Guest guest Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Hey Lewyville, My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was worrying to much. My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking responsiblity for his care. So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't stand to watch him suffer so. Tori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Tori I feel your frustration and wish I could offer something other than sympathy. As women we have a natural tendancy to want to caregive and nurture. I don't believe that most men have the same instinct. (my apologies to those men in this group who obviously do not fall into this category) I suspect it is why we have more woman than men in this group. The other challenge is that because of a longer relationship that both your MIL and your husband have with your FIL they will find it more difficult to accept what the future may bring. I think there is a really big part of us that clings to what was and subconsciously believes that the LO we have known for so long, will return to their old self. Unfortunately the NH will probably end up having to open your MIL & husband's eyes. From experience with my Mum, her facility told us that if Mum became aggresive or disruptive they would not be able to keep her. All you can do is be there for them - they will come to terms with your FIL's illness in their own time. For your sake, because I know you are worried, let us hope and pray that they reach that point sooner rather than later. Sending you cyber hugs ((((( ))))) from Cresswell, Ontario (long-distance CG to Margaret in Toronto, born 1930, diag LBD 01/05) --------------------------------- Enrich your life at Yahoo! Canada Finance Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Hi Tori This is a difficult situation with no easy solution, but here is my " two cents " . First, you need to definitely put your family first. Your children are most important as well as your husband. Not sure if you have kids still at home, but they should be number one along with your marriage. Of course, your own sanity should be number one too! It appears your FIL didn't choose a very caring wife, but ultimately, he did make the choice to marry her. If I were in your shoes I would try to spend as much time with my FIL as reasonable. Go visit, make sure he is being fed well and give him the warmth and hugs I'm sure he needs. If he is far away - you can call, send cards, pictures or anything you think might make him feel better in any way. Don't sacrifice your family, but if you have extra time this would ease your heart. What has worked for me in these types of situations is to come up with a solution to the problem. Such as - on your own start looking for other NH's better suited for him that are around the same price. In addition, look for one near you if you think it would maybe be an option. Once you have done your homework, you could maybe approach the family with the information. It sounds like no one else wants to take on the responsibility of finding a better place, so if you have done all the leg work they might be more open to it. It is a sad situation and sometimes I think people don't want to see there loved one in this capacity, they would rather try to forget their existence. If they are not open to the change, then at least you tried and I wouldn't push the issue any further. Just do what you can, when you can without sacrificing time to your husband and children and you. I hope this helps......just know in your heart you have done all you can and I'm sure your FIL would not want you to sacrafice your marriage or your family for him. Take care Cedra Tori wrote: Hey Lewyville, My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was worrying to much. My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking responsiblity for his care. So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't stand to watch him suffer so. Tori Welcome to LBDcaregivers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 oh tori, i feel for you, you are such a great person to be so concerned about your fil, can you just print out information and bring it to the nursing home about lbd, go to the website. www.lbda.org, there is alot of good info there. leave a copy of it at home, adn when your hubby is ready he will read it, but dont force it upon him, just leave it say in the bathroom to read at his leisure and then maybe he will undertand what is going on . you are a loving person and dont let the others discourage you, just let the son and mil learn at their own pace, but i hope they learn soon, as i learned that someday there will be no more tomorrows and i had no idea that my dad was going to pass the nite he passed away. very very distresssing. i hope things work out, keep us informed, hugs sharon m pensacola, florida daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the early 1990's. we moved in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball 7/5/05, asp pneumonia and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti 8/05, passed away 9/25/05 -- Family Frustrations Hey Lewyville, My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was worrying to much. My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking responsiblity for his care. So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't stand to watch him suffer so. Tori Welcome to LBDcaregivers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 The others have given great advice. If you have the time and you do the leg work and the research and just conveniently leave it for the decision makers, you've done the best thing you can for your FIL. Your FIL is lucky that you're in the mix and you're looking out for him. Good luck! ; loving daughter of Maureen of Boston, MA; finally diagnosed with LBD on 2/06 after also being diagnosed with everything from AD to Vascular Dementia caused by mini strokes to Binswengers...; was victim to rapid progression from Risperidone (or combination of Risperidone with other drugs OR possibly received another " bad drug " when she was observed/tested in a hospital in 10/05); in a NH since 11/05. > > Hey Lewyville, > > My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't > really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with > this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was > worrying to much. > > My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. > rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. > He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's > free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He > has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't > spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. > > I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I > should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my > husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't > seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my > nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will > have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my > FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start > making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus > on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called > me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father > that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking > responsiblity for his care. > > So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. > He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't > stand to watch him suffer so. > > Tori > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 Dear Tori, On NH that my dad was in ( he was in two that said they handled demential patients but did not segregate them) actual filed POLICE REPORTS (which my sis and I laffed a bout -- since he was 81yrs old) on behalf of the patients whose rooms he went in because he would become angry and yell at the person and the patient (rightfully so with a crazy man in their room would yell back and it would escalate and my sis and I would get the call to " calm him down " as staff was afraid of him. The scary part came when a dementia patient in another NH sufforcated another patient with a pillow..and it made the papers for a while.. They have no idea which room is theirs or who anyone is so they become more scared, more agressive and anxious. They tried to restrict him to a wheel chair and a " lap buddy " which is a soft pad that keeps them in (but dad would take it out and walk around) Its hard and they should never put dementia people in with people who are recuping from a hip or knee transplant but they just want to fill rooms. Hopefully, yo can find a dementia only unit or NH it will make things less stressful for the patient and their family... --- In LBDcaregivers , " Tori " wrote: > > Hey Lewyville, > > My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't > really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with > this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was > worrying to much. > > My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. > rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. > He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's > free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He > has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't > spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. > > I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I > should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my > husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't > seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my > nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will > have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my > FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start > making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus > on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called > me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father > that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking > responsiblity for his care. > > So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. > He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't > stand to watch him suffer so. > > Tori > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 Hello Tori and Sharon, Been reading the " Family Frustrations " and got to hand it to you Tori for caring so much about your FIL. My Uncle has been on Hospice for 4 months and they have been a great help. They do not know much about Lewy Body but are very eager to learn. I have recently had to hire a Caregiver for 8 hours during the day to help out because Mr. B can no longer walk and is in, I carefully say this, the " End stages " of this disease. Hospice has guided me with their knowledge and then " listened " to what I have learned about Lewy Body and we are working together to make my Uncle as comfortable as possible. I wish you all the luck in the world to be able to care for your FIL in Peace, Stevie Stevie in California LO - Mr. B (Uncle) DX Parkinson's 1993 DX LBD 2003 End stage meds: Hytrin, E.S Tylenol Was on: Sinemet, Seroguel, Elavil, Lasix, Hytrin, Roxinal, Aciphex, Amitriptyline, Ativan * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * tori, have you all considered hospice, hospice is alittle more simpler to get now hospice can come in now * at least in florida* if the patient is no longer able to care for themsleve and have a condition that is not curable and has a low quality of life, dad had hospice for almost 1 year until he went inot nursing home and hospice can offer emergency repsite care in nh while mil is recouperating and hospice foots all the bills while they charge your insurance company hospice will supply all medicines with minmal copay, they can and will pay for nh facilitites they will have people come into your house to bathe him and clean him up and can help with more respite care for you/your mil or a nh just a thought i loved our hospice and we didnt have the big named one, we had the 2nd choice of most doctorrs but 1st choice for our md and i was thrilled to death they wree angels to me and donnie and dad. hugs sharon m pensacola, florida daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the early 1990's. we moved in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball 7/5/05, asp pneumonia and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti 8/05, passed away 9/25/05 -- Re: Family Frustrations Hi Sharon, Thanks so much for your encouraging email. Things are kinda up in the air The nh says that Cigna (ins) wants Dizz home. My poor MIL is fixing to have surgery in two weeks and there's just no way she can care for him. My honey and his mom are thinking of putting dad in a nh as a private patient or Assisted Living or group home. I have volunteered to become the caregiver until mom is back on her feet but that went over like a lead balloon. I finally met a case worker who had seen LBD before and was very knowlegable about it. She's been very helpful and has given up more options that what we were initally told about. The social worker said that we had no choice in the matter, if the insurance said to send him home that's where he'd