Re: Not my other child too!!!! UPDATE

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I wanted to thank all of you, who I did not get back to, for responding to my

recent post,Louis, , Jen, Debbie, Dina, Connie, and Kathy.

If it weren't for all of you and the others on here , I couldn't do this!

 

Well, the pediatrician diagnosed my daughter with Anxiety. She said that she is

just way too overwhelmed with her homework. It's just way too much for her too

handle. The fact that she HAS to get 100 on every paper is manifesting the

anxiety even further. She is spending hours and hours making sure she gets every

little thing perfect. She talked to her about letting one or two problems that

she gets stuck on slide. She tried to tell her it's okay to get an A- or even a

B+. She told her to do a certain amount  of work than stop. My daughter flat out

refused. She said than she has to make it all up and she'll be further behind. I

told her I could go in and get a 504 so she'll have less homework and she said

okay but than she said, " No because than they'll take me off the National junior

honor society. "

I don't know what to do. the doctor said she is having panic attacks but will

not say it's panic disorder or OCD at this point. She wants me to give her Omega

fish oils to start and told me to continue with the CALMS or melatonin if needed

for sleep, and we practiced breathing techniques. She said if it gets worse to

make an appt with a psychologist for therapy sessions.

I think I'll give it a couple of weeks and if she gets worse I 'll go talk to

the vice principal and ask them if she gets less homework, will it affect her

grades? I'm not going to have my kid having a nervous breakdown over homework!

Thanks again to all of you for your great advice and for just listening!

Hugs

Judy

From: deborahcavender@ netzero.net <deborahcavender@ netzero.net>

Subject: Re: Not my other child too!!!!

To: @ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, September 16, 2008, 4:44 PM

You're welcome, Judy! Keep your chin up! It sure sounds like she's got a lot to

deal with. Sometimes I think kids have so much they HAVE to learn now to

graduate, it's almost too much! Even kindergarden for my 5-year old this year

has NO nap because the teacher said the state wants them to learn so much, they

don't have time for it! Yikes!

Debbie

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Criminal Lawyers - Click here.

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[Guest guest]

Judy,

I'm glad you got the ball rolling and she knows you're there for her.

Why does she feel she has to get 100%? Isn't 90% still an A?

Interestingly enough, I gave a ride home to my friend's high schooler

who goes to a medical magnet school. They DO have to get 100% on

EVERYTHING to get an A! I couldn't believe my ears. What school puts

this kind of pressure on kids? That's crazy.

Dina

[Guest guest]

Hi Dina,

It really is nuts!

An A actually is a 95 in her school, but she HAS to get an A+. She just won't

settle for any less, and is driving herself crazy trying to do it.

I went to the annual open house with her ,and her Algebra teacher gave a

speech.He went on and on saying how important this years grades are. Telling

everyone that the marks you get this year is what determines what type of

classes you get in high school next year, and the fact that if you don't get

into all college classes, you'll work at a gas station, etc.

My daughter and I had a long talk on the way home about all this, and agreed to

try and let some things go. We'll see what she does tonight.

Hugs

Judy

Subject: Re: Not my other child too!!!! UPDATE

To:

Date: Wednesday, September 17, 2008, 12:19 PM

Judy,

I'm glad you got the ball rolling and she knows you're there for her.

Why does she feel she has to get 100%? Isn't 90% still an A?

Interestingly enough, I gave a ride home to my friend's high schooler

who goes to a medical magnet school. They DO have to get 100% on

EVERYTHING to get an A! I couldn't believe my ears. What school puts

this kind of pressure on kids? That's crazy.

Dina

[Guest guest]

Hi Judy.

Your DD is a perfectionist. My DD is, and millions of other people are. We all

are just too hard on ourselves. It's just my opinion but if your DD refuses to

let one or two problems " slide " and go easier on herself regarding her grades

then I personally as a mom would go ahead and get a 504 without telling her. A

panic attack is a clear sign that the mind is too overwhelmed and, therefore,

her physical body is now on red alert. I think that getting a 504 would be the

best gift you could give her.

Section 504 is a civil rights law that prohibits discrimination against

individuals with disabilities. Section 504 ensures that the child with a

disability has equal access to an education. The child may receive

accommodations and modifications. If the child has a disability that does not

adversely affect educational performance, then the child will not be eligible

for special education services under IDEA but will usually be entitled to

protections under Section 504.

