Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 When my son is " stuck " , time limits make him far worse -- just another example of there being no clear cut answers for kids with OCD: what works for one child may be hopeless for another, or even helpful one day and not another for the same kid! The only things that seem to help when my son is stuck is to take the pressure OFF. If I say the shower really isn't important and that I know he will take one at some stage, that is far more likely to help than if I say he HAS to take a shower now. Also, he often asks me to walk with him to the bathroom and once he crosses through the door, he is usually OK. Occasionally, he will get into loops with me, saying he will go if I walk with him, and then I will do something " wrong " like taking two minutes to come, or say something " wrong " , and then he won't walk with me. If I then walk away, he will say he can walk to the bathroom, if I just do something specific to help him, and again that thing will be done wrong, and so the loop goes. They could be endless, so I won't play these " OCD games " with him and will then tell him that I will only come back when he is ready to move on and I leave. I often tell him that although I know it is hard for him, I won't let his OCD tell me what to do and that he needs to try to talk back to his OCD, too. The journey continues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 I take the pressure off of some things too. Some things are not important enough to fight over. Others are a must, like my son getting his retainer on. I try to be careful too keep my list of musts managable for them. I also try to get my kids to do things for themselves because if they get me too involved I know how hard it will be to get myself untangled. I can also relate to the " wrong " thing too. That's something more with my older one. For example, I might say do " ... " beacuse he was taking forever and he was about to do it because he did whatever he needed to do in his head and was finally ready, he would stop and get a look like he's not going to do it now. He is finally mature enough that if he acts like that, usually I can tell him I can't read his mind and didn't know he was all ready and lets move on and do whatever. My mother says she doesn't know how I do it. ________________________________ To: @... Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 9:28:43 AM Subject: Re:Getting stuck When my son is " stuck " , time limits make him far worse -- just another example of there being no clear cut answers for kids with OCD: what works for one child may be hopeless for another, or even helpful one day and not another for the same kid! The only things that seem to help when my son is stuck is to take the pressure OFF. If I say the shower really isn't important and that I know he will take one at some stage, that is far more likely to help than if I say he HAS to take a shower now. Also, he often asks me to walk with him to the bathroom and once he crosses through the door, he is usually OK. Occasionally, he will get into loops with me, saying he will go if I walk with him, and then I will do something " wrong " like taking two minutes to come, or say something " wrong " , and then he won't walk with me. If I then walk away, he will say he can walk to the bathroom, if I just do something specific to help him, and again that thing will be done wrong, and so the loop goes. They could be endless, so I won't play these " OCD games " with him and will then tell him that I will only come back when he is ready to move on and I leave. I often tell him that although I know it is hard for him, I won't let his OCD tell me what to do and that he needs to try to talk back to his OCD, too. The journey continues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Hey everyone, Thanks to all of you who have responded to me. I have not gone online about this because it is hard enough excepting and dealing and now I am feeling the stress of what is to come. So if I don't respond it is not due to me not appreciating it is just hard. My son will get stuck on his probably maybe talk and now he is doing great w/ me saying can you say that again. He does it and takes those words out of the sentence. When we go to the next therapist I am going to ask this, but incase someone else knows.... My son is not " so " bad right now. He has his moments and it feels really hard..does it start that way and get worse? Or because he is hopefully learning and will continue to work on things will it ever be okay? Thanks! Subject: Re: Re:Getting stuck To: Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 11:15 AM I take the pressure off of some things too. Some things are not important enough to fight over. Others are a must, like my son getting his retainer on. I try to be careful too keep my list of musts managable for them. I also try to get my kids to do things for themselves because if they get me too involved I know how hard it will be to get myself untangled. I can also relate to the " wrong " thing too. That's something more with my older one. For example, I might say do " ... " beacuse he was taking forever and he was about to do it because he did whatever he needed to do in his head and was finally ready, he would