Re: Re: End Stages karen/sharon m

[Guest guest]

karen, she was telling you she sang you are my sunshine to you,!!!!!!

and in loking back there were times with this disase that i am sure my dad

would cringe to hear the things he said and implied to me there were times

he spoke and treated me like a pimp would treat a 'bad whore' but you are

allowing yourself to forget the things that were said to you, which is great

but beating yourself up becuase of the past, is neither beneificail or

recommended. please know that our loveed ones forgot things very quickly

and what seemed to bother them the most beofre was not important ask jan c

in california she accidently dented teh car and was beside herself knowing

htat jim her hubby with lbd was gonna be mad and all he said was on my

birhtday *it was their anniv not his bd* and talked about something else.

your mom remembers the good tihngs you did for her, tkaing care of her,

cleaning her up, the smile you gave her as you helped her, the tendernessin

your touch. the singing of you are my sunshine , the things that made her

smile that things that showed that you were/are a loving duaghter who was

dealing with a virtually unknown disease that has to be the worst of the

dementias. (personal opinion of course) i too regret screaming at myh dad

when he was in his dr jekyll, mr hyde routine, where he was ugly to me, yes

there were times that he pushed all the right buttons and i lost my cool,

there were times i had to walk away. one of the nurses in the hosp when dad

had his surgery, we were locked in the hosp due to hurricane dennis was

visiting us. she took my hand brought me to the nurses breakroom and told

me ot take a break, taht they are there to care for dad, and that she heard

what he siad, she said, always remember that somehow even in teh darkest

depths of dementia that we always hurt the ones we love and trust the most,

because we know we can count on them no matter waht. she cried with me and

i took a long lunch hour and walkled the hosp corridors for several laps and

then went back with a new attitude.

let me ask you a couple of questions,

did you do everything you could knowing what you did at the time, (no hind

sight aloowed)

did you ever physcially hurt her, push her, touch her in the wrong way,

did you ever leave her unattended and cuase her to be harmed or neglected

for an unreasonabl amount of time *this doesnt include taking a breather,

this means left her to fend for herself when you knew she couldnt.

i would bet money the answer to every one of those questoins are NO NO NO

RIGHT????

ok then, hind sight is a vicious vision, had i known that dad actually

fractured hiship on the first bad fall, would i have broughthim to the hosp

sooner. answer with hindsight no, becuase the surgery was the start of his

fast decline.

you have to know that you did everything you could, and evertime you learned

something that would help that you tried to utilizie it irf it was possible,

some things just arenet possible, like it wasnt possible to have a 6'4 man

be helped by his 5'6 daugher who is partically handicapped adn cannt lift

over 10 lbs without risking her onw health, yeah thats me. do i wish i had

went to see dad more at the nursing home, yes of course i wish i went

everyday i wishh i spent hours and hours with him, but i couldnt and cant.

i have severe medical problems my self, as a matter of fact teh week before

dad died i only saw him 2 times. monday and friday friday was my husbands

birhtday and we all sang donnie happy birthday yes even daddy. i was to go

back sun as i was sick with kidney infections during dads`declone i spent

5 weeks in the hosp my husband and our caregiver (who i now call my daughtre

as i wasnt blessed with kids of my own, took turns staying with dad and

staying with me., it was awful. everyone was tired adn short tempered, adn

honestly part of that time i dont remember anything very very scary for me.

i cant spend my life regretting that i didnt see dad like 'i should have'

becuase my health wouldnt allow it, i did everything that i could, i tried

everything that i knew to try, some with good wsuccess some with disasterous

effects but my intentions were always the best of my ability and i know that

is what you did with all the information available at the time. so remember

that and maybe use your expereiences like iam trying to help others, do

things different beucase there is no absolute right nor wrong. juust share

your knowledge, and do the best that you can, and honor yourself and your

mom by knowing htat, do you think she would want you to berate yourself in

hiindsight, i bet not, callme if you need to hugs, sharon

-- End Stages

>

> Could someone tell me their experience with the end stages? What

> happeneds in the end stages? I know it is different for

most....but my

> mother passed away with LBD and I feel that I may have helped

> contribute to her death by not understanding exactly what was going

on.

> It might help me if I know how the end stage was for someone else.

>

> Thank you,

>

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[Guest guest]

bingo i found somehitng that made you smilek i gave dad a snowbaby easter

statue that we would wind up and it would play you are my sunshine i have

that now and playh it when i feel bad hugs sharon

-- End Stages

> >

> > Could someone tell me their experience with the end stages? What

> > happeneds in the end stages? I know it is different for

> most....but my

> > mother passed away with LBD and I feel that I may have helped

> > contribute to her death by not understanding exactly what was

going

> on.

> > It might help me if I know how the end stage was for someone else.

> >

> > Thank you,

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >