Re: Big Girl/Little Girl

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/2/03 2:30:15 PM Eastern Standard Time,

lhofmeister@... writes:

> Anybody else out there want to be a kid again?

> Loren

> single Dad to Lara (11.5 M-HFA)and Josh (13 NT)

> Long Island

>

>

my daughter abby who is 6 went though something similar. she wanted to be

'the baby' not a big girl. so we stoped calling her a big girl now. and told

her as she got older that she could do more when shes bigger. also my wife told

her she will always be like her baby no matter how old or big she got. when

your daughter may see advantages to growing up she may like it. hope she

will. and it also may help that she is close with her aunt who is in her 30's.

and that makes her want to do things with her like cooking and eating out with

the 'girls'. hope this info may help.

eric

abbys dad

from michigan

[Guest guest]

Being a kid again is the very last thing I would ever wish for!!! Even

as a small child I always felt like a 30 year old trapped in an 8 year

old body. I've been told I have an " old " soul. I think a major part of

this is due to the fact that my parents divorced and I was raised by my

father who didn't know how to communicate with children, we were to be

seen and not heard. I didn't see my mother again for 9 years. I'm not

whining here, just giving my point of view. I do live through my kids

now, making life easy for them, emotionally, so there's never any doubt

about my love for them and I do things that I wouldn't normally do, like

go sledding and stuff. Sometimes I even play Barbies, but don't tell

anyone:) However, if a child has a happy childhood, I can completely

understand why they wouldn't want to grow up, Pan syndrome or

something!

Ok, sorry for rambling, you just hit a chord.

Good luck,

Rhonda

Olivia's mom

[Guest guest]

Hi , i thank everone would like to be a kid agian at some time in there

life and no one really wonts to grow up your daughter and my daughter Tosha is

the same age and i have just learned her that some things have to be left at

home and that is very hard and does not all ways work but i let her play with

all the same toys at home

I dont write all the time and some times dont get to read everthing but try

to very busy like everone on this list and home school and have one more girl

that just turned 2. Debbie .F.

[Guest guest]

Hi Loren, my Whitney is only 9, but this past summer she started carrying

around her favorite teddy also. She even takes it to school with her. Barney is

still her favorite show to watch, but she is really into " Ransom " also. One

extreme to the other. Whitney also loves babies, and toddlers. She wants to be

their mother and take care of them. I'm assuming she could be a daycare worker

when she grows up. Maybe this would be a good choice for Lara as well. She

could be around toddlers and play-grounds all day. All the things she loves in 1

spot, and getting paid for it too!!!!!!!! Have you thought about that? or not

thinking that far ahead? Just wondering, does Lara have a motherly figure

around to help with the femanine aspects of growing up? I'm a single mother, so

its just me and Whit, But I have an old friend who has become like a father

figure to Whit, and it helps her alot to have a male around occasionaly. Though

she is trying to play matchmaker, but I keep telling her no way. It just takes

our kids alot longer to grow up. Whit is srill at the 4-5 year old level,but

you would never know it to talk with her.

Good Luck,

Robin

[Guest guest]

Hi there, my second daughter is 9, and still acts like she is 5. will

happily play with her barbies, watch sesame street etc.........though

she has got into Mr Bean of late, so that is good, as I think she can

relate to him so much in the way he acts.

Yes, I do worry, about her future, and how other people see her. I try

to explain, that she really doesn’t take in much conversation, as her

answers are very little if nothing when asked a question, she just gazes

off somewhere. Loves playgrounds, and like you, for me in another 2

years, I will go through what your going through now with the play

things.

Your not alone is all I can. CherylS

Big Girl/Little Girl

Hello all

I don't write often - I have enough trouble just trying to keep up with

reading all the messages from several groups - so much information and

so little time to follow up on it all it all!.....I have these moments

of reflection sometimes as I watch my daughter Lara who is now 11.5 and

I was wondering about the experiences some of you have had as your

daughters grow up and how you deal with it. Lara is a very big girl for

her age and still enjoys Barney and Sesame Street and will often carry

her stuffed characters around when we go out in public. She is drawn to

very small/young children in playgrounds etc which brings a certain

amount of panic on my part and an amount of concern by the unsuspecting

parent of the other child. At amusement parks she is starting to look

very silly as this huge child on small kiddy rides - she is exceeding

the weight limit on some and it is very obvious that the machine is

straining under the weight load! She is also drawn to children's cloth

ing that is much too small for her. I try to explain how she is getting

to be such a big girl now and growing up, but the truth is that she

really doesn't want to grow up! Being a kid is so much fun - no real

worries or concerns. Grown up stuff is just so boring to her. She has

actually talked in her tantrums about how she wants to be a baby again.

