Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 Hi Dena, PLEASE, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS DECISION of putting your mother in a nh. You are a great daughter to your mother, she is very lucky to have you. You have done the best that you can do. As this disease progresses one person can not handle it alone. Believe me, I am in the same place as you. I am working at getting Jim into a facility, but it has not been easy with Jim's daughter refusing to let go of the assets. As you know, I have been fighting this battle and refuse to be forced to divorce Jim, so that he can qualify for MediCal, as his daughter wants for him. But now I have new direction from my attorney. You must take care of your health Dena. Your mother has lived a long and good life, but you still have your life ahead of you, you are still young and deserve to be able to live your life as a healthy individual. As we have heard from Courage and others, you are not giving up caregiving for your mother. You will still be there for her, but now in a different way. You will have others helping her too and you can enjoy the visits with her and have more quality time to spend with her. Please do not feel guilty. You are human, do not try to be Super Woman. Jim also is with Kaiser and I had to shop around looking for facilities with Kaiser doctors. I have chosen a facility that I believe is one of the better ones in the area that accepts MediCal. My attorney gave me a list of nh in the area that is MediCal Certified and Medicare Approved and has dementia care and I went shopping. *****There is a list of things to look for while shopping for a good facility in the LBD Links. Click on Links. Scroll down to the very end to: " Looking into Long Term Care Facility for LO " It is called, " A Place For Mom. " You can find facilities in your area there and also an advisor to help you for free. You can find the List of things to look for while shopping for a facility by Clicking on: List Your Community in the upper right hand corner, then Click on Search in the Left Margin, then Click on " Tips On Visiting " in the right Margin. Copy the List on " Tips On Visiting A Facility " and it will help you. Also, I added this to my list; Earthquake Emergency Procedure and other Emergencies. Do they have a good plan. One place told me they get who they can, but can't guarantee that everyone can be helped in an earthquake. Can you believe it?? The place I chose had doors that close off automatically in the hallways and each hallway has staff to help the people into the hallway that is Earthquake Structured away from windows. Look at the food trays too and see if it looks like slop or made to look apetizing. I saw some places with food that wasn't fit for pigs. Always visit without an appointment, so the facility can not be expecting you and stage looking good for you. I saw places where people were shoved into the hallways in wheelchairs and left to sit there. They looked like they were willing themselves to die. Staff did not smile and looked only focused on the time they had to complete a job and ignoring the people. Their schedule was more important than spending time with the people. It gave me the feeling that the people were in the way of their getting the chores done. Look at how well the people are cared for. While you are shopping and looking around and still caring for your mom. A tip that I got from the hospital nurses is put a loose sheet on top of the fitted sheet on the bed and when you need to scoot your mom up, pull up on the corners of the sheet at the head of the bed and it will scoot your mom up. Maybe you can move your mom's bed down a little, so you can stand at the head of the bed, unless she has a headboard. The same goes to change her. Have her lay on a loose sheet on top of the bed and roll her from side to side by taking the sides of the sheet and roll her inward to the center and then roll her back to the other side with the opposite side of the sheet. Hold the sheet sides up and it will roll her inward and back again from the other side. Maybe this can help you. You are in my prayers Dena. I am worried about your health. Keep Care and Keep Venting. Venting is a good release. We are all here for you.....Huge Hugs, Jan --- Dena LEAVITT wrote: > Hi Everyone > > I have decided that it is time to find a nursing > home > for my Mom. I called several today and found that > they > would not expect her since she had Kaiser Ins. and > was > on Kaiser Hospice. It was rather frustrating. So I > called the Hospice SW and he gave me several that > Kaiser does contract with. Tomorrow I start the > search. Please be praying that I find the right one > the first time and do not have to change her over > and > over. > > My mom is now bedridden. I have been so frustrated > because I cannot get the DAMN!! diaper on her right. > She is dead weight and does not roll well and it is > soooo hard with just one person. I ripped three > diapers trying and went back to the pull up type of > diaper and believe it or not that worked better. > Also > she gets scrunched down in the bed and as one person > again I cannot move her up without being at the head > of the bed which is really almost impossible. So I > get > her up to standing and try to get a side step going > and move her up which is way too hard on her. I > cried > all day yesterday with frustration. I just give up. > Maybe I am not a strong enough person, maybe I just > don't want to do this anymore. I don't know, but I > do > know that I am having anxiety attacks in the middle > of > the night, I can't eat and I feel sick in general. I > guess that means it is time. I have done the > absolute > best I can for 10 months. I have changed my life for > my mom, by quitting my job and being her full time > caregiver. I would do it all again in a heart beat. > I > am not a quitter and this REALLY hurts me to give > up. > At least I feel like I am giving up. Sorry Mom!! > Being > bedridden is really harder than you think it will > be. > So Kaiser will give me 5 days respite and then > transfer her to a facility or back home. I will let > them know next week. I just ask that you all pray > for > me and that I make the right choice. Thanks. > > Dena > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 dena, a good caregiver knows when they cant do it by themsleves anymore. all you are admitting is that you cant do the 24/7 caregiving which is ok, no sense burning yourself out and you winding up sick and possibly in the hospital too. all you have done is given up the hard things to someone else so you can worry about the important things for her care. like loving her and touching her and helping with feeding etc. you can now enjoy more your time with her and make sure she is well cared for and not be the bad guy who makes her take a bath or makes her take her meds, dad went into a nursing home and i am glad that it worked out taht way as i was struggling with the bowel movements and keepng him clean, it was stressing me out and making me sicker then i already was, at least in the nh they kept him very clean , and fed him he had aides who fed him and gave him all his meds, so i didnt have to argue with him about things he didnt want to do, but i could spend time with him, talking and touching him and tellng him i love him without trying to coerce him to do things he didnt want like bathe. so you are a good daughter, do not doubt that, stay strong and be positivie things will be ok hugs sharon m pensacola, florida daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the early 1990's. we moved in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball 7/5/05, asp pneumonia and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti 8/05, passed away 9/25/05 -- Re: Looking for a NH/Dena Hi Dena, PLEASE, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS DECISION of putting your mother in a nh. You are a great daughter to your mother, she is very lucky to have you. You have done the best that you can do. As this disease progresses one person can not handle it alone. Believe me, I am in the same place as you. I am working at getting Jim into a facility, but it has not been easy with Jim's daughter refusing to let go of the assets. As you know, I have been fighting this battle and refuse to be forced to divorce Jim, so that he can qualify for MediCal, as his daughter wants for him. But now I have new direction from my attorney. You must take care of your health Dena. Your mother has lived a long and good life, but you still have your life ahead of you, you are still young and deserve to be able to live your life as a healthy individual. As we have heard from Courage and others, you are not giving up caregiving for your mother. You will still be there for her, but now in a different way. You will have others helping her too and you can enjoy the visits with her and have more quality time to spend with her. Please do not feel guilty. You are human, do not try to be Super Woman. Jim also is with Kaiser and I had to shop around looking for facilities with Kaiser doctors. I have chosen a facility that I believe is one of the better ones in the area that accepts MediCal. My attorney gave me a list of nh in the area that is MediCal Certified and Medicare Approved and has dementia care and I went shopping. *****There is a list of things to look for while shopping for a good facility in the LBD Links. Click on Links. Scroll down to the very end to: " Looking into Long Term Care Facility for LO " It is called, " A Place For Mom. " You can find facilities in your area there and also an advisor to help you for free. You can find the List of things to look for while shopping for a facility by Clicking on: List Your Community in the upper right hand corner, then Click on Search in the Left Margin, then Click on " Tips On Visiting " in the right Margin. Copy the List on " Tips On Visiting A Facility " and it will help you. Also, I added this to my list; Earthquake Emergency Procedure and other Emergencies. Do they have a good plan. One place told me they get who they can, but can't guarantee that everyone can be helped in an earthquake. Can you believe it?? The place I chose had doors that close off automatically in the hallways and each hallway has staff to help the people into the hallway that is Earthquake Structured away from windows. Look at the food trays too and see if it looks like slop or made to look apetizing. I saw some places with food that wasn't fit for pigs. Always visit without an appointment, so the facility can not be expecting you and stage looking good for you. I saw places where people were shoved into the hallways in wheelchairs and left to sit there. They looked like they were willing themselves to die. Staff did not smile and looked only focused on the time they had to complete a job and ignoring the people. Their schedule was more important than spending time with the people. It gave me the feeling that the people were in the way of their getting the chores done. Look at