Guest guest Posted July 22, 2003 Report Share Posted July 22, 2003 I know what you mean T.K., in my sons IEP we have it written in so has to have a buddy with him at all times, because he forgets where he is at and where he is going. But in my mind do I really trust another 7 yr old to be responsible enough not to walk out the front door with him, I think not. He to get 1/2 hour well if they didn't take it away. candymania > My son was turned down by his " state " health insurance for OT. He is > testing at below a three year old level for his fine motor skills. We > requested these visits to help him get caught up to his peers because the > school wont give him anymore than just 1/2 an hour a week. Im almost > positive this denial and the others we have been getting lately have been > due to budget cuts. > > Then im sitting in my sons play therapists office today while he is in > session and im reading Time Magazine. IN big letters it says, America is > sending at LEAST 1 BILLION dollars a WEEK to the middle east. Then on the > next few pages it says we will be sending troops to Liberia!!! These people > are getting mad at the US because we arent sending more troops faster to > them and we are to blame for letting this happen there. Now how much is > this going to cost us?? While our children sit here and get programs that > help them taken away and shut down. People are loosing their jobs and we > are sending all this money to these other countries. The fed even said > they may LOWER the interest rate again to get the economy going.. well they > have been doing that for a long time and it doesnt seem to make a bit of > difference.. programs are still getting cut and people are losing their > jobs. Everyday I see the unemployment rate get worse.. > > Im sorry this is off topic it just really ticks me off when I see parents on > these boards saying they cant get their child things they need now because > of budget restraints and we are sending all this money to countries who are > ungreatful for what we have done and what we send. Now we have another > country that EXPECTS us to help them and are upset that we havent sent > troops sooner.. how much is that going to cost us? I hope that I dont > offend anyone by posting this but I just couldnt keep it in any longer I > knew I could vent it out here. > > TK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 24, 2003 Report Share Posted July 24, 2003 Luckily my son with have an aid with him the whole time at school. But it wasn't the school who set this up it was another program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 e, I am so sorry you are having a bad day sweetie. And my favorite saying is, it is what it is. And you are right. His picking his face can be so many things like you said, boredom, sensory, anxiety. There are so many things. I know you are upset and frusterated hon and that is what I/ we are here for. Vent all you want and if I can help in any way, you know you can IM me, or call if you need/want to. I think I gave you my number, but if not, i can give it to you again. Stacie I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!!!! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional's even best in your home every day can be a burden...I do everything...I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do sooooooooooooooooooooooo much better with order...I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it's behavioral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!!!I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard...... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL..........it was hard today...My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...Love you all,e Feeling the pinch at the grocery store? Make dinner for $10 or less. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Oh, e; I so know how you feel; been there done that; felt that. You are precious. I love how you are so honest with your feelings. I remember one time blowing up at my ineffective speech pathologist that I was paying $50. an hour. I was crying in front of the whole group. I was so embarrassed, but I fired her and felt better. My husband also got tired of therapists coming in and out. Bless your heart; you are such a kind loving .person. Don't feel guilty about your feelings; they are so normal. I pray for you and every day. That reminds me; I think Karac's father is beginning to love him. Today I was suppose to get Karac at 10:00, but at 9:30 Konrad, the father and my son, called and said I didn't need to get Karac until 12:00 because they were getting along great! Thanks for your prayer; keep praying; God is listening. Love and blessings, Pat K venting I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think i t's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!!!! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional's even best in your home every day can be a burden... I do everything...I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do sooooooooooooooooooooooo much better with order... I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it's behavioral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!!! I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm=2 0not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard...... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL..........it was hard today... My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done... Love you all, e Live traffic, local info, maps, directions and more with the NEW MapQuest Toolbar. Get it now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Thank you, thank you. I have been praying for Karac and his daddy...praying praying...I will continue. Blessings to you, Pat K. e To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 8:51:02 PMSubject: Re: venting Oh, e; I so know how you feel; been there done that; felt that. You are precious. I love how you are so honest with your feelings. I remember one time blowing up at my ineffective speech pathologist that I was paying $50. an hour. I was crying in front of the whole group. I was so embarrassed, but I fired her and felt better. My husband also got tired of therapists coming in and out. Bless your heart; you are such a kind loving .person. Don't feel guilty about your feelings; they are so normal. I pray for you and every day. That reminds me; I think Karac's father is beginning to love him. Today I was suppose to get Karac at 10:00, but at 9:30 Konrad, the father and my son, called and said I didn't need to get Karac until 12:00 because they were getting along great! Thanks for your prayer; keep praying; God is listening. Love and blessings, Pat K-----Original Message-----From: ljdjd1234 <ljdjd1234yahoo (DOT) com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Tue, 17 Mar 2009 8:14 pmSubject: venting I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think i t's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee.......I'm= 2 0not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...Love you all,e Live traffic, local info, maps, directions and more with the NEW MapQuest Toolbar. Get it now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Oh e I am so glad you vented all your feelings and shared with the group. Dont ever feel guilty for FEELING anything ..its what makes you a human being and a Mommy. Its so therapuetic to be able to just get it out and we all are on your side ..this is what this group is for. Sharing the good times, frustration and good old fashioned support. I am so sorry you are feeling so " not in control " thats how I summed up how things seemm for you today. It is so hard to not be able to have the control sometimes..especially when you are so so so involved in helping .Different opinions, different personalities..and he is YOUR child..so hard. I have had many days and weeks with similar feelings. The worst is when Eli is having an extra