Update

[Guest guest]

and all ~~~

I can certainly relate to feeling mean when you're in pain. There are

times when I'll tell people, " when I'm in alot of pain, I'd just as soon bite

your head off. So you'll understand if I keep to myself. " I don't intend to be

mean or angry, it just happens. It's all part of the disease of Chronic Pain.

And angry I am. Pissed off at me, you, the whole world. Why? Because

it's not fair that I should have to live this way. Because I didn't do anything

to deserve this, and sometimes it seems as if I'm paying for some unknown sin

or wrong-doing. I've been good, never did drugs or booze while growing up,

never got into fights at school (or anywhere else); I was the good girl.

Well guess what? Come to find out, I was BORN with the majority of

my physical problems. I was screwed from the moment of conception!

Ain't that a hoot??? Now I have to ask, why did God make me this way? What

lessons do I need to learn? Or do other people need to learn from me? Like I

said before, I have over 25 medical diagnoses. Here are just a few:

Lymphedema, possible Narcolepsy, Sciatica, Spinal arthritis, Spinal

stenosis, Lumbar lordosis, Carpal tunnel, Nerve damage in hands, Mild asthma,

Endometriosis, Hypothyroid, Degenerative disc disease, Facet joint syndrome,

Osteoarthritis, Bursitis, Tendonitis, Psuedotumor cerebri, Fibromyalgia,

Clinical

depression, Post traumatic stress, Social anxiety, Borderline personality,

Dysthymia, Panic disorder, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on & on. . .

I guess another question I ask frequently is, WHY ME??? And, one that

goes hand in hand, HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE??? It's been said that God won't

give you more than you can handle. HAHAHA!!! I must respectfully disagree with

that statement. Most days, I can only deal with a few hours at a time. Sometimes

not even that much.

***********************************

in Washington

Emotionally and Medically screwed up

***********************************

[Guest guest]

Tammy,

I realize I'm new and I don't know any of you on here, but I can

relate. My view of all of this from a man's perspective is a little

different, but not much. I wear a plastic smile most of the time

too, and I get tired of guys asking " how's it going? " in passing when

I know darn well they don't really want to know how it's going. I

also have kids, two boys, and both wonderful blessings. It gets

harder and harder as they get bigger to play ball with them, build

forts, climb trees, hop on pop, all the things I've always wanted to

do with my boys as a dad. Some days just making supper is tough. My

wife (thank God) also had a career, so when mine came to a halt I was

able to stay here on the farm. I take care of two boys every day, as

well as our home, farmstead, and the acreage around it. I get

overwhelmed regularly. I too try hard to hide the pain from my kids

and wife. She is not stupid, so I'm not really fooling anyone, but I

try not to dump on her just the same. She works her butt off and

doesn't need to hear me whine about anything when she gets home.

As for anger, I get mad too, but I think we as parents, those of

us who live with chronic pain I mean, probably appreciate our lives

and children more. We, that is I, don't take anything for granted.

Just being able to get up and cook breakfast for them is a joy,

painful as it may be some mornings.

I have osteo-arthritis, made worse by 20+ plus years of beating

up my body in the trades. No one else in my family has this type of

arthritis. There is no guarantee that any of us will give our pain

to our children. I didn't get my pain from my parents. I get mad at

myself too, but we shouldn't. We didn't ask for any of this. I do

the best I can and ask God for strength. I get bitter and upset just

like you do. It doesn't make us bad people, it just means we are

human beings with feelings.

There are days…like today, where I have to try real hard to get

going and fake my way through another day. I'm only a victim if I

give up. I may not have as much energy to fight back some days as

others, but I never give up. My family needs me, and I need to be

here for them. That's all I have, and that's all I need.

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I read what you wrote and you really inspired me so much today. Thank you

for your kind words and

strength that you carry. I honor you for that. I don;t write in much, but I

do read. And hearing it

from a male is so so important. I to live with pain everyday. Somedays arr

better then others. But, I

do get up everyday and do the best I can. At this time I am raiseing my

grandson who will be 8 on

sunday, have had him since birth. It can get very hard , but I thank the

good lord he is with me or

where would he have gone. Also I just finishes a book I wrote. I am just me

and don't really know

what to do with it at this time. But, I believe in angels and I have a dream

it will happen. God will

open the door and make a way if it is his will. So, prayers would be

greatful. And again thank you

for your story..And give your kids a hug from me..