stop and get a look like he's not going to do it now. He is finally mature enough that if he acts like that, usually I can tell him I can't read his mind and didn't know he was all ready and lets move on and do whatever. My mother says she doesn't know how I do it. ____________ _________ _________ __ From: Ali Farquhar <alison@been- farquhar. com> To: @ yahoogroups. .com Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 9:28:43 AM Subject: Re:Getting stuck When my son is " stuck " , time limits make him far worse -- just another example of there being no clear cut answers for kids with OCD: what works for one child may be hopeless for another, or even helpful one day and not another for the same kid! The only things that seem to help when my son is stuck is to take the pressure OFF. If I say the shower really isn't important and that I know he will take one at some stage, that is far more likely to help than if I say he HAS to take a shower now. Also, he often asks me to walk with him to the bathroom and once he crosses through the door, he is usually OK. Occasionally, he will get into loops with me, saying he will go if I walk with him, and then I will do something " wrong " like taking two minutes to come, or say something " wrong " , and then he won't walk with me. If I then walk away, he will say he can walk to the bathroom, if I just do something specific to help him, and again that thing will be done wrong, and so the loop goes. They could be endless, so I won't play these " OCD games " with him and will then tell him that I will only come back when he is ready to move on and I leave. I often tell him that although I know it is hard for him, I won't let his OCD tell me what to do and that he needs to try to talk back to his OCD, too. The journey continues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 http://www.dawnhuebnerphd.com/Books.aspx I thought I would share this link with you. Our son loves the what to do when your brain gets stuck book. We also read the worry book and he liked that as well. It also helped me. Trayc Subject: Re: Re:Getting stuck To: Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 11:15 AM I take the pressure off of some things too. Some things are not important enough to fight over. Others are a must, like my son getting his retainer on. I try to be careful too keep my list of musts managable for them. I also try to get my kids to do things for themselves because if they get me too involved I know how hard it will be to get myself untangled. I can also relate to the " wrong " thing too. That's something more with my older one. For example, I might say do " ... " beacuse he was taking forever and he was about to do it because he did whatever he needed to do in his head and was finally ready, he would stop and get a look like he's not going to do it now. He is finally mature enough that if he acts like that, usually I can tell him I can't read his mind and didn't know he was all ready and lets move on and do whatever. My mother says she doesn't know how I do it. ____________ _________ _________ __ From: Ali Farquhar <alison@been- farquhar. com> To: @ yahoogroups. .com Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 9:28:43 AM Subject: Re:Getting stuck When my son is " stuck " , time limits make him far worse -- just another example of there being no clear cut answers for kids with OCD: what works for one child may be hopeless for another, or even helpful one day and not another for the same kid! The only things that seem to help when my son is stuck is to take the pressure OFF. If I say the shower really isn't important and that I know he will take one at some stage, that is far more likely to help than if I say he HAS to take a shower now. Also, he often asks me to walk with him to the bathroom and once he crosses through the door, he is usually OK. Occasionally, he will get into loops with me, saying he will go if I walk with him, and then I will do something " wrong " like taking two minutes to come, or say something " wrong " , and then he won't walk with me. If I then walk away, he will say he can walk to the bathroom, if I just do something specific to help him, and again that thing will be done wrong, and so the loop goes. They could be endless, so I won't play these " OCD games " with him and will then tell him that I will only come back when he is ready to move on and I leave. I often tell him that although I know it is hard for him, I won't let his OCD tell me what to do and that he needs to try to talk back to his OCD, too. The journey continues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Hi , Each or my three children has a different story based on other diagnoses, personality, temperment, etc. One thing that they all have in common is therapy. They have all had or continue to have cognitive beahavior therapy and exposure and response prevention therapy. One has medication that helps too. That with our understanding of their behavior (which I am still learning) makes a huge difference. I try not to think about the future too much since the only thing I can control is the present. I read a book a while back that showed pet scans berfore and after therapy and the changes in the brain. My kids understand that they are making new paths in their brains