[Guest guest]

Hi michele, I agree with the others, you need a break, on a regular basis. Over here we have something called respite, I don't use it, but you have to apply, Its a bit like foster care but just for an afternoon or a day or a weekend even, Its when another family sort of befriends yours, obviously police checks etc are done first. I remember one day I thought my son was going to tip me over the edge so I thought, Im sick of battling with you do what you bloody want !!!!!!! For the rest of that day he ate what he wanted, drank what he wanted and did whatever and he still was not happy!!!!!!!! These children can be very controlling and no matter what you do for them they always want more. My son is never completely satisfied. Best wishes Katy in the ukMaralee wrote:

Michele,

I can totally relate, especially this week. I felt like *I* was going insane at times this week. I often feel that way! You really do need a break. If there's no family support, is there any chance of getting him involved in a Sunday school setting? You'd get a couple of hours a week of personal time and he'd get some good teaching, too.....

Just an idea!

Toodles!>^..^<Maralee

Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

You need a break!!!!!!!!Is there someone you can leave him with for a few days so you can get away? This sounds just like my son, and I don't have any suggestions how to change him. but I do know I need to make sure I take a break away from him every once in a while or I go nuts. Today, my mom came over and watched him for 2 hours while I went and got a facial. I relaxed and did nothing for 2 hours and it was heavenly. Try to find someone to give you a break. Also, try to give your daughter a break too.DebiBy the way, just as I am typing this, came downstairs AGAIN to complain that he was hungry. He was supposed to be in bed an hour ago. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > > Im wondering if I list an example day of someone

could give me some tips on how *they* would handle it?> > I realize I may not agree but I think just asking for something different might help.> > > > Note: you have to be open minded enough to know this is not complaing.> > This is asking for help for an exhausting child etc..> > > > Here's an example of my day.> > > > > > ake up. He's 9(almost 10) but in the am likes to walk and talk like a baby. He doesn't care who observes this.> > Wants to eat unhealthy food. Tells me daily he doesn't like what we are having. He eats it after we discuss for the thousandth time how certain food effect him.> > He then starts with the questions. They don't stop. How when, how much longer, what time, is it time yet, whose coming? No matter how many times you say it he still follows you around

asking.> > If you ask him to assist you with something. He gets confused and doesn't understand something simple like go get some hangers.> > It takes so long you eventually get worn out and do the stuff yourself. His sister luckily helps.> > He starts arguing with his sister over anything. You can hear it begin. Its like a wave that comes in.> > The no matter where the fun is he starts up issues.> > In the pool he has to jump ontop of people. There's plenty of run yet he has to swim into them. If they have a float he somehow knocks them off. Even though there are 3 more floats exactly like it. He can NOT stay in his own space in the pool. If the pools empty he wont go in. He has to jump in and splash everyone until they are soaked. If you move or go inside to cook he no longer wants to jump. He only wants to splash so that he can soak people or their book etc..>

> His interest is lost if he's not annoying someone.> > Time for lunch. He wants to eat eat eat but not what we make. He will ask 20 times what's for desert. He wants junk all day and wants more more more. If you offer fruit or healthy things he's says he doesn't want them grumpily.> > Later if he sees his sister is talking on the phone in his room or near his room he yells at her. Always being grouchy to her even though she's kind to him.> > He wants to watch TV ALL day. We don't feel this is good for our families situation. Then he wants video games, or the computer. We limit those also. We would use them for a reward but it always backfires.> > He also talks all day about his interests. You must hear every line of every book he's ever read or a movie he's seen. He doesn't care that you have a life and need a minute to yourself. If you tell him you need a break from the

talking he gets upset and says he was about to tell you something. He does this all day.> > If others try to talk to them he interrupts them and starts talking about himself.> > When I'm sick etc.. He comes in the room and is VERY grumpy about it. He wants me to turn off my movie so that he and his sis can watch TV.> > All the while I'm throwing up and have a high fever! He has no understand of others having needs or wants.> > All day he is not familiar with peoples boundaries. He puts his body on people or in their space. He doesn't understand that people need a little breathing room etc.. He talks right into everyone face really close up. He walks on the back of my heels everywhere we go.> > > > If you try to shop he doesn't want to go unless he's going to get to go to the toys. If your in a hurry then he doesn't want to go.> > If you let him