sensory need day or his " behaviors " are UP..there is always a commment from our ABA director..it always leaves me feeling like I shouldn't be so happy with Eli's progress because the microscope is on this one behavior. Thank goodness she only comes once a week. I should know how to ignore it by now..but its always like a DENT in my heart when she does this. But she adores him and just wants whats best for him. I have had visions of telling her to ( insert blank ) off.... so many times...lol.. But she is an imortant part of Eli's team. Its all in how I take it. I think is doing so well e. I know your concerned about him picking his face. Many NT children have or do similar. I sucked my thumb till age 17, sucked my hair till 9 and my oldest bit her nails constantly. I would be concerned about infection or scarring..but I would take Eli picking his face if he was talking...lol.. is doing so darn well. Dont let behaviors mask the progress and joy of it. Eli seems to make his biggest gains on days I notice more stimming. It could just be his way to regulate himself as he is learning so many knew things.. You are doing everything right. Your a wonderful Mom and good for you for venting. We just took a week off from therapies. It was so nice. And I found Eli made some gains they werent really working on just being with me more. I really enjoyed the break. Would this be a possibility? Praying things ease up for you and you find tommorrow to be easier : ) > > I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!!!! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional's even best in your home every day can be a burden... > > I do everything...I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do sooooooooooooooooooooooo much better with order... > > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it's behavioral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!!! > > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard...... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL..........it was hard today... > > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done... > > Love you all, > e > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 e, We all have those days,weeks etc.... I remember when it felt like the therapists never left. 6 days a week for 30 hours total. I was so thankful they were there but I really wanted them to leave.... We really had no family life during that time and it was impossible to plan anything. You are constantly being told how to parent and usually by girls much younger then you and who have no children.... It was a big help but now I'm really glad I only need 10 hours a week or I would be a crazy lady. Again let me say I am extremely grateful for the therapy and wouldn't be where he is if we didn't have it but sometimes...... I've just been really busy with the whole IEP prep stuff, and all the other things that come up constantly. It seems like I can't get a handle on anything right now. has behaviors for one of his therapists and I don't know how to handle this. It got so bad that I had to go to the Walgreens parking lot and get him. Long story but not good. I finally got Alan to agree to Disney this spring break and the whole time I'm trying to book it the rates and availability keep changing grrrrr.... I still haven't been able to book anything yet and it is driving me crazy!! I am spending so much time getting nothing done that I am really frustrated. I hope things go better for all of us soon.. Kellie To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 8:14:06 PMSubject: venting I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee.......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him....they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...Love you all,e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 ((((((((((e)))))))))) > > I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!!!! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional's even best in your home every day can be a burden... > > I do everything...I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do sooooooooooooooooooooooo much better with order... > > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it's behavioral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!!! > > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard...... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL..........it was hard today... > > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done... > > Love you all, > e > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Hi, I'm afraid I don't post often.... I read a LOT and learn so much from you all. I just had to throw in my 2 cents on this one. My daughter is 16 now. We waited 8 LONG years for state assistance and therapy access for her and we have had people in and out of our home for several years now. I thought I was the ONLY one who felt this invaded. I too am very private and the revolving door of well meaning but invading therapists and experts is disturbing not only to me but had a HUGE effect on our now 19 year old son. Our home is small, and I did not realize how invaded HE felt. NO privacy. He now tells us he was afraid to leave his room simply because he didn't feel like it was his home. The guilt I have over that is ENORMOUS. We tried so hard to keep his life as " normal " as we possibly could and yet I still failed him. Talking to him has helped us all and I have learned over the years to get used to it, but I still don't like living under a microscope. People will just pop in - unannounced as required by our state in return for her Autism assistance. I am grateful, but it is still difficult. As you said, they see my dust, my walls that haven't been repainted in years, etc., etc. I can't just hang out in my PJ's on a saturday morning braless - I could have unexpected company at any moment. I can TOTALLY understand and I am SO relieved that I am not the only one who has these feelings. I have felt guilty for resenting the intrusion when it is so necessary for our daughter and guilty for making my son feel like a visitor in his own home and guilty for still feeling like I haven't done enough for either of them. But at least now I know I am not alone. Thank you for validating my feelings and helping me to begin to cut myself a little slack. :-) Patty in Indiana Re: venting > Oh e > > I am so glad you vented all your feelings and shared with the group. > Dont ever feel guilty for FEELING anything ..its what makes you a human being and a Mommy. Its so therapuetic to be able to just get it out and we all are on your side ..this is what this group is for. Sharing the good times, frustration and good old fashioned support. > > I am so sorry you are feeling so " not in control " thats how I summed up how things seemm for you today. It is so hard to not be able to have the control sometimes..especial ly when you are so so so involved in helping .Different opinions, different personalities. .and he is YOUR child..so hard. I have had many days and weeks with similar feelings. The worst is when Eli is having an extra sensory need day or his " behaviors " are UP..there is always a commment from our ABA director..it always leaves me feeling like I shouldn't be so happy with Eli's progress because the microscope is on this one behavior. Thank goodness she only comes once a week. I should know how to ignore it by now..but its always like a DENT in my > heart when she does this. But she adores him and just wants whats best for him. I have had visions of telling her to ( insert blank ) off.... so many times...lol. . But she is an imortant part of Eli's team. Its all in how I take it. > > I think is doing so well e. I know your concerned about him picking his face. Many NT children have or do similar. I sucked my thumb till age 17, sucked my hair till 9 and my oldest bit her nails constantly. I would be concerned about infection or scarring..but I would take Eli picking his face if he was talking...lol. . is doing so darn well. Dont let behaviors mask the progress and joy of it. Eli seems to make his biggest gains on days I notice more stimming. It could just be his way to regulate himself as he is learning so many knew things.. > > You are doing everything right. Your a wonderful Mom and good for you for venting. We just took a week off from therapies. It was so nice. And I found Eli made some gains they werent really working on just being with me more. I really enjoyed the break. Would this be a possibility? > > Praying things ease up for you and you find tommorrow to be easier : ) > > > > > > > > I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden... > > > > I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order... > > > > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! ! > > > > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... .... