Re: thoughts?

[Guest guest]

Go with your gut. Four of my kids are adopted so they have no contact now with their birth families but I would not allow it to happened prior to a big ordeal like this surgery. If he waited this long to see her he can wait a little longer.

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AMSubject: thoughts?

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

Thats what Im sayin!! Thanks . I want to make the

right decision and dont want my utter disgust with the situation to influence

this negatively. I know she is curious about him....But, for him to initiate

contact at his convenience and then leave her again prior to this surgery is not

acceptable. She needs to go in with a strong, posotive healthy attitude. Not

go in wondering why he left again?

Too much for such a little girl.

HRH

>

> Go with your gut.  Four of my kids are adopted so they have no contact now

with their birth families but I would not allow it to happened prior to a big

ordeal like this surgery.  If he waited this long to see her he can wait a

little longer.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: infantile_scoliosis

> Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AM

> Subject: thoughts?

>

>  

> Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and

asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a

huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad

timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make

such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal

development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but

certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why

I am coming here for your thoughts.

> Thank you.

> HRH

>

[Guest guest]

When I was four my parents divorced, my little sister was four months. We saw my dad every other weekend until, when I was about ten or so, he moved from Indiana to North Carolina. He would come and get us every summer and drive us down to visit with him for a couple of weeks. The last time we went down there I was twelve. He smoked marijuana and got high the entire 16 hour drive back to NC, and then again in the way back to Indiana, with his twelve year old and eight year old daughters in the back seat. It was at that point in time I swore I would never ever go and visit my father again unless it was on my terms and he had quit and passed a random drug test. You may be surprised at how smart and able Olivia is to make good decisions, and it sounds to me like she is a very mature and smart girl. If I were I would talk

to her and explain your reasoning and let her make the final decision. I am glad to say that a couple years after that my dads company started doing random drug tests and he quit doing drugs. I am even more happy, but kind of upset, to say that after I had he decided to move back to Indiana and lives 15 minutes away, and to this day, as far as I know, he is clean. Beth Rettinger

Mother Of

In First Cast From SLCSubject: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 11:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts.

Thank you.

HRH

[Guest guest]

,

Jeez!! When it rains it pours!! I think too if she bored and doent feel challenged with school you might consider moving her up but be prepared what she will come home learning by the older kids....

As far as the bio dad goes if it were me i would wait until after she is healed from surgery and then see what happens. Who knows, this may just be a passing phase hes in and by the time surgery is over and she is healed he may not even be around anymore. I would wait and if he is still asking to see her in a few months then i would ask Liv what she wants to do. Shes oviously a smart little girl and i would let her make the decision then.

Just my 2 cents,

Subject: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 10:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

Would NOT allow contact right now. Just my opinion. Joanmom to Hayden 2 1/262 degreesTreated at ish Rite Hospital Dallas, TX

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 10:20:57 AMSubject: thoughts?

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

I agree with what's been said already. Now isn't the time to have a reconnection meeting with his daughter. He's waited this long already, he can wait a few more months. You're supposed to be leaving for SLC soon and putting Liv on such an emotional rollercoaster could be damaging to her much needed medical treatment. She needs to be strong physically and emotionally. Plus, with skipping a grade too, that's a lot for a little girl to take on. I'd discuss it with her too though and get her thoughts on it all. You could always do a "what if" situation, not telling her that he called just to feel her out. Let us know what happens.

(mother to - 14 1/2 months old - in 1st brace fr SLC)

Subject: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 11:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

Your right. She does not need that stress on top of everything else. And if he cares for her and her well being, he will want to do what is best for HER and put his own selfish needs aside. Joanmom to Hayden 2 1/262 degreesTreated at ish Rite Hospital Dallas, TX

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 10:33:45 AMSubject: Re: thoughts?

