Re: Your Dad

[Guest guest]

let me give you our little scenario dad was on a slow decline and was on

namenda and exelon but about 1 month after starting namenda his bp kept

going orthostatic, dropping hwen he tried to stand, walk etc. so our md

took him off all dementia meds, and for a little while there his mind was

clearer coming off the meds, durimg this time i was hosp due to double

kidney imfection and an intestinal block. on july 5th dad had a severe fall

he usually fell ot his left, after that he was unable to get up and walk

so i was releasedf rom hosp to go check on dad, i called ambulance after

seeing the black bruise on his hip, xrays were taken he was admitted and had

surgery on 7/7. i spoke with the anesthesioloigst and explained the horrors

of anesthesia and lbd but he 'didnt want me to tie his hands, that dad was

in good hands with him' shit, yeah right. dad came thru surgery ok but

very agitated, yelling and screaming only at me, but loud enough the whole

floor of the hosp heard him and we we alos in evacuation lock down due to

hurricane dennis i belive blowing thru. so i couldnt leave the hosp and was

fortuante i had a very understanding nurse that told me take a walk go to

the gift shop, cafeteria, let dad miss me a little while and then come back

but not until i was ready n ot when i felt he needed me back. he stayed in

the hosp with a large brace on his back//hip trying to keep his hip from

bending more than the surgeon wanted, fearing he would pop the hip out of

joint. he was on lovenox until his coumadin levels were high enough to keep

him safe from blood clots, i do not believe the nh was giving him these meds

he wasnt even in the nh for 5 days when i was sick and told donnie and

sissy to go see dad as i was too tired out to go, they walked in teh room

to find dad having severe breathing issues. sissy went and got a tech who

said that dads wheeel chair was taking up too much air space and offfered

to go get a fan to blow air into dads face. sissy again went up to front

desk and demenad a nurse saying dad was in severe respiratory distress. 911

was called and donnie notified me, i directed him to tel the ambulance to

take him to our hospital Baptist which was about 20 min away, the ambulance

crew refused as they didnt htink dad would survive and West Florida was less

than 5 min away. they took him there, i had a DNR on dad (do not resusciate

) dad was trying so hard to breathe and screaming for help i asked dad if he

wanted the ventilator he shook his head yes, and i voided the DNR as per his

request. it was his decision as far as i was concerned. they had started a

central line and when i aurthorized the ventilator to be put in they didnt

cover the central line up , left the place uncovered and just sutured, then

dad started throwing up dark green bile all over his central line site. i

went over to him and started cleaning him only to be yelled at by the doctor

that i was not sterile like dads bile was. i got doctor himself to clean

dad up as i said if someone doesnt do it now i am gonna do it. dad was then

intubated and brought up to icu where he was diagnosed with aspriation

pneumonia and a pulmonary embolyis (blood clot to the lung) he was there for

22 days. and after that he was sent to a nh of my choice one close to home

and to the hosp of our choice. he was there for 2 weeks when another bout

of asp pneumonia hit along with a uti i could tell dad was sick not only

by his fluidy sound to his breaths but alos his agitaion and anger at me,

both clues that something wasnt rioght he went back to our hosp for another

round of iv antibiotics he was there for 7 days and then returned to the nh.

we had made plans to start hospice and everything back up 10/05/05. but dad

passed away 9/25/05 the actual cause of death was the orthostatic bp as his

bp started dropping and despite our normal attempts which were fludrocort

for the bp/diuretic and pushing liquids. daddy passed away at 1:42am. oh

yeah about 5 days in teh second nursing home, dads hip popped out of joint

again despite the big brace his mind wanted that knee bent and he acutally

had enough brain power to bend that knee that he bent a 1/3 " steel bar on

the brace. we opted not to do the surgery or attempt to replace the hip as

the anesthesia was so hard on him and the hip probably would continue to pop

out everytime dad tried to move it. therefore he was then pretty much bed

bound but the staff had him in a special wheel chair the maint man did some

alterations to accomodate dads stork position so he could go and sit and

listen to the kids choirs when they came in he loved that!!!

