The Phone Call

[Guest guest]

The Phone Call (Funny Pic)

http://www.pianoladynancy.com/funnypics_toons/phonecall.htm

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well

dance. =^..^=

[Guest guest]

Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this together.Sent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "" <jenniferhermanski@...>Sender: Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2011 19:23:25 -0000< >Reply Subject: ( ) The phone call So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself " It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn. " That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.

[Guest guest]

Too funny!  How different we all are in reaction to people.  I loved the name calling and gloating.  Cracked me up.  I can so understand feeling fried and wanting dad to have his OWN fun with all of it.  I assumed she was indeed on the same team, working with dad, but we were just privy to the little voice in her head that we all have that wants dad to have his turn at it......

On Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 11:24 AM, <smacalli@...> wrote:

 

Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this together.Sent via BlackBerry by AT & TFrom: " " <jenniferhermanski@...>

Sender:

Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2011 19:23:25 -0000< >Reply

Subject: ( ) The phone call

 

So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy.

Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.

He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?

Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad.

I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself " It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn. " That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.

[Guest guest]

Oh, how hard that decision must have been for you! I find myself thinking that NO ONE can take care of my kiddos better than me because I know them so well! I hate to say that I think that that kind of thinking applies to my hubby too, but I think it does sometimes (not always, because he is good with them). I'm sure it's hard for all of us to "let go" at times. But, I guess at some point we have to. Right? I guess I feel like I'm the only one in the whole world that "get's it" sometimes when confronted with the school saying that they aren't equipped to deal with my son and the stares and glares of other parents that I've gotten forever and all that other stuff. It's so easy to think that I'm all alone (or that we are all alone) in this whole thing. That's one of the reasons for this group! I love when I read posts that I myself could have written!

I am happy for you that you have an ex that will make some kind of effort with your child! I'm sure he'll learn real quick that reading a book and living aren't really the same thing, but at least there was some effort there. Does he live far away from you? Will you still be able to see ? How long does he get for? I hope that you can find some time for yourself while he's away! You deserve it!! Hugs!

Beth

( ) The phone call

So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.

[Guest guest]

I agree, I have those voices in my head a lot, so is not alone there. I am glad she posted an update today, I as well, was having a Dad issue today. only the opposite, my son's Dad will not go and buy the books to read, he excuse is that reading takes to long, guess he would rather receive the info through a mindmeld, LOL. I love this group, it helps me keep my sanity when it has been one of those days.

[Guest guest]

I guess the name calling stems from the fact that he abandoned his child for

12 years (left me when I was pregnant and denied that was his) and now

suddenly he buys a few books and thinks it will make him an expert

>

> Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a

name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this

together.

> Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

>

> ( ) The phone call

>

> So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just

went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal

with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he

thinks reading those books will make it easy.

> Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his

room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.

> He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?

> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life

is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five

year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five

year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad.

> I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but

then I remind myself " It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn. " That has

become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my

decision.

>

[Guest guest]

I live in California and his father lives in Florida. I plan on setting up a

special e mail address to stay in touch with my son and my ex

>

> Oh, how hard that decision must have been for you! I find myself thinking

that NO ONE can take care of my kiddos better than me because I know them so

well! I hate to say that I think that that kind of thinking applies to my hubby

too, but I think it does sometimes (not always, because he is good with them).

I'm sure it's hard for all of us to " let go " at times. But, I guess at some

point we have to. Right? I guess I feel like I'm the only one in the whole

world that " get's it " sometimes when confronted with the school saying that they

aren't equipped to deal with my son and the stares and glares of other parents

that I've gotten forever and all that other stuff. It's so easy to think that

I'm all alone (or that we are all alone) in this whole thing. That's one of the

reasons for this group! I love when I read posts that I myself could have

written!

>

> I am happy for you that you have an ex that will make some kind of effort

with your child! I'm sure he'll learn real quick that reading a book and living

aren't really the same thing, but at least there was some effort there. Does he

live far away from you? Will you still be able to see ? How long does he

get for? I hope that you can find some time for yourself while he's away!

You deserve it!! Hugs!

>

> Beth

>

> ( ) The phone call

>

>

>

> So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just

went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal

with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks

reading those books will make it easy.

> Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his

room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.

> He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?

> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is

going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five

year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five

year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad.

> I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but

then I remind myself " It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn. " That has

become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my

decision.