when they change an OCD problem and that they are making their brains healthier. It's an onging problem, but hopefully one that they will be able to manage. The important this is to have a therapist who understands not just cognitive behavior therapy, but exposure and response prevention therapy since that's the thing that will get rid of OCD symptoms that pop up. ________________________________ To: Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 11:20:38 AM Subject: Re: Re:Getting stuck Hey everyone, Thanks to all of you who have responded to me. I have not gone online about this because it is hard enough excepting and dealing and now I am feeling the stress of what is to come. So if I don't respond it is not due to me not appreciating it is just hard. My son will get stuck on his probably maybe talk and now he is doing great w/ me saying can you say that again. He does it and takes those words out of the sentence. When we go to the next therapist I am going to ask this, but incase someone else knows.... My son is not " so " bad right now. He has his moments and it feels really hard..does it start that way and get worse? Or because he is hopefully learning and will continue to work on things will it ever be okay? Thanks! From: luv2sail <rosjac3yahoo (DOT) com> Subject: Re: Re:Getting stuck To: @ yahoogroups. com Date: Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 11:15 AM I take the pressure off of some things too. Some things are not important enough to fight over. Others are a must, like my son getting his retainer on. I try to be careful too keep my list of musts managable for them. I also try to get my kids to do things for themselves because if they get me too involved I know how hard it will be to get myself untangled. I can also relate to the " wrong " thing too. That's something more with my older one. For example, I might say do " ... " beacuse he was taking forever and he was about to do it because he did whatever he needed to do in his head and was finally ready, he would stop and get a look like he's not going to do it now. He is finally mature enough that if he acts like that, usually I can tell him I can't read his mind and didn't know he was all ready and lets move on and do whatever. My mother says she doesn't know how I do it. ____________ _________ _________ __ From: Ali Farquhar <alison@been- farquhar. com> To: @ yahoogroups. .com Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 9:28:43 AM Subject: Re:Getting stuck When my son is " stuck " , time limits make him far worse -- just another example of there being no clear cut answers for kids with OCD: what works for one child may be hopeless for another, or even helpful one day and not another for the same kid! The only things that seem to help when my son is stuck is to take the pressure OFF. If I say the shower really isn't important and that I know he will take one at some stage, that is far more likely to help than if I say he HAS to take a shower now. Also, he often asks me to walk with him to the bathroom and once he crosses through the door, he is usually OK. Occasionally, he will get into loops with me, saying he will go if I walk with him, and then I will do something " wrong " like taking two minutes to come, or say something " wrong " , and then he won't walk with me. If I then walk away, he will say he can walk to the bathroom, if I just do something specific to help him, and again that thing will be done wrong, and so the loop goes. They could be endless, so I won't play these " OCD games " with him and will then tell him that I will only come back when he is ready to move on and I leave. I often tell him that although I know it is hard for him, I won't let his OCD tell me what to do and that he needs to try to talk back to his OCD, too.. The journey continues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Thanks ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 >>>He has his moments and it feels really hard..does it start that way and get worse? Or because he is hopefully learning and will continue to work on things will it ever be okay? I don't know . . . I think OCD usually comes and goes. I know that for us, once we found out it was OCD and learned skills to tackle it, we are more confident when it crops up. Yes she still has pretty bad episodes but we're able to keep them to a minimum now and we also don't do a lot of " babying " her through the rough times. We try to treat OCD as unwelcome without totally alienating the 9-year-old little girl that is caught up in the fear of it all. To answer your question, though. There are a LOT of perfectly wonderful and functional adults in our world with OCD. Kate's therapist pointed out that he WANTS his pilot to have OCD and verify repeatedly that the plane is mechanically sound, he WANTS his surgeon to have OCD and double check that every sponge is accounted for! Kate's teacher last year (when Kate was diagnosed) has OCD and she is such a valuable resource for our daughter! She knew exactly what helps and what doesn't when she'd have a meltdown at school. But she is also an excellent teacher -- the kids in her room learn the value of keeping their desks organized, using baby wipes on their hands after recess, etc. Her teacher has some rough times herself but that makes her a BETTER teacher in the long run! Your son CAN learn to control his OCD and CAN go on to lead a very happy and productive life! Don't lose hope! Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 " To answer your question, though. There are a LOT of perfectly wonderful and functional adults in our world with OCD. " This is really true. Our son's pdoc say that he can use the OCD to his advantage as far a being persistant and insisting that things are done right. I would imagine that there are many people out there with OCD who are successsful because they didn't drop the ball. My son is very persistant in whatever he pursues. I would probably give up while he still goes at it and he's successful with whatever it was that he was pursuing. But, he is reasonable and knows that it's ok to quit when appropriate. I try to be optimistic.. My son's therapist loaned us a taping of an Oprah show that was about ERP. They showed people having intensive ERP and they were successful with it. Then they talked to them months later and they were doing ok. ________________________________ To: Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 12:42:28 PM Subject: Re: Re:Getting stuck >>>He has his moments and it feels really hard..does it start that way and get worse? Or because he is hopefully learning and will continue to work on things will it ever be okay? I don't know . . . I think OCD usually comes and goes. I know that for us, once we found out it was OCD and learned skills to tackle it, we are more confident when it crops up. Yes she still has pretty bad episodes but we're able to keep them to a minimum now and we also don't do a lot of " babying " her through the rough times. We try to treat OCD as unwelcome without totally alienating the 9-year-old little girl that is caught up in the fear of it all. To answer your question, though. There are a LOT of perfectly wonderful and functional adults in our world with OCD. Kate's therapist pointed out that he WANTS his pilot to have OCD and verify repeatedly that the plane is mechanically sound, he WANTS his surgeon to have OCD and double check that every sponge is accounted for! Kate's teacher last year (when Kate was diagnosed) has OCD and she is such a valuable resource for our daughter! She knew exactly what helps and what doesn't when she'd have a meltdown at school. But she is also an excellent teacher -- the kids in her room learn the value of keeping their desks organized, using baby wipes on their hands after recess, etc. Her teacher has some rough times herself but that makes her a BETTER teacher in the long run! Your son CAN learn to control his OCD and CAN go on to lead a very happy and productive life! Don't lose hope! Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 > I agree. I am not the most attention to detail person. My son can build the most imazing lego sets and follow all the directions and me, ah never mind. So we will take the positive aspects. > > > " To answer your question, though. There are a LOT of perfectly wonderful > and functional adults in our world with OCD. " > > This is really true. Our son's pdoc say that he can use the OCD to his advantage as far a being persistant and insisting that things are done right. I would imagine that there are many people out there with OCD who are successsful because they didn't drop the ball. My son is very persistant in whatever he pursues. I would probably give up while he still goes at it and he's successful with whatever it was that he was pursuing. But, he is reasonable and knows that it's ok to quit when appropriate. > > I try to be optimistic.. My son's therapist loaned us a taping of an Oprah show that was about ERP. They showed people having intensive ERP and they were successful with it. Then they talked to them months later and they were doing ok. > > > ________________________________ > > To: > Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 12:42:28 PM > Subject: Re: Re:Getting stuck > > > >>>He has his moments and it feels really hard..does it start that way and > get worse? Or because he is hopefully learning and will continue to > work on things will it ever be okay? > > I don't know . . . I think OCD usually comes and goes. I know that for > us, once we found out it was OCD and learned skills to tackle it, we are > more confident when it crops up. Yes she still has pretty bad episodes > but we're able to keep them to a minimum now and we also don't do a lot of > " babying " her through the rough times. We try to treat OCD as unwelcome > without totally alienating the 9-year-old little girl that is caught up in > the fear of it all. > > To answer your question, though. There are a LOT of perfectly wonderful > and functional adults in our world with OCD. Kate's therapist pointed out > that he WANTS his pilot to have OCD and verify repeatedly that the plane > is mechanically sound, he WANTS his surgeon to have OCD and double check > that every sponge is accounted for! Kate's teacher last year (when Kate > was diagnosed) has OCD and she is such a valuable resource for our > daughter! She knew exactly what helps and what doesn't when she'd have a > meltdown at school. But she is also an excellent teacher -- the kids in > her room learn the value of keeping their desks