Thats what Im sayin!! Thanks . I want to make the right decision and dont want my utter disgust with the situation to influence this negatively. I know she is curious about him....But, for him to initiate contact at his convenience and then leave her again prior to this surgery is not acceptable. She needs to go in with a strong, posotive healthy attitude. Not go in wondering why he left again?Too much for such a little girl. HRH>> Go with your gut. Four of my kids are adopted so they have no contact now with their birth families but I would not allow it to happened prior to a big ordeal like this surgery. If he waited this long to see her he can wait a little longer.>

> > > > ____________ _________ _________ __> From: hrhandco <heather@... >> To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. com> Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AM> Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?> > > Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view

on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. > Thank you.> HRH>

[Guest guest]

,I think your instincts are correct given what Liv is about to go through. Very few 8 year olds ever have to undergo something as serious as this and I think it's your responsibility as her mother to protect her from situations that could be very emotionally upsetting that she will undoubtedly dwell on while she is recovering. Any parent that allows 8 years to pass without seeing their child has no rights whatsoever in this situation, in my opinion. Explain your reasoning and let him prove he is serious about being in her life by following up with you when she is healthy enough to come home.  If he doesn't do that, then this was his for own self-serving needs, not truly wanting to be Liv's father. If he does, then she will be in the right frame of mind for a reunion.I can tell you

from personal experience that the anger I still feel towards my father for leaving us when I was 13 is still there and more so now that I have a child of my own. And I saw him regularly after my parents separated, so I can only imagine the feelings an 11 year old would feel if they hadn't seen their father for 8 years. Giving Liv the best chance at the speediest recovery possible is the only factor to consider. -Nick (yes, actually Nick)Heidi, Bexon's Mama, (2 years old, in 3rd cast from Salt Lake City Shriners, currently down from 61 degrees to 25)Subject: thoughts?To:

infantile_scoliosis Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 8:20 AM

 

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts.

Thank you.

HRH

[Guest guest]

WOW Beth, what a traumatic situation for you at such a young age. Your mother must have been so upset. I hope you have a better relationship now with your dad. Sorry you had to endure all that. Joanmom to Hayden 2 1/262 degreesTreated at ish Rite Hospital Dallas, TX

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 10:36:35 AMSubject: Re: thoughts?

When I was four my parents divorced, my little sister was four months. We saw my dad every other weekend until, when I was about ten or so, he moved from Indiana to North Carolina. He would come and get us every summer and drive us down to visit with him for a couple of weeks. The last time we went down there I was twelve. He smoked marijuana and got high the entire 16 hour drive back to NC, and then again in the way back to Indiana, with his twelve year old and eight year old daughters in the back seat. It was at that point in time I swore I would never ever go and visit my father again unless it was on my terms and he had quit and passed a random drug test. You may be surprised at how smart and able Olivia is to make good decisions, and it sounds to me like she is a very mature and smart girl. If I were I would talk to her and explain your reasoning and let her make the final decision. I am

glad to say that a couple years after that my dads company started doing random drug tests and he quit doing drugs. I am even more happy, but kind of upset, to say that after I had he decided to move back to Indiana and lives 15 minutes away, and to this day, as far as I know, he is clean. Beth RettingerMother Of In First Cast From SLC

From: hrhandco <heather@infantilesc oliosis.org>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 11:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I've never been in that situation but I would say it all depends on how Olivia feels about it (and how you think she feels about it) and how much she knows about her father. Specially what she would be expecting from that meeting.

If she expects his Dad to be around after that, then I would NOT allow it. If she is 'casual' about it, then it might even be good for her to know there is somebody else in her life.

I would make my decision based on that. I've only been around here for a while, but it sounds like she is mature to let you know how she feels.

On the other hand, you know HIM, and it's also important what you think he is going to tell her, that might change her expectations.

For sure not an easy decision to make.

Good luck!!

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AMSubject: thoughts?

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

All new Yahoo! Mail - Get a sneak peak at messages with a handy reading pane.

[Guest guest]

Actually I never told my mother. I knew what it would do to her so I kept it to myself, I didn't even tell my little sister. We are okay now but it is hard to trust someone who hurts you like that.Beth Rettinger

Mother Of

In First Cast From SLC

From: hrhandco <heather@infantilesc oliosis.org>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 11:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

Love your 2 cents. Thank you.

