Realization this week...

[Guest guest]

It's official: I'm full of crap.

I ran 9.15K this morning. I started my 5K clinic last October and

despite having 70 lbs to lose, I was faster than all but 2 in my group

because I work out all the time, spinning and step classes..

They moved on to the 10K clinic and I was all " dude! you can only

expect a body with 70 lbs too much of fat to go a certain distance

before it breaks down " but I went along anyway...

I used to run with the slower ladies from time to time to not leave

them alone.. and I was all " don't compare yourself to anyone other

than .. whatever " like the fact that the couch potato is running and

the other couch potatoes are still on the couch..

Well, now everyone (but 2 ladies) are faster than I am because they

caught up to my cardio health but they don't have 70 lbs to lose so

they are FASTER than I am now..

I am comparing myself to them, so essentially what I told those others

ladies is just crap. Heh.

As I ran today (ended up 8 minutes behind the group!! Alone.. sick

with a small cold and I have vertigo right now.. but alone) I was

thinking about how I never had a goal of 10K at 230 lbs.. I am

running for me. Finishing at 5MPH isn't that bad as I am not a runner..

I did the 9.15K. I thought about not going the distance so I could

catch up (8K instead) but did the distance because I am running for me.

Well, I get back to the group and they are mad that I was left alone

(especially seeing as I woke up with vertigo this morning and vertigo

causes me an insane amount of anxiety because basically I live the

Blair Witch Projects even when I'm sleeping so I just never ever

rest).. I didn't care that I was alone as I don't want to hold other

people up from their goals.

but I feel bad that I am not gaining speed (I run the 9K only slightly

slower than my 5K) and I don't want them to not gain speed. I am

thinking that I should run the long runs with my dog because she

doesn't care what speed I run.

*sigh*