This is so hard for me to balance when she also asks what exit number

Heaven is off the expressway and how old are you when you die. I'm sure

that all this plus the puberty issues must make it so hard for her. I

guess that instead of gradually growing out of things as a normal child

would as a small step by step, Lara will be forced to face major changes

in very big steps because she has resisted all the changes along the

way. I've always tried to lead her to the next level in things but

without very much success. Anybody else out there want to be a kid

again? Loren single Dad to Lara (11.5 M-HFA)and Josh (13 NT) Long Island

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[Guest guest]

Hi Loren

My daughter is very large for her age (8) and I think I see breast

buds. She also is attractive to the young ones. we belong to a swim

club and she plays with the 4 & 5 yr olds, which is ok but she wants to

invite them home, even when the siblings are her age.

It is hard to explain that some things are not really accepted by

others, even when there is really no harm involved. Social issues are

crazy. My daughter got a doll when my sister had her baby and she

named the doll Timmy for her new cousin. Now that 2 yrs went by the

real timmy is big and her doll is still a baby. She looked at me one

day after a visit to her cousins and almost crying said " my timmy is

never going to grow up, is he? " Never expected that one.

so which exit is heaven is neat.

Also you might look for depression. I've heard during puberty they

might need depression medication. Is she seen by a doctor regularly?

in Illinois

On Tuesday, December 2, 2003, at 12:38 PM, loren hofmeister wrote:

> Hello all

> I don't write often - I have enough trouble just trying to keep up

> with reading all the messages from several groups - so much

> information and so little time to follow up on it all it all!.....I

> have these moments of reflection sometimes as I watch my daughter Lara

> who is now 11.5 and I was wondering about the experiences some of you

> have had as your daughters grow up and how you deal with it. Lara is

> a very big girl for her age and still enjoys Barney and Sesame Street

> and will often carry her stuffed characters around when we go out in

> public. She is drawn to very small/young children in playgrounds etc

> which brings a certain amount of panic on my part and an amount of

> concern by the unsuspecting parent of the other child. At amusement

> parks she is starting to look very silly as this huge child on small

> kiddy rides - she is exceeding the weight limit on some and it is very

> obvious that the machine is straining under the weight load! She is

> also drawn to children's cloth

> ing that is much too small for her. I try to explain how she is

> getting to be such a big girl now and growing up, but the truth is

> that she really doesn't want to grow up! Being a kid is so much fun -

> no real worries or concerns. Grown up stuff is just so boring to her.

> She has actually talked in her tantrums about how she wants to be a

> baby again. This is so hard for me to balance when she also asks what

> exit number Heaven is off the expressway and how old are you when you

> die. I'm sure that all this plus the puberty issues must make it so

> hard for her. I guess that instead of gradually growing out of things

> as a normal child would as a small step by step, Lara will be forced

> to face major changes in very big steps because she has resisted all

> the changes along the way. I've always tried to lead her to the next

> level in things but without very much success.

> Anybody else out there want to be a kid again?

> Loren

> single Dad to Lara (11.5 M-HFA)and Josh (13 NT)

> Long Island

>

> --

> ___________________________________________________________

> Sign-up for Ads Free at Mail.com

> http://promo.mail.com/adsfreejump.htm

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Robin,

Yes the uneven development. By adult years some gaps will close to her and

yet many will still be very pronounced. So at adult like self have some

areas not much older than toddler in skills, some areas are of young child,

some preteen and teen years, and then my interest areas can be of above

adult year and as one who to appears much educated in that topic, but as

same time want to simply play and explore toys, patterns or things within my

environment. This is the parts of me that make the whole of me. Just as each

of you will be to discover in each of you daughters here as they mature too.

I to be of adult and to still carry stuffed toys in my home to do various

things such as TV, or just to stim off ceiling patterns, play on computer,

or to be to sleep. I to yes still sleep with stuffed toys and stress balls

of cloth filled with beads that are of 3/4 full. I to learned cant be to

carry them in the public so I to not do that anymore. I to liked of dolls

until age of 16-17. Still love of them but cannot be to play them anymore.

Did not be to drive until in 20 " s. Still enjoy sorting and organizing,

lining things into special patterns. All things now as adult try hard to

learn the rules about where can do this and where it is not of acceptable.