push the buggy he just has to run the buggy onto everyone's ankles until their ankles bleed. You slowly start taking all these privileges away because at 9 almost 10... he should be better by now etc.. The whole time were shopping he's repeating the same questions over and over and over.> > > > If you try to make small talk and say you just saw a work truck go down the road, he will argue that there was NO truck! If he didn't see it then it didn't happen.> > > > Every kind gesture gets squashed like a bug.> > Today I made special plans for mommy son night. We are going to a Harry Potter party. I got it all planned and went and told him.> > I barely got a response. Yet he's obsessed with HP.> > He never likes the vacations we plan though other kids beg to go with us. He doesn't like any entertainment that we chose. We have went out of our

way to do interesting and fun things for our kids. Its all lost on him. He doesn't seem to appreciate anything?> > > > We have always been frugal and my kids are not used to being spoiled. This one Xmas we had a little extra so I bought tons more stuff than usual. My son had every item he had ever dreamed of. His only response was how he didn't get a so and so.> > My best friend went out of her way to get him these special cards.> > His only response to her was he really wanted Yugio cards.> > We get worried taking him out because when people greet him you just don't know what he will say. Its never nice or polite.> > He tells everyone pretty much what he thinks.> > > > I could go on and on. But I want to make this clear that this is all day long. It never stops. There's never a break.> > This all happen with the time frame

of ONE day and I'm leaving out tons of stuff.> > > > -----

[Guest guest]

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.............THEY ARE NEVER HAPPY......U CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH FOR THEM......MY SON IS 20 AND HE STILL ACTS LIKE THIS.........IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER......WE USE RESPITE, AND IT IS WONDERFUL, BUT IT IS NOT AVAILABLE MUCH CAUSE IT IS IN SUCH GREAT DEMAND ALL THE TIME.

MARY

[Guest guest]

, is he in any sort of therapy? I ask, because a really good

therapist (whether psychologist, occupational, or social) could really

help him with some of these issues of behavior and self-control.

Because I think that's part of what's going on here; his " governor "

isn't working like it should, so everything he thinks, he says. We went

through a modified version of this with our son (I swear, some days I

thought I'd go nuts if I heard one more thing about Pokemon!). So that

might be an avenue to check out. Until then, you can tell him that he

needs to be quiet now, Mom needs to think (or whatever you need to do).

He'll get grumpy about it, lord knows Louie did, but he'll get over it.

And the next time it'll be easier to re-direct him, as well as the next

time after that and the next.... you get the idea.

The food issues you can prolly handle at home, but I warn you that it's

not gonna be a walk in the park to do so. At our house, we were heavy

about this. We observed the " three bite rule. " If he (or his NT sis)

didn't have at least three " human-sized " bites of something they

professed to hate, then dessert was not forthcoming. Or snacks either.

We also had a rule that you eat what's set before you. We didn't

explain that it was good for them, or that it was nutritious, or

anything like that. We told them that this was what was for dinner.

Period. And if they didn't like what was for dinner, then that meant no

dinner for them because (I told them) I'm no one's short order cook.

It's funny what just one day's empty tummy will do for appetite and food

preference. It's just amazing what they " discover " they will eat .....

rather than nothing. Sounds cruel, but isn't really. No one ever

died from missing one meal, and they both got vitamins daily so we knew

they were " covered " nutritionally. Also, because we were on food stamps

(were?), I had to plan meals monthly via computer generated or hand-done

menu calendar. I asked their input on meals for the month, so I at

least knew *one* meal they'd eat! And having the calendar page up on

the wall with each night's dinner on it made Louie a more cooperative

diner because (I think) there was no surprise or apprehension about

the nightly meal.