>

[Guest guest]

What would you expect him to do at this point? He can't go back and change the past. He wants to help now, so to prepare, he read three books. What else can he do? You saying "it's his turn" makes it look like this is more about hurting him than helping your son. Thinking back to your original post when you shared with us your decision to do this, I don't think that's what's really going on here, but I would do everything I could to let the past go and focus on the now and the future. Sure hope this turns out okay for all of you.

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 3:11:25 PMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

I guess the name calling stems from the fact that he abandoned his child for 12 years (left me when I was pregnant and denied that was his) and now suddenly he buys a few books and thinks it will make him an expert>> Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this together.> Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T> > ( ) The phone call> > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how

challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.>

[Guest guest]

Totally understandable.

Actually, a couple of my pals over the years have called their "exes", their "SD's".

SD meaning "sperm donors".....sigh..........

Robin

"I'm singing....

I'm in a store and I'm singing..........

I'm in a store....

and I'm singing..............."

From: <jenniferhermanski@...>Subject: Re: ( ) The phone call Date: Tuesday, February 15, 2011, 3:11 PM

I guess the name calling stems from the fact that he abandoned his child for 12 years (left me when I was pregnant and denied that was his) and now suddenly he buys a few books and thinks it will make him an expert>> Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this together.> Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T> > ( ) The phone call> > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > Then he has all these questions for me.

So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.>

[Guest guest]

Oh, My! That is a LONG ways away! We're here for you as you go through all this! Oh, you should see if your ex could get Skype. If you both have web cams you could call and see and it's a free service! My son recently discovered Skype (with some help from his uncles) and he LOVES it! He wants to Skype people all the time now! Hugs!

Beth

( ) The phone call> > > > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.>

[Guest guest]

People make huge mistakes sometimes, but is up to us to look forward and give your son's father a chance to be in your son's life, is for your own son's benefit. The more people love your son, the better he will feel. Just my humble opinion. "Resentment is a poison we drink, thinking it will kill somebody else" I truly believe on this.From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 4:11:25 PMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

I guess the name calling stems from the fact that he abandoned his child for 12 years (left me when I was pregnant and denied that was his) and now suddenly he buys a few books and thinks it will make him an expert

>

> Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this together.

> Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

>

> ( ) The phone call

>

> So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy.

> Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.

> He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?

> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad.

> I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , well dad will see " what's what " when is with him, but at

least he is making a good effort. Good for him for getting the books. But

he'll learn he can't assume from all he reads that it fits. I'll add my AS son

couldn't clean his room at age 12 or even after. Not unless I wanted to stand

there and direct each task and wait/watch. So not a bad question that he asked.

Maybe he read that in a book!

I saw where you said he'd been absent so many years. That's my ex too, not

involved really. And our's are grown now. Well - sounds like your ex has

matured (I know you hope!) and thankfully he's willing to help at this time when

you really need it. (tho I'm sure you needed it before too, but let's just be

thankful now)

You may want to at least be looking at possible alternatives for placement/help

if it doesn't work out. But, cross fingers, maybe it will. You need the break

with everything else going on right now!

Hey, you may want to put that sentence in an email to dad - maturity, 5,

hormones 12, intellect college!

And just think - dad is getting him at the start of the teen years!

I know we moms can't help the " guilt feeling " but do stop!

Yeah, easier said than done, I know.

single mom, 3 sons

, 22, OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers

>

> So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just

went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal

with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he

thinks reading those books will make it easy.

> Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his

room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.

> He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?

> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life

is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five

year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five

year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad.

> I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but

then I remind myself " It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn. " That has

become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my

decision.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know his dad, and nothing makes lfe easier but it is wonderful he is trying to learn as much as possible and trying to be prepared in advance. My ex is three years out from the diagnosis and still in denial and has refused to read any book ever about my son's diagnosis, including ones specifically reccommended by the doctor. I would try to be supportive and hope for the best. No book can replace experience but it certainly doesn't hurt to be armed with some techniques when walking into a situation like parenting our kids. I always joke about how they don't give you a manual with your kids, but it is funny tht there are now tons of parenting books and books for parents like us dealign with special kids and their needs. It would have been nice if they sent us home from the hospital

with them, but it is really terrific he is taking an active interest in learning about Aspergers.Maybe the thing to do is to reccommend the books you have read that you felt really hit home about your son. I know some I have read are dead on and others were a waste of my time.