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today... > > > > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done... > > > > Love you all, > > e > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Oh, , my dear...you know I love you! Wow did I need this...Oh, it's nice to be known LOL....yes, it's hard some days, and the comments are what get me...I know it is their job, but just today I was thinking, "can we only say good things for a few weeks?" They are so good as well, and very much on 's side. I sometimes wish that they had kids of their own, as I think it brings to the table a wonderful innate understanding of kids in general...it's not easy with any of them...NT, or otherwise...I did take time off in December, we had about 10 days without therapy...and I plan to do it again this summer (early --- Thanks . Give that beautiful precious Eli of yours a great big hug!! e To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:30:10 PMSubject: Re: venting Oh eI am so glad you vented all your feelings and shared with the group.Dont ever feel guilty for FEELING anything ..its what makes you a human being and a Mommy. Its so therapuetic to be able to just get it out and we all are on your side ..this is what this group is for. Sharing the good times, frustration and good old fashioned support. I am so sorry you are feeling so " not in control " thats how I summed up how things seemm for you today. It is so hard to not be able to have the control sometimes..especial ly when you are so so so involved in helping .Different opinions, different personalities. .and he is YOUR child..so hard. I have had many days and weeks with similar feelings. The worst is when Eli is having an extra sensory need day or his " behaviors " are UP..there is always a commment from our ABA director..it always leaves me feeling like I shouldn't be so happy with Eli's progress because the microscope is on this one behavior. Thank goodness she only comes once a week. I should know how to ignore it by now..but its always like a DENT in myheart when she does this. But she adores him and just wants whats best for him. I have had visions of telling her to ( insert blank ) off.... so many times...lol. . But she is an imortant part of Eli's team. Its all in how I take it. I think is doing so well e. I know your concerned about him picking his face. Many NT children have or do similar. I sucked my thumb till age 17, sucked my hair till 9 and my oldest bit her nails constantly.. I would be concerned about infection or scarring..but I would take Eli picking his face if he was talking...lol. . is doing so darn well. Dont let behaviors mask the progress and joy of it. Eli seems to make his biggest gains on days I notice more stimming. It could just be his way to regulate himself as he is learning so many knew things..You are doing everything right. Your a wonderful Mom and good for you for venting. We just took a week off from therapies. It was so nice. And I found Eli made some gains they werent really working on just being with me more. I really enjoyed the break. Would this be a possibility? Praying things ease up for you and you find tommorrow to be easier : )>> I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst....I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...> > I do everything.. ..I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...> > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is....now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !> > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him.....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard.... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...> > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...> > Love you all,> e> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Hi, Kellie, I'm grateful too.............I'm just tired of it.. I like you started real young with (intervention since he's been 10 months old)....It feels like a lifetime!!!!!! I know it's not, and I know that others go through this daily as well. I know I'm not alone, but I'm so tired of being told what to do, even when they say please I understand it, but really need a break from it all.... e To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:46:49 PMSubject: Re: venting e, We all have those days,weeks etc.... I remember when it felt like the therapists never left. 6 days a week for 30 hours total. I was so thankful they were there but I really wanted them to leave.... We really had no family life during that time and it was impossible to plan anything. You are constantly being told how to parent and usually by girls much younger then you and who have no children..... It was a big help but now I'm really glad I only need 10 hours a week or I would be a crazy lady. Again let me say I am extremely grateful for the therapy and wouldn't be where he is if we didn't have it but sometimes... ... I've just been really busy with the whole IEP prep stuff, and all the other things that come up constantly. It seems like I can't get a handle on anything right now. has behaviors for one of his therapists and I don't know how to handle this. It got so bad that I had to go to the Walgreens parking lot and get him. Long story but not good. I finally got Alan to agree to Disney this spring break and the whole time I'm trying to book it the rates and availability keep changing grrrrr.... I still haven't been able to book anything yet and it is driving me crazy!! I am spending so much time getting nothing done that I am really frustrated. I hope things go better for all of us soon.. Kellie From: ljdjd1234 <ljdjd1234yahoo (DOT) com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 8:14:06 PMSubject: venting I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do....I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden....I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today....truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee........I' m not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him.....they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...Love you all,e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 OH, DEAR Patty.................WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad you posted.....so glad. Oh, my yes you did have intrusion. Ours is private so I do have lots of control. I know how you feel and felt...especially if you had very little control over who came in and who came back. LOL... By the way...and this is too much info I do open my door bra-less and with my nightgown on... LOL...I say I'm sorry, but it's life at my home. I too worry about my little girl (she's almost 6)....although I have to say that at only, I say only, 15 hours a week, it's much better than the 30 Kellie had, or 40 you may or may not have had............I do get some privacy...but NOT much. Also Lily is close to all of the therapists, and when she's home and he's calm she can go in to offer her assistance...she says, "mom I'm going