Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

[Guest guest]

I attended an " Inservice " meeting today at work, and *this*

one was quite interesting, entitled " Empowerment " . They

passed out these lists of things, and I thought they would

be of interest to autistic people.

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

1. Telling all.

2. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

3. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

4. Being overwhelmed by a person - pre-occupied.

5. Acting on first sexual impulse.

6. Being sexual for partner, not for yourself.

7. Going against personal values or rights to please another.

8. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate

boundaries.

9. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

10. Accepting food, gifts, touch or sex you don't want.

11. Touching a person without asking.

12. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of taking.

13. Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.

14. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

15. Letting others direct your life.

16. Letting others describe your reality.

17. Letting others define you.

18. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

19. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

20. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

21. Self abuse.

22. Sexual and physical abuse.

23. Food abuse.

[Guest guest]

I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im screwed then. I filled

ALL of them, except food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

> 1. Telling all.

> 2. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

> 3. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

> 4. Being overwhelmed by a person - pre-occupied.

> 5. Acting on first sexual impulse.

> 6. Being sexual for partner, not for yourself.

> 7. Going against personal values or rights to please another.

> 8. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate

> boundaries.

> 9. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

> 10. Accepting food, gifts, touch or sex you don't want.

> 11. Touching a person without asking.

> 12. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of taking.

> 13. Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.

> 14. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

> 15. Letting others direct your life.

> 16. Letting others describe your reality.

> 17. Letting others define you.

> 18. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

> 19. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

> 20. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

> 21. Self abuse.

> 22. Sexual and physical abuse.

> 23. Food abuse.

[Guest guest]

Oops, i was thinking about breakfast i guess..... sexual, physical

and food i meant.

> I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im screwed then. I filled

> ALL of them, except food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

>

>

> > 1. Telling all.

> > 2. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

> > 3. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

> > 4. Being overwhelmed by a person - pre-occupied.

> > 5. Acting on first sexual impulse.

> > 6. Being sexual for partner, not for yourself.

> > 7. Going against personal values or rights to please another.

> > 8. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate

> > boundaries.

> > 9. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

> > 10. Accepting food, gifts, touch or sex you don't want.

> > 11. Touching a person without asking.

> > 12. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of taking.

> > 13. Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.

> > 14. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

> > 15. Letting others direct your life.

> > 16. Letting others describe your reality.

> > 17. Letting others define you.

> > 18. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

> > 19. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

> > 20. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

> > 21. Self abuse.

> > 22. Sexual and physical abuse.

> > 23. Food abuse.

[Guest guest]

gareth wrote:

> I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im screwed then. I filled

> ALL of them, except food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

Would food abuse include beating an egg?

[Guest guest]

>

> > I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im screwed then. I

filled

> > ALL of them, except food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

>

> Would food abuse include beating an egg?

>

>

!!!!!!!!

LOL!! HAHA!!

Gareth.

[Guest guest]

,

I don't know, but considering how badly I cook, that could probably be

construed as abuse...=)

Re: Re: Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

> gareth wrote:

>

> > I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im screwed then. I filled

> > ALL of them, except food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

>

> Would food abuse include beating an egg?

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Gareth wrote:

> I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im

> screwed then. I filled ALL of them, except

>food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

When I first laid eyes on this list, I realized

that I (and probably many aspies), tend to do

these things. BTW, in #21, they mean cutting

yourself, pulling your own hair, stuff like that,

not masturbation. ;-)

Clay

> > 1. Telling all.

> > 2. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

> > 3. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

> > 4. Being overwhelmed by a person - pre-occupied.

> > 5. Acting on first sexual impulse.

> > 6. Being sexual for partner, not for yourself.

> > 7. Going against personal values or rights to please another.

> > 8. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate

> > boundaries.

> > 9. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

> > 10. Accepting food, gifts, touch or sex you don't want.

> > 11. Touching a person without asking.

> > 12. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of taking.

> > 13. Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.

> > 14. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

> > 15. Letting others direct your life.

> > 16. Letting others describe your reality.

> > 17. Letting others define you.

> > 18. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

> > 19. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

> > 20. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

> > 21. Self abuse.

> > 22. Sexual and physical abuse.

> > 23. Food abuse.

[Guest guest]

>

> > I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im

> > screwed then. I filled ALL of them, except

> >food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

>

> When I first laid eyes on this list, I realized

> that I (and probably many aspies), tend to do

> these things. BTW, in #21, they mean cutting

> yourself, pulling your own hair, stuff like that,

> not masturbation. ;-)

>

> Clay

*********

I know that, smart arse :-) i consider that part of my fitness regime.

All the best,

Gareth.

[Guest guest]

I dunno... I always wait until the second sexual impulse before I act.

Good list, a bit hard to put into practice until after the Dire Consequences

have manifested, but a good reminder of what to avoid.