Its funny that you mention that it may be a phase that he is going through...I

think you may be on the money with this. If he was serious about re

establishing a relationship with Liv, you think he would have called back or

called a month prior to make proper arrangements. I believe thats how the

courts would do it. They would reintroduce them slowly and supervised.. His

initial call was last week. Although, I wouldnt be suprised if he calls 3 days

before we leave to SLC. Oh well, I'll just deal with this when we get back...

I'de love to hear a fathers point of view, as well... I dont want to have

tunnel vision on this.....I appreciate all feedback and wont be defensive on

this serious, personal topic. Just open minded.. I know its ultimately my

decision

HRH

>

>

>

> Subject: thoughts?

> To: infantile_scoliosis

> Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 10:20 AM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and

asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a

huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad

timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make

such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal

development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but

certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why

I am coming here for your thoughts.

> Thank you.

> HRH

>

[Guest guest]

SO sorry you have had this with you all these years. I agree, I wouldn't be able to trust him again either. And I am sure he is old now and wants to be close with you, but it must be hard. Joanmom to Hayden 2 1/262 degreesTreated at ish Rite Hospital Dallas, TX

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 10:59:20 AMSubject: Re: thoughts?

Actually I never told my mother. I knew what it would do to her so I kept it to myself, I didn't even tell my little sister. We are okay now but it is hard to trust someone who hurts you like that.Beth RettingerMother Of In First Cast From SLC

From: hrhandco <heather@infantilesc oliosis.org>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 11:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

You know, I was pondering the idea of telling her that he is initiating contact

and was going to allow her to make the decision. I would preface her choice by

informing her that she may not see him again for another 8 yrs......But, it

seems like such a hard thing to say to a little girl, (especially one with

iminent procedures). The last thing I want is her to go back into the hospital

feeling rejected. It must be hard watching all the other daddy's taking care of

their children in the hospital and wondering why your dad isnt there to be your

pillar of strength....Right? Am I overboard on this? That just teaches her

yet again that the world is a rough, hard place......I've been accused of being

over protective, but I believe these things must be considered. If she goes in

not knowing he has called, then she wont even think about it when we are

there....(maybe?)

Please keep the opinions coming! I am getting great prospective here and Im so

glad I brought this up. Wasnt sure myself if it was an appropriate topic, but

it has everything to do with her scoli situation. If she didnt have it, this

situation would be a bit different.

Thanks everyone.

HRH

>

>

>

> Hi ,

>

> I've never been in that situation but I would say it all depends on how Olivia

feels about it (and how you think she feels about it) and how much she knows

about her father. Specially what she would be expecting from that meeting.

>

> If she expects his Dad to be around after that, then I would NOT allow it. If

she is 'casual' about it, then it might even be good for her to know there is

somebody else in her life.

>

> I would make my decision based on that. I've only been around here for a

while, but it sounds like she is mature to let you know how she feels.

>

> On the other hand, you know HIM, and it's also important what you think he is

going to tell her, that might change her expectations.

>

> For sure not an easy decision to make.

>

> Good luck!!

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: infantile_scoliosis

> Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AM

> Subject: thoughts?

>

>  

> Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and

asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a

huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad

timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make

such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal

development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but

certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why

I am coming here for your thoughts.

> Thank you.

> HRH

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________________________

> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot

with the All-new Yahoo! Mail. Click on Options in Mail and switch to New Mail

today or register for free at http://mail.yahoo.ca

>

[Guest guest]

My opinion is to NOT tell her YET. Let her deal with the school situation and let her get through these procedures she has to endure. I think it's a lot for a little girl to take on all at once. I know she is mature for her age, but I have a young daughter and that is what I would do. Her well being and health come first and foremost. If he wants to see her, than he will wait until she is physically and emotionally ready. Joanmom to Hayden 2 1/262 degreesTreated at ish Rite Hospital Dallas, TX

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:21:28 AMSubject: Re: thoughts?

