Guest guest Posted December 28, 1999 Report Share Posted December 28, 1999 Hi ! You know, I have actually decided what I want to wear. Before I had my oldest child I was in 1's. Now I am in 7's on a good day. I would like to at least be in 5's again. I am really short so this is a big accomplishment for me - a few pounds really shows on me (especially in my face and chest). __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 1999 Report Share Posted December 28, 1999 Hi ! You know, I have actually decided what I want to wear. Before I had my oldest child I was in 1's. Now I am in 7's on a good day. I would like to at least be in 5's again. I am really short so this is a big accomplishment for me - a few pounds really shows on me (especially in my face and chest). __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 1999 Report Share Posted December 28, 1999 sherry m wrote: original article:/group/tae-bo_on/?start=5019 > > > Hi ! You know, I have actually decided what I > want to wear. Before I had my oldest child I was in > 1's. Now I am in 7's on a good day. I would like to > at least be in 5's again. I am really short so this > is a big accomplishment for me - a few pounds really > shows on me (especially in my face and chest). >Hi Sherry! That's great! And this is a good time for you to do it...if you stop putting time away for self improvement now, because you have young ones, it can get away from you. Keep the size 5's handy to try on from time to time..you'll get there...and don't throw out the 1's either. I hung onto most of my levis and had a ball this summer bringing the boxes down from the attic with the jeans that I never expected to fit into again. It's funny..I couldn't part with the ones I was outgrowing..but didn't have any problem tossing the ones that started getting too big! Congrats on your accomplishments! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 1999 Report Share Posted December 28, 1999 sherry m wrote: original article:/group/tae-bo_on/?start=5019 > > > Hi ! You know, I have actually decided what I > want to wear. Before I had my oldest child I was in > 1's. Now I am in 7's on a good day. I would like to > at least be in 5's again. I am really short so this > is a big accomplishment for me - a few pounds really > shows on me (especially in my face and chest). >Hi Sherry! That's great! And this is a good time for you to do it...if you stop putting time away for self improvement now, because you have young ones, it can get away from you. Keep the size 5's handy to try on from time to time..you'll get there...and don't throw out the 1's either. I hung onto most of my levis and had a ball this summer bringing the boxes down from the attic with the jeans that I never expected to fit into again. It's funny..I couldn't part with the ones I was outgrowing..but didn't have any problem tossing the ones that started getting too big! Congrats on your accomplishments! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 , Hi. I think it is every kids right of passage, so to speak, to cut one anothers hair. My oldest daughter, (now 25) and her friend Kathy cut each others hair when they were young, needless to say Kathy ended up the worse of the two. I've stopped Sky from doing it a couple of times to himself. Sky doesn't have spring break till Easter, but we've had a lot of snow here lately and last weekend he was suppose to have a 4 day weekend. Well it ended up being 6 days and 1 day the snow was completely covering the door so we were really snowed in till the young guy in the front apt dug us out. Friday night I ended up having my 2 1/2 yr old granddaughter (Shaylah) with us. That put Sky in a panic cause she wanted to play with his things and he wasn't real happy with that. Sunday morning it started to snow earlier than expected, so my Dad came down and got Shay so he could meet my daughter later in the day. Unfortunetly, My parents ended up having Shay and being snowed it for over a day and a half. They made out okay. But by the time Sky went back to school on Thursday 2/20/03 I was a complete wreck. All the progress I had made over the last year and a half with keeping my yelling under control was down the toilet. Needless to say, Sky was a little out of control also. I don't know if this new medicine I am on for these headaches had anything to do with it or what, but I still not settled down yet. I go see the neurologist tomorrow 2/26 finally. Last week we were snowed out. When my younger daughter (19) was here a few weeks ago she announced that she wants to go to school for nursing. She got her GED about 2 yrs ago and she hates working at Mc's. They are starting her training to be a manager but she still wants out. We found this program for underemployed youth (17-21) in the health field. So now I get to accompany her (and drive) to a 2 hr orientation. But there is more snow coming for Thursday!!!!! She may end up being snowed in at my house. It ought to be interesting. You are lucky that your kids don't seem to be to picky of eaters. I can get him to eat hamburgers and chicken cutlets for sure. Oh and lasagna but it has to be made with a certain brand of ricotta cheese. Otherwise he simply won't eat. He'll say he is to busy. He will eat french fries, but not mashed potatoes and he will take green beans apart and eat the inside. Then maybe the outside if I am lucky. I've tried the different vegies where you add meat and different chicken dishes but he won't eat. But he seems okay so I just make sure I have things I know he will eat. Now he wants popcorn. Gotta run He is trying to use a kitchen knife to cut the end off a plastic handbar cover. A big knife. Well, thank heavens for wire cutters. We used that to solve his problem. Take care and keep up the nice posts about your family. I enjoy reading them and am amazed at how you manage them so well. Sharon in So Jersey waiting on the beach for more snow. Ha Ha > >Reply-To: autism-aspergers >To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:;> >Subject: back to school!!!!! >Date: Sun, 23 Feb 2003 22:07:08 -0500 > > My children, my glorious children.........I will dress >them tomorrow in clean uniforms and kiss their little foreheads and send >them off to SCHOOL!!!!!!!! YEEEEHEEEE! Winter break was only a week but >it feels much much longer. I was about ready to sell them all on ebay! I >do love them but man oh man they are most definately going to camp this >summer!! Joe expressed disappointment in that we didn't get alot of >household chores done this week like he had hoped and I had all I could do >not to completely laugh out loud. I figure that we survived the week and >that is what really matters. They are good kids but I'm sure they're as >sick of us as we are of them.......lol. The weather is getting somewhat >warmer here and I have alot of phone work to do tomorrow as well as >rescheduling lots of appointments. Oh, has taken up hairdressing!!! > She attacked with a nice new pair of scissors that I bought for them >last weekend and he has this huge hole right in the middle of his bangs! >He also has this gap-sort-of-like-hole in the back but that wouldn't have >shown up in pictures like the front will. We were planning on taking him >this week for his 3yr old pictures. Guess it will be something to laugh at >when he's older. Oh man, I don't know how they come up with these ideas. >Oh to have the mind of an innocent child! Suppers as you know have been >rather disasterous this past week so I opened two of those gigantic bags of >Viola that they sell at the wholesale warehouse and warmed them up. Kids >actually like it cause it has a cheese sauce, broccoli and chunks of >chicken. The boys took their shower tonight and I also gave the girls >theirs before bed and the uniforms are all layed out for the morning. Can >you guess that Joe and I are glad that they're back in school?.......lol > Flashbacks haven't been as bad today as they had been the rest >of the week. I did rest during the afternoon somewhat but the kids got a >bit loud and I was concerned. Come to find out they were playing a yelling >game of sorts. Gotta luv em! Ran out of DrPepper today and will get some >tomorrow for sure. Got to go find something good to eat somewhere. >Sending warm gentle safe huggles! >heather _________________________________________________________________ Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*. http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 , What do you mean by out of district? I live in a small town with its own school system. Sky didn't do well there so he goes to the county Special Ed School. If the time comes for him to return to reg school, he won't go back to our town school (Sky won't set foot in the building, so I've already been told he can go to one of the neighboring towns school). I would still expect him to get what ever services he needed. I would do what ever is in the best interest of the child. Sending him to a school that would hurt him wouldn't be much of an option. Personally, I would do a lousy