I think part of the pool and recreation problems may be that your son

doesn't know how to play. So he tries what he sees others doing (on TV

or movies or there at the pool). The trouble is, our guys tend to go

overboard sometimes and do too much. We just instituted the rule " no

running at the pool and no jumping into the pool. " If he broke the rule,

we left immediately, even if I had to go in and tow him out. It didn't

take many of these instances before he started going into the pool in

clear spaces and walking calmly around the edges. And then I taught him

to dive!

Autistic kids have no conception of manners. I think it may be that

manners just don't make sense to them, just aren't logical. You can

address this via scripting and repetition. Make up social situations

requiring manners, and act them out with him if he'll do that. If not,

then you have to catch him each time he is rude and direct him in how to

not be that way. Like in the case of your friend and her present, you

could tell him, " Tell _____ you're sorry if you hurt her feelings. Then

tell her thank you for the gift. " It could well be that he doesn't know

this little " social dance; " a lot of autistic folks don't.

The store. We all have troubles in the store, I think. :) All those

noisy, wavery florescent lights, and all that noise and confusion. We

told Louie before we even left the house that if he asked for anything

or acted out, we would immediately come home....and if that meant

sandwiches or leftovers for dinner, so be it. He, of course, didn't

believe us....until the first time we corralled him and took him right

out the door (you can't be bothered if people stare as you're dragging

out a screaming kid by whatever appendage presents itself) and into the

car and right home. We had cold cereal that night for dinner. He tried

us a couple more times, and then figured out we were serious. He

stopped being a pain in the a** in the store in just a couple of months.

Autistics also don't come equipped with small talk. You have to teach

it to them as you would teach someone Spanish, because it is a different

language to quite a few of our guys. Again, scripting comes in here. I

know it sounds pretty soulless, having a script for everything instead

of being spontaneous, but it works and it gives our son comfort to know

that he has the " correct " reply for most social situations.

You might also see if your city's parks dept. offers any summer

activities for disabled people. They do here in Albuquerque, and our

son went every summer till he got into Transition Training in his late

teens. It really helps with personal space issues, play issues, and it

fights boredom deluxe! We found that his " announcing " (like a TV

person) really diminished when he was in summer recreation. It's really

worth checking out. You might also check about a " sleep-away " camp.

Louie went to one designed for kids not only with physical issues but

also with developmental issues. He rode horses, canoed, roasted weenies

at the campfire and just had a whale of a time. And he was about your

son's age at the time.

I know this is a long post (I tend to do that, sorry), but your

situation sounded so much like ours was 13 years ago that I just had to

pass along what we did to address it. And I hope even a little of it

helps you and your son.

Annie, who loves ya annie@...

--

" Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. "

Emo Philips

[Guest guest]

I must disagree- my son (11), is nothing like this. He has excellent manners and is very nice ( almost too nice), does not follow me around, adores his younger & older brothers- and plays with them and his friends appropriately. He is usually the happiest overall in his group of friends. He does not obsess and handles stress better than I do. He eats what he is given- period. When he eats at a friend's home- if he is unsure if he is supposed to eat a certain dish- he calls and asks. He is expected to follow the same rules as his siblings, with the same discipline. He certainly is not perfect, but who is? We have taught him the skills necessary to handle the NT world so he may flourish and succeed - similar in fashion to what Annie has mentioned. He is going to have to live in this world after we die, so he better darn well be as prepared as humanly possible to handle it. My husband & I run our home, not any of my kids. Cj-GA

Re: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.............THEY ARE NEVER HAPPY......U CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH FOR THEM......MY SON IS 20 AND HE STILL ACTS LIKE THIS.........IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER......WE USE RESPITE, AND IT IS WONDERFUL, BUT IT IS NOT AVAILABLE MUCH CAUSE IT IS IN SUCH GREAT DEMAND ALL THE TIME.MARY

[Guest guest]

That's wonderful, CJ. I wish I could say I've experienced the same. My daughter is opposite in many ways from yours. My daughter does not have the best manners, and has no siblings in the home (her brother is married). She does follow me around all the time. She has no friends to play with. She obsesses all the time and doesn't handle stress well at all. She eats only the things she prefers, and always has. She very rarely goes to a friend's home because, as I mentioned above, she doesn't have friends. I pay young, caring girls (a little older than her) to come and spend time with her at home. She loves it. I don't know if she knows that I pay them. (I don't think she wants to think about it if she does know.)

