Re: So tired...

[Guest guest]

I'm not trying to be crass or offensive, but I can't help but latch on to what

you say about being a size 5 a year ago and not being happy with your body. My

first thought on advice was to recommend you seek counseling of some sort, even

if it's from your family doctor, or someone else you respect (like maybe your

minister).

Another pair of eyes might help you see something a different way.

>

> Last night I broke down.

>

> After another after-dinner binge, I had to practically lock myself in my

bedroom to avoid continuing to eat. At least that was one good effort: I went

and brushed my teeth after my binge and said to myself, " You are not eating

anything else tonight. " And I didn't.

>

> I am so tired of fighting with myself over food and exercise. I don't want to

have to think about every bit of food I put in my mouth. How many calories does

this have? What is the fibre? Is this half a cup of vegetables? Can I eat this

cookie or am I already at my calorie limit for the day? I don't want to HAVE to

eat a salad with every meal. I don't want to have to choose whole grain every

single time... What if I just want a plain english muffin today?

>

> As for exercise, I don't want to feel like a lazy bum if I don't exercise for

an hour today. I don't want to get on that treadmill when my mind isn't with me.

But I know I will chastize myself for days if I don't, thinking about how many

pounds I am gonna gain this time.

>

> Can't I just be naturally slender yet? Can't I just eat pizza when I want it?

Go out for ice cream without guilt? Not go to the gym everyday? I watch my

roommates who are 100 lbs a-piece and they eat what they want, when they want. I

realize that they eat very little quantities, but if I tried that I don't know

what I would do. I think I would faint from lack of food! Also, I don't think

they've set foot in the gym this year.

>

> I was a size 5 last summer. And I wasn't happy with my body. I still dieted, I

still made myself exercise daily. And I was still a heavy 135-140 lbs. So I

think to myself, what am I working for? I achieved what I thought was my goal,

and got none of the expected rewards.

>

> What am I missing???? I know that all of my issues have been addressed in the

podcasts, but obviously it just hasn't " clicked. " I need an Aha moment...badly.

>

> Sorry about this rant, but I just feel so alone in this.

>

> Kirsten

>

[Guest guest]

You sound a bit depressed and or overwhelmed. I'm not very far along in the

IOWL journey and it's very easy to feel hopeless. I'm sure today you will

receive some much needed support and advice. Mine is I don't worry so

much. If I want white bread for a week I'm having white bread for a week.

Guilt free enjoying it. I'm not going to have it everyday for the rest of

my life, but I'm going to have it this week or this time. That takes away

my binge factor of wanting to eat and eat till it's gone whatever it may

be. That need has been going away. Yes maybe I will want something else

then but if I'm not eating everything in sight that's one small victory to a

happier healthier me.

Good luck in your journey, I hope some of this lets up for you soon. I know

it will.

Trudy

>

>

> I'm not trying to be crass or offensive, but I can't help but latch on to

> what you say about being a size 5 a year ago and not being happy with your

> body. My first thought on advice was to recommend you seek counseling of

> some sort, even if it's from your family doctor, or someone else you respect

> (like maybe your minister).

>

> Another pair of eyes might help you see something a different way.

>

>

> >

> > Last night I broke down.

> >

> > After another after-dinner binge, I had to practically lock myself in my

> bedroom to avoid continuing to eat. At least that was one good effort: I

> went and brushed my teeth after my binge and said to myself, " You are not

> eating anything else tonight. " And I didn't.

> >

> > I am so tired of fighting with myself over food and exercise. I don't

> want to have to think about every bit of food I put in my mouth. How many

> calories does this have? What is the fibre? Is this half a cup of

> vegetables? Can I eat this cookie or am I already at my calorie limit for

> the day? I don't want to HAVE to eat a salad with every meal. I don't want

> to have to choose whole grain every single time... What if I just want a

> plain english muffin today?

> >

> > As for exercise, I don't want to feel like a lazy bum if I don't exercise

> for an hour today. I don't want to get on that treadmill when my mind isn't

> with me. But I know I will chastize myself for days if I don't, thinking

> about how many pounds I am gonna gain this time.

> >

> > Can't I just be naturally slender yet? Can't I just eat pizza when I want

> it? Go out for ice cream without guilt? Not go to the gym everyday? I watch

> my roommates who are 100 lbs a-piece and they eat what they want, when they

> want. I realize that they eat very little quantities, but if I tried that I

> don't know what I would do. I think I would faint from lack of food! Also, I

> don't think they've set foot in the gym this year.