job of homeschooling so that would be out of the question. Maybe I just don't get why you feel you can't ask for things from the current school. Sharon in So Jersey > >Reply-To: autism-aspergers >To: <autism-aspergers > >Subject: help me pick the lesser of 3 evils LOL ( ok >evils is too strong a word) >Date: Mon, 24 Feb 2003 10:14:29 -0500 > >I just cant make up my mind. None of my options are really the " best " for >my son with Aspergers > >1. Stay in " out of district " school and ask for nothing. I have checked >into legally. I have to tread lightly to remain in this school. They owe me >nothing since Im out of district. My state Advocacy group checked into this >for me. > >2. Go back to in district school and try to educate them on Aspergers . >They even took class on AS and they still dont get it. >My son sat lone in class, sat alont at lunch, lost most of recess daily for >his his asperger behavour. The school also accused him of stuff like >throwing his work away daily when all along I had the papers at home >I could go on and on about this place but wont. They are WELL known here >for being terrible with spec ed.... 2 people with Dr degrees said they >wouldnt send their dog there >This place is great if you care about the socio economic status of the >fellow class mates and academics. I would rather not go there on many >levels. >3. Homeschool. This all looks fine and great for NOW, but what about later. >This child has zero friends and he cant spend his whole life with me! >Sports dont mix well with his Aspergers. Church has helped but thats only 2 >hours a week and its structured, not really a hang out with friend >thing.... He needs to learn to have a life outside of me and his sister >etc...I have been reading a lot and am finding a lot of homeschool kids are >miserable at home. BUT their parents dont know about this. Yet on the other >hand you read about kids that want to be homeschooled or are happpy with >it, a lot of these kids have Aspergers. Also the one group that we have >here thats good only accepts 25 familys per year. I will try to get in in >april but theres a good chance they will have 24 renew from last year. The >only other group has a bully and that didnt go well either.... > >My only 3 choices are not looking so good. If I chose the lesser of the 3 >evils then I guess its stay where Im at but ask for nothing spec ed wise... > > > > ´¨¨)) -:¦:- > ¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) > ((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:- Michele E > -:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* > _________________________________________________________________ The new MSN 8: advanced junk mail protection and 2 months FREE* http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 My son is a picky eater, but he eats certain types of foods. The fattier the better. Scrambled eggs with butter or mayonaise. Soup secrets with about 6 eggs in it. A baked potato with as much butter as potato. He is not a big meat eater. It is hard to find proteins for him to take to school. He will eat sushi though. I have asked the Doctors about it. They just say he has good taste. Debi back to school!!!!!>Date: Sun, 23 Feb 2003 22:07:08 -0500>> My children, my glorious children.........I will dress >them tomorrow in clean uniforms and kiss their little foreheads and send >them off to SCHOOL!!!!!!!! YEEEEHEEEE! Winter break was only a week but >it feels much much longer. I was about ready to sell them all on ebay! I >do love them but man oh man they are most definately going to camp this >summer!! Joe expressed disappointment in that we didn't get alot of >household chores done this week like he had hoped and I had all I could do >not to completely laugh out loud. I figure that we survived the week and >that is what really matters. They are good kids but I'm sure they're as >sick of us as we are of them.......lol. The weather is getting somewhat >warmer here and I have alot of phone work to do tomorrow as well as >rescheduling lots of appointments. Oh, has taken up hairdressing!!! > She attacked with a nice new pair of scissors that I bought for them >last weekend and he has this huge hole right in the middle of his bangs! >He also has this gap-sort-of-like-hole in the back but that wouldn't have >shown up in pictures like the front will. We were planning on taking him >this week for his 3yr old pictures. Guess it will be something to laugh at >when he's older. Oh man, I don't know how they come up with these ideas. >Oh to have the mind of an innocent child! Suppers as you know have been >rather disasterous this past week so I opened two of those gigantic bags of >Viola that they sell at the wholesale warehouse and warmed them up. Kids >actually like it cause it has a cheese sauce, broccoli and chunks of >chicken. The boys took their shower tonight and I also gave the girls >theirs before bed and the uniforms are all layed out for the morning. Can >you guess that Joe and I are glad that they're back in school?.......lol> Flashbacks haven't been as bad today as they had been the rest >of the week. I did rest during the afternoon somewhat but the kids got a >bit loud and I was concerned. Come to find out they were playing a yelling >game of sorts. Gotta luv em! Ran out of DrPepper today and will get some >tomorrow for sure. Got to go find something good to eat somewhere. >Sending warm gentle safe huggles!>heather _________________________________________________________________Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*. http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 Hi Welcome. This group and a couple others I belong to have been a major help for me in that I learned what to expect and I was prepared for it. It's gonna be tough haveing the kids go back and forth cause Asperger's kids usually don't like change. Gotta run Patience works wonders Sharon in So Jersey Mom to Skylar 9 Asperger's/ADHD and a few other little traits >From: hcretsinger@... >Reply-To: autism-aspergers >To: autism-aspergers >Subject: new to group >Date: Sun, 20 Jun 2004 21:57:01 -0000 > >Hi All, > I just wanted to say hi real quick and introduce myself. I just >joined the group today. I have two step-children, one with Autism, >and the other with Aspergers. I just recently got married back in >Feb. and it has definitely been a challenge for me to care for these >kids when they come to visit us every other weekend. However, I am >really wanting to learn more about it and I think the best way is to >learn from others that have experienced the same thing. I welcome any >suggestions, advice, etc. > >Looking forward to meeting some new friends and learning more about >Autism/Aspergers! > >thanks! > > > _________________________________________________________________ FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar – get it now! http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 Hi Welcome. This group and a couple others I belong to have been a major help for me in that I learned what to expect and I was prepared for it. It's gonna be tough haveing the kids go back and forth cause Asperger's kids usually don't like change. Gotta run Patience works wonders Sharon in So Jersey Mom to Skylar 9 Asperger's/ADHD and a few other little traits >From: hcretsinger@... >Reply-To: autism-aspergers >To: autism-aspergers >Subject: new to group >Date: Sun, 20 Jun 2004 21:57:01 -0000 > >Hi All, > I just wanted to say hi real quick and introduce myself. I just >joined the group today. I have two step-children, one with Autism, >and the other with Aspergers. I just recently got married back in >Feb. and it has definitely been a challenge for me to care for these >kids when they come to visit us every other weekend. However, I am >really wanting to learn more about it and I think the best way is to >learn from others that have experienced the same thing. I welcome any >suggestions, advice, etc. > >Looking forward to meeting some new friends and learning more about >Autism/Aspergers! > >thanks! > > > _________________________________________________________________ FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar – get it now! http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2004 Report Share Posted November 11, 2004 I find this interesting, because both of my kids are diagnosed with OCD; but, both have almost all obsessions with very few compulsions. (Most compulsions are more avoidance than anything). It, therefore, sometimes seems to me more like an anxiety disorder or phobias. Sometimes I think that the OCD label came because my son was a PANDAS kid who initially presented with tics, then when he started " worrying " and " getting stuck " on all these things it was called OCD because of the PANDAS association. However, I find myself also thinking that it is the irrational nature of the worries that makes it more obsessive than anxiety, and also the feeling of " unrightness " For example, my daughter has a terrible time with clothes. We've had an ongoing battle because she insists