From: Durocher <funwith4@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 3:06:06 PMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

But having read the books he'll at least know what to expect and maybehow to handle it. I keep reminding my husband it would be easier onhim if he read a book so knew what to expect and therefore was betterable to handle itOn 2/15/11, <jenniferhermanski@...> wrote:> So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just> went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal> with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he> thinks reading those books will make it easy.> Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his> room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.> He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> Oh

Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his> life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute> little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social> maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the> intelligence of a college grad.> I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon> but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn."> That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live> with my decision.>>>-- Sent from my mobile device-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,, , and Leah

[Guest guest]

Mom, Dad, or both. As parents we are responsible for or children. It does not matter if we are female or male. Being a parent is an equal opportunity job. I do not give one parent all the credit because of their gender. I give THE parent or parents the kudos for stepping up to the plate and taking care of a child with any type of disability, as it is a hard job. I do not think this is a gender issue, anyone can be a good parent it is what that person choses to do. So to ALL you parents on the list who are working your butts off to advocate and take care of your child GOOD FOR YOU, you are doing a SUPER JOB!

Thanks,

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Hello , So i have been reading your posts, and first and for most i really thank you for sharing everything your going through right now, im sure its not easy to tell people your son is going to live with your father and the reasons why he is going! And im glad your sharing it with us , lord knows if you can explain it to anybody it would be us right? But i really am wondering " how YOU are doing?" and im not trying to be too nosy or anything and i dont wanna say im " concerned" because i know you will be fine , and your doing the right thing, but i just wanna make sure that your doing ok!!!!!! Taking time to yourself , doing things for yourself so that you can slowly adjust to what your life is going to be like when he is with his father!! I am

sure you want to spend time with him as much as you can right now , and not feeling guilty is like we have all said to you " easier said then done" the best way i can say it is : You know when a friend or family member , or whoever , is talking to you about " god i feel so ugly " or " im not good enough to do that " and you just want to shake them and say " what the hell are you talking about " because its so obvious to you they are beautiful or they are a good person.... I know that maybe sometimes you feel guilty , and i dont know what your family has said about your decision , but WE understand it , and you have to do what is right for you and for your son , and you are putting your son first , and not only that , but having him go to his father , is nothing to feel bad about , or some sort of punishment for him ( not saying you think it is ) but i know in my famiy if i did that , one of my 5 overly opinionated sisters would have something

negative to say!But they have no idea what we go through on a daily basis! Its a great chance your giving your ex to make up for lost time , and give him a chance to try and bond and help your son!! Its really important !! I think if people asked me why if your son going to live with his dad , i dont think i would even have to say its because i need a break , because there are more important positive reasons for your decision ya know? Yes you needing a break is what started the idea , but i would think after you thought it through anyone can understand that there are more pros then cons to him living with his dad!! I would say " umm why not?", "its his dad" he should be involved he should have a chance to help raise him!! I am hoping that you will look back on this once your son is living with the dad and say , yeah this was the best decision!! I am also praying that your ex keeps up his end of the deal, and stays positive and motivated to

help raise your son the best he can!! I think there will probably be some times that he will call you and be like " WHAT... THE ....HELL..." because he has to have some time to understand his behaviors and to keep communication between you too open so that he feels like he CAN ask you why does he this , or why does he do that, he is gonna need a support system too , i still think he should join this group! lol We need some more dads on here! So ill stop rambling now , but i just reallllllly want you to know that i am rooting for you ,your son, and your ex , for all you guys to be happy with this life change, and like i said i think the biggest more important thing to making it a good experience for everyone is honest COMMUNICATION and patience!! So have you guys talked about you visiting him, when he is living away? Does your ex have a new wife or girlfriend , if so how does she feel about this change? SOrry if im

being to nosy now , you dont have to answer those if you dont want , i just am hoping you will continue to keep posting how your feeling and sharing things with us , because we all want to be here for you in whatever way you need us too!! You are doing a very selfless thing , that i dont know if i would have the courage to do , even if i knew it was the best decision for my son!! I admire your dedication to getting you and your son happy again!! Meaghan ...big hug to you ;)From: <jenniferhermanski@...>To:

Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 10:36:47 PMSubject: ( ) Re: The phone call

I give the two of them till August or so before they either cant stand one another and is sent back to me OR he will love it and decide to make florida his home.

I worry about how my son will react to his new step siblings and step mother. And how will s behaviors affect dads new marriage. Will step mom be able to cope with her husbands time being consumed by his aspie son?

for that matter, how many of you parents here are single? Do you think the challenges of raising a special needs child contributed to your divorce or separation?

> >

> > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy.

> > Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.

> > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?

> > Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad.

> > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.