how well the people are cared for. While you are shopping and looking around and still caring for your mom. A tip that I got from the hospital nurses is put a loose sheet on top of the fitted sheet on the bed and when you need to scoot your mom up, pull up on the corners of the sheet at the head of the bed and it will scoot your mom up. Maybe you can move your mom's bed down a little, so you can stand at the head of the bed, unless she has a headboard. The same goes to change her. Have her lay on a loose sheet on top of the bed and roll her from side to side by taking the sides of the sheet and roll her inward to the center and then roll her back to the other side with the opposite side of the sheet. Hold the sheet sides up and it will roll her inward and back again from the other side. Maybe this can help you. You are in my prayers Dena. I am worried about your health. Keep Care and Keep Venting. Venting is a good release. We are all here for you.....Huge Hugs, Jan --- Dena LEAVITT wrote: > Hi Everyone > > I have decided that it is time to find a nursing > home > for my Mom. I called several today and found that > they > would not expect her since she had Kaiser Ins. and > was > on Kaiser Hospice. It was rather frustrating. So I > called the Hospice SW and he gave me several that > Kaiser does contract with. Tomorrow I start the > search. Please be praying that I find the right one > the first time and do not have to change her over > and > over. > > My mom is now bedridden. I have been so frustrated > because I cannot get the DAMN!! diaper on her right. > She is dead weight and does not roll well and it is > soooo hard with just one person. I ripped three > diapers trying and went back to the pull up type of > diaper and believe it or not that worked better. > Also > she gets scrunched down in the bed and as one person > again I cannot move her up without being at the head > of the bed which is really almost impossible. So I > get > her up to standing and try to get a side step going > and move her up which is way too hard on her. I > cried > all day yesterday with frustration. I just give up. > Maybe I am not a strong enough person, maybe I just > don't want to do this anymore. I don't know, but I > do > know that I am having anxiety attacks in the middle > of > the night, I can't eat and I feel sick in general. I > guess that means it is time. I have done the > absolute > best I can for 10 months. I have changed my life for > my mom, by quitting my job and being her full time > caregiver. I would do it all again in a heart beat. > I > am not a quitter and this REALLY hurts me to give > up. > At least I feel like I am giving up. Sorry Mom!! > Being > bedridden is really harder than you think it will > be. > So Kaiser will give me 5 days respite and then > transfer her to a facility or back home. I will let > them know next week. I just ask that you all pray > for > me and that I make the right choice. Thanks. > > Dena > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2006 Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 Dear Sharon Thank you for your words of encouragement. Yesterday was a stressful day. My was asleep when I got back from looking at NH's at 1 pm and she was so sound asleep that I went in at dinner time and tried to change her diaper, which I eventually did, and feed her, but she just could not wake up. She has now been asleep for 16 hours. Welcome to the Lewy-come thing again. Today will probably be a better day. I think I have found a NH. They are going to evaluate her on Monday as she has these stage 3 bedsores. Thanks again, Sharon you are all great people!! Dena Mother (83) dx April 2005, at least 3 years prior symptoms were present. Takes Risperdal and Clonzapam --- Sharon wrote: > dena, > a good caregiver knows when they cant do it by > themsleves anymore. all you > are admitting is that you cant do the 24/7 > caregiving which is ok, no > sense burning yourself out and you winding up sick > and possibly in the > hospital too. all you have done is given up the > hard things to someone > else so you can worry about the important things for > her care. like loving > her and touching her and helping with feeding etc. > you can now enjoy more > your time with her and make sure she is well cared > for and not be the bad > guy who makes her take a bath or makes her take her > meds, dad went into a > nursing home and i am glad that it worked out taht > way as i was struggling > with the bowel movements and keepng him clean, it > was stressing me out and > making me sicker then i already was, at least in the > nh they kept him very > clean , and fed him he had aides who fed him and > gave him all his meds, so i > didnt have to argue with him about things he didnt > want to do, but i could > spend time with him, talking and touching him and > tellng him i love him > without trying to coerce him to do things he didnt > want like bathe. so you > are a good daughter, do not doubt that, stay strong > and be positivie > things will be ok > > hugs sharon m pensacola, florida > daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the > early 1990's. we moved > in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball > 7/5/05, asp pneumonia > and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti > 8/05, passed away 9/25/05 > > -- Re: Looking for a NH/Dena > > Hi Dena, > PLEASE, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS DECISION > of > putting your mother in a nh. You are a great > daughter > to your mother, she