I know my daughter is going to have to live in this world, but she's not going to do it alone, from the looks of things now, unless she becomes much more independent than she is. She'll need help. We all do the best we can do with our children....they're all different and some are more challenging than others. I thought I had all the parenting answers until my daughter came into our lives....

Maralee

mom to Beth, 14 AS/Bipolar/anxiety issues (formerly ADHD, ODD)

I must disagree- my son (11), is nothing like this. He has excellent manners and is very nice ( almost too nice), does not follow me around, adores his younger & older brothers- and plays with them and his friends appropriately. He is usually the happiest overall in his group of friends. He does not obsess and handles stress better than I do. He eats what he is given- period. When he eats at a friend's home- if he is unsure if he is supposed to eat a certain dish- he calls and asks. He is expected to follow the same rules as his siblings, with the same discipline. He certainly is not perfect, but who is? We have taught him the skills necessary to handle the NT world so he may flourish and succeed - similar in fashion to what Annie has mentioned. He is going to have to live in this world after we die, so he better darn well be as prepared as humanly possible to handle it. My husband & I run our home, not any of my kids. Cj-GA

Re: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.............THEY ARE NEVER HAPPY......U CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH FOR THEM......MY SON IS 20 AND HE STILL ACTS LIKE THIS.........IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER......WE USE RESPITE, AND IT IS WONDERFUL, BUT IT IS NOT AVAILABLE MUCH CAUSE IT IS IN SUCH GREAT DEMAND ALL THE TIME.MARY

[Guest guest]

Hi Maralee: I was not comparing my son to anyone's- I just wanted to point out that not 100% of ASD kids' behaviors are the same.

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.............THEY ARE NEVER HAPPY......U CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH FOR THEM......MY SON IS 20 AND HE STILL ACTS LIKE THIS.........IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER......WE USE RESPITE, AND IT IS WONDERFUL, BUT IT IS NOT AVAILABLE MUCH CAUSE IT IS IN SUCH GREAT DEMAND ALL THE TIME.MARY

[Guest guest]

That is certainly something I'd agree with! : )

Toodles!>^..^<Maralee

Re: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

Hi Maralee: I was not comparing my son to anyone's- I just wanted to point out that not 100% of ASD kids' behaviors are the same.

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.............THEY ARE NEVER HAPPY......U CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH FOR THEM......MY SON IS 20 AND HE STILL ACTS LIKE THIS.........IT DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER......WE USE RESPITE, AND IT IS WONDERFUL, BUT IT IS NOT AVAILABLE MUCH CAUSE IT IS IN SUCH GREAT DEMAND ALL THE TIME.MARY

[Guest guest]

Hi Michele and all....

I can totally empathize with you, friend. This sounds very familiar. I learned long ago that there is MUCH to be given when you have a special needs child, especially one with emotional/mood challenges. There is little given back to us...it's just give, give, give! So we have to find somewhere, somehow to recharge our batteries. Whether it's through a family member or friend or respite, it's really important to set aside time on a regular basis to GET AWAY FROM IT ALL, even if it is only an hour or two! Pay someone if you have to....it's so necessary.

My daughter has the bipolar aspect along with AS so maybe that is why she is usually negative and uncooperative. She was originally diagnosed with ODD too (oppositional defiant disorder) back in 2nd grade. She's difficult at home, mind you; not in public. In public she is very shy and usually cooperative, but she lets all of her opinions be heard at home, loud and clear!

Hang in there....one day at a time, one hour at a time. We understand!

Toodles!>^..^<Maralee

a typical day...any suggestions?

Im wondering if I list an example day of someone could give me some tips on how *they* would handle it?

I realize I may not agree but I think just asking for something different might help.

