Guest guest Posted February 20, 2006 Report Share Posted February 20, 2006 Hi Tori and welcome to the group. Now is a good time for everyone to get together and talk about getting some in-home help for your in-laws. You should encourage her to speak to any and all elder care groups in her neighbourhood. This will go a long way to help out with caregiver burnout. Also, I waited a while before I had mom put on Seroquel a med for hallucinations. I tried to roll with them - as long as they weren't distressful to mom. Mom mostly went on seroquel because she had terrible anxiety. It did help some but we had to put her on a very low dose. Everyones Loved One - LO - reacts differently to the meds we have available. I'd say that you already have your hands full without having to take on the care for your FIL and being a full-time support to your MIL. Also a good time to get POA in order and to start talking about where everyone would want your FIL to go should he need to be placed into care. I know its a lot and depressing to boot but you just might save yourselves much stress later when the work gets harder. Best, Courage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hi Tori, I think having a family meeting, including your father-in-law as much as possible, is a good idea. It's so important that your mother-in-law not feel all of the burden is hers. Hopefully her son and you can give her lots of emotional support in this trying time. If the 3 or 4 of you can work out a plan, even a short term one as we don't have control over much else, then I think your mother in law can relax some. Often times, assisted living centers offer what's called " respite care. " In our area, these are furnished studio apartments where you pay a daily rate ($150/day in northern CA) and receive all of the benefits available (food, housekeeping, laundry, care including escorting, bathing, grooming, med management, etc). Some have a minimum of one day, some one week. You could give this a try for 5-7 days. Your mother-in-law could go over for a couple of meals a day. It's considered " respite care " for the family; it would be more to give your mother-in-law a chance to rest, catch up on her sleep, and consult with friends, physicians, their church, senior citizen centers, home-health agencies, etc. Maybe you could have a family meeting before the respite care, and agree to what should be looked into during respite care. You and your husband can probably help with the legwork of these calls. And then have a family meeting after the respite care to share what has been learned, evaluate the assisted living experience, and decide on the short-term plan. Robin >_____________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ > >Message: 7 > Date: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 07:53:02 -0800 (PST) > >Subject: My Father In Law > >Hi my name is Tori and my father in law, Dizz, has recently been diagnosed >with LBD. I've read all I could on the subject and feel a bit overwhelmed. > > My mother in law, Rosemary, is overwhelmed as well and is not sure of > what to do next. She's tired, worried, and just wants Dizz back the way > he was. The doctors aren't really being any help to her, they seem to > push her to put him in a care facility. She really doesn't want to do > that, she feels that that would make him worse. > > Dizz, at this time is ambulatory, however, when I saw him last night he > was worse than I've seen since being diagnosed. He is taking tiny steps, > barely moving when asked to come eat dinner. He has hallucinations all > the time and at times he cannot remember his wife's name. He wakes up a > lot during the night and gets dressed as if he is going > somewhere. Usually it's an appointment that is several hours away. Just > recently he told Rosemary, that this man, pointing to the end of the bed, > told him he had to move his car. He was in the process of putting on his > pants over his jammies. Rosemary told him that no one could get in the > house without the alarm going off and that there was no man there in > their room. He was satisfied with that and went back to sleep. > > Our visit last night was a scary one I must admit, he just sat there > slumped in his chair, sleeping I guess. He was very confused when my > husband, aroused him. He couldn't keep up a conversation at > all. His skin color looked gray and when he was aroused he complained of > a back ache. There were also three nights prior to this visit where he > didn't sleep at all. Rosemary, is very tired. She doesn't know what to > do. She needs time to herself she says but she doesn't know how to do > that. My husband and I brought Dizz to our house one afternoon > when he was feeling good and he helped around the house. But in his > current state I don't feel that bringing here to my house is a good idea. > > I have two beautiful daughters. The oldest is 13 and the youngest is > 6. My youngest has Cerebral Palsy. Caring for her, though her condition > is moderate, takes up a lot of my time, with therapy's, doctor > appointments. I would love to quit my job, as a teachers aide, and help > out Rosemary, however, my husband says no way, and tells me that that's > not a good idea. He thinks I'd go crazy between his mom and dad. I mean > she is my mother in law. Our relationship has gotten closer since my own > mother passed away three years ago. > > I hope I didn't overdue it with all this info. I'm not sure of what > y'all want to hear. I hope this gives you a good idea of what we are > experiencing at this time. I welcome any advice that you can > provide. Thanks for taking the time to read this. > > Tori >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ > >Message: 8 > Date: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 17:34:59 -0000 > >Subject: Re: My Father In Law > >Welcome Tori. > >So far you're good - you have a diagnosis and you found this board. >Is Dizz on any medications? What are they? They can help some of the >symptoms - but they have to be the right ones. This board has a list >of the good & bad meds (look under 'files') - find out what they are >now - to make sure he's on the right ones. My mother was recently >diagnosed with LBD, but it was too late - she had already been given >one of the bad meds. (for her it was resperidol or at least that med >combined with another med was bad for mom - she unfortunately is in a >nursing home now - those meds progressed her disease faster that it >should have been - so it's important that your LO is diagnosed >correctly and that they are treated correctly) You will find all your >answers on this board and on www.lewybodydementia.org - this board is >great to vent too! This write up is good for LBD too - >http://www.postgradmed.com/issues/2003/05_03/stewart2.htm > > > >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ > >Message: 9 > Date: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 18:16:40 -0000 > >Subject: Re: My Father In Law > >Hi Tori, > >I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. We had a similar experience with my >MIL (Mother in Law). > >In the beginning of her LBD problems my MIL could barely sleep. The >less sleep she received the more confused and demented she was. The >key is to find the correct meds. for him. If he has not seen a >neurologist he should. They will test him for cognitive function and >adjust his meds. until he stablizes. My MIL now is having major >problems but we are nearly three years into this LBD process. >Once she was on the correct meds. she bounced back and began to >function more normally. She was more like her old self and easier to >deal with. I agree with your husband regarding quiting your job and >helping you MIL. You have children that need you and once your FIL >settles down things may normalize. > >I wish you and your family the best. > >Maureen >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ > >Message: 13 > Date: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 11:59:54 -0800 (PST) > >Subject: Re: My Father In Law > >Hi Tori > >Is your father in law on any drugs like Aricept or >Namenda. Sometimes these drugs can help with memory in >the early stages of LBD. It may buy him some time to >still be at home with his wife. If he has not seen a >Geriatric Dr. or Neurologist you might suggest that he >see one. It is a little hard being the daughter in law >and not knowing how far to get involved. I know you >want to help all you can. But it sounds like your >plate is pretty full now. Maybe you should give it >sometime and respect your husbands wishes for now. >This disease is a down hill progression and they may >need you more at a later date. Just my two cents >worth. Hope you can find a good Dr. Where do you live? > >Dena in So CA > >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ > >Message: 25 > Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 00:45:50 -0500 > >Subject: Re: My Father In Law > >Hi Tori and welcome to the group. > >Now is a good time for everyone to get together and talk about getting >some in-home help for your in-laws. You should encourage her to speak >to any and all elder care groups in her neighbourhood. This will go a >long way to help out with caregiver burnout. Also, I waited a while >before I had mom put on Seroquel a med for hallucinations. I tried to >roll with them - as long as they weren't distressful to mom. Mom mostly >went on seroquel because she had terrible anxiety. It did help some but >we had to put her on a very low dose. Everyones Loved One - LO - reacts >differently to the meds we have available. > >I'd say that you already have your hands full without having to take on >the care for your FIL and being a full-time support to your MIL. Also a >good time to get POA in order and to start talking about where everyone >would want your FIL to go should he need to be placed into care. >I know its a lot and depressing to boot but you just might save >yourselves much stress later when the work gets harder. >Best, >Courage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Tori, Welcome. Sorry you have to come here, and the information is going to be helpful to you and your MIL. If you click on the blue address after my name, you can go to the Association pages and get all kinds of information. It sound like he may have a UTI (infection) or bladder infection with the backache. I don't know what kind of drugs he is on, or not, but they often cause as much trouble as they help with LBD. I am sure others will give you lots of ideas. You can never send to much information about your situation. Hope we can be of some help. Donna R Do you want to read more about Lewy Body? You can also read the Thistle, the LBD Newsletter. Just click on: http://www.lewybodydementia.org My Father In Law Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2006 Report Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hi Tori, Your story sounds very similar to mine. My 68 yr. old FIL was diagnosed with PD and LBD about two years ago. Since that time, he's been on a downhill spiral. It's very scary to see how quickly he's declining. He truly has become such a changed man. He uses a walker and a cane to move about. He needs a lot of assistance getting into and out of bed, cars, and chairs and also needs assistance getting dressed and going