organized, using baby > wipes on their hands after recess, etc. Her teacher has some rough times > herself but that makes her a BETTER teacher in the long run! > > Your son CAN learn to control his OCD and CAN go on to lead a very happy > and productive life! Don't lose hope! > > Beth > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 For my daughter, what helps is to add a consequence if she doesn't fight against her OCD for things that are important for social functioning. Â For example, if she can't control her tears during basketball games and practices, I told her that she couldn't be on the team. Â It made all the difference. Â If your child is an adolescent and going to school smelly and greasy-haired, that will impact on both how he is viewed by other kids and by other teachers. Â This is too important to allow, so I would attach a consequence to going without a shower for more than a certain number of days, e.g. 4, i.e. no tv until he takes a shower. Â There is an approach-avoidance curve to facing a fear. Â If the consequence of avoiding becomes more aversive than the consequence of facing the fear, the fear is easier to tackle. Â Re:Getting stuck When my son is " stuck " , time limits make him far worse -- just another example of there being no clear cut answers for kids with OCD: what works for one child may be hopeless for another, or even helpful one day and not another for the same kid! The only things that seem to help when my son is stuck is to take the pressure OFF. If I say the shower really isn't=2 0important and that I know he will take one at some stage, that is far more likely to help than if I say he HAS to take a shower now. Also, he often asks me to walk with him to the bathroom and once he crosses through the door, he is usually OK. Occasionally, he will get into loops with me, saying he will go if I walk with him, and then I will do something " wrong " like taking two minutes to come, or say something " wrong " , and then he won't walk with me. If I then walk away, he will say he can walk to the bathroom, if I just do something specific to help him, and again that thing will be done wrong, and so the loop goes. They could be endless, so I won't play these " OCD games " with him and will then tell him that I will only come back when he is ready to move on and I leave. I often tell him that although I know it is hard for him, I won't let his OCD tell me what to do and that he needs to try to talk back to his OCD, too. The journey continues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 I have OCD which has been very severe without medication, but I enjoy my life. Â I love my job as a learning specialist. Â I teach children in 1st through 4th grade who have specific learning disabilities and are in regular classes. Â They come to me for specialized instruction in reading/writing and/or math for a period or two a day. Â I also do kindergarten screenings of potential students for our school and do educational evaluations of children in our school when we want to determine their academic levels. Â I'm a standing member of the school Child Study Team that meets weekly to discuss students who are experiencing difficulties for any reason and determine how best to help them. Â I also am a single mom of 9 year old twins. Â I have lots of good friends. Â Basically life is good. Â On the other hand, I do take medication for my OCD and have to fight back the OCD fears as best I can. Â People can't tell that I have OCD, although my children, close friends and family know. Â There is no reason that any of our children can't live full, happy lives as well. Re: Re:Getting stuck >>>He has his moments and it feels really hard..does it start that way and get worse? Or because he is hopefully learning and will continue to work on things will it ever be okay? I don't know . . . I think OCD usually comes and goes. I know that for us, once we found out it was OCD and learned skills to tackle it, we are more confident when it crops up. Yes she still has pretty bad episodes but we're able to keep them to a minimum now and we also don't do a lot of " babying " her through the rough times. We try to treat OCD as unwelcome without totally alienating the 9-year-old little girl that is caught up in the fear of it all. To answer your question, though. There are a LOT of perfectly wonderful and functional adults in our world with OCD. Kate's therapist pointed out that he WANTS his pilot to have OCD and verify repeatedly that the plane is mechanically sound, he WANTS his surgeon to have OCD and double check that every sponge is accounted for! Kate's teacher last year (when Kate was diagnosed) has OCD and she is such a valuable resource for our daughter! She knew exactly what helps and what doesn't when she'd have a meltdown at school. But she is also an excellent teacher -- the kids in her room learn the value of keeping their desks organized, using baby wipes on their hands after recess, etc. Her teacher has some rough times herself but that makes her a BETTER teacher in the long run! Your son CAN learn to control his OCD and CAN go on to lead a very happy and productive life! Don't lose hope! Beth =0 A 0A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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