Note: you have to be open minded enough to know this is not complaing.

This is asking for help for an exhausting child etc..

Here's an example of my day.

ake up. He's 9(almost 10) but in the am likes to walk and talk like a baby. He doesn't care who observes this.

Wants to eat unhealthy food. Tells me daily he doesn't like what we are having. He eats it after we discuss for the thousandth time how certain food effect him.

He then starts with the questions. They don't stop. How when, how much longer, what time, is it time yet, whose coming? No matter how many times you say it he still follows you around asking.

If you ask him to assist you with something. He gets confused and doesn't understand something simple like go get some hangers.

It takes so long you eventually get worn out and do the stuff yourself. His sister luckily helps.

He starts arguing with his sister over anything. You can hear it begin. Its like a wave that comes in.

The no matter where the fun is he starts up issues.

In the pool he has to jump ontop of people. There's plenty of run yet he has to swim into them. If they have a float he somehow knocks them off. Even though there are 3 more floats exactly like it. He can NOT stay in his own space in the pool. If the pools empty he wont go in. He has to jump in and splash everyone until they are soaked. If you move or go inside to cook he no longer wants to jump. He only wants to splash so that he can soak people or their book etc..

His interest is lost if he's not annoying someone.

Time for lunch. He wants to eat eat eat but not what we make. He will ask 20 times what's for desert. He wants junk all day and wants more more more. If you offer fruit or healthy things he's says he doesn't want them grumpily.

Later if he sees his sister is talking on the phone in his room or near his room he yells at her. Always being grouchy to her even though she's kind to him.

He wants to watch TV ALL day. We don't feel this is good for our families situation. Then he wants video games, or the computer. We limit those also. We would use them for a reward but it always backfires.

He also talks all day about his interests. You must hear every line of every book he's ever read or a movie he's seen. He doesn't care that you have a life and need a minute to yourself. If you tell him you need a break from the talking he gets upset and says he was about to tell you something. He does this all day.

If others try to talk to them he interrupts them and starts talking about himself.

When I'm sick etc.. He comes in the room and is VERY grumpy about it. He wants me to turn off my movie so that he and his sis can watch TV.

All the while I'm throwing up and have a high fever! He has no understand of others having needs or wants.

All day he is not familiar with peoples boundaries. He puts his body on people or in their space. He doesn't understand that people need a little breathing room etc.. He talks right into everyone face really close up. He walks on the back of my heels everywhere we go.

If you try to shop he doesn't want to go unless he's going to get to go to the toys. If your in a hurry then he doesn't want to go.

If you let him push the buggy he just has to run the buggy onto everyone's ankles until their ankles bleed. You slowly start taking all these privileges away because at 9 almost 10... he should be better by now etc.. The whole time were shopping he's repeating the same questions over and over and over.

If you try to make small talk and say you just saw a work truck go down the road, he will argue that there was NO truck! If he didn't see it then it didn't happen.

Every kind gesture gets squashed like a bug.

Today I made special plans for mommy son night. We are going to a Harry Potter party. I got it all planned and went and told him.

I barely got a response. Yet he's obsessed with HP.

He never likes the vacations we plan though other kids beg to go with us. He doesn't like any entertainment that we chose. We have went out of our way to do interesting and fun things for our kids. Its all lost on him. He doesn't seem to appreciate anything?

We have always been frugal and my kids are not used to being spoiled. This one Xmas we had a little extra so I bought tons more stuff than usual. My son had every item he had ever dreamed of. His only response was how he didn't get a so and so.

My best friend went out of her way to get him these special cards.

His only response to her was he really wanted Yugio cards.

We get worried taking him out because when people greet him you just don't know what he will say. Its never nice or polite.

He tells everyone pretty much what he thinks.

I could go on and on. But I want to make this clear that this is all day long. It never stops. There's never a break.

This all happen with the time frame of ONE day and I'm leaving out tons of stuff.