Re: Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

> Gareth wrote:

>

> > I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im

> > screwed then. I filled ALL of them, except

> >food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

>

> When I first laid eyes on this list, I realized

> that I (and probably many aspies), tend to do

> these things. BTW, in #21, they mean cutting

> yourself, pulling your own hair, stuff like that,

> not masturbation. ;-)

[Guest guest]

Would *that* be considered a stim?

Re: Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

> Gareth wrote:

>

> > I have one thing to say " oh dear " i guess im

> > screwed then. I filled ALL of them, except

> >food abuse and physical abuse and food abuse.

>

> When I first laid eyes on this list, I realized

> that I (and probably many aspies), tend to do

> these things. BTW, in #21, they mean cutting

> yourself, pulling your own hair, stuff like that,

> not masturbation. ;-)

>

> Clay

>

> > > 1. Telling all.

> > > 2. Falling in love with a new acquaintance.

> > > 3. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

> > > 4. Being overwhelmed by a person - pre-occupied.

> > > 5. Acting on first sexual impulse.

> > > 6. Being sexual for partner, not for yourself.

> > > 7. Going against personal values or rights to please another.

> > > 8. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate

> > > boundaries.

> > > 9. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

> > > 10. Accepting food, gifts, touch or sex you don't want.

> > > 11. Touching a person without asking.

> > > 12. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of taking.

> > > 13. Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.

> > > 14. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

> > > 15. Letting others direct your life.

> > > 16. Letting others describe your reality.

> > > 17. Letting others define you.

> > > 18. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

> > > 19. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

> > > 20. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

> > > 21. Self abuse.

> > > 22. Sexual and physical abuse.

> > > 23. Food abuse.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Colin Wessels danced around singing:

>Would *that* be considered a stim?

Masturbation? I admit I've used it that way during " sexual " periods of my

life.

I have no libido whatsoever when totally single, but when in a relationship

have too much of one. It's really annoying, especially when the " other

half " of the relationship is extremely far away.

(Yes, women can have a libido. I add this because I've realized some men

are unaware or have trouble believing that.)

DeGraf ~*~ http://www.sonic.net/mustang/moggy

" It's not 'being fussy' -- it's knowing what you want. "

-- anon. waiter at restaurant

[Guest guest]

> Colin Wessels danced around singing:

> >Would *that* be considered a stim?

>

> Masturbation? I admit I've used it that way during " sexual "

> periods of my life.

Likewise.

> I have no libido whatsoever when totally single, but when in a

> relationship have too much of one. It's really annoying,

> especially when the " other half " of the relationship is extremely

> far away.

Mine is binary too, but a relationship is only one of the things that

can trigger it into the " on " position.

> (Yes, women can have a libido. I add this because I've realized

> some men are unaware or have trouble believing that.)

My ex certainly isn't unaware of it anymore. My libido, when in " on "

mode, *frightened* him (he even suggested there was possibly something

wrong with me). OTOH, at many other times I might as well be asexual.

[Guest guest]

Hmm...perhaps the trick is just finding the " on " switch. I think my " on " switch

is defective, because it will try to start to turn " on " but if any little thing

happens (which almost always does) it just shuts off. Maybe I should have the

wiring looked at, because that could be the result of some faulty wiring and

could start a fire.

Which is making me think of what I've read about 's computer *and* about

the wiring in her house!

Except of course I doubt I could *really* catch on fire due to my faultily-wired

libido (or lack thereof).

alfamanda wrote:

> Colin Wessels danced around singing:

> >Would *that* be considered a stim?

>

> Masturbation? I admit I've used it that way during " sexual "

> periods of my life.

Likewise.

> I have no libido whatsoever when totally single, but when in a

> relationship have too much of one. It's really annoying,

> especially when the " other half " of the relationship is extremely

> far away.

Mine is binary too, but a relationship is only one of the things that

can trigger it into the " on " position.

> (Yes, women can have a libido. I add this because I've realized

> some men are unaware or have trouble believing that.)

My ex certainly isn't unaware of it anymore. My libido, when in " on "

mode, *frightened* him (he even suggested there was possibly something

wrong with me). OTOH, at many other times I might as well be asexual.

[Guest guest]

nah danced around singing:

>Except of course I doubt I could *really* catch on fire due to my

>faultily-wired libido (or lack thereof).

*grin*

Well, you could figure out the switch, have it get stuck " on " and thus end

up with friction burns.

Me, I find fantasizing is nice. Made my first partner (the NT I didn't

like being around) just barely tolerable. Except when I accidentally said

a different person's (i.e. my then-future BF's) name due to said

fantasizing...whoops. Luckily BF#1 was dim enough to believe it when I

said I was just testing to see if he was paying attention. :-)

DeGraf ~*~ http://www.sonic.net/mustang/moggy

" Happiness is something you have to go out and get.

It won't come to you, not in *this* world. "

-- Wynne