is very lucky to have you. You > have done the best that you can do. As this disease > progresses one person can not handle it alone. > Believe > me, I am in the same place as you. I am working at > getting Jim into a facility, but it has not been > easy > with Jim's daughter refusing to let go of the > assets. > As you know, I have been fighting this battle and > refuse to be forced to divorce Jim, so that he can > qualify for MediCal, as his daughter wants for him. > But now I have new direction from my attorney. > You must take care of your health Dena. Your mother > has lived a long and good life, but you still have > your life ahead of you, you are still young and > deserve to be able to live your life as a healthy > individual. As we have heard from Courage and > others, > you are not giving up caregiving for your mother. > You > will still be there for her, but now in a different > way. You will have others helping her too and you > can > enjoy the visits with her and have more quality time > to spend with her. > Please do not feel guilty. You are human, do not try > to be Super Woman. > Jim also is with Kaiser and I had to shop around > looking for facilities with Kaiser doctors. I have > chosen a facility that I believe is one of the > better > ones in the area that accepts MediCal. My attorney > gave me a list of nh in the area that is MediCal > Certified and Medicare Approved and has dementia > care > and I went shopping. > *****There > is a list of things to look for while shopping for a > good facility in the LBD Links. Click on Links. > Scroll > down to the very end to: " Looking into Long Term > Care > Facility for LO " It is called, " A Place For Mom. " > You > can find facilities in your area there and also an > advisor to help you for free. You can find the List > of > things to look for while shopping for a facility by > Clicking on: List Your Community in the upper right > hand corner, then Click on Search in the Left > Margin, > then Click on " Tips On Visiting " in the right > Margin. > Copy the List on " Tips On Visiting A Facility " and > it > will help you. Also, I added this to my list; > Earthquake Emergency Procedure and other > Emergencies. > Do they have a good plan. One place told me they get > who they can, but can't guarantee that everyone can > be > helped in an earthquake. Can you believe it?? The > place I chose had doors that close off automatically > in the hallways and each hallway has staff to help > the > people into the hallway that is Earthquake > Structured > away from windows. Look at the food trays too and > see > if it looks like slop or made to look apetizing. I > saw > some places with food that wasn't fit for pigs. > Always > visit without an appointment, so the facility can > not > be expecting you and stage looking good for you. I > saw > places where people were shoved into the hallways in > wheelchairs and left to sit there. They looked like > they were willing themselves to die. Staff did not > smile and looked only focused on the time they had > to > complete a job and ignoring the people. Their > schedule > was more important than spending time with the > people. > It gave me the feeling that the people were in the > way > of their getting the chores done. Look at how well > the > people are cared for. > While you are shopping and looking around and still > caring for your mom. A tip that I got from the > hospital nurses is put a loose sheet on top of the > fitted sheet on the bed and when you need to scoot > your mom up, pull up on the corners of the sheet at > the head of the bed and it will scoot your mom up. > Maybe you can move your mom's bed down a little, so > you can stand at the head of the bed, unless she has > a > headboard. The same goes to change her. Have her lay > on a loose sheet on top of the bed and roll her from > side to side by taking the sides of the sheet and > roll > her inward to the center and then roll her back to > the > other side with the opposite side of the sheet. Hold > the sheet sides up and it will roll her inward and > back again from the other side. Maybe this can help > you. > You are in my prayers Dena. I am worried about your > health. Keep Care and Keep Venting. Venting is a > good > release. We are all here for you.....Huge Hugs, Jan > > > > > --- Dena LEAVITT wrote: > > > Hi Everyone > > > > I have decided that it is time to find a nursing > > home > > for my Mom. I called several today and found that > > they > > would not expect her since she had Kaiser Ins. and > > was > > on Kaiser Hospice. It was rather frustrating. So I > > called the Hospice SW and he gave me several that > > Kaiser does contract with. Tomorrow I start the > > search. Please be praying that I find the right > one > > the first time and do not have to change her over > > and > > over. > > > > My mom is now bedridden. I have been so frustrated > > because I cannot get the DAMN!! diaper on her > right. > > She is dead weight and does not roll well and it > is > > soooo hard with just one person. I ripped three > > diapers trying and went back to the pull up type > of > === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2006 Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 Hi Jan You are right I have just started realizing that I am not " Superwoman " I am trying to just let it go and face the fact that I can no longer do this. I think I have found a good nursing home. Patients looked well cared for, hair combed etc... The food is vegetarian since this NH is in Loma , CA. Loma