-----

[Guest guest]

Thanks TK I honestly had no idea that a child with AS could be like that. Ive met autistic children who are laid back but as we have all said/thought before Aspergers and ADHD can be very close, my son certainly is not the quiet type. But then like you say he would not get the help he does at school, you learn something new everyday, Best wishes KatyTK wrote:

Some children with ASD's are very quiet and basically "go with the flow". Tony Attwood describes this type of child in this book, Asperger's Syndrome. These are the children that are often overlooked and dont receive treatment because they dont cause problems for teachers.

From: katy wicks is it possible to have aspergers and no behavioural problems ? Katy

[Guest guest]

I find the ASD's very interesting because each child can present in such different ways. That actually is the ONLY place ive ever seen anything about a passive child and aspergers. Most resources concentrate on the "bad" side effects.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

From: katy wicks

Thanks TK I honestly had no idea that a child with AS could be like that. Ive met autistic children who are laid back but as we have all said/thought before Aspergers and ADHD can be very close, my son certainly is not the quiet type. But then like you say he would not get the help he does at school, you learn something new everyday, Best wishes Katy

[Guest guest]

True, I never thought of it like that, you tend to go on personal experiance and every child I know with AS is usually what we expect them to be. TK wrote:

I find the ASD's very interesting because each child can present in such different ways. That actually is the ONLY place ive ever seen anything about a passive child and aspergers. Most resources concentrate on the "bad" side effects.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

From: katy wicks

Thanks TK I honestly had no idea that a child with AS could be like that. Ive met autistic children who are laid back but as we have all said/thought before Aspergers and ADHD can be very close, my son certainly is not the quiet type. But then like you say he would not get the help he does at school, you learn something new everyday, Best wishes Katy

[Guest guest]

Wow... that's quite a day. My general suggestion is that this

sounds like a kid that would benefit from a strict schedule, as you

mentioned he's easily confused I would suggest using a picture

schedule.

>>Wake up. He's 9(almost 10) but in the am likes to walk and talk

like a baby. He doesn't care who observes this.<<

For this I would probably use a picture cue on the schedule to

remind him that he will be ignored until he 'acts his age'.

>>Tells me daily he doesn't like what we are having. He eats it

after we discuss for the thousandth time how certain food effect

him.<<

Could you maybe make up a picture 'menu' for him of acceptable foods

and then have him choose? Giving him a choice might cut down on the

constant explanation and refusal. Try making up meal schedules with

him a week at a time.

>>How when, how much longer, what time, is it time yet, whose

coming? No matter how many times you say it he still follows you

around asking.<<

I think the schedule, maybe coupled with a timer, would cut down on

a lot of this.

>>If you ask him to assist you with something. He gets confused and

doesn't understand something simple like go get some hangers. It

takes so long you eventually get worn out and do the stuff yourself.

His sister luckily helps.<<

I've started 'activity folders' in my house - step-by-step pictures

which explain how to do a particular activity. I've made up several

folders for chores, and a few for special activities (like making

cookies) as well. Now I just hand him a folder instead of

explaining what I'd like done. He turns to the first page and

starts. (My son is nearly 4 1/2 and most likely has 'classic'

autism, so these are VERY easy tasks. The more complicated tasks,

like making cookies, are either done with my help or given to my

five-year-old typical daughter.)

>>He starts arguing with his sister over anything. You can hear it

begin. Its like a wave that comes in.<<

If I knew how to stop siblings from bickering I'd be a millionare.

;-)

>>In the pool he has to jump ontop of people. There's plenty of run

yet he has to swim into them.<<

Could this be a sensory issue? Perhaps he needs the stimulation

that is missing in a near weightless environment? Have you tried

attaching small swimming weights to his wrists and ankles? (Only if

he's a very good swimmer, of course.) These can be purchased at

many sporting goods stores.

>>Later if he sees his sister is talking on the phone in his room or

near his room he yells at her. Always being grouchy to her even

though she's kind to him.<<

Maybe he has some jealousy issues because she is part of a social

world he doesn't understand?

>>Then he wants video games, or the computer. We limit those also.