to the bathroom. He has frequent falls. His wife is his primary caretaker. Here lately, his cognitive skills and memory have gotten a lot worse. He gets confused very easily and will repeat the same question over and over again. He gets ideas in his head, but doesn't understand the ramifications that come along with them. He is very easily influenced. He can be talked into doing just about anything. It's as though he lacks rationale. He has a very short temper and is quite demanding/controlling of his wife. He has a son who lives nearby and if my MIL goes to see him, she no sooner walks in his door before my FIL is calling her wanting her home. He can no longer drive and gets lost if someone isn't right there with him. I really worry about my MIL. As I posted here a few days ago, my FIL insisted that he and my MIL go to visit a local assisted living facility. They did and now my FIL is convinced they should move out of their nearly million dollar home on lakefront property into the facility. It will cost them about $6000 a month. My MIL is also 68 and she is a person who is always on the go. My FIL's illness has changed her life ten-fold. She loves to travel and get out and see some of the world, but she can no longer do that because of her caretaker responsibilities. She really doesn't have much of a life anymore, to be honest. My MIL has said that she just isn't ready to move into an assisted living facility. I can see why she feels that way, but at the same time, I think she needs to realize that she can't care for my FIL on her own anymore. When he falls, it's all she can do to get him up on his feet again. I don't understand why she won't consider looking into home health care. That would, at least, give her some relief. I read an article in the paper just this morning about how caretakers of spouses who are ill are at a much greater risk of having health problems. This is especially true if the spouse has a psychological disorder, such as dementia. My MIL is not one to wear her emotions on her sleeves, so I don't really expect her to show how tired she is. I keep trying to convince my husband, whose name is also to sit down with his mom and brother and devise some sort of plan for their father. It will soon come to a point where his mom can no longer do what she's doing now. They need to know what will happen at that point. For some reason, he really doesn't want to discuss it. It's as if he can just wish it all away and that worries me. Well, I guess that's enough said. I wish you lots of luck on this journey of yours. Just remember that you are not alone. Everyone here has been so kind and helpful to me. Ask as many questions as you need to and we'll do whatever we can to help you find the answers. Take care, April W. GA. > > Hi my name is Tori and my father in law, Dizz, has recently been diagnosed with LBD. I've read all I could on the subject and feel a bit overwhelmed. > > My mother in law, Rosemary, is overwhelmed as well and is not sure of what to do next. She's tired, worried, and just wants Dizz back the way he was. The doctors aren't really being any help to her, they seem to push her to put him in a care facility. She really doesn't want to do that, she feels that that would make him worse. > > Dizz, at this time is ambulatory, however, when I saw him last night he was worse than I've seen since being diagnosed. He is taking tiny steps, barely moving when asked to come eat dinner. He has hallucinations all the time and at times he cannot remember his wife's name. He wakes up a lot during the night and gets dressed as if he is going somewhere. Usually it's an appointment that is several hours away. Just recently he told Rosemary, that this man, pointing to the end of the bed, told him he had to move his car. He was in the process of putting on his pants over his jammies. Rosemary told him that no one could get in the house without the alarm going off and that there was no man there in their room. He was satisfied with that and went back to sleep. > > Our visit last night was a scary one I must admit, he just sat there slumped in his chair, sleeping I guess. He was very confused when my husband, aroused him. He couldn't keep up a conversation at all. His skin color looked gray and when he was aroused he complained of a back ache. There were also three nights prior to this visit where he didn't sleep at all. Rosemary, is very tired. She doesn't know what to do. She needs time to herself she says but she doesn't know how to do that. My husband and I brought Dizz to our house one afternoon when he was feeling good and he helped around the house. But in his current state I don't feel that bringing here to my house is a good idea. > > I have two beautiful daughters. The oldest is 13 and the youngest is 6. My youngest has Cerebral Palsy. Caring for her, though her condition is moderate, takes up a lot of my time, with therapy's, doctor appointments. I would love to quit my job, as a teachers aide, and help out Rosemary, however, my husband says no way, and tells me that that's not a good idea. He thinks I'd go crazy between his mom and dad. I mean she is my mother in law. Our relationship has gotten closer since my own mother passed away three years ago. > > I hope I didn't overdue it with all this info. I'm not sure of what y'all want to hear. I hope this gives you a good idea of what we are experiencing at this time. I welcome any advice that you can provide. Thanks for taking the time to read this. > > Tori > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! Mail > Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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