is known for their large teaching hospital and their affiliation with Seventh Day Adventist. They even get mail on Sunday instead of Saturday. The NH smelled OK, not over powered with bleach and the staff looked happy to work there. I am just praying that it is a good place. Due to her stage 3 bed sores they have not accepted her yet and will evaluate her on Monday. Then they may take her on Tuesday I guess. They actually have a private room. Of course, it is more money, but I think she would appreciate that. I know I will. Otherwise, they have no female beds available. Hospice with place her in a different center for 5 days respite care, but why bother. I hate to move her twice and will the bed still be available if I wait? This whole thing is just breaking my heart. I cry and stare off into space. I feel a little sick to my stomach too. I think I will be in a better place once this is done. I just have to stop thinking about it so much. She is doing the Lewy-coma thing right now. So possible today when she snaps out of it, she will be in a better place mentally. Thank you, Jan, you have been so supportive and helpful I would hate to think where I would be with you all. Dena Mother (83) dx April 05 Takes Risperdal and Clonzapam --- Janet Colello wrote: > > Hi Dena, > PLEASE, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS DECISION > of > putting your mother in a nh. You are a great > daughter > to your mother, she is very lucky to have you. You > have done the best that you can do. As this disease > progresses one person can not handle it alone. > Believe > me, I am in the same place as you. I am working at > getting Jim into a facility, but it has not been > easy > with Jim's daughter refusing to let go of the > assets. > As you know, I have been fighting this battle and > refuse to be forced to divorce Jim, so that he can > qualify for MediCal, as his daughter wants for him. > But now I have new direction from my attorney. > You must take care of your health Dena. Your mother > has lived a long and good life, but you still have > your life ahead of you, you are still young and > deserve to be able to live your life as a healthy > individual. As we have heard from Courage and > others, > you are not giving up caregiving for your mother. > You > will still be there for her, but now in a different > way. You will have others helping her too and you > can > enjoy the visits with her and have more quality time > to spend with her. > Please do not feel guilty. You are human, do not try > to be Super Woman. > Jim also is with Kaiser and I had to shop around > looking for facilities with Kaiser doctors. I have > chosen a facility that I believe is one of the > better > ones in the area that accepts MediCal. My attorney > gave me a list of nh in the area that is MediCal > Certified and Medicare Approved and has dementia > care > and I went shopping. > *****There > is a list of things to look for while shopping for a > good facility in the LBD Links. Click on Links. > Scroll > down to the very end to: " Looking into Long Term > Care > Facility for LO " It is called, " A Place For Mom. " > You > can find facilities in your area there and also an > advisor to help you for free. You can find the List > of > things to look for while shopping for a facility by > Clicking on: List Your Community in the upper right > hand corner, then Click on Search in the Left > Margin, > then Click on " Tips On Visiting " in the right > Margin. > Copy the List on " Tips On Visiting A Facility " and > it > will help you. Also, I added this to my list; > Earthquake Emergency Procedure and other > Emergencies. > Do they have a good plan. One place told me they get > who they can, but can't guarantee that everyone can > be > helped in an earthquake. Can you believe it?? The > place I chose had doors that close off automatically > in the hallways and each hallway has staff to help > the > people into the hallway that is Earthquake > Structured > away from windows. Look at the food trays too and > see > if it looks like slop or made to look apetizing. I > saw > some places with food that wasn't fit for pigs. > Always > visit without an appointment, so the facility can > not > be expecting you and stage looking good for you. I > saw > places where people were shoved into the hallways in > wheelchairs and left to sit there. They looked like > they were willing themselves to die. Staff did not > smile and looked only focused on the time they had > to > complete a job and ignoring the people. Their > schedule > was more important than spending time with the > people. > It gave me the feeling that the people were in the > way > of their getting the chores done. Look at how well > the > people are cared for. > While you are shopping and looking around and still > caring for your mom. A tip that I got from the > hospital nurses is put a loose sheet on top of the > fitted sheet on the bed and when you need to scoot > your mom up, pull up on the corners of the sheet at > the head of the bed and it will scoot your mom up. > Maybe you can move your mom's bed down a little, so > you can stand at the head of the bed, unless she has > a > headboard. The same goes to change her. Have her lay > on a loose sheet on top of the bed and roll her from > side to side by taking the sides of the sheet and > roll > her inward to the center and then roll her back to > the > other side with the opposite side of the sheet. Hold > the sheet sides up and it will roll her inward and > back again from the other