> >

> > I was a size 5 last summer. And I wasn't happy with my body. I still

> dieted, I still made myself exercise daily. And I was still a heavy 135-140

> lbs. So I think to myself, what am I working for? I achieved what I thought

> was my goal, and got none of the expected rewards.

> >

> > What am I missing???? I know that all of my issues have been addressed in

> the podcasts, but obviously it just hasn't " clicked. " I need an Aha

> moment...badly.

> >

> > Sorry about this rant, but I just feel so alone in this.

> >

> > Kirsten

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kirstin,

I don't have the answer that you're seeking, but I sympathize with you.

It does make sense to me why you are struggling. You said that you have

a poor body image. You were thin last summer and weren't happy with

yourself, so why would you lose weight? What would be the point? I know

that I wouldn't want to bother to lose weight if I didn't think I'd be

happy with the outcome.

You also seem to equate extreme suffering with weight loss. Of course,

you would fight with yourself if you equate losing weight with

suffering. No one should have to suffer while losing weight; you deserve

to be happy during the process. I also saw a possible limiting belief

when you talked about your roommates eating habits. It seems like you

are saying that if you eat like a naturally slender person that the food

will not be enough for you. (By the way, " naturally slender " eating is

probably going to be a little more food for you, because they only weigh

100 lbs.)

You don't have to eat a salad with every meal. You don't have to chose

whole grain every single time. You can have a plain English muffin

today, and you're not a lazy bum if you don't exercise for an hour every

single day. And you are perfect just the way you are, every pound of

you!

Bev

[Guest guest]

Kirsten,

I wanted to thank you for sharing. Sometimes just the owning of what is

happening to us can be the beginning of the healing. We all have a unique

journey in this.

One of things that is true for me is that in coming to Inside out weight

loss and other programs like it, I am giving up the diet mentality for good

and learning to listen to my body. No, I don't always pick whole wheat. I

don't count my calories anymore. I listen to my body, I eat what calls to

me (barring certain trigger foods), and I eat slowly, as though enjoying a

gourmet meal. I stop when I'm full, and sometimes I'm really disappointed

at how quickly that is (because I want to eat more... LOL) .

You can get there too. It is possible.

A couple of things that have helped me - first of all, have you listened to

at least some of 's podcasts? The other things that I use are hypnosis

or meditation tapes, and some EFT from Youtube. I'm not prescribing

anything - you are the only one who can judge what will help - but I can

tell you that these things truly changed my mind - inside - and from there

my behavior has changed. It's too soon for me to know about my body -

especially because I'm not weighing myself right now - but I can tell you

that I feel more peaceful and I don't binge. Sometimes when I look in the

mirror, I'm surprised to see how fat I am (I have about 100 pounds to lose)

because I feel so much more slender and shapely. I feel more slender now

that when I was your size. And the feeling is amazing! I hope sometime

you get to have this feeling too.

I have to share something from back in December. I was in the ladies room

prior to going home to change for the Company Xmas party and our HR director

(who is so thin she looks like a bunch of sticks) came out of the stall in

her party clothes. And there she was, looking in the mirror sideways and

asking me (Ms. Size 24) if I thought the outfit made her look fat. I burst

out laughing, because nothing short of artificial padding could make this

woman look fat. She was taken aback and I pointed to my belly and asked her

why she would ask me that question? Then another woman came into the ladies

room, and the HR director asked HER, do you think this makes me look fat,

and SHE burst out laughing too, which probably saved my life. I told her

she looked beautiful (which was a fib because she is so painfully thin she

looks scary, like someone should prescribe Ensure) and escaped to go home to

my size 24 dress and my wonderful boyfriend who seems me as beautiful and

desirable... it was a great wake up call for me - I have a better body image

than our HR director does! Sure, I see my fat, but I also these days see a

beautiful woman who happens to be very curvy.

You can see a beautiful woman in the mirror too, and have joy. Reach for

those moments. They will come.

(If anyone wants to know my favorite mediation/hynosis/EFT links, books,

and CDs I will answer offlist. I don't sell any of these products, but I do

have certain ones I like better than others...)

Hang in there!!! You can do this Kirsten!!

-Miriam

[Guest guest]

Kirsten, I hear ya. I have been working so hard at taking care of myself and

all I get in the end is sick. I had a terrible infection which was thought to

be breast cancer. Fortunately it's not, but the infection hasn't cleared.

