words from Sondra

[Guest guest]

Debi,

this is reason why I to lack, no one to do this to me to teach me the words

for such things or to explain it to me. As younger child and teen never was

aware of those words , never to tuned into them as too much into self and

internal world not knowing or understanding things existed beyond my inner

world of my way of being or interests.

As teen much was exposed to many things scary I to had no words too, much

words to these scary events were stored with no words to them, so I to kept

pictures in long term memory but no words , as much over medicated and such,

or just not in tune with it due to intense fears of things. Most often

isolated by my autism in my own inner world and then the physical barrier of

being in institutional settings does not allow natural exposures so how can

one to be to learned of them but now am to be of learning of them.

I to learned many scripts for things and while I to now quote the scripts my

husband to teached me over years, and I to now say to my children's even

when I to lack the cognitions to them. As to me for example lack danger of

dark outside, not seeing the dangers of this, but the husband to tell me

there is, so I to tell my children's but inside lack in the " real sense " of

the danger , but I to enforce it strongly anyways to my children's. I to be

to have found much safe on many lists now. In past did not be to even have

that. Had to try hard to pretend so strongly to be of NT so no one to see my

challenges , the barriers of that mask is now down and the complete of me is

now of safe to be of me.

Many to see of Newland here to post off and on and she is first in

life that to teached me it is okay to be me and embraced this thinking

within me as far as internet goes. Much talks with her in past and in many

ways she helped me past this scary in life and has been like an anchor to me

in letting me emerge as I am to be in life and not need to be of feared in

who I to be. In true am happier and more calm with many things internally.

It is the safe for me that helps me to emerge. Over years have learned more

in life than in the whole of my life mainly because of the community itself

is very supportive and embracing. While I to be to emerged at a much higher

level than ever in life I to be of a person who is still challenged by

autism but a happier one.

Sondra