Guest guest Posted September 1, 2008 Report Share Posted September 1, 2008 Sharon in NW Washington Knitting is...time and love made tangible. Alison Hyde Sensible Observations 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car.'--Author Unknown 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'--Author Unknown 3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'--Drew Carey 4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house.'--Jeff Foxworthy 5) 'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'--Dave Barry 6) 'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp.'--Bob Ettinger 7) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''--a Poundstone 8) 'A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: 'Duh.'--Conan O'Brien 9) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.'--Lynda Montgomery 10) 'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.''-- Jeni 11) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead.'--ny Carson 12) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'-- 13) 'My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,but they turned sixty and that's the law.'--Jerry Seinfeld 14) 'Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?'--Warren Hutcherson 15) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same.'-- Wilde 16) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'--Mark Twain 17) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan '--A. Whitney Brown 18) 'You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!''--Dave Barry 19) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'?Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased 20) 'Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer.'--W. C. Fields And lastly: Why in the world should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'--Every American Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos. Get thousands of games on your PC, your mobile phone, and the web with Windows®. Game with Windows No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.comVersion: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.12/1640 - Release Date: 8/28/2008 6:58 PM This e-mail and any attachments may contain confidential and privileged information.. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, do not use the information, delete this e-mail and destroy any copies. Any dissemination or use of this information by a person other than the intended recipient is unauthorized and may be illegal. Unless otherwise stated, opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by the author's employer. If you are authorized to use this information, please keep it confidential and use it only for its intended purpose. This e-mail and any attachments may contain confidential and privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, do not use the information, delete this e-mail and destroy any copies. Any dissemination or use of this information by a person other than the intended recipient is unauthorized and may be illegal. Unless otherwise stated, opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by the author's employer. If you are authorized to use this information, please keep it confidential and use it only for its intended purpose.. Sensible Observations 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car.'--Author Unknown 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'--Author Unknown 3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'--Drew Carey 4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house.'--Jeff Foxworthy 5) 'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'--Dave Barry 6) 'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp.'--Bob Ettinger 7) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''--a Poundstone 8) 'A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: 'Duh.'--Conan O'Brien 9) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.'--Lynda Montgomery 10) 'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.''-- Jeni 11) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead.'--ny Carson 12) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'-- 13) 'My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,but they turned sixty and that's the law.'--Jerry Seinfeld 14) 'Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?'--Warren Hutcherson 15) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same.'-- Wilde 16) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'--Mark Twain 17) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan '--A. Whitney Brown 18) 'You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!''--Dave Barry 19) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'?Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased 20) 'Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer.'--W. C. Fields And lastly: Why in the world should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'--Every AmericanLooking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos. It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here. Sensible Observations 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car.'--Author Unknown 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'--Author Unknown 3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'--Drew Carey 4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house.'--Jeff Foxworthy 5) 'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'--Dave Barry 6) 'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp.'--Bob Ettinger 7) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''--a Poundstone 8) 'A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: 'Duh.'--Conan O'Brien 9) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.'--Lynda Montgomery 10) 'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.''-- Jeni 11) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead.'--ny Carson 12) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'-- 13) 'My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,but they turned sixty and that's the law.'--Jerry Seinfeld 14) 'Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?'--Warren Hutcherson 15) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same.'-- Wilde 16) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'--Mark Twain 17) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan '--A. Whitney Brown 18) 'You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!''--Dave Barry 19) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'?Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased 20) 'Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer.'--W. C. Fields And lastly: Why in the world should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'--Every AmericanLooking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos. Fwd: Too true It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here. It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here. Sensible Observations 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car.'--Author Unknown 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'--Author Unknown 3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'--Drew Carey 4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house.'--Jeff Foxworthy 5) 'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'--Dave Barry 6) 'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp.'--Bob Ettinger 7) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''--a Poundstone 8) 'A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: 'Duh.'--Conan O'Brien 9) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.'--Lynda Montgomery 10) 'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.''-- Jeni 11) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead.'--ny Carson 12) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'-- 13) 'My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,but they turned sixty and that's the law.'--Jerry Seinfeld 14) 'Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?'