> >

>

bbbbbbbbbbbbbdhytrsgh

[Guest guest]

Well put Dawn, and a tip of the hat to you too!! MeaghanFrom: "azucarmama68@..." <azucarmama68@...> Sent: Wed, February 16, 2011 10:04:21 AMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

Mom, Dad, or both. As parents we are responsible for or children. It does not matter if we are female or male. Being a parent is an equal opportunity job. I do not give one parent all the credit because of their gender. I give THE parent or parents the kudos for stepping up to the plate and taking care of a child with any type of disability, as it is a hard job. I do not think this is a gender issue, anyone can be a good parent it is what that person choses to do. So to ALL you parents on the list who are working your butts off to advocate and take care of your child GOOD FOR YOU, you are doing a SUPER JOB!

Thanks,

Dawn

[Guest guest]

ooooo thats a really good quote !! MeaghanFrom: chris Dunn <christineshello@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 6:12:47 PMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

People make huge mistakes sometimes, but is up to us to look forward and give your son's father a chance to be in your son's life, is for your own son's benefit. The more people love your son, the better he will feel. Just my humble opinion. "Resentment is a poison we drink, thinking it will kill somebody else" I truly believe on this.From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 4:11:25 PMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

I guess the name calling stems from the fact that he abandoned his child for 12 years (left me when I was pregnant and denied that was his) and now suddenly he buys a few books and thinks it will make him an expert

>

> Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this together.

> Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

>

> ( ) The phone call

>

> So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy.

> Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12.

> He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?

> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad.

> I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.

>

[Guest guest]

It is frustrating when others act they are going to swoop in and save the day after you have gone through all teh struggle and sweat and tears, but there are no easy answers and he will soon find that out for himself - best to let it go if you can for your own sake. So much easier said than done. Mine asked for the divorce the night we came home from the psychologist after officially getting the diagnosis for my son. We got o trial in April for custody. It is hard enough having a child with so many needs but the struggles we have with others for them is just too much to bear at times. I heart goes out to you. I agree with though, a child can never have enough love from enough places! so no moatter what a jerk he has been to you or if he did abandon you, maybe he has turned over a

new leaf and seen what a mistake he made before now. Let him own up to it an try to make amends now and have a relationship with your son. Maybe that is part of what has been so tough for your son, feeling abandoned and not having a male role model. This is a good age for him to have one now.

From: Meaghan Larson <meaghanlarson@...> Sent: Wed, February 16, 2011 10:51:05 AMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

ooooo thats a really good quote !! Meaghan

From: chris Dunn <christineshello@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 6:12:47 PMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

People make huge mistakes sometimes, but is up to us to look forward and give your son's father a chance to be in your son's life, is for your own son's benefit. The more people love your son, the better he will feel. Just my humble opinion. "Resentment is a poison we drink, thinking it will kill somebody else" I truly believe on this.

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 4:11:25 PMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

I guess the name calling stems from the fact that he abandoned his child for 12 years (left me when I was pregnant and denied that was his) and now suddenly he buys a few books and thinks it will make him an expert>> Sounds to me like he's trying. Not sure why you feel the need to call him a name? Help him understand your son. Be on his team so you two can do this together.> Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T> > ( ) The phone call> > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how

challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.>

[Guest guest]

Meaghan,

You are such a sweetheart. I think I love ya.

Anywho.....while reading your post, I thought of something else, . Is your ex going to have a doc/psych/therapist lined up?

Maybe to go and meet once gets there? Perhaps for your ex to be able to talk to and go to with questions and feelings that he is DEFINITELY going to have?

My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain in talking about 's father. You have every right to feel it. Heck, I adore my hubby,,,,but I get pissed sometimes when I feel like I do more. Or when I feel that I handle things better. Or that he isn't doing things the way I feel he should. Sigh.

So,,,,for you to be angry and have horrible feelings about him when he denied and left you.........holy cow - how could you not have these feelings.

Good for him - he's reading up and is willing to care for him and love him. Yes, that's great. But,,,,you are feeling, "Hey....where the hell were you before dx. Where were you during the dx. Where have you been in all the early years?" And.....although you are glad that they may be able to have a relationship and he's willing to learn, you are angry.So, I get it and I just wanted to let you know. Your feelings are justified........and they are just feelings you are going to have to work through. Or at least deal with, right?

Hugs to you.

Robin

"I'm singing....

I'm in a store and I'm singing..........

I'm in a store....

and I'm singing..............."