You know, I was pondering the idea of telling her that he is initiating contact and was going to allow her to make the decision. I would preface her choice by informing her that she may not see him again for another 8 yrs......But, it seems like such a hard thing to say to a little girl, (especially one with iminent procedures). The last thing I want is her to go back into the hospital feeling rejected. It must be hard watching all the other daddy's taking care of their children in the hospital and wondering why your dad isnt there to be your pillar of strength.... Right? Am I overboard on this? That just teaches her yet again that the world is a rough, hard place......I' ve been accused of being over protective, but I believe these things must be considered. If she goes in not knowing he has called, then she wont even think about it when we are there....(maybe? )Please keep the opinions coming! I am getting great prospective here and Im so

glad I brought this up. Wasnt sure myself if it was an appropriate topic, but it has everything to do with her scoli situation. If she didnt have it, this situation would be a bit different.Thanks everyone.HRH >> > > Hi ,> > I've never been in that situation but I would say it all depends on how Olivia feels about it (and how you think she feels about it) and how much she knows about her father. Specially what she would be expecting from that meeting. > > If she expects his Dad to be around after that, then I would NOT allow it. If she is 'casual' about it, then it might even be good for her to know there is somebody else in her life. >

> I would make my decision based on that. I've only been around here for a while, but it sounds like she is mature to let you know how she feels.> > On the other hand, you know HIM, and it's also important what you think he is going to tell her, that might change her expectations. > > For sure not an easy decision to make. > > Good luck!! > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __> From: hrhandco <heather@... >> To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. com> Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AM> Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?> > > Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this

brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. > Thank you.> HRH> > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail. Click on Options in Mail and switch to New Mail today or register for free at http://mail. yahoo.ca>

[Guest guest]

,

The earlier post (directly below) is from a father- Nick- it's usually me here, using this email address. I agree with EVERYTHING he wrote!!!Heidi, Bexon's Mama, (2 years old, in 3rd cast from Salt Lake City Shriners, currently down from 61 degrees to 25)

From: hrhandco <heather@infantilesc oliosis.org>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 8:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

,

Heidi here, just want to add that my father adandoned myself and my 2 sisters physically and emotionally when our parents divorced. It was his only way of hurting my mother, through the children. I was 10, my sisters were 5 and 12.

All 3 of us girls have been deeply affected by this rejection, each in our own ways. We reconnected when I was an adult and he did see the error of his ways, but we can never get those years back. He killed himself 2 years ago and we were much closer by then, and he left his children every penny he had ever saved... I love my Dad and think of him every day. BUT, I would absolutely NOT tell her he called until she is healed.Heidi, Bexon's Mama, (2 years old, in 3rd cast from Salt Lake City Shriners, currently down from 61 degrees to 25)

Subject: Re: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 9:21 AM

You know, I was pondering the idea of telling her that he is initiating contact and was going to allow her to make the decision. I would preface her choice by informing her that she may not see him again for another 8 yrs......But, it seems like such a hard thing to say to a little girl, (especially one with iminent procedures). The last thing I want is her to go back into the hospital feeling rejected. It must be hard watching all the other daddy's taking care of their children in the hospital and wondering why your dad isnt there to be your pillar of strength.... Right? Am I overboard on this? That just teaches her yet again that the world is a rough, hard place......I' ve been accused of being over protective, but I believe these things must be considered. If she goes in not knowing he has called, then she wont even think about it when we are there....(maybe? )Please keep the opinions coming! I am getting great prospective here and Im so

glad I brought this up. Wasnt sure myself if it was an appropriate topic, but it has everything to do with her scoli situation. If she didnt have it, this situation would be a bit different.Thanks everyone.HRH >> > > Hi ,> > I've never been in that situation but I would say it all depends on how Olivia feels about it (and how you think she feels about it) and how much she knows about her father. Specially what she would be expecting from that meeting. > > If she expects his Dad to be around after that, then I would NOT allow it. If she is 'casual' about it, then it might even be good for her to know there

is somebody else in her life. > > I would make my decision based on that. I've only been around here for a while, but it sounds like she is mature to let you know how she feels.> > On the other hand, you know HIM, and it's also important what you think he is going to tell her, that might change her expectations. > > For sure not an easy decision to make. > > Good luck!! > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __> From: hrhandco <heather@... >> To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. com> Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AM> Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?> > > Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8

yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. > Thank you.> HRH> > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail. Click on Options in Mail and switch to New Mail today or register for free at http://mail.

yahoo.ca>

[Guest guest]

If he's waited 8 years, he can wait another month or two until she has had her surgery and is well on the road to recovery.

