Re: Lying

March 20, 2006

I agree with and Courage. They said it all very well. Arlene

March 23, 2006

I realize now that if telling a lie helps my husband get through this awful

disease, that I will do whatever I have to do to make his life easier. I

think we are all in the same place. Telling the truth has always been my

way of life. Being a faithful member of a church and an pastor's wife makes

being truthful important too. We lie all the time and call it

manners.....like...how do you answer....How do I look in this dress? (when

it is awful) or " I'm not too heavy, am I? " .....As for me and my house, we

will make life easy for the LBD person. Goodness knows there is very little

we can do anyway.

Myrna (68) in Missouri

Caregiver for Husband Jerry (70)

Diagnosed AD 1997, LBD 2004

March 23, 2006

Do you mind telling what part of MO you are in - are

you near KC? Is there any kind of LBD support group

where you are located. I would certainly be

interested in starting one that could encompass the KC

area, as I am in Topeka, KS and could manage coming to

KC.

You are about my age, and my husband is a little

older, but it is really hard when they are as young as

that to realize that many of the things we planned for

the future will not happen.

--- myrnajohnson wrote:

> I realize now that if telling a lie helps my husband

> get through this awful

> disease, that I will do whatever I have to do to

> make his life easier. I

> think we are all in the same place. Telling the

> truth has always been my

> way of life. Being a faithful member of a church

> and an pastor's wife makes

> being truthful important too. We lie all the time

> and call it

> manners.....like...how do you answer....How do I

> look in this dress? (when

> it is awful) or " I'm not too heavy, am I? " .....As

> for me and my house, we

> will make life easy for the LBD person. Goodness

> knows there is very little

> we can do anyway.

> Myrna (68) in Missouri

> Caregiver for Husband Jerry (70)

> Diagnosed AD 1997, LBD 2004

>

__________________________________________________

March 23, 2006

My white lie from last night's visit: Mom asked " ....this

operation... is there a beginning,... [a middle] and an end? " - I

took that question as " What the h*** is going on and where am I? " So

I told her that she is at Sherrill House. There are many levels here

and as you progress you go to a different level. You were moved to

this floor because you're better than before. Then I added " Are the

nurses nice? " And she said " Oh! Yes! " So there's my white lie -

didn't want to disappoint her by saying that where she is, is where

she'll stay. I think she feels she is in 'rehab' from after the

hospital.

>

> I realize now that if telling a lie helps my husband get through

this awful

> disease, that I will do whatever I have to do to make his life

easier. I

> think we are all in the same place. Telling the truth has always

been my

> way of life. Being a faithful member of a church and an pastor's

wife makes

> being truthful important too. We lie all the time and call it

> manners.....like...how do you answer....How do I look in this

dress? (when

> it is awful) or " I'm not too heavy, am I? " .....As for me and my

house, we

> will make life easy for the LBD person. Goodness knows there is

very little

> we can do anyway.

> Myrna (68) in Missouri

> Caregiver for Husband Jerry (70)

> Diagnosed AD 1997, LBD 2004

>

March 23, 2006

June: I live in Sullivan, MO about 50 miles SW of St Louis. There is no LBD

support group near here. I do go to an Alzheimer's group once a month, but I am

the only one there whose LO has LBD.

>

> You are about my age, and my husband is a little

> older, but it is really hard when they are as young as

> that to realize that many of the things we planned for

> the future will not happen.

Yes, it is very hard. I have done lots of crying but mostly I had to deal with

my anger. I think I am getting through that too. My faith and church friends

are a great help. My husband and I planned to travel so much. Last year we

took a bus trip to Montana and Wyoming (50th anniversary celebration) and I

" managed " , but it was just when the halluciantions were beginning so we had some

" exciting " moments. I don't think we could take that long a trip again. My

children are very helpful and take us along on some events which gives me some

time out, but it is not the same. Right after Jerry retired, we took a trip to

Italy and I will be always grateful that we pushed to do that. I wouldn't even

think of taking him out of the country now.

Please share with me your feelings too.

