Will I Ever Get Off the Roller Coaster

February 4, 2009

I have been listening to the podcast for a while now and feel it's

time to come out of the shadows and begin to build a support network.

I am finding more and more that doing this on my own just doesn't work

long term.

About 18 months ago I saw a photo of myself and couldn't believe that

fat guy was really me. I have always been heavy but I had gotten up to

325 and felt terrible every day about it. I was determined to loose

weight and developed a low calorie and exercise plan. It was sheer

willpower that drove me forward and with consistency and daily

tracking I actually did meet my goal and lost 150 pounds over a 14

month period. The day I reached 175 was a celebration and naturally

the red flag should have been that of course it centered around going

out to eat. Soon I was again wanting to enjoy all those foods that I

had tried so hard not to eat during my diet. Then the exercise plan

began to falter. I know my wife is tired of hearing about my weight

struggle and need to exercise daily and more and more I feel isolated

and am loosing all momentum. Strange that the diet program was easier

to complete than finding a realistic and balanced maintainable program.

Over the last four months I have regained almost 30 pounds and now am

becoming terrified that I will wind up back where I started. One of

the things that I am learning is that I need to find a way to build a

support network with others who can really understand the reality of

this journey and hope that I can get to know someone here who I can

share with and learn together how to achieve a sense of balance which

I am now lacking.

I know I made a lot of mistakes in the " way " I lost my weight and and

that makes some weight likely as I work toward a sustainable balance

but my fear of possible total capitulation is almost destroying me at

this point. I have that terrible feeling inside when you believe

something bad is happening and you feel powerless to stop it. I know

someone here understands what I am going through and I hope you will

be willing to comment or send me a note if you have time.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully this will turn

out to be a turning point in my ability to finally get off this roller

coaster.

Recommended Posts