Before that I had a sinus infection. Now that I'm at the tail end of the

current infection, last night my back went in to spasms and I woke up with a

sore throat. What am I doing wrong? I eat at least 5 veggies or fruits per

day. I work out 6 days/week. I want to get off medication - antibiotics and

antidepressants. I want to feel healthy, happy and energetic. I am trying to be

very zen about all this but I just end up feeling defeated. When I started I had

momentum and drive for this journey, but lately I'm finding it's not working for

me the way I imagined. I'm probably not helping you, but know there are safety

in numbers. I OD'd on twizzlers today and nerds yesterday, then topped it off

with cake and ice cream.

Jenn

[Guest guest]

What I have learned the past couple of years when everything seems to

not be working out like I would like or think it should I need to take

a step back and evaluate what is going on. Since I am many times an

all or nothing type of person this is pretty tough for me. Right now

I'm working on this crazy thing called moderation and using it in

every area of my life. When the balance is good everything works out

well, but when my balance is out of whack bizarre things happen. I am

in no way perfect with this as it is always a learning process, but at

least I do better with everything going absolutely insane. Also, I

have gotten a HUGE lesson in I am in not always in the driver seat of

my life. Can I guide things in the way that I want them to go? Most

definitely, but letting go of that control has been very difficult for

me. I'm not a type A, but definitely a B+.

Sometimes the path we want to take is not the one we are supposed to

be taking. Kicking, screaming, and throwing a temper tantrum does not

help that (I've tried and trust me, it doesn't work ever). Learning to

live life fully in moderation seems to be where I am supposed to be

going at this point. This includes eating, exercise, work,

volunteering, and relationships. I don't mean that I am not giving

110% to all, but that I am learning when I have to take a step back

and watch even when I want to do. This was a lesson I learned before

with college and I went from struggling to straight A's, but I didn't

take it to all other areas of my life so I'm having to relearn it

again. Gotta love how life does that to you!

Jen

>

>

> Kirsten, I hear ya. I have been working so hard at taking care of

> myself and all I get in the end is sick. I had a terrible infection

> which was thought to be breast cancer. Fortunately it's not, but the

> infection hasn't cleared. Before that I had a sinus infection. Now

> that I'm at the tail end of the current infection, last night my

> back went in to spasms and I woke up with a sore throat. What am I

> doing wrong? I eat at least 5 veggies or fruits per day. I work out

> 6 days/week. I want to get off medication - antibiotics and

> antidepressants. I want to feel healthy, happy and energetic. I am

> trying to be very zen about all this but I just end up feeling

> defeated. When I started I had momentum and drive for this journey,

> but lately I'm finding it's not working for me the way I imagined.

> I'm probably not helping you, but know there are safety in numbers.

> I OD'd on twizzlers today and nerds yesterday, then topped it off

> with cake and ice cream.

>

> Jenn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

135 pounds on one person is totally different on another.? I am 5'1 " and 135 lbs

on me would be alot!? Also, age plays a factor.? 135 lbs on a younger person is

different than on an older person.

And finally,?let's not forget that she is eating more than she needs.? That's

the behavior that is troubling to her.? Regardless of her clothes size, if she

is overeating than this is not the naturally slender weight for her.??

Re: So tired...

I'm not trying to be crass or offensive, but I can't help but latch on to what

you say about being a size 5 a year ago and not being happy with your body. My

first thought on advice was to recommend you seek counseling of some sort, even

if it's from your family doctor, or someone else you respect (like maybe your

minister).

Another pair of eyes might help you see something a different way.

>

> Last night I broke down.

>

> After another after-dinner binge, I had to practically lock myself in my

bedroom to avoid continuing to eat. At least that was one good effort: I went

and brushed my teeth after my binge and said to myself, " You are not eating

anything else tonight. " And I didn't.

>

> I am so tired of fighting with myself over food and exercise. I don't want to

have to think about every bit of food I put in my mouth. How many calories does

this have? What is the fibre? Is this half a cup of vegetables? Can I eat this

cookie or am I already at my calorie limit for the day? I don't want to HAVE to

eat a salad with every meal. I don't want to have to choose whole grain every

single time... What if I just want a plain english muffin today?

>

> As for exercise, I don't want to feel like a lazy bum if I don't exercise for

an hour today. I don't want to get on that treadmill when my mind isn't with me.