Most often can appear content in a meeting and listening and such to others

words but inside of self much want to seek out my own play, things this

brain enjoys much more than peoples. But society expectations of me makes of

me adapt to their ways at times. Not easy but after much years of marriage

and being adult have learned of this. I to be past my 30's now and have just

learned much skills in last 5-6 years. To me it is like reaching age of

older teen/young adult.

So many rules to life to remember and yet the trick is each setting tends to

want to change the rules to fit their needs but it is not written and so

lack the knowing and this is much hard and causes not to be of success in

that situation.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Loren.. my dd is 10 and I can totally relate! I struggle with how

often to tell her no she cannot take that toy into the store, etc.

Last night we went to my 4 year olds dance recital and my 10 year

old wanted to dance along in the aisles of the theater. Watching

makes me realize how young and carefree her heart is, but at the

same time I cringe in embarrassement. I often wonder if I am doing

her a disservice when I let her be herself or am I ultimately

hurting her? Is it only my problem that I am embarrassed by her

immature behavior? I dont know any of the answers but I am

continuously looking for them!

Hugs to you and your daughter!

Lyn

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/3/03 8:36:37 AM Eastern Standard Time,

monee101@... writes:

> Loren. My dd is 10 and I can totally relate! I struggle with how

>

my Abby has always wanted something to carry ever since her AI traits

started. whether a doll or her figurines when she was real young she had to

have 2

identical things, one for each hand. maybe it is just wanting something to

hold in hands. such as when food shopping, Abby wants to hold the list.

perhaps try a nice fuzzy sensory type purse or such for her to carry, with

figurines

that go inside when going inside the school or a store. Just an idea.

Abby's dad

[Guest guest]

No you are definitely not alone on this one :-)))

Mel is 13 now and still prefers to watch Sooty & The Land Before Time to films

containing actual people. Like your daughter she likes to take a teddy/toy with

her wherever she goes.

Sometimes it worries me, other times I just think let her do what she wants, it

is her life anyway and why should social constraints made by others force her

into a world she doesn't really understand? (I think I have grown a lot as a

human being from reading Sondra's lovely poem).

That said we do some sneaky things sometimes, for example we agree she can take

a very small toy which fits in her pocket and she can keep putting her hands in

her pocket to play/feel it is still there. This works, she feels safe and it

cuts down on the stares.

We have, gradually, got her to watch more adult films (Legally Blonde etc), this

we do by picking ones with animals in or by asking her friends along too. She

still doesn't watch them on video, but will at the cinema.

We have also encouraged her to watch the music channels, so she can talk to her

peers about pop, many autistic children love music so this is a natural

progression.

Mel has moved on to bigger rides now, especially at Theme Parks - she is

fearless so I can't help on that score I'm afraid.

Our latest discussion is whether we tell her Santa isn't real. I personally

don't think this is necessary, it will just spoil the fun of Christmas for her

(don't you remember when you first found out Santa wasn't real?) So what we are

doing is saying that her friends at school probably don't believe, and she

should agree with them, BUT as long as she still writes to Santa and accepts him

at home then he will still visit her! She already knows that Santa is only a

delivery boy and that Mum and Dad buy the presents and get them to him to

deliver. We even have a toy reindeer which we dress up on Christmas Eve and

hurl out of the back door, so we can all pretend we see him heading off to

Santa. It sounds silly but is a big Christmas Tradition for us. I think Mel

probably knows its not true, probably half believes Santa doesn't exist, but

knows it is a fun illusion.

Sorry to go on, I haven't posted in ages!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

My dd (9yr) is also young....but I totally enjoy her innocence. I find

it so refreshing and hope that she doesn't lose it. However I am more

concerned about her being taken advantage of because she can be duped

by joksters in a nanosecond!

> Loren.. my dd is 10 and I can totally relate! I struggle with how

> often to tell her no she cannot take that toy into the store, etc.

> Last night we went to my 4 year olds dance recital and my 10 year

> old wanted to dance along in the aisles of the theater. Watching

> makes me realize how young and carefree her heart is, but at the

> same time I cringe in embarrassement. I often wonder if I am doing

> her a disservice when I let her be herself or am I ultimately

> hurting her? Is it only my problem that I am embarrassed by her

> immature behavior? I dont know any of the answers but I am

> continuously looking for them!

>

> Hugs to you and your daughter!

>

> Lyn

>

>

>

>

>

>