that all of her pants are too short or too long. I think if it was anxiety, the reason would be that kids might make fun of her. I think it is obsessing because it is more related to the fact that there is something " wrong " about the pants not being the correct length. Ditto kids with germs. Someone with pure anxiety might worry that he/she was going to get sick after being around a sick person; but, someone who is obsessing might worry that he/she was going to get sick because they saw a dirty tissue on the floor in Kmart. That's just my take on it, anyway. > , >       In your last post you wrote: " > His doctor says that his OCD > symptoms > > are all anxiety based and not true OCD. "  Sounds a bit redundant > from where > > I sit... " True " OCD IS anxiety based and is classified as an anxiety > disorder > > in the diagnostic manual. > > > > Gail in N'awlins > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2004 Report Share Posted November 11, 2004 I find this interesting, because both of my kids are diagnosed with OCD; but, both have almost all obsessions with very few compulsions. (Most compulsions are more avoidance than anything). It, therefore, sometimes seems to me more like an anxiety disorder or phobias. Sometimes I think that the OCD label came because my son was a PANDAS kid who initially presented with tics, then when he started " worrying " and " getting stuck " on all these things it was called OCD because of the PANDAS association. However, I find myself also thinking that it is the irrational nature of the worries that makes it more obsessive than anxiety, and also the feeling of " unrightness " For example, my daughter has a terrible time with clothes. We've had an ongoing battle because she insists that all of her pants are too short or too long. I think if it was anxiety, the reason would be that kids might make fun of her. I think it is obsessing because it is more related to the fact that there is something " wrong " about the pants not being the correct length. Ditto kids with germs. Someone with pure anxiety might worry that he/she was going to get sick after being around a sick person; but, someone who is obsessing might worry that he/she was going to get sick because they saw a dirty tissue on the floor in Kmart. That's just my take on it, anyway. > , >       In your last post you wrote: " > His doctor says that his OCD > symptoms > > are all anxiety based and not true OCD. "  Sounds a bit redundant > from where > > I sit... " True " OCD IS anxiety based and is classified as an anxiety > disorder > > in the diagnostic manual. > > > > Gail in N'awlins > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2004 Report Share Posted November 11, 2004 I find this interesting, because both of my kids are diagnosed with OCD; but, both have almost all obsessions with very few compulsions. (Most compulsions are more avoidance than anything). It, therefore, sometimes seems to me more like an anxiety disorder or phobias. Sometimes I think that the OCD label came because my son was a PANDAS kid who initially presented with tics, then when he started " worrying " and " getting stuck " on all these things it was called OCD because of the PANDAS association. However, I find myself also thinking that it is the irrational nature of the worries that makes it more obsessive than anxiety, and also the feeling of " unrightness " For example, my daughter has a terrible time with clothes. We've had an ongoing battle because she insists that all of her pants are too short or too long. I think if it was anxiety, the reason would be that kids might make fun of her. I think it is obsessing because it is more related to the fact that there is something " wrong " about the pants not being the correct length. Ditto kids with germs. Someone with pure anxiety might worry that he/she was going to get sick after being around a sick person; but, someone who is obsessing might worry that he/she was going to get sick because they saw a dirty tissue on the floor in Kmart. That's just my take on it, anyway. > , >       In your last post you wrote: " > His doctor says that his OCD > symptoms > > are all anxiety based and not true OCD. "  Sounds a bit redundant > from where > > I sit... " True " OCD IS anxiety based and is classified as an anxiety > disorder > > in the diagnostic manual. > > > > Gail in N'awlins > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 Gail and Jeanne, I don't know anymore. I get so confused. No one can really say one or the other what causes his compulsive behaviours. He sorts cards because he has to. That is all he says. He worries about bugs killing him because they are scary. The doctor says many people think bugs are scary so this is a rational extension of a normal fear making it anxiety. He collects things because he needs them. He can't tell me why. He just wants them. He becomes very anxious if I don't let him collect these things. He avoids stepping on cracks (most of the time) because he is afraid he will break my back. Ha ha. Is that logical? Who can say? He also wears certain clothes certain ways because they feel right and others don't. I don't know. He is going to an anxiety support group that he loves. I have actually started learning a couple of things like how to point out that his extreme thinking is what causes his failures and his confident thinking is what causes his success. It isn't like this causes an overnight improvement but at least he is starting to believe me that he is in control of his success (since homework is the biggest issue). Some of the relaxation techniques actually do work. I had heard they don't work on kids but I think it is that the kids won't try them, not that they don't work. Deep breathing must be done for at least 4 minutes to feel any better. It is hard for young kids to stick at something that long when it doesn't work right away. It will be a long time before he starts doing it on his own though. Then again, he will most likely have this for life so there will be time. It is good to have something to try since I had run out. It is a hopeless feeling when you run out of options to try. Anyway, I must take a break from typing. Thank you for letting me vent. It helps. Here's hoping homework won't always be a battle. R. --------------------------------- Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 Gail and Jeanne, I don't know anymore. I get so confused. No one can really say one or the other what causes his compulsive behaviours. He sorts cards because he has to. That is all he says. He worries about bugs killing him because they are scary. The doctor says many people think bugs are scary so this is a rational extension of a normal fear making it anxiety. He collects things because he needs them. He can't tell me why. He just wants them. He becomes very anxious if I don't let him collect these things. He avoids stepping on cracks (most of the time) because he is afraid he will break my back. Ha ha. Is that logical? Who can say? He also wears certain clothes certain ways because they feel right and others don't. I don't know. He is going to an anxiety support group that he loves. I have actually started learning a couple of things like how to point out that his extreme thinking is what causes his failures and his confident thinking is what causes his success. It isn't like this causes an overnight improvement but at least he is starting to believe me that he is in control of his success (since homework is the biggest issue). Some of the relaxation techniques actually do work. I had heard they don't work on kids but I think it is that the kids won't try them, not that they don't work. Deep breathing must be done for at least 4 minutes to feel any better. It is hard for young kids to stick at something that long when it doesn't work right away. It will be a long time before he starts doing it on his own though. Then again, he will most likely have this for life so there will be time. It is good to have something to try since I had run out. It is a hopeless feeling when you run out of options to try. Anyway, I must take a break from typing. Thank you for letting me vent. It helps. Here's hoping homework won't always be a battle. R. --------------------------------- Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 Gail and Jeanne, I don't know anymore. I get so confused. No one can really say one or the other what causes his compulsive behaviours. He sorts cards because he has to. That is all he says. He worries about bugs killing him because they are scary. The doctor says many people think bugs are scary so this is a rational extension of a normal fear making it anxiety. He collects things because he needs them. He can't tell me why. He just wants them. He becomes very anxious if I don't let him collect these things. He avoids stepping on cracks (most of the time) because he is afraid he will break my back. Ha ha. Is that logical? Who can say? He also wears certain clothes certain ways because they feel right and others don't. I don't know. He