to "do" therapy when I grow up." God love her...but the noise level is so hard for me, I know it's hard for her....and yet it is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beneficial for to have this therapy...We'd be lost without it. It's sort of bittersweet...It's wonderful when I see the progress...not wonderful at all being under a constant microscope. Especially like Kellie said, with people who don't even have children of their own.... Thanks you for replying...for sharing your heart. I will be praying for you son, and daughter...God bless them!!!! e To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 10:05:09 PMSubject: Re: Re: venting Hi, I'm afraid I don't post often.... I read a LOT and learn so much from you all. I just had to throw in my 2 cents on this one. My daughter is 16 now. We waited 8 LONG years for state assistance and therapy access for her and we have had people in and out of our home for several years now.I thought I was the ONLY one who felt this invaded. I too am very private and the revolving door of well meaning but invading therapists and experts is disturbing not only to me but had a HUGE effect on our now 19 year old son. Our home is small, and I did not realize how invaded HE felt. NO privacy. He now tells us he was afraid to leave his room simply because he didn't feel like it was his home. The guilt I have over that is ENORMOUS. We tried so hard to keep his life as "normal" as we possibly could and yet I still failed him.Talking to him has helped us all and I have learned over the years to get used to it, but I still don't like living under a microscope. People will just pop in - unannounced as required by our state in return for her Autism assistance. I am grateful, but it is still difficult. As you said, they see my dust, my walls that haven't been repainted in years, etc., etc. I can't just hang out in my PJ's on a saturday morning braless - I could have unexpected company at any moment.I can TOTALLY understand and I am SO relieved that I am not the only one who has these feelings. I have felt guilty for resenting the intrusion when it is so necessary for our daughter and guilty for making my son feel like a visitor in his own home and guilty for still feeling like I haven't done enough for either of them.But at least now I know I am not alone.Thank you for validating my feelings and helping me to begin to cut myself a little slack. :-)Patty in Indiana Re: venting> Oh e> > I am so glad you vented all your feelings and shared with the group.> Dont ever feel guilty for FEELING anything ..its what makes you a human being and a Mommy. Its so therapuetic to be able to just get it out and we all are on your side ..this is what this group is for. Sharing the good times, frustration and good old fashioned support. > > I am so sorry you are feeling so " not in control " thats how I summed up how things seemm for you today. It is so hard to not be able to have the control sometimes..especial ly when you are so so so involved in helping .Different opinions, different personalities. .and he is YOUR child..so hard. I have had many days and weeks with similar feelings. The worst is when Eli is having an extra sensory need day or his " behaviors " are UP..there is always a commment from our ABA director..it always leaves me feeling like I shouldn't be so happy with Eli's progress because the microscope is on this one behavior. Thank goodness she only comes once a week. I should know how to ignore it by now..but its always like a DENT in my> heart when she does this. But she adores him and just wants whats best for him. I have had visions of telling her to ( insert blank ) off.... so many times...lol. .. But she is an imortant part of Eli's team. Its all in how I take it. > > I think is doing so well e. I know your concerned about him picking his face. Many NT children have or do similar. I sucked my thumb till age 17, sucked my hair till 9 and my oldest bit her nails constantly. I would be concerned about infection or scarring..but I would take Eli picking his face if he was talking...lol. . is doing so darn well. Dont let behaviors mask the progress and joy of it. Eli seems to make his biggest gains on days I notice more stimming. It could just be his way to regulate himself as he is learning so many knew things..> > You are doing everything right. Your a wonderful Mom and good for you for venting. We just took a week off from therapies. It was so nice. And I found Eli made some gains they werent really working on just being with me more. I really enjoyed the break. Would this be a possibility? > > Praying things ease up for you and you find tommorrow to be easier : )> > > > > >> > I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times....they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...> > > > I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...> > > > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !> > > > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee.......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...> > > > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done....> > > > Love you all,> > e> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 (((((((e)))))) Oh e, you are always, always, helping us all so much with encouragement and the like. I am so sad you feel this way but please know I HEAR YOU!!!! (sorry, I know you don't like caps : ) It goes in stages with me too. RIght now I feel like I want to quit everything and just " be " with my son. It is soooooo stressful! We have to be the experts on our children in EVERY way so, why don't the " experts " -with-training-understand when their little disagreements sound like " not listening " or " not helping " to us. (boy, I wanted to put that in caps- haha) When Seth was 's age, I was scrambling to do as much as possible. Then my pediatrician told me my son didn't need " Lorenzo's Oil " at least right now. That may not sound like a good analogy but it totally hit home for me. He told me I wasn't doing my son any favors by being stressed out all time...he was right! Over the past 3 years I have learned some ways to decrease my frustration and stress by retreating a little from some interventions. I know what you mean about autonomy. LOL My husband might use the word " control " for me instead LOL! Call it what you will. Even the best of therapists in thousands of hours cannot replace one hour of mommy (daddy, gran, brother or sister...) truly meeting the child at his level and seeing him for the true gift he is. God bless you e! Deanna > > I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!!!! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional's even best in your home every day can be a burden... > > I do everything...I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do sooooooooooooooooooooooo much better with order... > > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it's behavioral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!!! > > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard...... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL..........it was hard today... > > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done... > > Love you all, > e > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Patty...what a wonderful mother you are. 8 hours a day...wow, she is blessed to have that help. Wasn't she about 8 when she started receiving therapy? I know you said you had to wait 8 years?? Anyhow what a blessing it is that Lindsey has the help she needs now. I do need more for in time, but for now, his ABA therapist says it's too much for him...so we do about 2-3 hours, Monday through Saturday. He really has benefited...just to fill you in...he was diagnosed at 19 months, he started ABA August 1 of last year, actually that was the day she evaluated...at 21 months old he tested at a 6 month level for play, verbal imitation, gross motor, etc.....just in verbal imitation alone, in only 6 months...he went up 14 months!!!!! Which means that my 28 month old baby has the imitation (verbally) of a 20 month old...NOT BAD!!!! Anyhow it's good for me to talk about the progress....now if I could get him to stop picking his face!!!!! LOL, LOL, YES Go bra-less!!!!! So funny. I hope you post often Patty, as we need your wisdom... e To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 11:44:33 PMSubject: Re: Re: venting Thanks for the kind words and the prayers. I pray for us all and our children each night.I think I just might stay braless ALL DAY next saturday :-) and see if I survive. :-)We have people here 8-10 hours each day. has made SO much progress and if it weren't for these people, she never would have the skills she has today. But not all of them have been good and not all of them have been helpful. And it IS hard when the "expert" is younger than me and has no children of her own. But all in all it has been the right thing. We are very lucky to finally have this much help. My parents died when I was young and I have no brothers or sisters. My husband's family believe's we just don't dicipline her enough...... .....My son graduated last year and was awarded a full scholarship to play football at a division 1 college.. He got injured on the 2nd week of summer practice -a NECK injury and wound up coming home. Football was a means to an end for him, not his passion and certainly not worth paralysis.. He is fine in daily activities, but if he continued playing football he would suffer for the rest of his life and would be more vulnerable to a much more serious neck injury.Ironically, after all he has said about resenting 's therapist and feeling unwelcome in his home, he has taken a job caring for a 21 year old man with Autism AND traumatic brain injury from an accident. He is extremely violent and my son is the only one who has lasted with him more than a couple of hours. He now comes home more bruised than he ever was playing football. Maybe he needs to wear his full pads to work. :-) I never would have thought he would have anything to do with anything "autism" after hearing his feelings about growing up with his sister and her entourage. But now he is so protective of his client and gets upset when other staff do not work with him properly.Things happen for a reason, and I think he needs this particular job to better understand what his parents had to deal with and to be able to resolve his feelings about his sister, his parents and his childhood. He has a different attitude towards us and his sister now.Still, I wish it all could have been different for him.Thanks again for your vent and your kind thoughts. We will all get through this.Patty in Indiana Re: venting> > > Oh e> > > > I am so glad you vented all your feelings and shared with the group.> > Dont ever feel guilty for FEELING anything ..its what makes you a human being and a Mommy. Its so therapuetic to be able to just get it out and we all are on your side ..this is what this group is for. Sharing the good times, frustration and good old fashioned support. > > > > I am so sorry you are feeling so " not in control " thats how I summed up how things seemm for you today. It is so hard to not be able to have the control sometimes..especial ly when you are so so so involved in helping .Different opinions, different personalities. .and he is YOUR child..so hard. I have had many days and weeks with similar feelings. The worst is when Eli is having an extra sensory need day or his " behaviors " are UP..there is always a commment from our ABA director..it always leaves me feeling like I shouldn't be so happy with Eli's progress because the microscope is on this one behavior. Thank goodness she only comes once a week. I should know how to ignore it by now...but its always like a DENT in my> > heart when she does this. But she adores him and just wants whats best for him. I have had visions of telling her to ( insert blank ) off.... so many times...lol. .. But she is an imortant part of Eli's team. Its all in how I take it. > > > > I think is doing so well e. I know your concerned about him picking his face. Many NT children have or do similar. I sucked my thumb till age 17, sucked my hair till 9 and my oldest bit her nails constantly. I would be concerned about infection or scarring..but I would take Eli picking his face if he was talking...lol. . is doing so darn well. Dont let behaviors mask the progress and joy of it. Eli seems to make his biggest gains on days I notice more stimming. It could just be his way to regulate himself as he is learning so many knew things..> > > > You are doing everything right. Your a wonderful Mom and good for you for venting. We just took a week off from therapies. It was so nice.. And I found Eli made some gains they werent really working on just being with me more. I really enjoyed the break. Would this be a possibility? > > > > Praying things ease up for you and you find tommorrow to be easier : )> > > > > > > > > > >> > > I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times....they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...> > > > > > I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order....> > > > > > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !> > > > > > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee........I' m not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...> > > > > > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done....> > > > > > Love you all,> > > e> > >> > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Opps...I forgot to say how wonderful your son is!!! God love him...tell him thank you from me!!! J To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 8:08:35 AMSubject: Re: Re: venting Patty...what a wonderful mother you are. 8 hours a day...wow, she is blessed to have that help. Wasn't she about 8 when she started receiving therapy? I know you said you had to wait 8 years?? Anyhow what a blessing it is that Lindsey has the help she needs now. I do need more for in time, but for now, his ABA therapist says it's too much for him...so we do about 2-3 hours, Monday through Saturday. He really has benefited... just to fill you in...he was diagnosed at 19 months, he started ABA August 1 of last year, actually that was the day she evaluated... at 21 months old he tested at a 6 month level for play, verbal imitation, gross motor, etc.....just in verbal imitation alone, in only 6 months...he went up 14 months!!!!! Which means that my 28 month old baby has the imitation (verbally) of a 20 month old...NOT BAD!!!! Anyhow it's good for me to talk about the progress.... now if I could get him to stop picking his face!!!!! LOL, LOL, YES Go bra-less!!!! ! So funny. I hope you post often Patty, as we need your wisdom... e From: Pat <prbstewartyahoo (DOT) com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 11:44:33 PMSubject: Re: Re: venting Thanks for the kind words and the prayers. I pray for us all and our children each night.I think I just might stay braless ALL DAY next saturday :-) and see if I survive. :-)We have people here 8-10 hours each day. has made SO much progress and if it weren't for these people, she never would have the skills she has today. But not all of them have been good and not all of them have been helpful. And it IS hard when the "expert" is younger than me and has no children of her own. But all in all it has been the right thing. We are very lucky to finally have this much help. My parents died when I was young and I have no brothers or sisters. My husband's family believe's we just don't dicipline her enough...... .....My son graduated last year and was awarded a full scholarship to play football at a division 1 college.. He got injured on the 2nd week of summer practice -a NECK injury and wound up coming home. Football was a means to an end for him, not his passion and certainly not worth paralysis.. He