Re: for Jan......... and everyone.

[Guest guest]

For Jan and others show are facing putting a loved one into a facility,

Well, in 2000 I had no choice but to take my father who had alzhiemer's disease

to the hospital for evaluation so he could get into a nursing care facility

(dementia unit). My mother had collapsed from the stress of trying to take care

of my father who was in the very late stages of the disease. She nearly died

from the stress. She had a perforated ulcer and a hole in her bowel all from

the stress. She collapsed in pain and would NOT go to the hospital until I went

to the house and took my dad to my house. The neighbor then gave her the choice

to go with her to the hospital or in an ambulance. It was so bad that they did

emergency surgery and she was very sick for a long time. I took care of my dad

for a few days until he insisted on going home. I had no choice but to take him

home and then he didn't know who I was and wanted me out of the house. Well, I

couldn't leave him there alone. In the end I had to take him to the hospital so

he could be evaluated for acceptance into the dementia unit in the nursing home.

The day that I brought my father to the hospital was the worst day of my life.

I was shaking all over and just a wreck. The reason I was a wreck was because I

knew that this was the beginning of the end. He would NOT be coming home again.

Did I have family support? NO!!!!!!! I have two brothers and a sister. They

ran in the other direction. DENIAL. My father died after being in the nursing

home for 12 weeks. My sister went around telling people that I killed my

father by putting him in the nursing home. (tell me that didn't hurt). The

truth is, I saved my mothers life and I knew that my father was safe and being

taken care of 24 hours a day. He needed that care and my mother could not have

recovered from her surgery and illness if he had stayed home. It was for HIS

safety and the well being and recovery of my mom. I don't feel like I killed my

father in fact I feel like I saved my mothers life.

Putting a loved one into a nursing home is so hard. I cried so many tears. My

family was not supportive. I did all of the legal work that had to be done, I

helped my dad make the transition go as smoothly as possible yet it was still

difficult for ME!!!!!! My dad died because it was his time to die. NOT because

he was put into a nursing home. It was time to leave his failing body onto a

new path of life. I can honestly say that bringing him to the hospital that day

was harder than his death. His passing was a blessing........ one I had prayed

for, for many months. Yes, I prayed for him to die. (and I don't feel guilty

about it either). He had lost his dignity, his quality of life was next to zero

and he never would have wanted to live like that. So he is now in heaven but

still watching over me.

Now I am faced with watching my dear friend go through LBD. I don't know if it

is harder for her or for me. It hurts so much. BUT, I WILL get through it

because I have more knowledge about dementia (from caring for my dad) and I know

what should and should not be done. No, it isn't easy, but I love my friend and

I will do what ever I can to make her happy and to let her know I am there for

her.

BUT, we all have to make sure that we take care of ourselves so that we can

continue to care for our LBD loved ones. My mother should have put my dad into

a nursing home long before she collapsed but she said she just couldn't do it.

So, I did it. It took the guilt off of her shoulders.

My friend with LBD is wonderful and she has a wonderful brother who has 6 adult

children and they are all very supportive of my friend Liz. It sure makes it

easier on me. I don't feel like I have to carry the entire load on my

shoulders.

First of all, we MUST take very good care of ourselves so that we can care for

our loved ones. Without us they are alone. We DO need time for ourselves so we

must make ourselves take that time to relax.

Life isn't easy but I think that this all happens for us to learn a lesson.

God bless all of us!!!!!

Robyn

buzzndash@...

Maine

P.S. And YES, it is o.k. to feel sorry for yourself from time to time. Tears

are normal. Do what you have to so that you can get through all of this.