, weight, and eating disorders

[Guest guest]

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I just had to respond to your post, Barbara, you too. I suffered for years with Bulimia and have always struggled with my weight. I am now fatter than I have ever been and pretty uncomfortable, but I can honestly say for the first time in my life my only reason for wanting to lose weight is for my health. I don't care about size or looks or status much anymore. I guess my disease has really taught me that so many of the things I used to think were important, like climbing the corporate ladder etc. really don't mean squat!! When you don't have your health and you hurt all the time, things really change.

, unfortunately, you live in a city that is very looks/size/age obsessed and are in a career that brings even more focus on to your looks and weight. I truly do hope that you continue with therapy and think about what would really make you happy. I would love to Scream, get out of there!!! But only you can make that decision. I lived in Las Vegas for 9 years, and my bulimia was at it's worst in that city. Living day in and out where all woman are 6 foot silicone statues is too much for those of us with eating disorders. I find it horrible that anyone would tell you that you look good when you are ill and drop to such low weights. Doesn't that make you wonder about those people?? Beauty is only skin deep, and your true spiritual beauty is on the inside.

It will take a lot of surgery and botox to preserve the look you have now. You are 27 and still so young, and you have so much life left. But, really isn't 27 over the hill in Hollywood? I don't even read magazines like Cosmo etc. anymore because I found that every ad with some gorgeous digitally enhanced female model only made me feel less than. I try and protect myself from that stinkin thinkin anymore. I am 39 now and soon to be 40, and now I think, wow, I wasted close to 15 years in the prime of my life hating myself, and doing horrible things to my body. Those were years when I did not have this disease and I could have been out helping others and doing good. Instead I had my head in the toilet. I feel sad that I spent so much time there, but will never regret any of the roads I have traveled. Oh, and now at 39 I am having acne that I never had in my teens!! Just gets more and more fun. email me privately if you ever need to talk.

Lynn in WI

-- Re: Barbara/Kirk.: make-up & other questions for men

Dear Barbara,

I'll need to read Kirk's reply but I have been reading your e-mails and truly connect with how you feel. I'm a 27 year old actress in LA. I'm 5'2 and 110 lbs and am constantly told I'm too fat. When I was on Thalidomide and a million other things I was 130lbs. I feel like my body is out of control from the onset systemic JRA. When I flare I get down to about 100-95lbs and people all tell me how great I look. I have a hard time believing that it is what is on the inside that counts when people say,"You are so talented. Just lose another 10." I have struggled so hard to get here. I feel very sad. I feel like I should stop taking my drugs sometimes and just be ill and not have to deal.

Yes I'm in therapy and I don't feel like this all of the time but it does make me sad. When I'm sick it's as if nothing else matters and only the truest form of oneself is there. Everything else is stripped away and people are more forgiving. In that way I hold onto this illness. I have suffered from an eating disorder. Partly b/c of my illness and control issues and just b/c I see how people respond to thin people and vice versa. I know I sound crazy but it's just how I feel.

I'm sure you are beautiful and perfect the way you are. I understand about the makeup counter thing. I get the "rash" on my face which is impossible to cover up. Know I'm thinking of you. I hope you are having a great day.

Love,

-------------- Original message --------------

Wow, Kirk, wonderful answer! What is inside truly is what counts. I hope everyone else feels the same. I wrote this for several reasons.

One, is I know I have body image problems. I weigh between 109-115 and feel so fat. The woman who ended up 188 lbs. at one point still sees woman that when she looks in the mirror. It makes my family worry because we went through a terrible time with anorexia/bulimia with our youngest daughter, who is fine now.

When I stop at the make-up counter in Macy's to buy lipstick, women are all over me, usually, telling me to use "this" or "that" to cover "this" or "that." I generally say "no thank you," but I resent being told I need to look better. I feel like saying "the heck with looking better, I'd settle for feeling better!" And, I would, LOL! This was written for other women who feel the same about appearance or weight. Because I know in truth, people see what they feel -- the beauty inside.

Thanks for your answer.

Hugs,

Barbara Visit the Still's Disease Message Boardhttp://disc.server.com/Indices/148599.htmlThe materials and information contained in this message are not intended to replace the services of a trained health professional or to be a substitute for medical advice of physicians and/or other health care professionals. The International Still's Disease Foundation is not engaged in rendering medical or professional medical services. You should consult your physician on specific medical questions, particularly in matters requiring diagnosis or medical attention. The International Still's Disease Foundation makes no representations or warranties with respect to any treatment, action, application, medication or preparation by any person following the information offered or provided within this support form. ion by any person following the inf! ormation offered or provided within this support form. Visit the Still's Disease Message Boardhttp://disc.server.com/Indices/148599.htmlThe materials and information contained in this message are not intended to replace the services of a trained health professional or to be a substitute for medical advice of physicians and/or other health care professionals. The International Still's Disease Foundation is not engaged in rendering medical or professional medical services. You should consult your physician on specific medical questions, particularly in matters requiring diagnosis or medical attention. The International Still's Disease Foundation makes no representations or warranties with respect to any treatment, action, application, medication or preparation by any person following the information offered or provided within this support form. ion by any person following the information offered or provided within this support form.