is fine in daily activities, but if he continued playing football he would suffer for the rest of his life and would be more vulnerable to a much more serious neck injury.Ironically, after all he has said about resenting 's therapist and feeling unwelcome in his home, he has taken a job caring for a 21 year old man with Autism AND traumatic brain injury from an accident. He is extremely violent and my son is the only one who has lasted with him more than a couple of hours. He now comes home more bruised than he ever was playing football. Maybe he needs to wear his full pads to work. :-) I never would have thought he would have anything to do with anything "autism" after hearing his feelings about growing up with his sister and her entourage. But now he is so protective of his client and gets upset when other staff do not work with him properly.Things happen for a reason, and I think he needs this particular job to better understand what his parents had to deal with and to be able to resolve his feelings about his sister, his parents and his childhood. He has a different attitude towards us and his sister now.Still, I wish it all could have been different for him.Thanks again for your vent and your kind thoughts. We will all get through this.Patty in Indiana Re: venting> > > Oh e> > > > I am so glad you vented all your feelings and shared with the group.> > Dont ever feel guilty for FEELING anything ..its what makes you a human being and a Mommy. Its so therapuetic to be able to just get it out and we all are on your side ..this is what this group is for. Sharing the good times, frustration and good old fashioned support. > > > > I am so sorry you are feeling so " not in control " thats how I summed up how things seemm for you today. It is so hard to not be able to have the control sometimes..especial ly when you are so so so involved in helping .Different opinions, different personalities. .and he is YOUR child..so hard. I have had many days and weeks with similar feelings. The worst is when Eli is having an extra sensory need day or his " behaviors " are UP..there is always a commment from our ABA director..it always leaves me feeling like I shouldn't be so happy with Eli's progress because the microscope is on this one behavior. Thank goodness she only comes once a week. I should know how to ignore it by now....but its always like a DENT in my> > heart when she does this. But she adores him and just wants whats best for him. I have had visions of telling her to ( insert blank ) off.... so many times...lol. .. But she is an imortant part of Eli's team. Its all in how I take it. > > > > I think is doing so well e. I know your concerned about him picking his face. Many NT children have or do similar. I sucked my thumb till age 17, sucked my hair till 9 and my oldest bit her nails constantly. I would be concerned about infection or scarring..but I would take Eli picking his face if he was talking...lol. . is doing so darn well. Dont let behaviors mask the progress and joy of it. Eli seems to make his biggest gains on days I notice more stimming. It could just be his way to regulate himself as he is learning so many knew things..> > > > You are doing everything right. Your a wonderful Mom and good for you for venting. We just took a week off from therapies. It was so nice... And I found Eli made some gains they werent really working on just being with me more. I really enjoyed the break. Would this be a possibility? > > > > Praying things ease up for you and you find tommorrow to be easier : )> > > > > > > > > > >> > > I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times....they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...> > > > > > I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order.....> > > > > > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !> > > > > > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee........I' m not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA....they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...> > > > > > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done....> > > > > > Love you all,> > > e> > >> > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 LOL...Ok I'm not done reading this yet, but PLEASE CAP AWAY! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ONE OF US....LOL, LOL..............................TOO MUCH. e. I'll finish reading later as my hubby works out of our home office and i'm in his space. LOL...he's precious don't worry... To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 1:14:47 AMSubject: Re: venting (((((((e) ))))) Oh e, you are always, always, helping us all so much with encouragement and the like. I am so sad you feel this way but please know I HEAR YOU!!!!(sorry, I know you don't like caps : ) It goes in stages with me too. RIght now I feel like I want to quit everything and just "be" with my son. It is soooooo stressful! We have to be the experts on our children in EVERY way so, why don't the "experts"-with- training- understand when their little disagreements sound like "not listening" or "not helping" to us. (boy, I wanted to put that in caps- haha) When Seth was 's age, I was scrambling to do as much as possible. Then my pediatrician told me my son didn't need "Lorenzo's Oil" at least right now. That may not sound like a good analogy but it totally hit home for me. He told me I wasn't doing my son any favors by being stressed out all time...he was right! Over the past 3 years I have learned some ways to decrease my frustration and stress by retreating a little from some interventions. I know what you mean about autonomy. LOL My husband might use the word "control" for me instead LOL! Call it what you will. Even the best of therapists in thousands of hours cannot replace one hour of mommy (daddy, gran, brother or sister...) truly meeting the child at his level and seeing him for the true gift he is.God bless you e!Deanna >> I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...> > I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...> > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too.........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !> > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL.......... .it was hard today...> > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...> > Love you all,> e> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Deanna...I just read this in ful...Thank you for your tenderness. Oh, my...I too have things flying at me...other therapies other protocols...do we need to do the Listening Program, we do the brushing protocol and the astronaut spinning protocol...(I'm comfortable with those, as they do help him)...I know my OT wants me to add the listening program...not to one, but for both kids (Lily's got lots of sensory stuff)...I'm truly overwhelmed, as there is only so much money and time.........................I do go with my gut, always have, but I too struggle with, "am I doing enough" --- He's got this window of opportunity, that I don't want to miss...not that he can't do and learn as he gets older, he can.... Just today I called a speech therapist that I'm comfortable with....the OT wants him with another one (or has suggested), and I don't want anymore analysis, so I'm going with a Speech Therapist, that does just that...speech, and oral stuff. It's close to home so I won't be in an hour of traffic (which allows more time for fun, sun, swim, play, Grandma, pop, etc)...and it's the ONLY therapy we will have that will be covered by insurance....so that's my plan........it never ends.... I adore him, he is the light of my life, and I'm not trying to "change" who he is....I'm just trying to help him be the best he can be..... Thanks, Deanna. e To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 1:14:47 AMSubject: Re: venting (((((((e) ))))) Oh e, you are always, always, helping us all so much with encouragement and the like. I am so sad you feel this way but please know I HEAR YOU!!!!