Strengthening their bonds-Online communication enhances relationships for those

[Guest guest]

Strengthening their bonds (CMT mentor)

Online communication enhances relationships for those with

disabilities

http://www.boston.com/news/health/articles/2007/11/26/strengthening_t

heir_bonds/?page=1

Walsh and Austin Lam sit facing each other in their

wheelchairs, saying nothing.

Outwardly, that is. But on a level beyond speech, the 28-year-old

Walsh and the 13-year-old Austin are communicating plenty.

The two have a special relationship: Walsh, who lives in Braintree,

is Austin's mentor and role model. Through his own example, he

teaches the Wellesley boy how to live day-to-day with the challenges

posed by their shared disability: cerebral palsy.

Soon, though, the two will be able to communicate even more fully.

Austin's parents plan to soon acquire a specially equipped computer

device that will enable him to access the Internet. That means he

and Walsh will join the growing ranks of disabled mentors and their

younger proteges who communicate online under a program run by

Partners for Youth with Disabilities, a nonprofit organization based

in Boston.

" It's going to open up a whole new area for and Austin, "

said Janice Walsh, 's mother. " It will reinforce their

relationship. They'll become even better friends than they are now. "

Walsh's prediction rests on a solid foundation: She has seen the

bonds tighten between her son and his longtime mentor since they

began a regular online dialogue.

It was just four years ago that Partners for Youth with Disabilities

added an online component to its mentoring program, and discovered a

pent-up demand. Up to that point, the organization had averaged 60

to 80 new mentorship matches a year between disabled adults and

disabled youths. The organization continues to average 60 matches a

year under the traditional mentoring program, but in the past four

years has also added more than 600 matches under the online program.

Participants don't just communicate regularly with each other, but

also take part in online chats and forums with other disabled youths

and adults that revolve around issues that range from politics to

careers to the challenges of living independently. " Youths that were

isolated have been able to have experiences, education, and support

that they wouldn't otherwise have had, " said Regina Snowden, founder

and CEO of Partners for Youth with Disabilities. " Children and

adults with health issues that make travel difficult have been able

to let the outside world in. "

Walsh, for example, cannot speak or use his hands. To communicate in

person, he moves his eyes from one letter to another on a plastic

letter board to spell out words. It is a laborious process. But

Internet use is another matter. He is able to play chess online and

regularly e-mail questions to his mentor, Donahue of

Watertown, via a computer with a large switch he can manipulate with

his right foot.

" has been a mentor and a friend to me, " Walsh wrote via e-

mail. " He has introduced me to many new people and new experiences. "

At 53, Donahue is struck by how online communication and other

technological tools have leveled the playing field and expanded the

horizon for people with disabilities. " Being online and talking to

other people, it keeps you social, " said Donahue, who has a

neurological disorder called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease and uses a

wheelchair. " You don't feel alone. " For young disabled people, he

added, " They're more accepted. It's a different ball game. "

more stories like thisThe mentoring program runs background checks

on the adults before matching them with disabled youths (for the

purposes of the mentoring program, the organization defines " youth "

as anyone under 24). If the pairing clicks, mentors and proteges can

stay in contact via e-mail, instant-messaging, and Internet forums.

But it doesn't always click. " We always tell folks that it's like

any relationship, " said Snowden. " There can come a time when you're

ready to move on. We tell them not to feel discouraged if that

happens, that we can find other mentors and mentees. "

Sometimes a mentoring relationship that began offline will move

online. That's what happened between Walsh and Donahue. The two met

nine years ago under the original mentoring program run by Partners,

but in recent years, due to the online program, they have been in

more frequent contact. They still meet in person, but they also

exchange e-mails (sometimes at a scheduled time, sometimes when one

sees the other is taking part in one of the online forums) at least

twice a week.

" A lot of times when we're online, may bring up a topic he

wants to discuss, " said Donahue. " We have lengthy talks online, man

to man. Greg has questions, and I do my best to answer them. "

Online, Walsh has asked Donahue such basic questions as where to

find a wheelchair with a more comfortable seat and whether he should

take a certain college class pass-fail. He also asked Donahue for

advice on some matters he'd rather not discuss with his parents,

such as how to navigate the world of dating and romance.

Through his own example, Donahue has also answered the unspoken

question many disabled youths are likely to have: Will I be able to

work and support myself? As a kitchen design expediter at the Home

Depot in Waltham, Donahue shows Walsh that a disability is no

impediment to a career. Walsh, for his part, has shown a drive and

an intellectual curiosity, especially about technology, that

convinces his mentor he will eventually invent a device that will

make life easier for the disabled. One way or another, Donahue

predicts, " he's going to put his name on the map. "

Walsh has taken the lessons he learned from Donahue and applied them

to his relationship with Austin. The two have formed a tight bond.

In his e-mail, Walsh wrote: " I want to be a friend to Austin like

has been a friend to me, someone he can look up to, like I

look up to . "

He has apparently achieved that goal. Austin is largely nonverbal,

but when his mother, Pam Lam, asked her son whether he likes having

an older friend, Austin responded with a gesture that means yes. His

mother added: " And that you can go places and do things together,

like go bowling? " Austin gestured yes again. (When they go candlepin

bowling, the balls are placed atop 10-foot wooden ramps that rest on

the arms of their wheelchairs. They then push the ball down the

ramp, sometimes with the assistance of family members.)

more stories like thisBeyond transmitting his enthusiasm for the Red

Sox to his young protege, Walsh provides living proof of the heights

to which the seventh-grader can aspire. Walsh recently earned a

certificate from Massasoit Community College in Brockton that

affirmed his proficiency in Word, Access, Excel, and PowerPoint

programs. He is now going for an associate's degree in liberal arts.

" When we see the potential and the possibilities [Walsh] has

accomplished, it gives us a lot of hope, " said Pam Lam.

Added Janice Walsh: " What he imparts is the success of a physically

disabled young man who can go to college, and the message that life

doesn't have to be that different, even if you're severely disabled. "

But Walsh also gets a lot back, according to his mother. " He

feels like he is the adult in the relationship, " she said. " He

really is proud of that. He's always telling people that Austin is

his mentee. "

The depth of the relationship between the two was made clear

recently when they were assigned to different teams on one of the

bowling expeditions their families regularly undertake together.

Each of them found a way to communicate to his parents his

displeasure about being separated from his pal. " He let me know with

his facial expressions, " Pam Lam said, of Austin. " He gave me a very

big sad face, before and after. "

She believes that online communication will make a world of

difference to Austin, in his relationship with Walsh and beyond. " He

wants to feel connection, " she said. " It will be his window to the

world. "

Because of his disability, Austin Lam does not have the use of his

fingers, but he can use his knuckles to hit a switch that will

enable him to control the computer and communicate online. When he

does, he will find an eager correspondent in his friend and mentor.

" I am looking forward to the day that Austin and I can communicate

together, " Walsh wrote in his e-mail. " I want to know what

he is thinking about. "