I don't advocate " lying " to your DD. You might have a calm talk with her and

tell her that these panic attacks are happening for a reason. Lot's of kids and

adults get them. However, if she is not willing to let some things slide then

she has left you no choice but to intervene. Explain to her that if you don't

intervene now that she will someday just crash and then it will be even harder

to function.

From my own experience with anxiety and panic attacks I can tell you that the

longer I waited to get treatment the harder it was to control them. The body's

" memory " as well as the brains chemicals get accustomed to the response and once

it " learns " the panic attacks, it is very hard to control them or stop them. It

is not hopeless by any means but she'll just have to work so much harder trying

to control/stop them.

Judy, you are a wonderful, loving and caring mom and with your careful

intervention you are giving your DD the tools that she will need as she grows

into an adult and when she is an adult. Let's face it, life doesn't get any

easier as we get older.

Remind her how much you love her and that working together she'll be just fine.

:0)

The breathing exercises are great. Keep practicing them. You might want to

also cut down on any sugar/caffeine she may be consuming. Even OJ which you

would think is healthy has a lot of sugar in it so be careful. The less

stimulation she gets physically from sugar/caffeine means that her body won't be

getting any unwanted action.

Hang in there. :0) (HUG)

Jen

Re: Not my other child too!!!!

To: @ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, September 16, 2008, 4:44 PM

You're welcome, Judy! Keep your chin up! It sure sounds like she's got a lot

to deal with. Sometimes I think kids have so much they HAVE to learn now to

graduate, it's almost too much! Even kindergarden for my 5-year old this year

has NO nap because the teacher said the state wants them to learn so much, they

don't have time for it! Yikes!

Debbie

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Criminal Lawyers - Click here.

http://thirdpartyof<http://thirdpartyof/><http://thirdpartyof<http://thirdpartyo\

f/> /> fers.netzero. net/TGL2241/ fc/Ioyw6i4vB10Df pQdJOlo8Wvol3FgL

Fp9JDhy3gILtR8aM qvDmtq3l3/

[Guest guest]

Sounds like a perfectinist, Judy. I have two nieces that way. One

has OCD, and will literally ask to do a test over if she gets an A-.

The other doesn't have OCD, but her perfectionism, causes her to have

anxiety. She holds herself to such a high standard that she stresses

out terribly.

I hope therapy can nip it in the bud, so she doesn't require meds.

What Jen shared, really helped me too. It got me off of the meds.

Recognizing that it was just a " panic attack " and nothing serious

helped, but for me, what helped even more was the deep diaphramatic

breathing. It got me off of meds, and eventually made the attacks go

away. When I would feel one starting, I would find a quiet place, lie

back, and start concentrating on breathing. It got to the point that

I was able to get it under control, before it grew.

Hugs to you and your daughter. She will get through this. She has a

great role model in her mother. )

BJ

>

> From: deborahcavender@ netzero.net <deborahcavender@ netzero.net>

> Subject: Re: Not my other child too!!!!

> To: @ yahoogroups. com

> Date: Tuesday, September 16, 2008, 4:44 PM

>

> You're welcome, Judy! Keep your chin up! It sure sounds like she's

got a lot to deal with. Sometimes I think kids have so much they HAVE

to learn now to graduate, it's almost too much! Even kindergarden for

my 5-year old this year has NO nap because the teacher said the state

wants them to learn so much, they don't have time for it! Yikes!

> Debbie

>

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> Criminal Lawyers - Click here.

> http://thirdpartyof<http://thirdpartyof /> fers.netzero.

net/TGL2241/ fc/Ioyw6i4vB10Df pQdJOlo8Wvol3FgL Fp9JDhy3gILtR8aM qvDmtq3l3/

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((HUG))) :0)

Re: Not my other child too!!!!

> To: @ yahoogroups. com

> Date: Tuesday, September 16, 2008, 4:44 PM

>

> You're welcome, Judy! Keep your chin up! It sure sounds like she's

got a lot to deal with. Sometimes I think kids have so much they HAVE

to learn now to graduate, it's almost too much! Even kindergarden for

my 5-year old this year has NO nap because the teacher said the state

wants them to learn so much, they don't have time for it! Yikes!