is going to an anxiety support group that he loves. I have actually started learning a couple of things like how to point out that his extreme thinking is what causes his failures and his confident thinking is what causes his success. It isn't like this causes an overnight improvement but at least he is starting to believe me that he is in control of his success (since homework is the biggest issue). Some of the relaxation techniques actually do work. I had heard they don't work on kids but I think it is that the kids won't try them, not that they don't work. Deep breathing must be done for at least 4 minutes to feel any better. It is hard for young kids to stick at something that long when it doesn't work right away. It will be a long time before he starts doing it on his own though. Then again, he will most likely have this for life so there will be time. It is good to have something to try since I had run out. It is a hopeless feeling when you run out of options to try. Anyway, I must take a break from typing. Thank you for letting me vent. It helps. Here's hoping homework won't always be a battle. R. --------------------------------- Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 I had to get offline for a while, but I'm back now. I'll make one last attempt at sorting out any misunderstandings between us and reply to your questions but it may take some time to go through all the posts again to make sure to get my facts straight, so please be patient. Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 I had to get offline for a while, but I'm back now. I'll make one last attempt at sorting out any misunderstandings between us and reply to your questions but it may take some time to go through all the posts again to make sure to get my facts straight, so please be patient. Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 I had to get offline for a while, but I'm back now. I'll make one last attempt at sorting out any misunderstandings between us and reply to your questions but it may take some time to go through all the posts again to make sure to get my facts straight, so please be patient. Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 OK, , Now I've spent several hours trying to sort out this reply. I've stuck all three conversations in this same message since I found it too confusing to have them all over the place. They're all about the same thing anyway, so... I hope this will sort out our misunderstandings once and for all. I'm afraid I won't have the time to devote to anymore long exchanges like this, as I would then have to neglect my other responsibilities. : >>>You see that is more of an explanation of how to do it. And it >>>shows " eh " does not always equal resentment. Inger: >>I have never said " eh " always equals resentment. It usually does in >the way you originally used it. It all depends on the context, just >as Raven explains. : > Usually does! According to whom - FAM, Raven and Inger? According to me. Though I don't have any stastistical linguistic studies to back up that statement with. After much practice I've become very skilled at picking up veiled hostility in written language. And no use asking me exactly how I do that, it's just one of those skills that may come with practice. Raven: >>> Conversation is a two-way avenue. If the person you are attempting to engage in the conversation does not wish to converse, then it is not odd behaviour for them to refuse to reply. It is also not odd for the moderator to point out that someone does not have to speak with you -- privately or on the forum -- if they do not wish to do so. : >>> Taking your advice about context above, why don't you re-read the context of my comment in that post. As your reply seems to completely miss the point. Inger: >> Why don't you explain what you meant then? : > I have already and why didn't she read it well in the first place. I could have asked the same of you when you didn't read what was the AQ test. It seems that your philosophy is that when YOU don't understand something, it is up to others to explain it over and over again, but when others don't understand what you have written, you don't want to give them the same courtesy? : >> Can you indicate which words you are calling a " diss " ? Inger: > Not sure which Raven means but I'd say these (among others): > : " I hope Ken is taking note, and any other Aspies who struggle in > the ability to continue to communicate beyond monologue (communicating at > others instead of with) or as 'little professors'. " : > Jeeesss! That is an observation. Is it true or not? So you admit to this dissing of Ken; indicating that he is unable to communicate beyond monologue? Thank you. Then you have just admitted that you were attacking another members here and that's against the rules. (And your 'observation' MAY be correct about SOME Aspies. However, most Aspie here, including Ken, have proven themselves highly capable of having a dialogue. This too have been stated many times here. Did you see those comments?) Inger >>>> In the 'tonal infliction' dictionary. I know how you meant that statement, , even if you yourself are not aware of it. : >>> Eh, What is 'tonal infliction'? And does " eh " always translate as resentment? Inger >>No, but when you use it like that at the end of a sentence. : > Do I need to shout again? Shouting will get you nowhere. Neither will threats. : > What is 'tonal infliction'? It's HOW you say things. 'Tone of voice', attitude etc. These things DO come through even in written text. : >>>> And is that your personal dictionary or can other people read theirs a different way? Oh, YOUR more aware of my meaning than ME myself. Really! Inger: >>>The resentment was pretty obvious to me, . Are you telling me you weren't feeling any at all? What were you feeling then? : > Inger, I've already stated you were wrong. I'm telling you the truth, not any at all. High as a kite. Confused. Empathic. :-) " High as a kite " ? Naturally, or by substance? " Confused " ? OK, I might buy that. " Empathic " ? Please, , I know empathy when I see it and that was nothing even close. Inger >>This was the sentence we were discussing: " Well I wanted to respect >your privacy by making contact with someone who I have a mutual >acquaintance with, but you just ignored that, eh. " : > If you read the exchange properly you will see Ken asked me to clarify another matter which he originally ignored. And eh, FYI, seeing you're getting so 'hung up' on it meant " did you " . And obviously you have never heard any Australian speech patterns, eh? From where did you get this bizarre idea about eh, anyway? I am familiar with Australian speech pattterns and know exactly what it means linguistically. But that's not what I'm talking about here. Even if you had said " ...but you just ignored that, didn't you? " it would still have amounted to the same thing; resentment at not having your wish satisfied upon demand. (And FYI, Ken did not 'ignore' you, he declined further discussion with you because he probably sensed it would be as time-consuming and unproductive as this current exchange is turning out to be.) Inger: >>>> Yes, . You did accuse Ken of a) not wanting to discuss with you in private " suppresing specific info on AS " . : >> Notice how you have already come down from attacked to accused. I did not accuse according to my use of the word, " accuse " . Specially not in the way you and Ken are *accusing* me of being ANGRY and RESENTFUL. >> Listen to yourself: how can I accuse someone of something they have >>themselves stated to be the case? Inger: >>Sorry, let me specify that statement into two, then: >>2. You DID accuse him of 'suppressing information'. : >Already explained " suppressing " still questioning " accuse " . Ken did get angry by your initial approach, but he has not taken that anger out on any mamber here but instead elected to withdraw from the conversation. I think that was a very wise decision. But you have repeatedly complained about that and you're still doing so. Let me insert a quote from your post to today: to : " In the actual situation on FAM availing someone of knowledge you possess, costs nothing and despite the overzealous policing I'm experiencing, is what I thought was the purpose of forums. " So, clearly, you are still demanding that he who had the by you desired information, in this case Ken, should hand it over to you, despite your previous rudeness towars him? It may actually cost a great deal of time and effort and, as I've been pointing out repeatedly, everyone here participates as much or as little as they want. No one is obliged to do anything. Exept perhaps us in the administration who do our best to provide information and support to the best of our ability and as much as our time allows (I have 9 other groups to moderate and actually have to sleep sometimes too). The " overzealous " policing you have brought on yourself by your own behavior. If you can have more mutually respectful conversations like you've had with some members here, then