(sorry, I know you don't like caps : ) It goes in stages with me too. RIght now I feel like I want to quit everything and just "be" with my son. It is soooooo stressful! We have to be the experts on our children in EVERY way so, why don't the "experts"-with- training- understand when their little disagreements sound like "not listening" or "not helping" to us. (boy, I wanted to put that in caps- haha) When Seth was 's age, I was scrambling to do as much as possible. Then my pediatrician told me my son didn't need "Lorenzo's Oil" at least right now. That may not sound like a good analogy but it totally hit home for me. He told me I wasn't doing my son any favors by being stressed out all time...he was right! Over the past 3 years I have learned some ways to decrease my frustration and stress by retreating a little from some interventions. I know what you mean about autonomy. LOL My husband might use the word "control" for me instead LOL! Call it what you will. Even the best of therapists in thousands of hours cannot replace one hour of mommy (daddy, gran, brother or sister...) truly meeting the child at his level and seeing him for the true gift he is.God bless you e!Deanna >> I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...> > I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...> > I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too.........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !> > I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL.......... .it was hard today...> > My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...> > Love you all,> e> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Wow... e what you've shared here is so beautifully honest, and valid! Your experience in this journey is equally, as important, as your sons experience. I know that as a parent, our first concern is always for our children. Obviously... we need support for ourselves, but even for those parents that do reach out, much of the focus tends to be on issues particular to our children's needs. It's completely understandable, but, this experience is multidimensional, and as parents - I think we tend to place less value on our experience and growth process, separate from our child. I know that I've been hard on myself, and instead of validating my frustrations, my self-talk has tends to be more negative then supportive at times. Once the dust settles, every parent that has raised a child with an autistic spectrum disorder, will, most certainly, have a book load of experiences, worthy of being published. Every story will be unique, and surely, will portray the journey of a family, not only a child.In my life - I have found, that within the dynamics of all of my relationships, especially those that involve challenge, I am constantly being offered the opportunity for growth. When I don't allow my own experience - the acknowledgment or attention it deserves. The personal deception hinders my development, peace of mind, and, in turn, can't help but effect my daughter on some level.Anyway, I use to believe that you could create an utterly safe, loving, and positive environment for children, purely - through loving and respectful treatment of them. But, of course, children emulate, not only our treatment of them, but of ourselves. Your not happy at times with certain aspects of the very real burdens of autism!, neither am I. I hope you never shut up. We need to talk, then talk some more. We need to allow ourselves the same latitude, that we would allow a loved one. So that they will learn to always honor themselves, as well as others.If you don't mind me venting, I'd like to share... that I also am also a very private person by nature. And, as you mentioned in your post, It has also been difficult for me allowing every aspect of my life to be accessible, and on demand. I'm disappointed with the ignorant, and presumptive attitudes that I've experienced along the way, and also, the resistance of people to want to understand this disorder better. At home... I resent having to having to shoulder all of the responsibility, because her father only attends to life on "his own terms". I feel incredibly overburdened, exhausted, and isolated. I struggle at times, to stay in the experience as it is, and not project. And...because I don't get the same feedback from my daughter, that a typical child would offer, I continually question whether I'm doing all that I can for her... whether I'm being a good enough mother. Because of autism, I've questioned beliefs that I've held true, for much of my life. It's been uncomfortable at times, but it has helped me to be a more genuine person, and I understand better now, who I am, and who I need not be. My daughter is helping me to be a free-er person.I guess that I just want to thank you for your honesty, and acknowledge your frustrations.I wish you grace, in all these things.Much love,SuzanneFrom: ljdjd1234 To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:14:06 PMSubject: venting I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden... I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order... I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! ! I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him...they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today... My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done... Love you all, e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2009 Report Share Posted March 19, 2009 Thank you for this Suzanne! I won't be quiet, promise. I really like the things you say here..."the opportunity for growth" -- Indeed...growth in ways I never knew I needed I hear that you feel over burdened...I'm sorry for this. Suzanne, I really do appreciate your honesty...it's helped me! Blessings to you... e To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 3:59:18 PMSubject: Re: venting Wow... e what you've shared here is so beautifully honest, and valid! Your experience in this journey is equally, as important, as your sons experience. I know that as a parent, our first concern is always for our children. Obviously... we need support for ourselves, but even for those parents that do reach out, much of the focus tends to be on issues particular to our children's needs. It's completely understandable, but, this experience is multidimensional, and as parents - I think we tend to place less value on our experience and growth process, separate from our child. I know that I've been hard on myself, and instead of validating my frustrations, my self-talk has tends to be more negative then supportive at times. Once the dust settles, every parent that has raised a child with an autistic spectrum disorder, will, most certainly, have a book load of experiences, worthy of being published. Every story will be unique, and surely, will portray the journey of a family, not only a child.In my life - I have found, that within the dynamics of all of my relationships, especially those that involve challenge, I am constantly being offered the opportunity for growth. When I don't allow my own experience - the acknowledgment or attention it deserves. The personal deception hinders my development, peace of mind, and, in turn, can't help but effect my daughter on some level.Anyway, I use to believe that you could create an utterly safe, loving, and positive environment for children, purely - through loving and respectful treatment of them. But, of course, children emulate, not only our treatment of them, but of ourselves. Your not happy at times with certain aspects of the very real burdens of autism!, neither am I. I hope you never shut up. We need to talk, then talk some more. We need to allow ourselves the same latitude, that we would allow a loved one. So that they will learn to always honor themselves, as well as others.If you don't mind me venting, I'd like to share... that I also am also