We would use them for a reward but it always backfires.<<

Perhaps you could compromise by using educational programs? There

are many programs available for PC use that are both educational and

entertaining.

>>He also talks all day about his interests. You must hear every

line of every book he's ever read or a movie he's seen. He doesn't

care that you have a life and need a minute to yourself. If you tell

him you need a break from the talking he gets upset and says he was

about to tell you something. He does this all day.<<

Sounds like a typical stimming situation... have you tried having

him write these things down?

>>All the while I'm throwing up and have a high fever! He has no

understand of others having needs or wants.<<

I'm not sure what your son has been diagnosed with, but I suspect

it's Aspergers. My husband has Aspergers, he's 37 and still acts

like this. The entire universe revolves around him.

I've been sick as well, high fever and the works, for the last

couple of days. The first day I was really sick, had even passed

out trying to get to the bathroom, he woke me up at 2am (when he got

home from work) because he was 'interested'. (*wink, wink*) No

concept of others beyond their purpose if fulfilling his needs. I

think that's just the way Aspies are. *shrugs*

>>You slowly start taking all these privileges away because at 9

almost 10... he should be better by now etc.. The whole time were

shopping he's repeating the same questions over and over and over.<<

Aspergers is a life long disorder - they don't just grow out of it.

>>This all happen with the time frame of ONE day and I'm leaving out

tons of stuff.<<

What kinds of therapy are you currently using, and do you have any

respite services available to you?

[Guest guest]

Hi Katy: My son's original Dx was Semantic Pragmatic Disorder, an ASD. His Dx now is Speech & Language Impaired in the area of Pragmatics.

We have drilled proper manners and appropriate behavior forever with all of our boys. Elimination of dyes, casein, corn & corn syrup, etc. has helped immensely- as have supplements, Fast Forward, team sports- with much work on his part.

He can be a typical pain in the rear- as can his 3 NT brothers. I do not have more problems with his behavior than his siblings. His inherent personality is far more even tempered and less prone to mood swings than his older brother, and he is far calmer than the youngest. He has busted his rear- but I do know that we are extremely lucky.

Cj-GA

From: katy wicks

To: autism-aspergers

Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003 2:38 PM

Subject: Re: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

Hi CJ, Out of interest does your son have aspergers ? If yes how have you managed to overcome all the problems that I would call normal traits of Aspergers, I take your point to a certain extent but having a child with AS or autism in the house must cause problems, perhaps I'm wrong, is it possible to have aspergers and no behavioural problems ? Katy

[Guest guest]

>> Some children with ASD's are very quiet and basically " go with

the flow " .

> Tony Attwood describes this type of child in this book, Asperger's

Syndrome.

> These are the children that are often overlooked and dont receive

treatment

> because they dont cause problems for teachers.<<

And may God bless them for their sweet spirits! HOWEVER, it is very

wrong to think that those who have children like most described in

this thread simply gave over command of their homes to their

children. If someone has a child who is not like these they are

quite fortunate and should count their blessings daily, by the

minute. Until one has walked in my shoes, with two boys exactly like

this, they have not earned the priviledge of making a remark about

who runs my home. A child who does not understand the concept of

respect honors no one..........

na

[Guest guest]

You lost me with this part, are you responding to something in the line I typed or just making a general comment??? Sorry brain shut down 10 minutes ago!!!

From: kintonoah

Until one has walked in my shoes, with two boys exactly like this, they have not earned the priviledge of making a remark about who runs my home. A child who does not understand the concept of respect honors no one..........na

[Guest guest]

>>You lost me with this part, are you responding to something in the

line I

> typed or just making a general comment??? Sorry brain shut down

10 minutes

> ago!!!<<

No, no, no. I'm the one who should be sorry. I understand what you

wrote, and I meant what I said in that I know there are some really

agreeable, quiet, laid back kids with Aspergers. It is unfortunate

that they do tend to get overlooked in the school setting, but it is

a blessing beyond words that they don't struggle with the behaviors

many of our children do.