Gail

"The Earth is the insane asylum for the rest of universe"

“Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.†-BumperSnickerz. ********************************************************************Mom to , 11/28/98 - ADHD/ODD/SIDand , 02/02/02 - Congenital Scoliosis, VATER Association (vertebral and renal anomalies), Torticollis, Klippel Feil Syndrome, Fused Ribs, First VEPTR Recipient at Cincinnati Children's Hospital 3/21/05, VEPTR Expansions: 11/05, 04/20/06, 6/12/08 and 8/14/09; Mole (Spitz Nevus) removal: 11/26/07 & 2/11/08

Subject: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 11:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Heidi, I am so sorry about your dad. What a sad story. It is even sadder that when you finally reconnected, he left you yet again. He obviously had many other issues that nobody could help him with. Joanmom to Hayden 2 1/262 degreesTreated at ish Rite Hospital Dallas, TX

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 12:23:04 PMSubject: Re: Re: thoughts?

,

Heidi here, just want to add that my father adandoned myself and my 2 sisters physically and emotionally when our parents divorced. It was his only way of hurting my mother, through the children. I was 10, my sisters were 5 and 12.

All 3 of us girls have been deeply affected by this rejection, each in our own ways. We reconnected when I was an adult and he did see the error of his ways, but we can never get those years back. He killed himself 2 years ago and we were much closer by then, and he left his children every penny he had ever saved... I love my Dad and think of him every day. BUT, I would absolutely NOT tell her he called until she is healed.Heidi, Bexon's Mama, (2 years old, in 3rd cast from Salt Lake City Shriners, currently down from 61 degrees to 25)

From: hrhandco <heather@infantilesc oliosis.org>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] Re: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 9:21 AM

You know, I was pondering the idea of telling her that he is initiating contact and was going to allow her to make the decision. I would preface her choice by informing her that she may not see him again for another 8 yrs......But, it seems like such a hard thing to say to a little girl, (especially one with iminent procedures). The last thing I want is her to go back into the hospital feeling rejected. It must be hard watching all the other daddy's taking care of their children in the hospital and wondering why your dad isnt there to be your pillar of strength.... Right? Am I overboard on this? That just teaches her yet again that the world is a rough, hard place......I' ve been accused of being over protective, but I believe these things must be considered. If she goes in not knowing he has called, then she wont even think about it when we are there....(maybe? )Please keep the opinions coming! I am getting great prospective here and Im so

glad I brought this up. Wasnt sure myself if it was an appropriate topic, but it has everything to do with her scoli situation. If she didnt have it, this situation would be a bit different.Thanks everyone.HRH >> > > Hi ,> > I've never been in that situation but I would say it all depends on how Olivia feels about it (and how you think she feels about it) and how much she knows about her father. Specially what she would be expecting from that meeting. > > If she expects his Dad to be around after that, then I would NOT allow it. If she is 'casual' about it, then it might even be good for her to know there is somebody else in her life. > > I would

make my decision based on that. I've only been around here for a while, but it sounds like she is mature to let you know how she feels.> > On the other hand, you know HIM, and it's also important what you think he is going to tell her, that might change her expectations. > > For sure not an easy decision to make. > > Good luck!! > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __> From: hrhandco <heather@... >> To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. com> Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AM> Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?> > > Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a

huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. > Thank you.> HRH> > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail. Click on Options in Mail and switch to New Mail today or register for free at http://mail.

yahoo.ca>

[Guest guest]

Totally agree with Gail. Plan something for after the surgery and she is well on the road to recovery.TashaMommy of 4 year old twin boys- and Fort Worth, TexasSeries of 6 casts for 14 months and now in a night brace. is treated at Texas ish Rite Hospital.You can read 's story at....http://www.infantilescoliosis.org/stories.html--- Subject: Re: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 12:33 PM

If he's waited 8 years, he can wait another month or two until she has had her surgery and is well on the road to recovery.