From: Meaghan Larson <meaghanlarson@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: The phone call Date: Wednesday, February 16, 2011, 10:43 AM

Hello , So i have been reading your posts, and first and for most i really thank you for sharing everything your going through right now, im sure its not easy to tell people your son is going to live with your father and the reasons why he is going! And im glad your sharing it with us , lord knows if you can explain it to anybody it would be us right? But i really am wondering " how YOU are doing?" and im not trying to be too nosy or anything and i dont wanna say im " concerned" because i know you will be fine , and your doing the right thing, but i just wanna make sure that your doing ok!!!!!! Taking time to yourself , doing things for yourself so that you can slowly adjust to what your life is going to be like when he is with his father!! I am sure you want to spend time with him as much as you can right now , and not feeling guilty is like we have all said to you " easier said then done" the

best way i can say it is : You know when a friend or family member , or whoever , is talking to you about " god i feel so ugly " or " im not good enough to do that " and you just want to shake them and say " what the hell are you talking about " because its so obvious to you they are beautiful or they are a good person.... I know that maybe sometimes you feel guilty , and i dont know what your family has said about your decision , but WE understand it , and you have to do what is right for you and for your son , and you are putting your son first , and not only that , but having him go to his father , is nothing to feel bad about , or some sort of punishment for him ( not saying you think it is ) but i know in my famiy if i did that , one of my 5 overly opinionated sisters would have something negative to say!But they have no idea what we go through on a daily basis! Its a great chance your giving your ex to make up for lost time , and give

him a chance to try and bond and help your son!! Its really important !! I think if people asked me why if your son going to live with his dad , i dont think i would even have to say its because i need a break , because there are more important positive reasons for your decision ya know? Yes you needing a break is what started the idea , but i would think after you thought it through anyone can understand that there are more pros then cons to him living with his dad!! I would say " umm why not?", "its his dad" he should be involved he should have a chance to help raise him!! I am hoping that you will look back on this once your son is living with the dad and say , yeah this was the best decision!! I am also praying that your ex keeps up his end of the deal, and stays positive and motivated to help raise your son the best he can!! I think there will probably be some times that he will call you and be like " WHAT... THE ....HELL..." because

he has to have some time to understand his behaviors and to keep communication between you too open so that he feels like he CAN ask you why does he this , or why does he do that, he is gonna need a support system too , i still think he should join this group! lol We need some more dads on here! So ill stop rambling now , but i just reallllllly want you to know that i am rooting for you ,your son, and your ex , for all you guys to be happy with this life change, and like i said i think the biggest more important thing to making it a good experience for everyone is honest COMMUNICATION and patience!! So have you guys talked about you visiting him, when he is living away? Does your ex have a new wife or girlfriend , if so how does she feel about this change? SOrry if im being to nosy now , you dont have to answer those if you dont want , i just am hoping you will continue to keep posting how your feeling and sharing things with

us , because we all want to be here for you in whatever way you need us too!! You are doing a very selfless thing , that i dont know if i would have the courage to do , even if i knew it was the best decision for my son!! I admire your dedication to getting you and your son happy again!! Meaghan ...big hug to you

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 10:36:47 PMSubject: ( ) Re: The phone call

I give the two of them till August or so before they either cant stand one another and is sent back to me OR he will love it and decide to make florida his home.I worry about how my son will react to his new step siblings and step mother. And how will s behaviors affect dads new marriage. Will step mom be able to cope with her husbands time being consumed by his aspie son? for that matter, how many of you parents here are single? Do you think the challenges of raising a special needs child contributed to your divorce or separation?> >> > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > > Then he has all these questions for me.

So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> > Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.> >>bbbbbbbbbbbbbdhytrsgh

[Guest guest]

I can't get my boyfriend to read any books on aspergers and it's son i read the books lol what up with men i know not all men are like this but seems like more women here i'm glad i found this group it helps me a lotFrom: happybrats3@... <happybrats3@...>Subject: Re: ( ) The phone call Date: Tuesday, February 15, 2011, 9:18 PM

OMG I wish my ex would just read the BACK of the books I send him! My son has HFA and SPD and my ex is convinced it's my fault. In fact he thinks that so much he has filed for custody.

My son has been dx by 3 different dr.s and it's still all my fault.

My ex lives 2000 miles away, sees the kids every few months for a few days, and he's the expert.

It is a bit laughable that reading 3 books makes him know how to do this, but we know better. Then again...I would like to think your ex is at least trying!