My comment at the end of my post was a knee jerk reaction to Cj in

GA's comment:

" My husband & I run our home, not any of my kids. Cj-GA "

I took that as a slam against those of us who have children who

would most likely appear out of our control to her.

na

[Guest guest]

>>You lost me with this part, are you responding to something in the

line I

> typed or just making a general comment??? Sorry brain shut down

10 minutes

> ago!!!<<

No, no, no. I'm the one who should be sorry. I understand what you

wrote, and I meant what I said in that I know there are some really

agreeable, quiet, laid back kids with Aspergers. It is unfortunate

that they do tend to get overlooked in the school setting, but it is

a blessing beyond words that they don't struggle with the behaviors

many of our children do.

My comment at the end of my post was a knee jerk reaction to Cj in

GA's comment:

" My husband & I run our home, not any of my kids. Cj-GA "

I took that as a slam against those of us who have children who

would most likely appear out of our control to her.

na

[Guest guest]

I'm lost too!!

MISSYSAHM to some special kids!!!

Excuse Me While I Go Raise Tomorrow's Future.

RE: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

You lost me with this part, are you responding to something in the line I typed or just making a general comment??? Sorry brain shut down 10 minutes ago!!!

From: kintonoah

Until one has walked in my shoes, with two boys exactly like this, they have not earned the priviledge of making a remark about who runs my home. A child who does not understand the concept of respect honors no one..........na

[Guest guest]

I'm lost too!!

MISSYSAHM to some special kids!!!

Excuse Me While I Go Raise Tomorrow's Future.

RE: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

You lost me with this part, are you responding to something in the line I typed or just making a general comment??? Sorry brain shut down 10 minutes ago!!!

From: kintonoah

Until one has walked in my shoes, with two boys exactly like this, they have not earned the priviledge of making a remark about who runs my home. A child who does not understand the concept of respect honors no one..........na

[Guest guest]

"My husband & I run our home, not any of my kids. Cj-GA"

I agree this comment was uncalled for, ESPECIALLY on a list like this where the parents have killed themselves being consistant and "in charge". Make me wonder if this members child doesnt have Aspergers. I thought I read a post saying this child has a new diagnosis that isnt Aspergers?

[Guest guest]

I immediately felt the same way, and I responded to the list. I don't think the person intended it to come off like that, but unfortunately, it could easily be construed negatively. She wrote back and said she was just referring to her own situation. In a previous 'life,' I would have felt the same way--there would be no way my kids would talk back to me (among other things)! But darn it, no matter how I try, I cannot get this 14 year old kid under control! : ) !!!!!!!!!!!!! Spiritually speaking (can we do that here?), I think God is using my daughter to show me just that. I am NOT self-sufficient. I need Him! Day by day, hour by hour...I need strength and wisdom and patience and endurance......

Toodles!>^..^<Maralee

Re: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

"My husband & I run our home, not any of my kids. Cj-GA"

I agree this comment was uncalled for, ESPECIALLY on a list like this where the parents have killed themselves being consistant and "in charge". Make me wonder if this members child doesnt have Aspergers. I thought I read a post saying this child has a new diagnosis that isnt Aspergers?

[Guest guest]

I immediately felt the same way, and I responded to the list. I don't think the person intended it to come off like that, but unfortunately, it could easily be construed negatively. She wrote back and said she was just referring to her own situation. In a previous 'life,' I would have felt the same way--there would be no way my kids would talk back to me (among other things)! But darn it, no matter how I try, I cannot get this 14 year old kid under control! : ) !!!!!!!!!!!!! Spiritually speaking (can we do that here?), I think God is using my daughter to show me just that. I am NOT self-sufficient. I need Him! Day by day, hour by hour...I need strength and wisdom and patience and endurance......

Toodles!>^..^<Maralee

Re: Re: a typical day...any suggestions?

"My husband & I run our home, not any of my kids. Cj-GA"

I agree this comment was uncalled for, ESPECIALLY on a list like this where the parents have killed themselves being consistant and "in charge". Make me wonder if this members child doesnt have Aspergers. I thought I read a post saying this child has a new diagnosis that isnt Aspergers?