there will be no need for moderation. Inger: >> 3. After Ken - understandably - declined to continue the converstation with you under such hostile premises, you did seem resentful and seemed to be demanding that he oblige you. : > What are " hostile premises " ? You attacked Ken, period. Don't do it again if you want to stay i this forum. > In " morals from an analogy, " I make an observation about the way people in > this group seem to feel a surprising burden of obligation. Most are more than willing to provide any other member with information and/or support. And if you have any questions about he topic that you originally wanted to discuss, feel free to try again and ask questionsi if there is anything you want to know. Perhaps someone else will want to respond. Inger >> All I did was to point out that he doesn't have to. You are always free to ask for what you want, but you have no right to demand it. Everyone here is participating of their own free will. . > All I pointed out was that he wasn't. There it goes again. Where did I > " demand " he had to? Indirectly by STILL complaining about not being given what you ask for. Like in the post to for example. Your analogy with the rich man seems to imply that since he has so much he SHOULD share it. That is to demand even if you don't say it in so many words. Non-demanding requests ALWAYS leave the option for the other person not so give you want you ask for and accept it without resentment. And those requests are generally more likely to get satisfied since, people usually like to give out of their own free will and not because they feel pressured to. So by not demanding, you are actually more likely to get what you want. (Just a little tip, offered free of charge.) : >>> " Suppressing " was just my perhaps Aspie, idiosyncratic or 'little >>> professor' way of saying with all your medical BACKGROUND why not speak >>> on the aspects of AS literature to which I originally referred. I've >>> clarified this more than once. Inger: >> I have now searched all your posts in my inbox and I can find no >> clarification of this. But this explanation will suffice. Glad to finally >> find out what you meant. : > Are you saying your cannot see my first reply to Raven? I went back through the forum archives now and read it again. And you actually answered all her questions EXCEPT that one. : > And if my explanation here does indeed suffice, doesn't that make > redundant all you have written above? Right then, does this look > familiar? I reply to each line in turn. Seems there is no way of pleasing you, ? If I don't reply, you threaten to shout at me again, and if I do reply, you find it redundant? Well, this is my last round of this anyway, so that should please at least the half of you that prefers to not have this discussion. " Message 5093 From " ravenmagic2003 " : >> " Thanks for your replies, . I appreciated the effort you put in to >> explaining what I found so confusing earlier. " : > No problemo! " You still did not explain that one thing there, but I guess Raven was satisfied anyway. Good for her. : >>> Do you think I am still concerned with and only talking about Ken, Inger? Inger: >> I suspected you might be since you seem to have been a bit obsessive about him. But possibly you meant ME in that mail? It aways helps when you just say straight out what you mean. That leaves less room for misinterpretation. : > I'm obsessive about AS not individual Aspies. You know, many Aspies labour under the misunderstanding that, they or others, can make " straight " statements which remove all possibility of misinterpretation. This is something they must eventually learn cannot be avoided. In my experience, it is actually only with SOME people that it cannot be avioded. The majority of Aspies I communicate with I have no trouble understanding at all. And those are usually the ones who actually just say what they mean straight out. It is possible to do so. It's a skill that can be learned. wrote: >>It might also be that the person being spoken to is becoming either annoyed or a little angry about the posts so they stop posting trying to defuse the situation. : >>Exactly, . The mechanism is called projection. Inger: >Not necessarily. Sometimes people react because they are feeling attacked. : > What do you mean " not necessarily " ? Again, that is no answer. It is still called projection. Only if the other person a) projects anger onto someone who really isn't angry/aggressive at all and is unaware of doing so. In this case Ken was very aware of both his own feelings and yours since yours very rather obvious. If they had bee in in Ken's mind only, then I wouldn't have been able to pick them up too. And I am not angry so I have nothing to project. : > And notice how you omit the part where Ken ADMITS he was himslef feeling > angry. That was to save thread space only, I always try to shorten these exchanges as much as possible without losing context. No one is denying that Ken felt angry. What I'm trying to get at is that he got angry because you provoked him. And as already written above, it's not against the rules here to FEEL angry, only to take your anger out on other menbers. Ken did not. Ken: >>>> I do my meditation and other spiritual practices largely in an effort to become more detached, in the sense of not reacting from an emotional place when my buttons are pushed. : >>> Practice makes perfect! Inger: >>, that's actually an insulting comment to Ken sharing >something personal about himself. Perhaps you are not aware of this? >(Many Aspies have trouble realizing how they come across to others >and figuring out how to interact smoothly. It's part of the >syndrome, though it can often be improved with extensive practice >and/or tutoring.) : > You took over 50 words to say the same thing I said in 3!! Is that an apology to Ken for your rude remark? >>> Maybe it's the curse of too much testosterone. Baron-Cohen thinks autism is extreme masculinity. But that hardly explains the level- headed, compassionate AS women here and elsewhere. I'm beginning to suspect that AS is really distinct from autism and perhaps not part of the spectrum. : >> Baron-Cohen's theory refers to pre-natal testosterone, not the >testosterone prone outbursts of sports, or pub closing time. We AS >have become 'acclimatised' to high levels of the hormone. Inger: >> That is correct (according to the theory). Thanks for this clarification. > No problemo, but, er, how do [you] know its is correct. . . : I said " according to the theory " (I've read about it). > did I clarify for you or everyone else? For everyone, I hope. Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 OK, , Now I've spent several hours trying to sort out this reply. I've stuck all three conversations in this same message since I found it too confusing to have them all over the place. They're all about the same thing anyway, so... I hope this will sort out our misunderstandings once and for all. I'm afraid I won't have the time to devote to anymore long exchanges like this, as I would then have to neglect my other responsibilities. : >>>You see that is more of an explanation of how to do it. And it >>>shows " eh " does not always equal resentment. Inger: >>I have never said " eh " always equals resentment. It usually does in >the way you originally used it. It all depends on the context, just >as Raven explains. : > Usually does! According to whom - FAM, Raven and Inger? According to me. Though I don't have any stastistical linguistic studies to back up that statement with. After much practice I've become very skilled at picking up veiled hostility in written language. And no use asking me exactly how I do that, it's just one of those skills that may come with practice. Raven: >>> Conversation is a two-way avenue. If the person you are attempting to engage in the conversation does not wish to converse, then it is not odd behaviour for them to refuse to reply. It is also not odd for the moderator to point out that someone does not have to speak with you -- privately or on the forum -- if they do not wish to do so. : >>> Taking your advice about context above, why don't you re-read the context of my comment in that post. As your reply seems to completely miss the point. Inger: >> Why don't you explain what you meant then? : > I have already and why didn't she read it well in the first place. I could have asked the same of you when you didn't read what was the AQ test. It seems that your philosophy is that when YOU don't understand something, it is up to others to explain it over and over again, but when others don't understand what you have written, you don't want to give them the same courtesy? : >> Can you indicate which words you are calling a " diss " ? Inger: > Not sure which Raven means but I'd say these (among others): > : " I hope Ken is taking note, and any other Aspies who struggle in > the ability to continue to communicate beyond monologue (communicating at > others instead of with) or as 'little professors'. " : > Jeeesss! That is an observation. Is it true or not? So you admit to this dissing of Ken; indicating that he is unable to communicate beyond monologue? Thank you. Then you have just admitted that you were attacking another members here and that's against the rules. (And your 'observation' MAY be correct about SOME Aspies. However, most Aspie here, including Ken, have proven themselves highly capable of having a dialogue. This too have been stated many times here. Did you see those comments?) Inger >>>> In the 'tonal infliction' dictionary. I know how you meant that statement, , even if you yourself are not aware of it. : >>> Eh, What is 'tonal infliction'? And does " eh " always translate as resentment? Inger >>No, but when you use it like that at the end of a sentence. : > Do I need to shout again? Shouting will get you nowhere. Neither will threats. : > What is 'tonal infliction'? It's HOW you say things. 