Gail

"The Earth is the insane asylum for the rest of universe"

“Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.†-BumperSnickerz. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **Mom to , 11/28/98 - ADHD/ODD/SIDand , 02/02/02 - Congenital Scoliosis, VATER Association (vertebral and renal anomalies), Torticollis, Klippel Feil Syndrome, Fused Ribs, First VEPTR Recipient at Cincinnati Children's Hospital 3/21/05, VEPTR Expansions: 11/05, 04/20/06, 6/12/08 and 8/14/09; Mole (Spitz Nevus) removal: 11/26/07 & 2/11/08

From: hrhandco <heather@infantilesc oliosis.org>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 11:20 AM

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH------------ --------- --------- ------

[Guest guest]

Wow. That is a tough one. I would say afterwards. I do not think she needs added stress right now on top of what she is already going through. I definitely wouldn't nix the whole idea...just wait until she is on the road to recovery.

Noelle (12-2-01)

Ian (8-15-04)

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AMSubject: thoughts?

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Joan, not to compare, but I relate to what Beth wrote. I made a decision as an adult to try to have the best relationship I could with him, under the circumstances. His own Dad left him at age 2, NOT an excuse, but he didn't have a good rold model for fatherhood.

It was sad that he was ill/depressed and died before meeting Bex, who was 4 months old when he passed. We started this scoli journey less than a year after that, and I also struggled with some bouts of depression.

I want to comment on that lack of bio father role as relates to Olivia. I can just say that the father rejection and abandonment had a big effect on me in my relating to dating/men/relationships- needing male approval- and low self esteem.

My father's rejection affected my self worth at times. I am still dealing with this in therapy, despite a very loving husband, family and friends in my life. My point is that this is huge life stuff that can have long term effects, so I would be very cautious, as is being, in exposing a daughter to the emotional effects. Especially under these circumstances.Heidi, Bexon's Mama, (2 years old, in 3rd cast from Salt Lake City Shriners, currently down from 61 degrees to 25)

From: hrhandco <heather@infantilesc oliosis.org>Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] Re: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. comDate: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 9:21 AM

You know, I was pondering the idea of telling her that he is initiating contact and was going to allow her to make the decision. I would preface her choice by informing her that she may not see him again for another 8 yrs......But, it seems like such a hard thing to say to a little girl, (especially one with iminent procedures). The last thing I want is her to go back into the hospital feeling rejected. It must be hard watching all the other daddy's taking care of their children in the hospital and wondering why your dad isnt there to be your pillar of strength.... Right? Am I overboard on this? That just teaches her yet again that the world is a rough, hard place......I' ve been accused of being over protective, but I believe these things must be considered. If she goes in not knowing he has called, then she wont even think about it when we are there....(maybe? )Please keep the opinions coming! I am getting great prospective here and Im so

glad I brought this up. Wasnt sure myself if it was an appropriate topic, but it has everything to do with her scoli situation. If she didnt have it, this situation would be a bit different.Thanks everyone.HRH >> > > Hi ,> > I've never been in that situation but I would say it all depends on how Olivia feels about it (and how you think she feels about it) and how much she knows about her father. Specially what she would be expecting from that meeting. > > If she expects his Dad to be around after that, then I would NOT allow it. If she is 'casual' about it, then it might even be good for her to know there is somebody else in her life. > > I would

make my decision based on that. I've only been around here for a while, but it sounds like she is mature to let you know how she feels.> > On the other hand, you know HIM, and it's also important what you think he is going to tell her, that might change her expectations. > > For sure not an easy decision to make. > > Good luck!! > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __> From: hrhandco <heather@... >> To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. com> Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 11:20:57 AM> Subject: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?> > > Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a

huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. > Thank you.> HRH> > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail. Click on Options in Mail and switch to New Mail today or register for free at http://mail.

yahoo.ca>

[Guest guest]

I agree with everyone's feedback as well. So much to deal with .... continue to

hang in there!

, mom to Delaney, treated at ish Rite in Dallas

----------

Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

- thoughts?