Myrna (68) in Missouri

Caregiver for Husband Jerry (70)

Diagnosed AD 1997, LBD 2004

March 23, 2006

Our last trip was when we were doing an Alzheimer's

study in Raleigh, NC, where our daughter lives. We

had flown in in Jan and Feb for his monthly meetings,

and in March, we (I) drove the 1300 miles. Had car

trouble during the trip. A few years ago, he would

have known exactly what was going on, but he didn't

know anymore what's under the hood of the car than I

did. Anyway, he broke his shoulder while there, and

even tho it was a tough trip home with him in a van

(thank heavens for that), I could never have gotten

him on an airplane, into a seat (he's pretty tall and

then weighed 183 pounds), taken him through the

airport in Chicago to change planes, etc. It would

have been a nightmare. I had hoped for a short

weekend trip to Branson before he got really bad, but

it was not to be. I am so glad we did as much

traveling as we did over the years, as that is out of

the question now.

Is Sullivan anywhere near Fulton? My daughter's

in-laws lived there for some time, now live in

Columbia.

The AD group here that I have gone to only once, does

not appear to have anyone who has LBD or who has

mentioned it. I think it's a very misdiagnosed

illness.

--- myrnajohnson wrote:

> June: I live in Sullivan, MO about 50 miles SW of

> St Louis. There is no LBD support group near here.

> I do go to an Alzheimer's group once a month, but I

> am the only one there whose LO has LBD.

> >

> > You are about my age, and my husband is a little

> > older, but it is really hard when they are as

> young as

> > that to realize that many of the things we planned

> for

> > the future will not happen.

> Yes, it is very hard. I have done lots of crying

> but mostly I had to deal with my anger. I think I

> am getting through that too. My faith and church

> friends are a great help. My husband and I planned

> to travel so much. Last year we took a bus trip to

> Montana and Wyoming (50th anniversary celebration)

> and I " managed " , but it was just when the

> halluciantions were beginning so we had some

> " exciting " moments. I don't think we could take

> that long a trip again. My children are very

> helpful and take us along on some events which gives

> me some time out, but it is not the same. Right

> after Jerry retired, we took a trip to Italy and I

> will be always grateful that we pushed to do that.

> I wouldn't even think of taking him out of the

> country now.

> Please share with me your feelings too.

> Myrna (68) in Missouri

> Caregiver for Husband Jerry (70)

> Diagnosed AD 1997, LBD 2004

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

__________________________________________________

March 24, 2006

At 68, with a husband of 70, I, too am grateful that we did what we did,

Myrna. And, I had so much anger built up that I was shocked. I read a good

book

called the Dance of Anger, which has a lot of good ideas. Finally, it just

faded away and wasn't such a daily force in my life. I felt as if it was a

temptation, at times, because the anger was so strong. Oh, it rears its ugly

head at times, but not as before. (Hope that writing this doesn't change

things.!)

Anyway, I was surprised to hear you were in our backyard last week seeing

Wicked. We have stopped going to Chicago because of the hazards but maybe I

should attempt it again. You gave me a little incentive. Of course, you said

there were 6 of you, which helps. I am glad you had the break. It is great,

isn't it? Arlene

March 24, 2006

> Is Sullivan anywhere near Fulton? My daughter's

> in-laws lived there for some time, now live in

> Columbia.

June: Fulton is about 100 miles from me, Columbia 125. I go to Columbia

occasionally since our church conference (state) office is there. In fact,

there are a few other LBD Missourians who might meet with us in Columbia

sometime.

Myrna (68) in Missouri

Caregiver for Husband Jerry (70)

Diagnosed AD 1997, LBD 2004

March 27, 2006

thera peutic lying is what Dr Ferman called it on the first dvd, and she was

right, if it is not harmful and less stressful to tell them a lie than to upset

tham than it is ok to lie, if they are missing and talking about where their mom

or dad is, dont depress them by saying they died 25 years ago, instead talk

about them, inspire conversation or smiles with happy thoughts about their

parents or whatever or whomever is on their mind

much eaiser to keep them happy thn to upset them they dont live in our reality

anyway, of course, she was much more diplmoatic than i am in saying that lol,

but i agree, we told my dad several therapeutic lies when he was ill, like he

knew i was coming home from school at 3 and he had to be there to greet me ( i

am 45 now and he is thinking when i was in 3-5th grades. ) keep peace and life

as tranquil as possible for the both of you. hugs sharon m

Date: 2006/03/23 Thu AM 08:46:40 EST

To: <LBDcaregivers >

Subject: Re: Lying