Re: hospice-reply only child

[Guest guest]

dena

i too am an only child, and donnie my husband is a wonderful man, and helped

so much, we ended out having a caregiver move in with us, as well as

hospice and used the hours that council of aging supplied for us to relieve

our caregiver. sissy (the cg) is wonderfulyoung lady, we paid her $250 a

week, plus we housed her she was here 24/7 but i would do alot of the work

but when i was resting or sleeping or out of the house she did it all. she

became family to us and still lives with us (although now she helps with

bills) and helps donnie take care of me, as my helath is declining. the

decision to put daddy in a nursing home was not one that i made but was made

for me as dad had surgery on his hip and needed physical and occutpational

therapy and then he had complications lun g blood clot, and aspiration

pneumonia. it was very difficult to see dad decline, and we had planned on

bringing him bacck to the h ouse oct 5 but he was called 'home' sept 25

instead. i live with the guilt of putting off dad's coming home until my

helath was more tolerant of caring for him. i had told him 2 weeks before

his death that every thing was worked out, hosoice was restarting,

additional caregivng services were set up for oct 5. he was excited. but

still didnt live long enough to come home. it saddens me though his choices

to die were to die at home or in the hosp and instead he died in the nh.

that is something i have had to forgive myslef for, although at times i slip

back adn get upset, but so far i have done well as can be expected. you

just have to know that you are only human, you cannot take care of an 'adult

baby' as easily sa a 'newborn baby' and know that you did the best you

could for as long as you could. and forgive yourself for not being

SUPERWOMAN. just be sure to stay on top of his care, and to go daily and at

different times to make sure that every thing is ok. know the people that

take care of her, know their names, talk to them listen to them and express

your concerns. you will hear horror stories of nurshig homes, but not all

places are evil. the first place dad was in, was abad place, had not my

cg sissy and donnie gone to see dad that day he wuld have died. he had a

pulmonary embolyis (blood clot in lung) and the tech taht was taking care of

dad moved the wheel chair as it was taking up to much air space and got him

a fan, meanwhile sissy screamed down the hall for someoen to call 911 as dad

was in severe respriatory distres, he was rushed to closest hosp (not our

choice) becuase he was so sick he would have died being in the vehicle

10more minutes to get to our hosp preference. but the second nursing home

we had him in, was wonderful, i was so impressed with the genuine

tenderness and caring the employess had, they treated our family like their

family. they werent afraid to touch and love my dad. it was great, he was

clean, he was safe, he was getting the care adn attention he needed. good

luck adn takecare hugs sharon .

-- Re: hospice-reply

Dear Aida

I do have some one who comes in two days a week for 4

hours each day. I have Visiting Angels. They have been

coming since August. Her condition has gotten much

worse since then. I am basically dragging her at times

from the wheelchair to toilet. She does not hold even

a sandwich in her hands anymore. She rarely speaks

only to converse with her hallucinations or if I am

lucky to answer a simply question. I feel she may

become bed ridden soon. Then what do I do? This is all

so scary for me. I am an only child. My husband is

great though, but he works most of the day. This is

one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make

and believe me I am not rushing into it. My mind is

far from made up yet.

Thank you for your advise, Aida

Dena

--- aidaqui1@... wrote:

> Dena,

> The decision to place your loved one in a

> facility is ultimately yours

> and based on your individual situation. I have

> found, with my Mother that, if I

> get some hours of additional rest and someone to

> help me with her for a few

> hours a day, I am better able to keep her at home.

> This is where she wants

> to be and where I prefer her to be for as long as

> possible.

> We know the little things that make a difference

> for our LOs. It is some

> of these, that contribute to improving the quality

> of their lives at this

> time in their experience. We can love them in ways

> that a NH is not able to.

> Take care.

> Aida

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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