TS

In a message dated 2/15/2011 3:13:19 P.M. Central Standard Time, jenniferhermanski@... writes:

I live in California and his father lives in Florida. I plan on setting up a special e mail address to stay in touch with my son and my ex>> Oh, how hard that decision must have been for you! I find myself thinking that NO ONE can take care of my kiddos better than me because I know them so well! I hate to say that I think that that kind of thinking applies to my hubby too, but I think it does sometimes (not always, because he is good with them). I'm sure it's hard for all of us to "let go" at times. But, I guess at some point we have to. Right? I guess I feel like I'm the only one in the whole world that "get's it" sometimes when confronted with the school saying that they aren't equipped to deal with my son and the stares and glares of other parents that I've gotten forever and all that other stuff. It's so easy to think that I'm all alone (or that we are all alone) in this whole thing. That's one of the reasons for this group! I love when I read posts that I myself could have written! > > I am happy for you that you have an ex that will make some kind of effort with your child! I'm sure he'll learn real quick that reading a book and living aren't really the same thing, but at least there was some effort there. Does he live far away from you? Will you still be able to see ? How long does he get for? I hope that you can find some time for yourself while he's away! You deserve it!! Hugs!> > Beth> > ( ) The phone call> > > > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.>

[Guest guest]

Robin, not only do i love ya too for your nice compliment ... BUT im pretty sure we just became best friends because of your will ferrel quote from the movie elf !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol I LOVE Will Ferrel!!!! :)From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Wed, February 16, 2011 11:34:48

AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: The phone call

Meaghan,

You are such a sweetheart. I think I love ya.

Anywho.....while reading your post, I thought of something else, . Is your ex going to have a doc/psych/therapist lined up?

Maybe to go and meet once gets there? Perhaps for your ex to be able to talk to and go to with questions and feelings that he is DEFINITELY going to have?

My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain in talking about 's father. You have every right to feel it. Heck, I adore my hubby,,,,but I get pissed sometimes when I feel like I do more. Or when I feel that I handle things better. Or that he isn't doing things the way I feel he should. Sigh.

So,,,,for you to be angry and have horrible feelings about him when he denied and left you.........holy cow - how could you not have these feelings.

Good for him - he's reading up and is willing to care for him and love him. Yes, that's great. But,,,,you are feeling, "Hey....where the hell were you before dx. Where were you during the dx. Where have you been in all the early years?" And.....although you are glad that they may be able to have a relationship and he's willing to learn, you are angry.So, I get it and I just wanted to let you know. Your feelings are justified........and they are just feelings you are going to have to work through. Or at least deal with, right?

Hugs to you.

Robin

"I'm singing....

I'm in a store and I'm singing..........

I'm in a store....

and I'm singing..............."

From: Meaghan Larson <meaghanlarson@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: The phone call Date: Wednesday, February 16, 2011, 10:43 AM

Hello , So i have been reading your posts, and first and for most i really thank you for sharing everything your going through right now, im sure its not easy to tell people your son is going to live with your father and the reasons why he is going! And im glad your sharing it with us , lord knows if you can explain it to anybody it would be us right? But i really am wondering " how YOU are doing?" and im not trying to be too nosy or anything and i dont wanna say im " concerned" because i know you will be fine , and your doing the right thing, but i just wanna make sure that your doing ok!!!!!! Taking time to yourself , doing things for yourself so that you can slowly adjust to what your life is going to be like when he is with his father!! I am sure you want to spend time with him as much as you can right now , and not feeling guilty is like we have all said to you " easier said then done" the

best way i can say it is : You know when a friend or family member , or whoever , is talking to you about " god i feel so ugly " or " im not good enough to do that " and you just want to shake them and say " what the hell are you talking about " because its so obvious to you they are beautiful or they are a good person.... I know that maybe sometimes you feel guilty , and i dont know what your family has said about your decision , but WE understand it , and you have to do what is right for you and for your son , and you are putting your son first , and not only that , but having him go to his father , is nothing to feel bad about , or some sort of punishment for him ( not saying you think it is ) but i know in my famiy if i did that , one of my 5 overly opinionated sisters would have something negative to say!But they have no idea what we go through on a daily basis! Its a great chance your giving your ex to make up for lost time , and give

him a chance to try and bond and help your son!! Its really important !! I think if people asked me why if your son going to live with his dad , i dont think i would even have to say its because i need a break , because there are more important positive reasons for your decision ya know? Yes you needing a break is what started the idea , but i would think after you thought it through anyone can understand that there are more pros then cons to him living with his dad!! I would say " umm why not?", "its his dad" he should be involved he should have a chance to help raise him!! I am hoping that you will look back on this once your son is living with the dad and say , yeah this was the best decision!! I am also praying that your ex keeps up his end of the deal, and stays positive and motivated to help raise your son the best he can!! I think there will probably be some times that he will call you and be like " WHAT... THE ....HELL..." because