side. Maybe this can help > you. > You are in my prayers Dena. I am worried about your > health. Keep Care and Keep Venting. Venting is a > good > release. We are all here for you.....Huge Hugs, Jan > > > > > --- Dena LEAVITT wrote: > > > Hi Everyone > > > > I have decided that it is time to find a nursing > > home > > for my Mom. I called several today and found that > > they > > would not expect her since she had Kaiser Ins. and > > was > > on Kaiser Hospice. It was rather frustrating. So I > > called the Hospice SW and he gave me several that > > Kaiser does contract with. Tomorrow I start the > > search. Please be praying that I find the right > one > > the first time and do not have to change her over > > and > > over. > > > > My mom is now bedridden. I have been so frustrated > > because I cannot get the DAMN!! diaper on her > right. > > She is dead weight and does not roll well and it > is > > soooo hard with just one person. I ripped three > > diapers trying and went back to the pull up type > of > > diaper and believe it or not that worked better. > > Also > > she gets scrunched down in the bed and as one > person > > again I cannot move her up without being at the > head > > of the bed which is really almost impossible. So I > > get > > her up to standing and try to get a side step > going > > and move her up which is way too hard on her. I > > cried > > all day yesterday with frustration. I just give > up. > > Maybe I am not a strong enough person, maybe I > just > > don't want to do this anymore. I don't know, but I > > do > > know that I am having anxiety attacks in the > middle > > of > > the night, I can't eat and I feel sick in general. > I > > guess that means it is time. I have done the > > absolute > > best I can for 10 months. I have changed my life > for > > my mom, by quitting my job and being her full time > > caregiver. I would do it all again in a heart > beat. > > I > > am not a quitter and this REALLY hurts me to give > > up. > > At least I feel like I am giving up. Sorry Mom!! > > Being > > bedridden is really harder than you think it will > > be. > > So Kaiser will give me 5 days respite and then > > transfer her to a facility or back home. I will > let > > them know next week. I just ask that you all pray > > for > > me and that I make the right choice. Thanks. > > > > Dena > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2006 Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 Dear Dena - This is a difficult decision to make. When my family was dealing with finding a place for my Dad, I felt awful, but in the end it was for the best. Once Dad was settled in and we had come to trust the facility - Mom and I were able to get some long needed rest. It was a place where Mom and I felt like part of his care team. And Dad was part of their family. It made it so that Mom and I weren't so exhausted from the physical care. Then we could start enjoying the time with Dad and just enjoy each other's company. One word of caution. Sometimes the original care giver (you), gets sick from finallly being able to rest. Caregiving full time keeps the adrenoline pumping and when that stops - you can get sick. My Mom got pnemonia just two weeks after Dad moved to the care center. May God bless you, Deana and may you find this to be as positive an experience as we did. in WA former caregiver to father diagnosed with PD 1997 - LBD Jan 2005 died November 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2006 Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 Hi It is great to hear the good stories regarding NH. I still feel like I am in a dream though. My mom has been asleep for 22 hours now. This is such a roller coaster ride. I bet this will surprise the staff at the NH too. Thanks again, Dena Motner (83) dx April 2005. Takes Risperdal and Clonzapam and Tylenol when need be. --- Berk wrote: > Dear Dena - > > This is a difficult decision to make. When my > family was dealing with finding a place for my Dad, > I felt awful, but in the end it was for the best. > Once Dad was settled in and we had come to trust the > facility - Mom and I were able to get some long > needed rest. > > It was a place where Mom and I felt like part of his > care team. And Dad was part of their family. It > made it so that Mom and I weren't so exhausted from > the physical care. Then we could start enjoying the > time with Dad and just enjoy each other's company. > > One word of caution. Sometimes the original care > giver (you), gets sick from finallly being able to > rest. Caregiving full time keeps the adrenoline > pumping and when that stops - you can get sick. My > Mom got pnemonia just two weeks after Dad moved to > the care center. > > May God bless you, Deana and may you find this to be > as positive an experience as we did. > > in WA > former caregiver to father > diagnosed with PD 1997 - LBD Jan 2005 > died November 2005 > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2006 Report Share Posted March 4, 2006 dena, i am so glad you have found a nh that seems to fit your needs, and you wrote positive comments on some of hte major first impression things toand that is so important. thaks for the compliments too hugs sharon -- Re: Looking for a NH/Dena > > Hi Dena, > PLEASE, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS DECISION > of > putting your mother in a nh. You are a great > daughter > to your mother, she is very lucky to have you. You > have done the best that you can do. As this disease > progresses one person can not handle it