a very private person by nature.. And, as you mentioned in your post, It has also been difficult for me allowing every aspect of my life to be accessible, and on demand. I'm disappointed with the ignorant, and presumptive attitudes that I've experienced along the way, and also, the resistance of people to want to understand this disorder better. At home... I resent having to having to shoulder all of the responsibility, because her father only attends to life on "his own terms".. I feel incredibly overburdened, exhausted, and isolated. I struggle at times, to stay in the experience as it is, and not project. And...because I don't get the same feedback from my daughter, that a typical child would offer, I continually question whether I'm doing all that I can for her... whether I'm being a good enough mother. Because of autism, I've questioned beliefs that I've held true, for much of my life. It's been uncomfortable at times, but it has helped me to be a more genuine person, and I understand better now, who I am, and who I need not be. My daughter is helping me to be a free-er person.I guess that I just want to thank you for your honesty, and acknowledge your frustrations.I wish you grace, in all these things.Much love,Suzanne From: ljdjd1234 <ljdjd1234yahoo (DOT) com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:14:06 PMSubject: venting I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee.......I'm not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him....they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...Love you all,e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2009 Report Share Posted March 20, 2009 Blessing to you also, and thank you e.To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 9:55:58 PMSubject: Re: venting Thank you for this Suzanne! I won't be quiet, promise. I really like the things you say here..."the opportunity for growth" -- Indeed...growth in ways I never knew I needed I hear that you feel over burdened...I' m sorry for this. Suzanne, I really do appreciate your honesty...it' s helped me! Blessings to you... e From: Suzanne Cayley <suzannecayley@ yahoo.com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 3:59:18 PMSubject: Re: venting Wow... e what you've shared here is so beautifully honest, and valid! Your experience in this journey is equally, as important, as your sons experience. I know that as a parent, our first concern is always for our children. Obviously... we need support for ourselves, but even for those parents that do reach out, much of the focus tends to be on issues particular to our children's needs. It's completely understandable, but, this experience is multidimensional, and as parents - I think we tend to place less value on our experience and growth process, separate from our child. I know that I've been hard on myself, and instead of validating my frustrations, my self-talk has tends to be more negative then supportive at times. Once the dust settles, every parent that has raised a child with an autistic spectrum disorder, will, most certainly, have a book load of experiences, worthy of being published. Every story will be unique, and surely, will portray the journey of a family, not only a child.In my life - I have found, that within the dynamics of all of my relationships, especially those that involve challenge, I am constantly being offered the opportunity for growth. When I don't allow my own experience - the acknowledgment or attention it deserves. The personal deception hinders my development, peace of mind, and, in turn, can't help but effect my daughter on some level.Anyway, I use to believe that you could create an utterly safe, loving, and positive environment for children, purely - through loving and respectful treatment of them. But, of course, children emulate, not only our treatment of them, but of ourselves. Your not happy at times with certain aspects of the very real burdens of autism!, neither am I. I hope you never shut up. We need to talk, then talk some more. We need to allow ourselves the same latitude, that we would allow a loved one. So that they will learn to always honor themselves, as well as others.If you don't mind me venting, I'd like to share... that I also am also a very private person by nature.. And, as you mentioned in your post, It has also been difficult for me allowing every aspect of my life to be accessible, and on demand. I'm disappointed with the ignorant, and presumptive attitudes that I've experienced along the way, and also, the resistance of people to want to understand this disorder better. At home... I resent having to having to shoulder all of the responsibility, because her father only attends to life on "his own terms".. I feel incredibly overburdened, exhausted, and isolated. I struggle at times, to stay in the experience as it is, and not project. And...because I don't get the same feedback from my daughter, that a typical child would offer, I continually question whether I'm doing all that I can for her... whether I'm being a good enough mother. Because of autism, I've questioned beliefs that I've held true, for much of my life. It's been uncomfortable at times, but it has helped me to be a more genuine person, and I understand better now, who I am, and who I need not be. My daughter is helping me to be a free-er person.I guess that I just want to thank you for your honesty, and acknowledge your frustrations.I wish you grace, in all these things.Much love,Suzanne From: ljdjd1234 <ljdjd1234yahoo (DOT) com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:14:06 PMSubject: venting I'm so sick of therapists being in my home and telling me what to do...I could vomit. I think it's hitting me again...goes in stages with me, comes in waves. I'm so private; having therapists in my home while it is best for , is so unnerving to me...They are good people, but they see my dust, they see my once beautiful home a cluttered mess at times...they see me on my best of days and on my worst...I didn't want to share my life with therapists!! !! I'm not feeling sorry for myself so no lectures please I'm just sick of cocky attitudes; they are wonderful, but they are professionals, and professional' s even best in your home every day can be a burden...I do everything.. .I do what I know is best, and also what they deem as best...I live under a microscope, and it sucks. I'm exhausted today...truly wiped out. My house has no order, and yes I know all the poems of how much more important it is to be a mom then it is to have a orderly home, but I do soooooooooooooooooo ooooo much better with order...I'm tired, I'm frustrated, as I see one behavior better only for the next one to be worse......now he's picking his face, and boy oh boy the opinions are flying with regard to the why's and when's of it...I said it was anxiety today, and she said no it's more boredom....yes it is boredom too, it is sensory too, it is anxiety too........it' s behavioral!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! It is what it is...now lets start helping him!!!!!!!!! !I feel like the last one to know the plan sometimes, and the first one to pay the fee.......I' m not happy, and it is NOT their fault...it's mine. I am not a public kind of person...this is what needs for now, and it is what I need for him....I need to grow up, shut up, and know that he is getting the best of the best...I wouldn't stand for anything else...these ladies adore him....they help him, they love him...they play with him as well as ABA...they are so excited when he gets something, I can hear it from the our outside courtyard... ... I need to get over my need to be right, and get over my need to be alone LOL......... .it was hard today...My gut tells me they are the right team…my need for autonomy is enormous…it's another stage of grieving for me, I think…..I need to get over it!!!! Done...Love you all,e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.