> Debbie

>

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> Criminal Lawyers - Click here.

>

http://thirdpartyof<http://thirdpartyof/><http://thirdpartyof<http://thirdpartyo\

f/> /> fers.netzero.

net/TGL2241/ fc/Ioyw6i4vB10Df pQdJOlo8Wvol3FgL Fp9JDhy3gILtR8aM qvDmtq3l3/

>

>

[Guest guest]

Judy, I would ask the school about honor society re less homework.

Could she get more time to complete the homework, like we did with

? She'd still want to get certain subjects done nightly but

surely not all would HAVE to be done next day.

was in honor society and had a 504 Plan. The thing is, he

didn't use the accommodations in high school that he had for less

homework & other, so I don't know if it would have affected the

honor society or not if he'd used them. If I remember later today,

I'll ask him if he knows. Isn't it based on grade point average

(GPA) or something, wouldn't think less homework would show up in

that?

Quick thoughts. I feel for her (and you) I know that overwhelming

feeling. Got it this a.m. when I looked at college website

regarding applications, deadlines, financial aid...it's all " Greek "

to me and I don't understand undergraduate vs graduate vs transfer

student...and then the majors & programs and different

deadlines...sigh, thought I'd have a panic attack!

>

> Hello,

> I wanted to thank all of you, who I did not get back to, for

responding to my recent post,Louis, , Jen, Debbie, Dina,

Connie, and Kathy.

> If it weren't for all of you and the others on here , I couldn't

do this!

>  

> Well, the pediatrician diagnosed my daughter with Anxiety. She

said that she is just way too overwhelmed with her homework. It's

just way too much for her too handle. The fact that she HAS to get

100 on every paper is manifesting the anxiety even further. She is

spending hours and hours making sure she gets every little thing

[Guest guest]

> >

> > Hello,

> > I wanted to thank all of you, who I did not get back to, for

> responding to my recent post,Louis, , Jen, Debbie, Dina,

> Connie, and Kathy.

> > If it weren't for all of you and the others on here , I couldn't

> do this!

> >  

> > Well, the pediatrician diagnosed my daughter with Anxiety. She

> said that she is just way too overwhelmed with her homework. It's

> just way too much for her too handle. The fact that she HAS to get

> 100 on every paper is manifesting the anxiety even further. She is

> spending hours and hours making sure she gets every little thing

>

[Guest guest]

Judy, what is her school guidance counselor like?  I found when my daughter has

issues, it often helps to talk to the school counselor and see what she can do.

Re: Not my other child too!!!!

To: @ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, September 16, 2008, 4:44 PM

You're welcome, Judy! Keep your chin up! It sure sounds like she's got a lot to

deal with. Sometimes I think kids have so much they HAVE to learn now to

graduate, it's almost too much! Even kindergarden for my 5-year old this year

has NO nap because the teacher said the state wants them to learn so much, they

don't have time for it! Yikes!

Debbie

____________=2

0_________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Criminal Lawyers - Click here.

http://thirdpartyof<http://thirdpartyof /> fers.netzero. net/TGL2241/

fc/Ioyw6i4vB10Df pQdJOlo8Wvol3FgL Fp9JDhy3gILtR8aM qvDmtq3l3/

[Guest guest]

My daughter was sick to her stomach for weeks before the 3rd grade state tests

last year.  She knows that she is very bright, but somehow she worried that she

would be letting the school or her teacher down if she didn't do well enough.

 I actually threatened to keep her home the days of the test if she persisted

in obsessing about the need to do so well on them.  The irony is that she is

she scored perfectly on every subtest of both the state reading and math tests.

 Did that convince her not to worry?  Of course not!!  I was a TERRIBLE

worrier and she got this from me, unfortunately.

Re: Not my other child too!!!! UPDATE

To:

Date: Wednesday, September 17, 2008, 12:19 PM

Judy,

I'm glad you got the ball rolling and she knows you're there for her.

Why does she feel she has to get 100%? Isn't 90% still an A?

Interestingly enough, I gave a ride home to my friend's high schooler

who goes to a medical magnet school. They DO have to get 100% on

EVERYTHING to get an A! I couldn't believe my ears. What school puts

this kind of pressure on kids? That's crazy.

Dina