be. The insurance has been an issue also. They have Long Term Care but MIL hasn't given us the info so we can find out what our true options are. My in laws planned very well for their retirement and are very comfortable. We have been told that if dad goes into an Assisted Living place that the state will drain their savings. Everything is so confusing and happening so fast. No one gives us time to think things through carefully. It's so darn frustrating. But I feel confident that the case worker will be honest with us and help us make whatever arrangements my family decides on. And to makes things crazier Dizz has been getting more aggitated about this whole mess. I saw him tonight and he said he was PO'd about this whole damn mess. And it looks like he's one his way to dehydration, he just won't drink. Stubborn thing! Please don't think I'm a saint, I love my FIL like he was my own dad. He welcomed me into his family with open arms and love just oozing out at every moment. My MIL didn't feel the same way of course and hated me for years. We have worked out all that silly stuff, plus with me losing my own Mom 3 years ago, she has been much kinder to me, she treats me more like a daughter now. Sorry I babbled there for a minute. I guess my point is that I feel I owe it to Dizz and my MIL to help in whatever way I can. I realize that caregiving is a tough road to go down, but I am willing to go there. I ve got a great support group in everyone here in Lewyville and I have a great family that will help, once they start accepting the reality of LBD. I also attend a great church with friends that are willing to help in whatever way they can. So we'll see. Funny to note to that you said leave it in the bathroom. I did just that and he came out and said that this was too heavy for bathroom reading, but he promised to read it later. He's a knucklehead, and I love him to distraction. He's alot like his father. What a sad loss that must be for him. Well I must to go now. I need to find out what info I can about nh's and assisted living places in my area. Thanks again for the encouraging words. Your awesome. By the way, my brother lives down in Cape Coral, Fl. I grew up in Largo. What a great place it is between hurricanes. Tori Mesa, AZ Daughter in law/wanna be caregiver to Dizz dx 1/06 seen signs two years prior to dx. Sentimet is the only med at this time that I'm aware of. Kidney failure 2/06, currently in nh that wants him out because of insurance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 Hi Sharon, Thanks so much for your encouraging email. Things are kinda up in the air. The nh says that Cigna (ins) wants Dizz home. My poor MIL is fixing to have surgery in two weeks and there's just no way she can care for him. My honey and his mom are thinking of putting dad in a nh as a private patient or Assisted Living or group home. I have volunteered to become the caregiver until mom is back on her feet but that went over like a lead balloon. I finally met a case worker who had seen LBD before and was very knowlegable about it. She's been very helpful and has given up more options that what we were initally told about. The social worker said that we had no choice in the matter, if the insurance said to send him home that's where he'd be. The insurance has been an issue also. They have Long Term Care but MIL hasn't given us the info so we can find out what our true options are. My in laws planned very well for their retirement and are very comfortable. We have been told that if dad goes into an Assisted Living place that the state will drain their savings. Everything is so confusing and happening so fast. No one gives us time to think things through carefully. It's so darn frustrating. But I feel confident that the case worker will be honest with us and help us make whatever arrangements my family decides on. And to makes things crazier Dizz has been getting more aggitated about this whole mess. I saw him tonight and he said he was PO'd about this whole damn mess. And it looks like he's one his way to dehydration, he just won't drink. Stubborn thing! Please don't think I'm a saint, I love my FIL like he was my own dad. He welcomed me into his family with open arms and love just oozing out at every moment. My MIL didn't feel the same way of course and hated me for years. We have worked out all that silly stuff, plus with me losing my own Mom 3 years ago, she has been much kinder to me, she treats me more like a daughter now. Sorry I babbled there for a minute. I guess my point is that I feel I owe it to Dizz and my MIL to help in whatever way I can. I realize that caregiving is a tough road to go down, but I am willing to go there. I've got a great support group in everyone here in Lewyville and I have a great family that will help, once they start accepting the reality of LBD. I also attend a great church with friends that are willing to help in whatever way they can. So we'll see. Funny to note to that you said leave it in the bathroom. I did just that and he came out and said that this was too heavy for bathroom reading, but he promised to read it later. He's a knucklehead, and I love him to distraction. He's alot like his father. What a sad loss that must be for him. Well I must to go now. I need to find out what info I can about nh's and assisted living places in my area. Thanks again for the encouraging words. Your awesome. By the way, my brother lives down in Cape Coral, Fl. I grew up in Largo. What a great place it is between hurricanes. Tori Mesa, AZ Daughter in law/wanna be caregiver to Dizz dx 1/06 seen signs two years prior to dx. Sentimet is the only med at this time that I'm aware of. Kidney failure 2/06, currently in nh that wants him out because of insurance. Sharon wrote: oh tori, i feel for you, you are such a great person to be so concerned about your fil, can you just print out information and bring it to the nursing home about lbd, go to the website. www.lbda.org, there is alot of good info there. leave a copy of it at home, adn when your hubby is ready he will read it, but dont force it upon him, just leave it say in the bathroom to read at his leisure and then maybe he will undertand what is going on . you are a loving person and dont let the others discourage you, just let the son and mil learn at their own pace, but i hope they learn soon, as i learned that someday there will be no more tomorrows and i had no idea that my dad was going to pass the nite he passed away. very very distresssing. i hope things work out, keep us informed, hugs sharon m pensacola, florida daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the early 1990's. we