'Tone of voice', attitude etc. These things DO come through even in written text. : >>>> And is that your personal dictionary or can other people read theirs a different way? Oh, YOUR more aware of my meaning than ME myself. Really! Inger: >>>The resentment was pretty obvious to me, . Are you telling me you weren't feeling any at all? What were you feeling then? : > Inger, I've already stated you were wrong. I'm telling you the truth, not any at all. High as a kite. Confused. Empathic. :-) " High as a kite " ? Naturally, or by substance? " Confused " ? OK, I might buy that. " Empathic " ? Please, , I know empathy when I see it and that was nothing even close. Inger >>This was the sentence we were discussing: " Well I wanted to respect >your privacy by making contact with someone who I have a mutual >acquaintance with, but you just ignored that, eh. " : > If you read the exchange properly you will see Ken asked me to clarify another matter which he originally ignored. And eh, FYI, seeing you're getting so 'hung up' on it meant " did you " . And obviously you have never heard any Australian speech patterns, eh? From where did you get this bizarre idea about eh, anyway? I am familiar with Australian speech pattterns and know exactly what it means linguistically. But that's not what I'm talking about here. Even if you had said " ...but you just ignored that, didn't you? " it would still have amounted to the same thing; resentment at not having your wish satisfied upon demand. (And FYI, Ken did not 'ignore' you, he declined further discussion with you because he probably sensed it would be as time-consuming and unproductive as this current exchange is turning out to be.) Inger: >>>> Yes, . You did accuse Ken of a) not wanting to discuss with you in private " suppresing specific info on AS " . : >> Notice how you have already come down from attacked to accused. I did not accuse according to my use of the word, " accuse " . Specially not in the way you and Ken are *accusing* me of being ANGRY and RESENTFUL. >> Listen to yourself: how can I accuse someone of something they have >>themselves stated to be the case? Inger: >>Sorry, let me specify that statement into two, then: >>2. You DID accuse him of 'suppressing information'. : >Already explained " suppressing " still questioning " accuse " . Ken did get angry by your initial approach, but he has not taken that anger out on any mamber here but instead elected to withdraw from the conversation. I think that was a very wise decision. But you have repeatedly complained about that and you're still doing so. Let me insert a quote from your post to today: to : " In the actual situation on FAM availing someone of knowledge you possess, costs nothing and despite the overzealous policing I'm experiencing, is what I thought was the purpose of forums. " So, clearly, you are still demanding that he who had the by you desired information, in this case Ken, should hand it over to you, despite your previous rudeness towars him? It may actually cost a great deal of time and effort and, as I've been pointing out repeatedly, everyone here participates as much or as little as they want. No one is obliged to do anything. Exept perhaps us in the administration who do our best to provide information and support to the best of our ability and as much as our time allows (I have 9 other groups to moderate and actually have to sleep sometimes too). The " overzealous " policing you have brought on yourself by your own behavior. If you can have more mutually respectful conversations like you've had with some members here, then there will be no need for moderation. Inger: >> 3. After Ken - understandably - declined to continue the converstation with you under such hostile premises, you did seem resentful and seemed to be demanding that he oblige you. : > What are " hostile premises " ? You attacked Ken, period. Don't do it again if you want to stay i this forum. > In " morals from an analogy, " I make an observation about the way people in > this group seem to feel a surprising burden of obligation. Most are more than willing to provide any other member with information and/or support. And if you have any questions about he topic that you originally wanted to discuss, feel free to try again and ask questionsi if there is anything you want to know. Perhaps someone else will want to respond. Inger >> All I did was to point out that he doesn't have to. You are always free to ask for what you want, but you have no right to demand it. Everyone here is participating of their own free will. . > All I pointed out was that he wasn't. There it goes again. Where did I > " demand " he had to? Indirectly by STILL complaining about not being given what you ask for. Like in the post to for example. Your analogy with the rich man seems to imply that since he has so much he SHOULD share it. That is to demand even if you don't say it in so many words. Non-demanding requests ALWAYS leave the option for the other person not so give you want you ask for and accept it without resentment. And those requests are generally more likely to get satisfied since, people usually like to give out of their own free will and not because they feel pressured to. So by not demanding, you are actually more likely to get what you want. (Just a little tip, offered free of charge.) : >>> " Suppressing " was just my perhaps Aspie, idiosyncratic or 'little >>> professor' way of saying with all your medical BACKGROUND why not speak >>> on the aspects of AS literature to which I originally referred. I've >>> clarified this more than once. Inger: >> I have now searched all your posts in my inbox and I can find no >> clarification of this. But this explanation will suffice. Glad to finally >> find out what you meant. : > Are you saying your cannot see my first reply to Raven? I went back through the forum archives now and read it again. And you actually answered all her questions EXCEPT that one. : > And if my explanation here does indeed suffice, doesn't that make > redundant all you have written above? Right then, does this look > familiar? I reply to each line in turn. Seems there is no way of pleasing you, ? If I don't reply, you threaten to shout at me again, and if I do reply, you find it redundant? Well, this is my last round of this anyway, so that should please at least the half of you that prefers to not have this discussion. " Message 5093 From " ravenmagic2003 " : >> " Thanks for your replies, . I appreciated the effort you put in to >> explaining what I found so confusing earlier. " : > No problemo! " You still did not explain that one thing there, but I guess Raven was satisfied anyway. Good for her. : >>> Do you think I am still concerned with and only talking about Ken, Inger? Inger: >> I suspected you might be since you seem to have been a bit obsessive about him. But possibly you meant ME in that mail? It aways helps when you just say straight out what you mean. That leaves less room for misinterpretation. : > I'm obsessive about AS not individual Aspies. You know, many Aspies labour under the misunderstanding that, they or others, can make " straight " statements which remove all possibility of misinterpretation. This is something they must eventually learn cannot be avoided. In my experience, it is actually only with SOME people that it cannot be avioded. The majority of Aspies I communicate with I have no trouble understanding at all. And those are usually the ones who actually just say what they mean straight out. It is possible to do so. It's a skill that can be learned. wrote: >>It might also be that the person being spoken to is becoming either annoyed or a little angry about the posts so they stop posting trying to defuse the situation. : >>Exactly, . The mechanism is called projection. Inger: >Not necessarily. Sometimes people react because they are feeling attacked. : > What do you mean " not necessarily " ? Again, that is no answer. It is still called projection. Only if the other person a) projects anger onto someone who really isn't angry/aggressive at all and is unaware of doing so. In this case Ken was very aware of both his own feelings