--Warren Hutcherson 15) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same.'-- Wilde 16) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'--Mark Twain 17) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan '--A. Whitney Brown 18) 'You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!''--Dave Barry 19) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'?Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased 20) 'Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer.'--W. C. Fields And lastly: Why in the world should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'--Every AmericanLooking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2008 Report Share Posted September 1, 2008 Oh I love these,, too good!!!!!Jackie Subject: Fw: Too trueTo: "Colleen Klaasse" , "Bernadette Mihalicz" , "Barbara Bigham" , "Deborah Strickland" , "Joancarol65" , "Jytte Nissen" , "Kaye Mitcham" , "Natalya shchurovskaya" , "Pam Haller" , "le Spurlock" , "Teri" , "Marja-Leena Lääveri" , "Hepatitis_C_Central" <Hepatitis_C_Central >, "alfred bredeson" Date: Monday, September 1, 2008, 1:40 PM Sharon in NW Washington Knitting is...time and love made tangible. Alison Hyde Sensible Observations 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car.'--Author Unknown 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'--Author Unknown 3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'--Drew Carey 4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house.'--Jeff Foxworthy 5) 'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'--Dave Barry 6) 'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp.'--Bob Ettinger 7) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''--a Poundstone 8) 'A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: 'Duh.'--Conan O'Brien 9) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.'--Lynda Montgomery 10) 'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.''-- Jeni 11) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead.'--ny Carson 12) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'-- 13) 'My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,but they turned sixty and that's the law.'--Jerry Seinfeld 14) 'Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?'--Warren Hutcherson 15) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same.'-- Wilde 16) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'--Mark Twain 17) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan '--A. Whitney Brown 18) 'You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!''--Dave Barry 19) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'?Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased 20) 'Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer.'--W. C. Fields And lastly: Why in the world should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'--Every American Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos. Get thousands of games on your PC, your mobile phone, and the web with Windows®. Game with Windows No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.comVersion: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.12/1640 - Release Date: 8/28/2008 6:58 PM This e-mail and any attachments may contain confidential and privileged information.. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, do not use the information, delete this e-mail and destroy any copies. Any dissemination or use of this information by a person other than the intended recipient is unauthorized and may be illegal. Unless otherwise stated, opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by the author's employer. If you are authorized to use this information, please keep it confidential and use it only for its intended purpose. This e-mail and any attachments may contain confidential and privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, do not use the information, delete this e-mail and destroy any copies. Any dissemination or use of this information by a person other than the intended recipient is unauthorized and may be illegal. Unless otherwise stated, opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by the author's employer. If you are authorized to use this information, please keep it confidential and use it only for its intended purpose.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2008 Report Share Posted September 1, 2008 Those were cute thanks Roni Subject: Fw: Too trueTo: "Colleen Klaasse" , "Bernadette Mihalicz" , "Barbara Bigham" , "Deborah Strickland" , "Joancarol65" , "Jytte Nissen" , "Kaye Mitcham" , "Natalya shchurovskaya" , "Pam Haller" , "le Spurlock" , "Teri" , "Marja-Leena Lääveri" , "Hepatitis_C_Central" <Hepatitis_C_Central >, "alfred bredeson" Date: Monday, September 1, 2008, 4:40 PM Sharon in NW Washington Knitting is...time and love made tangible. Alison Hyde Sensible Observations 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car.'--Author Unknown 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'--Author Unknown 3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'--Drew Carey 4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house.'--Jeff Foxworthy 5) 'If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.'--Dave Barry 6) 'Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp.'--Bob Ettinger 7) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''--a Poundstone 8) 'A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: 'Duh.'--Conan O'Brien 9) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.'--Lynda Montgomery 10) 'I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.''-- Jeni 11) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead.'--ny Carson 12) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'-- 13) 'My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,but they turned sixty and that's the law.'--Jerry Seinfeld 14) 'Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?'--Warren Hutcherson 15) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same.'-- Wilde 16) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself.'--Mark Twain 17) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan '--A. Whitney Brown 18) 'You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!''--Dave Barry 19) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'?Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased 20) 'Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer.'--W. C. Fields And lastly: Why in the world should I have to 'Press 1 for English?'--Every American Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos. Get thousands of games on your PC, your mobile phone, and the web with Windows®. Game with Windows No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.comVersion: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.12/1640 - Release Date: 8/28/2008 6:58 PM This e-mail and any attachments may contain confidential and privileged information.. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, do not use the information, delete this e-mail and destroy any copies. Any dissemination or use of this information by a person other than the intended recipient is unauthorized and may be illegal. Unless otherwise stated, opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by the author's employer. If you are authorized to use this information, please keep it confidential and use it only for its intended purpose. This e-mail and any attachments may contain confidential and privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, do not use the information, delete this e-mail and destroy any copies. Any dissemination or use of this information by a person other than the intended recipient is unauthorized and may be illegal. Unless otherwise stated, opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by the author's employer. If you are authorized to use this information, please keep it confidential and use it only for its intended purpose.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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