But I know I will chastize myself for days if I don't, thinking about how many

pounds I am gonna gain this time.

>

> Can't I just be naturally slender yet? Can't I just eat pizza when I want it?

Go out for ice cream without guilt? Not go to the gym everyday? I watch my

roommates who are 100 lbs a-piece and they eat what they want, when they want. I

realize that they eat very little quantities, but if I tried that I don't know

what I would do. I think I would faint from lack of food! Also, I don't think

they've set foot in the gym this year.

>

> I was a size 5 last summer. And I wasn't happy with my body. I still dieted, I

still made myself exercise daily. And I was still a heavy 135-140 lbs. So I

think to myself, what am I working for? I achieved what I thought was my goal,

and got none of the expected rewards.

>

> What am I missing???? I know that all of my issues have been addressed in the

podcasts, but obviously it just hasn't " clicked. " I need an Aha moment...badly.

>

> Sorry about this rant, but I just feel so alone in this.

>

> Kirsten

>

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

Thank you so much for your responses and support, that is exactly what I needed.

This group is a great place when difficult issues arise.

I have calmed down a bit (as usual) and I have taken to letting myself enjoy

various foods without thinking about the details constantly. I am listening to

my body, and asking what would be the best choice for me.

The good thing is that my body wants healthy choices. Last night when faced with

tomato or alfredo sauce for my pasta, my brain automatically wanted the goodness

of the vegetables in the tomato sauce. Then I was studying, and I thought about

getting some snacks. My body chose tea over hot chocolate. I also considered

going to get some candy from the store across the street. My dietician gave me

some advice when these cravings for nutritionally useless food arrive: delay

gratification. So I didn't let myself get my shoes on for at least 15 minutes.

And 15 minutes later, I decided that candy wasn't what I wanted. Granted, I did

end up overeating yesterday evening, but since I skipped the snacks I normally

have during the day, it sort of balanced out. Also, the foods I ate did not make

me feel good, so maybe my brain will get the message.

As for exercise, I have been craving a bike ride, so I went on the exercise bike

at the gym, but it was too boring and too nice out, so instead I took a 45 min

walk. I didn't force myself to jog, just enjoyed my walk. And I am glad for

that.

I think I will relisten to a bunch of podcasts again...Maybe gain the courage to

try EFT (sounds so weird to me, I've been afraid to try it). I also think

meditiation would be a good thing to get into. Especially on those days where my

mind is racing with so many negative thoughts!

As for the body image issues, as some of you know (the ones who have been here

for a while), I am on a waiting list to see a therapist once I get home from

school. So I am hoping that will bring positive changes to my life.

Thanks again everyone,

Kirsten

>

> Last night I broke down.

>

> After another after-dinner binge, I had to practically lock myself in my

bedroom to avoid continuing to eat. At least that was one good effort: I went

and brushed my teeth after my binge and said to myself, " You are not eating

anything else tonight. " And I didn't.

>

> I am so tired of fighting with myself over food and exercise. I don't want to

have to think about every bit of food I put in my mouth. How many calories does

this have? What is the fibre? Is this half a cup of vegetables? Can I eat this

cookie or am I already at my calorie limit for the day? I don't want to HAVE to

eat a salad with every meal. I don't want to have to choose whole grain every

single time... What if I just want a plain english muffin today?

>

> As for exercise, I don't want to feel like a lazy bum if I don't exercise for

an hour today. I don't want to get on that treadmill when my mind isn't with me.

But I know I will chastize myself for days if I don't, thinking about how many

pounds I am gonna gain this time.

>

> Can't I just be naturally slender yet? Can't I just eat pizza when I want it?

Go out for ice cream without guilt? Not go to the gym everyday? I watch my

roommates who are 100 lbs a-piece and they eat what they want, when they want. I

realize that they eat very little quantities, but if I tried that I don't know

what I would do. I think I would faint from lack of food! Also, I don't think

they've set foot in the gym this year.

>

> I was a size 5 last summer. And I wasn't happy with my body. I still dieted, I

still made myself exercise daily. And I was still a heavy 135-140 lbs. So I

think to myself, what am I working for? I achieved what I thought was my goal,

and got none of the expected rewards.

>

> What am I missing???? I know that all of my issues have been addressed in the

podcasts, but obviously it just hasn't " clicked. " I need an Aha moment...badly.

>

> Sorry about this rant, but I just feel so alone in this.

>

> Kirsten

>