he has to have some time to understand his behaviors and to keep communication between you too open so that he feels like he CAN ask you why does he this , or why does he do that, he is gonna need a support system too , i still think he should join this group! lol We need some more dads on here! So ill stop rambling now , but i just reallllllly want you to know that i am rooting for you ,your son, and your ex , for all you guys to be happy with this life change, and like i said i think the biggest more important thing to making it a good experience for everyone is honest COMMUNICATION and patience!! So have you guys talked about you visiting him, when he is living away? Does your ex have a new wife or girlfriend , if so how does she feel about this change? SOrry if im being to nosy now , you dont have to answer those if you dont want , i just am hoping you will continue to keep posting how your feeling and sharing things with

us , because we all want to be here for you in whatever way you need us too!! You are doing a very selfless thing , that i dont know if i would have the courage to do , even if i knew it was the best decision for my son!! I admire your dedication to getting you and your son happy again!! Meaghan ...big hug to you

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 10:36:47 PMSubject: ( ) Re: The phone call

I give the two of them till August or so before they either cant stand one another and is sent back to me OR he will love it and decide to make florida his home.I worry about how my son will react to his new step siblings and step mother. And how will s behaviors affect dads new marriage. Will step mom be able to cope with her husbands time being consumed by his aspie son? for that matter, how many of you parents here are single? Do you think the challenges of raising a special needs child contributed to your divorce or separation?> >> > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > > Then he has all these questions for me.

So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > > He asks, does he mind? I say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> > Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.> >>bbbbbbbbbbbbbdhytrsgh

[Guest guest]

He he. All of his movies are wonderful. Sick....yes. Naughty - yes. Whatcha gonna do? he he.

On my FB page, once in a while, I''l throw a quote on there...and bam! Within minutes, there are other quotes from the same movie. I giggle and laugh and have pee'd my pants a time or two....or five.

The other day, I put a quote from Step Brothers. Darnit...I know I should be appauled at the "dirtiness" of the movie, but it's one of my favies!!! he he.

So...........I'll leave you with, "Buddy the Elf. What's your favorite color?". he he.

Robin

"I'm singing....

I'm in a store and I'm singing..........

I'm in a store....

and I'm singing..............."

From: Meaghan Larson <meaghanlarson@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: The phone call Date: Wednesday, February 16, 2011, 10:43 AM

Hello , So i have been reading your posts, and first and for most i really thank you for sharing everything your going through right now, im sure its not easy to tell people your son is going to live with your father and the reasons why he is going! And im glad your sharing it with us , lord knows if you can explain it to anybody it would be us right? But i really am wondering " how YOU are doing?" and im not trying to be too nosy or anything and i dont wanna say im " concerned" because i know you will be fine , and your doing the right thing, but i just wanna make sure that your doing ok!!!!!! Taking time to yourself , doing things for yourself so that you can slowly adjust to what your life is going to be like when he is with his father!! I am sure you want to spend time with him as much as you can right now , and not feeling guilty is like we have all said to you " easier said then done" the

best way i can say it is : You know when a friend or family member , or whoever , is talking to you about " god i feel so ugly " or " im not good enough to do that " and you just want to shake them and say " what the hell are you talking about " because its so obvious to you they are beautiful or they are a good person.... I know that maybe sometimes you feel guilty , and i dont know what your family has said about your decision , but WE understand it , and you have to do what is right for you and for your son , and you are putting your son first , and not only that , but having him go to his father , is nothing to feel bad about , or some sort of punishment for him ( not saying you think it is ) but i know in my famiy if i did that , one of my 5 overly opinionated sisters would have something negative to say!But they have no idea what we go through on a daily basis! Its a great chance your giving your ex to make up for lost time , and give

him a chance to try and bond and help your son!! Its really important !! I think if people asked me why if your son going to live with his dad , i dont think i would even have to say its because i need a break , because there are more important positive reasons for your decision ya know? Yes you needing a break is what started the idea , but i would think after you thought it through anyone can understand that there are more pros then cons to him living with his dad!! I would say " umm why not?", "its his dad" he should be involved he should have a chance to help raise him!! I am hoping that you will look back on this once your son is living with the dad and say , yeah this was the best decision!! I am also praying that your ex keeps up his end of the deal, and stays positive and motivated to help raise your son the best he can!! I think there will probably be some times that he will call you and be like " WHAT... THE ....HELL..." because

he has to have some time to understand his behaviors and to keep communication between you too open so that he feels like he CAN ask you why does he this , or why does he do that, he is gonna need a support system too , i still think he should join this group! lol We need some more dads on here! So ill stop rambling now , but i just reallllllly want you to know that i am rooting for you ,your son, and your ex , for all you guys to be happy with this life change, and like i said i think the biggest more important thing to making it a good experience for everyone is honest COMMUNICATION and patience!! So have you guys talked about you visiting him, when he is living away? Does your ex have a new wife or girlfriend , if so how does she feel about this change? SOrry if im being to nosy now , you dont have to answer those if you dont want , i just am hoping you will continue to keep posting how your feeling and sharing things with

us , because we all want to be here for you in whatever way you need us too!! You are doing a very selfless thing , that i dont know if i would have the courage to do , even if i knew it was the best decision for my son!! I admire your dedication to getting you and your son happy again!! Meaghan ...big hug to you

From: <jenniferhermanski@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 10:36:47 PMSubject: ( ) Re: The phone call

I give the two of them till August or so before they either cant stand one another and is sent back to me OR he will love it and decide to make florida his home.I worry about how my son will react to his new step siblings and step mother. And how will s behaviors affect dads new marriage. Will step mom be able to cope with her husbands time being consumed by his aspie son? for that matter, how many of you parents here are single? Do you think the challenges of raising a special needs child contributed to your divorce or separation?> >> > So I just got a call from s father. He wants to tell me how he just went out and bought three books on AS and he now feels well prepared to deal with the challenges of raising him. Well I am ROFLMAO! It's cute that he thinks reading those books will make it easy. > > Then he has all these questions for me. So does he know how to clean his room? I say, well of course he does. He's 12. > > He asks, does he mind? I

say, well he's got AS and ODD. What do you think?> > Oh Boy! My ex has no clue how challenging the next year or so of his life is going to be. He talks about raising as if was a cute little five year old. What he doesn't get is that has the social maturity of a five year old, the hormones of a 12 year old and the intelligence of a college grad. > > I feel awful about sending my son to live with such a clueless buffoon but then I remind myself "It's his turn, it's his turn, it's his turn." That has become the phrase that gets me through the day and helps me live with my decision.> >>bbbbbbbbbbbbbdhytrsgh

[Guest guest]

, do you think when you call your son, will he tell you (can he, etc)

how he's getting along with steps?? That is a concern, I know, but that's

something dad will have to handle during the whole transition. And of course

you'll want to know how it is *really* going, so was wondering if you could

trust your son to tell you that. Or would he say " fine " and it really may not

be.

But, as I said, dad will have to handle it. And you may need to give him lots

of ideas/tips on how to make the transition go better, does need a strict

daily routine, his things left a certain way/order, will he bother the other

kids things, should they totally leave his alone, does he like to keep to

himself vs being with the family...etc.

Hang in there,

>

> I give the two of them till August or so before they either cant stand one

another and is sent back to me OR he will love it and decide to make

florida his home.

> I worry about how my son will react to his new step siblings and step mother.

And how will s behaviors affect dads new marriage. Will step mom be able to

cope with her husbands time being consumed by his aspie son?

[Guest guest]

I totally agree with Dawn as well. Gender is definitely not a sole determinant whether someone is more or less capable of being a good parent. I think it is character that is the main factor. ne

From: Meaghan Larson <meaghanlarson@...>Subject: Re: ( ) The phone call Date: Wednesday, February 16, 2011, 11:47 AM

Well put Dawn, and a tip of the hat to you too!! Meaghan

From: "azucarmama68@..." <azucarmama68@...> Sent: Wed, February 16, 2011 10:04:21 AMSubject: Re: ( ) The phone call

Mom, Dad, or both. As parents we are responsible for or children. It does not matter if we are female or male. Being a parent is an equal opportunity job. I do not give one parent all the credit because of their gender. I give THE parent or parents the kudos for stepping up to the plate and taking care of a child with any type of disability, as it is a hard job. I do not think this is a gender issue, anyone can be a good parent it is what that person choses to do. So to ALL you parents on the list who are working your butts off to advocate and take care of your child GOOD FOR YOU, you are doing a SUPER JOB!

Thanks,

Dawn