and yours since yours very rather obvious. If they had bee in in Ken's mind only, then I wouldn't have been able to pick them up too. And I am not angry so I have nothing to project. : > And notice how you omit the part where Ken ADMITS he was himslef feeling > angry. That was to save thread space only, I always try to shorten these exchanges as much as possible without losing context. No one is denying that Ken felt angry. What I'm trying to get at is that he got angry because you provoked him. And as already written above, it's not against the rules here to FEEL angry, only to take your anger out on other menbers. Ken did not. Ken: >>>> I do my meditation and other spiritual practices largely in an effort to become more detached, in the sense of not reacting from an emotional place when my buttons are pushed. : >>> Practice makes perfect! Inger: >>, that's actually an insulting comment to Ken sharing >something personal about himself. Perhaps you are not aware of this? >(Many Aspies have trouble realizing how they come across to others >and figuring out how to interact smoothly. It's part of the >syndrome, though it can often be improved with extensive practice >and/or tutoring.) : > You took over 50 words to say the same thing I said in 3!! Is that an apology to Ken for your rude remark? >>> Maybe it's the curse of too much testosterone. Baron-Cohen thinks autism is extreme masculinity. But that hardly explains the level- headed, compassionate AS women here and elsewhere. I'm beginning to suspect that AS is really distinct from autism and perhaps not part of the spectrum. : >> Baron-Cohen's theory refers to pre-natal testosterone, not the >testosterone prone outbursts of sports, or pub closing time. We AS >have become 'acclimatised' to high levels of the hormone. Inger: >> That is correct (according to the theory). Thanks for this clarification. > No problemo, but, er, how do [you] know its is correct. . . : I said " according to the theory " (I've read about it). > did I clarify for you or everyone else? For everyone, I hope. Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 OK, , Now I've spent several hours trying to sort out this reply. I've stuck all three conversations in this same message since I found it too confusing to have them all over the place. They're all about the same thing anyway, so... I hope this will sort out our misunderstandings once and for all. I'm afraid I won't have the time to devote to anymore long exchanges like this, as I would then have to neglect my other responsibilities. : >>>You see that is more of an explanation of how to do it. And it >>>shows " eh " does not always equal resentment. Inger: >>I have never said " eh " always equals resentment. It usually does in >the way you originally used it. It all depends on the context, just >as Raven explains. : > Usually does! According to whom - FAM, Raven and Inger? According to me. Though I don't have any stastistical linguistic studies to back up that statement with. After much practice I've become very skilled at picking up veiled hostility in written language. And no use asking me exactly how I do that, it's just one of those skills that may come with practice. Raven: >>> Conversation is a two-way avenue. If the person you are attempting to engage in the conversation does not wish to converse, then it is not odd behaviour for them to refuse to reply. It is also not odd for the moderator to point out that someone does not have to speak with you -- privately or on the forum -- if they do not wish to do so. : >>> Taking your advice about context above, why don't you re-read the context of my comment in that post. As your reply seems to completely miss the point. Inger: >> Why don't you explain what you meant then? : > I have already and why didn't she read it well in the first place. I could have asked the same of you when you didn't read what was the AQ test. It seems that your philosophy is that when YOU don't understand something, it is up to others to explain it over and over again, but when others don't understand what you have written, you don't want to give them the same courtesy? : >> Can you indicate which words you are calling a " diss " ? Inger: > Not sure which Raven means but I'd say these (among others): > : " I hope Ken is taking note, and any other Aspies who struggle in > the ability to continue to communicate beyond monologue (communicating at > others instead of with) or as 'little professors'. " : > Jeeesss! That is an observation. Is it true or not? So you admit to this dissing of Ken; indicating that he is unable to communicate beyond monologue? Thank you. Then you have just admitted that you were attacking another members here and that's against the rules. (And your 'observation' MAY be correct about SOME Aspies. However, most Aspie here, including Ken, have proven themselves highly capable of having a dialogue. This too have been stated many times here. Did you see those comments?) Inger >>>> In the 'tonal infliction' dictionary. I know how you meant that statement, , even if you yourself are not aware of it. : >>> Eh, What is 'tonal infliction'? And does " eh " always translate as resentment? Inger >>No, but when you use it like that at the end of a sentence. : > Do I need to shout again? Shouting will get you nowhere. Neither will threats. : > What is 'tonal infliction'? It's HOW you say things. 'Tone of voice', attitude etc. These things DO come through even in written text. : >>>> And is that your personal dictionary or can other people read theirs a different way? Oh, YOUR more aware of my meaning than ME myself. Really! Inger: >>>The resentment was pretty obvious to me, . Are you telling me you weren't feeling any at all? What were you feeling then? : > Inger, I've already stated you were wrong. I'm telling you the truth, not any at all. High as a kite. Confused. Empathic. :-) " High as a kite " ? Naturally, or by substance? " Confused " ? OK, I might buy that. " Empathic " ? Please, , I know empathy when I see it and that was nothing even close. Inger >>This was the sentence we were discussing: " Well I wanted to respect >your privacy by making contact with someone who I have a mutual >acquaintance with, but you just ignored that, eh. " : > If you read the exchange properly you will see Ken asked me to clarify another matter which he originally ignored. And eh, FYI, seeing you're getting so 'hung up' on it meant " did you " . And obviously you have never heard any Australian speech patterns, eh? From where did you get this bizarre idea about eh, anyway? I am familiar with Australian speech pattterns and know exactly what it means linguistically. But that's not what I'm talking about here. Even if you had said " ...but you just ignored that, didn't you? " it would still have amounted to the same thing; resentment at not having your wish satisfied upon demand. (And FYI, Ken did not 'ignore' you, he declined further discussion with you because he probably sensed it would be as time-consuming and unproductive as this current exchange is turning out to be.) Inger: >>>> Yes, . You did accuse Ken of a) not wanting to discuss with you in private " suppresing specific info on AS " . : >> Notice how you have already come down from attacked to accused. I did not accuse according to my use of the word, " accuse " . Specially not in the way you and Ken are *accusing* me of being ANGRY and RESENTFUL. >> Listen to yourself: how can I accuse someone of something they have >>themselves stated to be the case? Inger: >>Sorry, let me specify that statement into two, then: >>2. You DID accuse him of 'suppressing information'. : >Already explained " suppressing " still questioning " accuse " . Ken did get angry by your initial approach, but he has not taken that anger out on any mamber here but instead elected to withdraw from the conversation. I think that was a very wise decision. But you have repeatedly complained about that and you're still doing so. Let me insert a quote from your post to today: to : " In the actual situation on FAM availing someone of knowledge you possess, costs nothing and despite the overzealous policing I'm experiencing, is what I thought was the purpose of forums. " So, clearly, you are still demanding that he who had the by you desired information, in this case Ken, should hand it over to you, despite your previous rudeness towars him? It may actually cost a great deal of time and effort and, as I've been pointing out repeatedly, everyone here participates as much or as little as they want. No one is obliged to do anything. Exept perhaps us in the administration who do our best to provide information and support to the best of our ability and as much as our time allows (I have 9 other groups to moderate and actually have to sleep sometimes too). The " overzealous " policing you have brought on yourself by your own behavior. If you can have more mutually respectful conversations like you've had with some members here, then there will be no need for moderation. Inger: >> 3. After Ken - understandably - declined to continue the converstation with you under such hostile premises, you did seem resentful and seemed to be demanding that he oblige you. : > What are " hostile premises " ? You attacked Ken, period. Don't do it again if you want to stay i this forum. > In " morals from an analogy, " I make an observation about the way people in > this group seem to feel a surprising burden of obligation. Most are more than willing to provide any other member with information and/or support. And if you have any questions about he topic that you originally wanted to discuss, feel free to try again and ask questionsi if there is anything you want to know. Perhaps someone else will want to respond. Inger >> All I did was to point out that he doesn't have to. You are always free to ask for what you want, but you have no right to demand it. Everyone here is participating of their own free will. . > All I pointed out was that he wasn't. There it goes again. Where did I > " demand " he had to? Indirectly by STILL complaining about not being given what you ask for. Like in the post to for example. Your analogy with the rich man seems to imply that since he has so much he SHOULD share it. That is to demand even if you don't say it in so many words. Non-demanding requests ALWAYS leave the option for the other person not so give you want you ask for and accept it without resentment. And those requests are generally more likely to get satisfied since, people usually like to give out of their own free will and not because they feel pressured to. So by not demanding, you are actually more likely to get what you want. (Just a little tip, offered free of charge.) : >>> " Suppressing " was just my perhaps Aspie, idiosyncratic or 'little >>> professor' way of saying with all your medical BACKGROUND why not speak >>> on the aspects of AS literature to which I originally referred. I've >>> clarified this more than once. Inger: >> I have now searched all your posts in my inbox and I can find no >> clarification of this. But this explanation will suffice. Glad to finally >> find out what you meant. : > Are you saying your cannot see my first reply to Raven? I went back through the forum archives now and read it again. And you actually answered all her questions EXCEPT that one. : > And if my explanation here does indeed suffice, doesn't that make > redundant all you have written above? Right then, does this look > familiar? I reply to each line in turn. Seems there is no way of pleasing you, ? If I don't reply, you threaten to shout at me again, and if I do reply, you find it redundant? Well, this is my last round of this anyway, so that should please at least the half of you that prefers to not have this discussion. " Message 5093 From " ravenmagic2003 " : >> " Thanks for your replies, . I appreciated the effort you put in to >> explaining what I found so confusing earlier. " : > No problemo! " You still did not explain that one thing there, but I guess Raven was satisfied anyway. Good for her. : >>> Do you think I am still concerned with and only talking about Ken, Inger? Inger: >> I suspected you might be since you seem to have been a bit obsessive about him. But possibly you meant ME in that mail? It aways helps when you just say straight out what you mean. That leaves less room for misinterpretation. : > I'm obsessive about AS not individual Aspies. You know, many Aspies labour under the misunderstanding that, they or others, can make " straight " statements which remove all possibility of misinterpretation. This is something they must eventually learn cannot be avoided. In my experience, it is actually only with SOME people that it cannot be avioded. The majority of Aspies I communicate with I have no trouble understanding at all. And those are usually the ones who actually just say what they mean straight out. It is possible to do so. It's a skill that can be learned. wrote: >>It might also be that the person being spoken to is becoming either annoyed or a little angry about the posts so they stop posting trying to defuse the situation. : >>Exactly, . The mechanism is called projection. Inger: >Not necessarily. Sometimes people react because they are feeling attacked. : > What do you mean " not necessarily " ? Again, that is no answer. It is still called projection. Only if the other person a) projects anger onto someone who really isn't angry/aggressive at all and is unaware of doing so. In this case Ken was very aware of both his own feelings and yours since yours very rather obvious. If they had bee in in Ken's mind only, then I wouldn't have been able to pick them up too. And I am not angry so I have nothing to project. : > And notice how you omit the part where Ken ADMITS he was himslef feeling > angry. That was to save thread space only, I always try to shorten these exchanges as much as possible without losing context. No one is denying that Ken felt angry. What I'm trying to get at is that he got angry because you provoked him. And as already written above, it's not against the rules here to FEEL angry, only to take your anger out on other menbers. Ken did not. Ken: >>>> I do my meditation and other spiritual practices largely in an effort to become more detached, in the sense of not reacting from an emotional place when my buttons are pushed. : >>> Practice makes perfect! Inger: >>, that's actually an insulting comment to Ken sharing >something personal about himself. Perhaps you are not aware of this? >(Many Aspies have trouble realizing how they come across to others >and figuring out how to interact smoothly. It's part of the >syndrome, though it can often be improved with extensive practice >and/or tutoring.) : > You took over 50 words to say the same thing I said in 3!! Is that an apology to Ken for your rude remark? >>> Maybe it's the curse of too much testosterone. Baron-Cohen thinks autism is extreme masculinity. But that hardly explains the level- headed, compassionate AS women here and elsewhere. I'm beginning to suspect that AS is really distinct from autism and perhaps not part of the spectrum. : >> Baron-Cohen's theory refers to pre-natal testosterone, not the >testosterone prone outbursts of sports, or pub closing time. We AS >have become 'acclimatised' to high levels of the hormone. Inger: >> That is correct (according to the theory). Thanks for this clarification. > No problemo, but, er, how do [you] know its is correct. . . : I said " according to the theory " (I've read about it). > did I clarify for you or everyone else? For everyone, I hope. Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2009 Report Share Posted August 18, 2009 I just sent you a post.... Did you get it? About Rochester? I saw a an e-mail that was returned and I hope it wasn't the one that I sent you..... - Noelle's mommy, 2 1/2 years old and in 7th cast from Rochester NY, reflux, mild plagiocephaly, mild torticollos, hypotonia, ligament laxity, suspected Ehler's Danlos III From: <mariaf305yahoo (DOT) com>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] Re: New MemberTo: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Thursday, August 13, 2009, 2:13 PM I just wanted to add one thing. There is a doctor at Shriners in Philly who also works out of the Erie Shriners Hospital. He is properly trained in casting - in fact, I think some folks here may see him in Erie for that purpose, I'm not sure, but I know others folks who do. But for those in NY/NJ, it would be more convenient to see him in Philadelphia.Hope this helps.> > >> > > Hello Everyone,> > > > > > To introduce myself to the group, my name is Dave and my wife and I just received news that my 5 month old son has a 40 degree curve in his spine; I am sorry but I don't understand the specifics of that curve yet. My first son had some issues so we noticed early on that had torticolis, which he has been receiving physicial therapy for. At 3 months, his pediatrician suggested that we see a pediatric orthopedic surgeon to make sure that everything was ok and he sent us for the x-ray. Once getting news that the curve was 40 degrees, the surgeon informed us that the situation was too severe for him to handle so he referred us to a spinal surgeon. We have scheduled two appointments, one with a Dr Vitale (ped ortho surgeon) and a Dr Errico (spinal surgeon) both in NYC. The appointments are approaching but neither my pediatrician nor the radiologist have ever seen this before and of course they do not have any real information. I was> > > hoping to reach out to the group for any advice and to hear back in case anyone has had a similar situation. It sounds like the casting has worked for some of you and I am not sure (1) whether my doctor will do it (2) whether I should do it immediately rather than waiting to see if the curve worsens; and (3) what the percentage of early onset patients is whose curve resolves on its own. I would appreciate any help.> > > > > > Thanks!> > > > > > Dave F> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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