alone. > Believe > me, I am in the same place as you. I am working at > getting Jim into a facility, but it has not been > easy > with Jim's daughter refusing to let go of the > assets. > As you know, I have been fighting this battle and > refuse to be forced to divorce Jim, so that he can > qualify for MediCal, as his daughter wants for him. > But now I have new direction from my attorney. > You must take care of your health Dena. Your mother > has lived a long and good life, but you still have > your life ahead of you, you are still young and > deserve to be able to live your life as a healthy > individual. As we have heard from Courage and > others, > you are not giving up caregiving for your mother. > You > will still be there for her, but now in a different > way. You will have others helping her too and you > can > enjoy the visits with her and have more quality time > to spend with her. > Please do not feel guilty. You are human, do not try > to be Super Woman. > Jim also is with Kaiser and I had to shop around > looking for facilities with Kaiser doctors. I have > chosen a facility that I believe is one of the > better > ones in the area that accepts MediCal. My attorney > gave me a list of nh in the area that is MediCal > Certified and Medicare Approved and has dementia > care > and I went shopping. > *****There > is a list of things to look for while shopping for a > good facility in the LBD Links. Click on Links. > Scroll > down to the very end to: " Looking into Long Term > Care > Facility for LO " It is called, " A Place For Mom. " > You > can find facilities in your area there and also an > advisor to help you for free. You can find the List > of > things to look for while shopping for a facility by > Clicking on: List Your Community in the upper right > hand corner, then Click on Search in the Left > Margin, > then Click on " Tips On Visiting " in the right > Margin. > Copy the List on " Tips On Visiting A Facility " and > it > will help you. Also, I added this to my list; > Earthquake Emergency Procedure and other > Emergencies. > Do they have a good plan. One place told me they get > who they can, but can't guarantee that everyone can > be > helped in an earthquake. Can you believe it?? The > place I chose had doors that close off automatically > in the hallways and each hallway has staff to help > the > people into the hallway that is Earthquake > Structured > away from windows. Look at the food trays too and > see > if it looks like slop or made to look apetizing. I > saw > some places with food that wasn't fit for pigs. > Always > visit without an appointment, so the facility can > not > be expecting you and stage looking good for you. I > saw > places where people were shoved into the hallways in > wheelchairs and left to sit there. They looked like > they were willing themselves to die. Staff did not > smile and looked only focused on the time they had > to > complete a job and ignoring the people. Their > schedule > was more important than spending time with the > people. > It gave me the feeling that the people were in the > way > of their getting the chores done. Look at how well > the > people are cared for. > While you are shopping and looking around and still > caring for your mom. A tip that I got from the > hospital nurses is put a loose sheet on top of the > fitted sheet on the bed and when you need to scoot > your mom up, pull up on the corners of the sheet at > the head of the bed and it will scoot your mom up. > Maybe you can move your mom's bed down a little, so > you can stand at the head of the bed, unless she has > a > headboard. The same goes to change her. Have her lay > on a loose sheet on top of the bed and roll her from > side to side by taking the sides of the sheet and > roll > her inward to the center and then roll her back to > the > other side with the opposite side of the sheet. Hold > the sheet sides up and it will roll her inward and > back again from the other side. Maybe this can help > you. > You are in my prayers Dena. I am worried about your > health. Keep Care and Keep Venting. Venting is a > good > release. We are all here for you.....Huge Hugs, Jan > > > > > --- Dena LEAVITT wrote: > > > Hi Everyone > > > > I have decided that it is time to find a nursing > > home > > for my Mom. I called several today and found that > > they > > would not expect her since she had Kaiser Ins. and > > was > > on Kaiser Hospice. It was rather frustrating. So I > > called the Hospice SW and he gave me several that > > Kaiser does contract with. Tomorrow I start the > > search. Please be praying that I find the right > one > > the first time and do not have to change her over > > and > > over. > > > > My mom is now bedridden. I have been so frustrated > > because I cannot get the DAMN!! diaper on her > right. > > She is dead weight and does not roll well and it > is > > soooo hard with just one person. I ripped three > > diapers trying and went back to the pull up type > of > === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 dena, ' thank you for the compliments and also i am glad you found a nh that you feel good about, let them do the hard/bad stuff and you just take care of yourself adn you mom and you will find you have aless stress. dad adjusted well to the nh and i am sure she will too. it may take a few days but it will be ok good luck hugs sharon m pensacola, florida daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the early 1990's. we moved in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball 7/5/05, asp pneumonia and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti 8/05, passed away 9/25/05 -- Re: Looking for a NH/Dena > > Hi Dena, > PLEASE, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS DECISION > of > putting your mother in a nh. You are a great > daughter > to your mother, she is very lucky to have you. You > have done the best that you can do. As this disease > progresses one person can not handle it alone. > Believe > me, I am in the same place as you. I am working at > getting Jim into a facility, but it has not been > easy > with Jim's daughter refusing to let go of the > assets. > As you know, I have been fighting this battle and > refuse to be forced to divorce Jim, so that he can > qualify for MediCal, as his daughter wants for him. > But now I have new direction from my attorney. > You must take care of your health Dena. Your mother > has lived a long and good life, but you still have > your life ahead of you, you are still young and > deserve to be able to live your life as a healthy > individual. As we have heard from Courage and > others, > you are not giving up caregiving for your mother. > You > will still be there for her, but now in a different > way. You will have others helping her too and you > can > enjoy the visits with her and have more quality time > to spend with her. > Please do not feel guilty. You are human, do not try > to be Super Woman. > Jim also is with Kaiser and I had to shop around > looking for facilities with Kaiser doctors. I have > chosen a facility that I believe is one of the > better > ones in the area that accepts MediCal. My attorney > gave me a list of nh in the area that is MediCal > Certified and Medicare Approved and has dementia > care > and I went shopping. > *****There > is a list of things to look for while shopping for a > good facility in the LBD Links. Click on Links. > Scroll > down to the very end to: " Looking into Long Term > Care > Facility for LO " It is called, " A Place For Mom. " > You > can find facilities in your area there and also an > advisor to help you for free. You can find the List > of > things to look for while shopping for a facility by > Clicking on: List Your Community in the upper right > hand corner, then Click on Search in the Left > Margin, > then Click on " Tips On Visiting " in the right > Margin. > Copy the List on " Tips On Visiting A Facility " and > it > will help you. Also, I added this to my list; > Earthquake Emergency Procedure and other > Emergencies. > Do they have a good plan. One place told me they get > who they can, but can't guarantee that everyone can > be > helped in an earthquake. Can you believe it?? The > place I chose had doors that close off automatically > in the hallways and each hallway has staff to help > the > people into the hallway that is Earthquake > Structured > away from windows. Look at the food trays too and > see > if it looks like slop or made to look apetizing. I > saw > some places with food that wasn't fit for pigs. > Always > visit without an appointment, so the facility can > not > be expecting you and stage looking good for you. I > saw > places where people were shoved into the hallways in > wheelchairs and left to sit there. They looked like > they were willing themselves to die. Staff did not > smile and looked only focused on the time they had > to > complete a job and ignoring the people. Their > schedule > was more important than spending time with the > people. > It gave me the feeling that the people were in the > way > of their getting the chores done. Look at how well > the > people are cared for. > While you are shopping and looking around and still > caring for your mom. A tip that I got from the > hospital nurses is put a loose sheet on top of the > fitted sheet on the bed and when you need to scoot > your mom up, pull up on the corners of the sheet at > the head of the bed and it will scoot your mom up. > Maybe you can move your mom's bed down a little, so > you can stand at the head of the bed, unless she has > a > headboard. The same goes to change her. Have her lay > on a loose sheet on top of the bed and roll her from > side to side by taking the sides of the sheet and > roll > her inward to the center and then roll her back to > the > other side with the opposite side of the sheet. Hold > the sheet sides up and it will roll her inward and > back again from the other side. Maybe this can help > you. > You are in my prayers Dena. I am worried about your > health. Keep Care and Keep Venting. Venting is a > good > release. We are all here for you.....Huge Hugs, Jan > > > > > --- Dena LEAVITT wrote: > > > Hi Everyone > > > > I have decided that it is time to find a nursing > > home > > for my Mom. I called several today and found that > > they > > would not expect her since she had Kaiser Ins. and > > was > > on Kaiser Hospice. It was rather frustrating. So I > > called the Hospice SW and he gave me several that > > Kaiser does contract with. Tomorrow I start the > > search. Please be praying that I find the right > one > > the first time and do not have to change her over > > and > > over. > > > > My mom is now bedridden. I have been so frustrated > > because I cannot get the DAMN!! diaper on her > right. > > She is dead weight and does not roll well and it > is > > soooo hard with just one person. I ripped three > > diapers trying and went back to the pull up type > of > === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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