Guest guest Posted August 3, 2006 Report Share Posted August 3, 2006 An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?" The woman says: "No, he's 9 years old and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice" Instructions for cleaning the toilet: 1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo. 2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet. 3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid. 4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself. 5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the "Power-wash" pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle. 6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door. 7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door. 8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean. With best wishes, The Dog TEACHER: , go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: . __________________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late, ? FRANK: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." _________________________________ TEACHER: , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. _______________________________________________ TEACHER: , what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." _________________________________ TEACHER: Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the sameas your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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