the things that i think went wrong: anesthesia couldnt change it, but

definitely had dad in a down hill slide. and me not thinking clearly when

dad was moved to the first nursing home as it was 35 miles from home and 30

miles from the hosp of our choice he would have to go past 2 other hospitals

before coming to baptist and since a medical crisis did come he had to go to

the closest hosp. it was so inconvenient for me with my health esp him

being that far awy i couldnt just pop in as easily. next i am not sure the

first nh gave dad all the blood thinners, if they did he shouldnt have

developed the pulmonary embolyis. and i should have kep t paying hte

caregivers to sit with dad in the nh just to make sure things were going

smooth. also during this time dads 99 year lod mother died, and dad had

promised her that she wouldnt bury her baby boy so when she went he started

fighting to live less and less. the 2nd nh dad was in was wonderful except

for one nurse. all of the others were very caring and tender, and werenot

afraid to touch daddy and talked to him. i never went in there and found

daddy dirty and one tech would come bathe dad first on her shift and before

hse left she would check on him again and clean him up again if needed,

daddy was very very hot natured and would sweat profusely which would pull

in the collar bone area. the one nurse i didnt like refused to give me any

information, and lied to me telling me th echarts were locked up at nite and

on weekends. and then when one of dads ex playthings came to the funeral

home she turned on teh tears and this same nurse pulled the charte and gave

her all the details i know this becuase she called me and was furious

because i had a dnr on daddy . and then the nite daddy died, she called me

first at 430 in the afternoon, and left message as i was sleeping and called

me agian 1030 pm to tell me that dads bp was dropping adn i asked if they

gave him meds and if he drinking she said yes and he is resting comfortably

and then next thing i knew i got a call that daddy was dead. ughhhh. i

will go to my grave hating that lady for depriving me of being htere when he

died. as she did not make it clear that daddy 's death was iminent although

she did tell the next shift nurse tha ti was aware that daddy was dying.

she got a week off to evaluate herself and her job, unfortumantely she came

back to the place. ughhhh. stay on top of things maureen, know the meds

know when they are given , i f you have medical POA, and she is in pain and

her meds are PRN (by her request) tell them that you want her on them on a

schedule, like dads was set up every 6 hours starting at nooon. so he woldnt

get uncomfortable becuase daddy refused to ask for them. and i didnt want

him to suffer. if i can be of further assistnace please feel free to ask,

i decided to send this to you personally and to the group in case someone

else also wanted the info. ps, touch, hold hands, kiss, even thru the

uglies because one day there will be no more tomorrows and daddy s death

caught me off guard, we went ot see him the day before he died, friday

before we went bowling, and we sang yes daddy did too, happy birthday to

donnie, and saturday i was sick we had planned on going back to see dad

sunday with some cake that we woule have covered in ice cream as he as

having troubles swallowwing. but that opportunity didnt come. i know it

wasnt my fault that i was not there for dad, but there are many times the

guild lurks in on me, but i know that he knows my health prevented me from

doing as much as i wanted with him . but i still have this stuffed duck

thta donnie gave to me when i was in the hosp you put your hand inside his

beak and move his beak as he quacks out oldmacdonald, london bridge, and

frere jacques. i gave it to dad, and he giggled endlessly , when he went

in to the hosp or nh i would bring that with us and he would love to show it

off. things like that are preciousl memories that noone can deny or take

away. i am so happy and grateful for that. i hope this book helps you

good luck my prayers and positive thoughts coming your way.

hugs sharon m pensacola, florida

daughter/caregiver of Leonard, symptomatic from the early 1990's. we moved

in with him 1/19/03. diagnosed 5/04 broke hip ball 7/5/05, asp pneumonia

and lung blood clot 7/14/05, asp pneumonia and uti 8/05, passed away 9/25/05

-- Your Dad

Hi Sharon,

I was reading your e-mail about your Dad passing away after breaking

his hip. I was wondering if my MIL Bobbie might be going through a

similar experience to your Dad.

She broke her hip 2 weeks ago and has been doing very pooly ever since

then. She has not been able to get out of bed due to low blood

pressure. She needs help eating and has little or no appetite. She

sleeps all the time and is almost always confused and demented.

I wonder if this is similar to what happened with your Dad. I would be

interested to hear from you about your Dad and his hip fracture and

what happened that led to his death.

Thank you,

Maureen