 

Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and

asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a

huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad

timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make

such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal

development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but

certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why

I am coming here for your thoughts.

Thank you.

HRH

____________________________________________________________

Best Weight Loss Program - Click Here!

http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2141/fc/BLSrjpTFoYc71yxZ6pdz8wTQCOttRsDIu5D9\

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[Guest guest]

,

Not to mention the effects on YOU. If/when he bails again you will be there to pick up the pieces for Liv, but you are both going through so much with this upcoming surgery that for your peace of mind, I would also wait.

Of course, I could also show up with my steel toed boots ready to help out when the meeting takes place in case back up is needed.

Gail

"The Earth is the insane asylum for the rest of universe"

“Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.†-BumperSnickerz. ********************************************************************Mom to , 11/28/98 - ADHD/ODD/SIDand , 02/02/02 - Congenital Scoliosis, VATER Association (vertebral and renal anomalies), Torticollis, Klippel Feil Syndrome, Fused Ribs, First VEPTR Recipient at Cincinnati Children's Hospital 3/21/05, VEPTR Expansions: 11/05, 04/20/06, 6/12/08 and 8/14/09; Mole (Spitz Nevus) removal: 11/26/07 & 2/11/08

Subject: Re: thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis , "poohlvr" Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 3:13 PM

I agree with everyone's feedback as well. So much to deal with .... continue to hang in there! , mom to Delaney, treated at ish Rite in Dallas----------Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone- thoughts? Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this

brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an 11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH ____________________________________________________________Best Weight Loss Program - Click Here!http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2141/fc/BLSrjpTFoYc71yxZ6pdz8wTQCOttRsDIu5D9QUURoKnMxDkCbS9gc0deZA8/------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

As ALWAYS, Gail, you make me laugh. I always look forward to your posts. You make me smile. Joanmom to Hayden 2 1/262 degreesTreated at ish Rite Hospital Dallas, TX

To: infantile_scoliosis Sent: Tuesday, September 8, 2009 2:44:48 PMSubject: Re: thoughts?

,

Not to mention the effects on YOU. If/when he bails again you will be there to pick up the pieces for Liv, but you are both going through so much with this upcoming surgery that for your peace of mind, I would also wait.

Of course, I could also show up with my steel toed boots ready to help out when the meeting takes place in case back up is needed.

Gail

"The Earth is the insane asylum for the rest of universe"

“Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.†-BumperSnickerz. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **Mom to , 11/28/98 - ADHD/ODD/SIDand , 02/02/02 - Congenital Scoliosis, VATER Association (vertebral and renal anomalies), Torticollis, Klippel Feil Syndrome, Fused Ribs, First VEPTR Recipient at Cincinnati Children's Hospital 3/21/05, VEPTR Expansions: 11/05, 04/20/06, 6/12/08 and 8/14/09; Mole (Spitz Nevus) removal: 11/26/07 & 2/11/08

From: lingriffith@ juno.com <lingriffith@ juno.com>Subject: Re: [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts?To: infantile_scoliosis @yahoogroups. com, "poohlvr" <poohlvr1020@ yahoo.com>Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 3:13 PM

I agree with everyone's feedback as well. So much to deal with .... continue to hang in there! , mom to Delaney, treated at ish Rite in Dallas----------Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone- [infantile_scoliosi s] thoughts? Livs bio dad has not had contact with her for 8 yrs. He called last week and asked to see her. My gut is telling me that this brief meeting prior to such a huge series of invasive procedures wouldnt be helpful to an

11 yr old mind. Bad timing....Geez. Nor does an 11 yr old little girl have the foresight to make such a decision and see how this meeting could affect her healing and personal development. I am not opposed to discussing a reunion post recovery, but certainly not before. I think that I may have slanted view on this and thats why I am coming here for your thoughts. Thank you.HRH ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___Best Weight Loss Program - Click Here!http://thirdpartyof fers.juno. com/TGL2141/ fc/BLSrjpTFoYc71 yxZ6pdz8wTQCOttR sDIu5D9QUURoKnMx DkCbS9gc0deZA8/------------ --------- --------- ------