moved in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball 7/5/05, asp pneumonia and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti 8/05, passed away 9/25/05 -- Family Frustrations Hey Lewyville, My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was worrying to much. My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking responsiblity for his care. So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't stand to watch him suffer so. Tori Welcome to LBDcaregivers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 Hello Cedra, Thanks for the input. I do have two beautiful girs at home 6 & 13 (going on 30). I had made a " plan " for my MIL where I listed how we could work this out, me being the caregiver I mean. I left plenty of time for my hubby and my girls, as I know that that was her concern as well. But MIL just doesn't want to deal with making any kind of decision at this time. She is relying heavily on social workers and her financial advisor. So I guess we will see where that takes us. Please don't think I don't love my MIL, she's had her hard knocks and I love her very much. I just think she can be very selfish at times. She expressed anger that FIL didn't die with this kidney failure and I can understand where that came from, but at the same time I'm glad dad is still around. I try to be a good sounding board, but at the same time I see dad needs help and I don't know how to approach it. Thanks so much again for you " two-cents " , I really apprectiate it. Tori DIL to Dizz /dx 1/06 / signs since 2004 kidney failure 2/06 currently in nh that wants him gone/ Cedra ez wrote: Hi Tori This is a difficult situation with no easy solution, but here is my " two cents " . First, you need to definitely put your family first. Your children are most important as well as your husband. Not sure if you have kids still at home, but they should be number one along with your marriage. Of course, your own sanity should be number one too! It appears your FIL didn't choose a very caring wife, but ultimately, he did make the choice to marry her. If I were in your shoes I would try to spend as much time with my FIL as reasonable. Go visit, make sure he is being fed well and give him the warmth and hugs I'm sure he needs. If he is far away - you can call, send cards, pictures or anything you think might make him feel better in any way. Don't sacrifice your family, but if you have extra time this would ease your heart. What has worked for me in these types of situations is to come up with a solution to the problem. Such as - on your own start looking for other NH's better suited for him that are around the same price. In addition, look for one near you if you think it would maybe be an option. Once you have done your homework, you could maybe approach the family with the information. It sounds like no one else wants to take on the responsibility of finding a better place, so if you have done all the leg work they might be more open to it. It is a sad situation and sometimes I think people don't want to see there loved one in this capacity, they would rather try to forget their existence. If they are not open to the change, then at least you tried and I wouldn't push the issue any further. Just do what you can, when you can without sacrificing time to your husband and children and you. I hope this helps......just know in your heart you have done all you can and I'm sure your FIL would not want you to sacrafice your marriage or your family for him. Take care Cedra Tori wrote: Hey Lewyville, My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was worrying to much. My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking responsiblity for his care. So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't stand to watch him suffer so. Tori Welcome to LBDcaregivers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 tori, have you all considered hospice, hospice is alittle more simpler to get now hospice can come in now * at least in florida* if the patient is no longer able to care for themsleve and have a condition that is not curable and has a low quality of life, dad had hospice for almost 1 year until he went inot nursing home and hospice can offer emergency repsite care in nh while mil is recouperating and hospice foots all the bills while they charge your insurance company hospice will supply all medicines with minmal copay, they can and will pay for nh facilitites they will have people come into your house to bathe him and clean him up and can help with more respite care for you/your mil or a nh just a thought i loved our hospice and we didnt have the big named one, we had the 2nd choice of most doctorrs but 1st choice for our md and i was thrilled to death they wree angels to me and donnie and dad. hugs sharon m pensacola, florida daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the early 1990's. we moved in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball 7/5/05, asp pneumonia and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti 8/05, passed away 9/25/05 -- Family Frustrations Hey Lewyville, My FIL is out of the hospital and in a nursing home that doesn't really care for patients with dementia. I stressed concern with this from the start but everyone, including my MIL told I was worrying to much. My friends I am so frustrated. My FIL has been going to other pts. rooms unannounced and bothering them, even scaring them. He is not walking yet but gets put in a wheelchair and then he's free to roam. Of course he's gonna go into other pts rooms. He has no idea where he is or why he's even there. My MIL doesn't spend hardly anytime up there saying he's being taken care of. I am just the daughter in law, and I don't know how much I should " interfere " with this. I have tried and tried to explain to my husband and his mother what my concerns are and they don't seem to want to deal with it. Should I just butt in or keep my nose out of it. My own father says to let them deal with it, they will have to come to the reality that things are not good for Dizz, my FIL. And that someone will have to step up to the plate and start making some decisions without my interference. I need to focus on my family . My husband has gotten angry with me and called me a KNOW IT ALL. I understand his anger at losing the father that he loves so much, but on the other hand, no one is taking responsiblity for his care. So please my friends, I don't know what to do and I fear for Dizz. He is such a sweet, gentle man and always loved me. I can't stand to watch him suffer so. Tori Welcome to LBDcaregivers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.