Sweetoma@msn

God Bless You All

Thank you

>

>Reply-To: Hugs-N-Pain

>To: Hugs-N-Pain

>Subject: Re: Update

>Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2006 14:00:46 -0000

>

> Tammy,

>

> I realize I'm new and I don't know any of you on here, but I can

>relate. My view of all of this from a man's perspective is a little

>different, but not much. I wear a plastic smile most of the time

>too, and I get tired of guys asking " how's it going? " in passing when

>I know darn well they don't really want to know how it's going. I

>also have kids, two boys, and both wonderful blessings. It gets

>harder and harder as they get bigger to play ball with them, build

>forts, climb trees, hop on pop, all the things I've always wanted to

>do with my boys as a dad. Some days just making supper is tough. My

>wife (thank God) also had a career, so when mine came to a halt I was

>able to stay here on the farm. I take care of two boys every day, as

>well as our home, farmstead, and the acreage around it. I get

>overwhelmed regularly. I too try hard to hide the pain from my kids

>and wife. She is not stupid, so I'm not really fooling anyone, but I

>try not to dump on her just the same. She works her butt off and

>doesn't need to hear me whine about anything when she gets home.

>

> As for anger, I get mad too, but I think we as parents, those of

>us who live with chronic pain I mean, probably appreciate our lives

>and children more. We, that is I, don't take anything for granted.

>Just being able to get up and cook breakfast for them is a joy,

>painful as it may be some mornings.

>

> I have osteo-arthritis, made worse by 20+ plus years of beating

>up my body in the trades. No one else in my family has this type of

>arthritis. There is no guarantee that any of us will give our pain

>to our children. I didn't get my pain from my parents. I get mad at

>myself too, but we shouldn't. We didn't ask for any of this. I do

>the best I can and ask God for strength. I get bitter and upset just

>like you do. It doesn't make us bad people, it just means we are

>human beings with feelings.

>

> There are days…like today, where I have to try real hard to get

>going and fake my way through another day. I'm only a victim if I

>give up. I may not have as much energy to fight back some days as

>others, but I never give up. My family needs me, and I need to be

>here for them. That's all I have, and that's all I need.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today - it's FREE!

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[Guest guest]

Hello ,

I'm so glad to read your post, as I often wonder how I would feel, or my

husband would feel if the roles were reversed. My husband is the kind of man who

has never suffered any chronic pain issues or suffered depression a day in his

life. He has the energy of a much younger man and always has to stay busy. He

won't take any perscription meds unless it's absolutely nessesary and tho he is

very supportive and helps me out a great deal, he doesn't understand what I go

through on a daily basis, as he has no frame of reference.

I applaud you for being able to tell us about yourself and it seems like you

have a great attitude about your family and your pain issues. I'm sure that your

wife and boys appreciate your efforts and if I was your wife, I'd be very proud

of you.

I am sorry that you have pain and that it is affecting your life, as it is all

of ours and I hope that you're under some kind of pain mgmt. I think your

ability to put your pain aside, for your family, is great but...and I mean no

offense at all...don't be afraid to express your pain. Your family loves you and

over-doing, which I'm sure we are all familar with, can have some very serious

and painful side affects. Just take care of yourself and pamper yourself a

little, give yourself a break and maybe take it a bit easier on your more

painful days...it's really ok.

I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to post.

Be well

Zandra

ottfab4 wrote:

Tammy,

I realize I'm new and I don't know any of you on here, but I can

relate. My view of all of this from a man's perspective is a little

different, but not much. I wear a plastic smile most of the time

too, and I get tired of guys asking " how's it going? " in passing when

I know darn well they don't really want to know how it's going. I

also have kids, two boys, and both wonderful blessings. It gets

harder and harder as they get bigger to play ball with them, build

forts, climb trees, hop on pop, all the things I've always wanted to

do with my boys as a dad. Some days just making supper is tough. My

wife (thank God) also had a career, so when mine came to a halt I was

able to stay here on the farm. I take care of two boys every day, as

well as our home, farmstead, and the acreage around it. I get

overwhelmed regularly. I too try hard to hide the pain from my kids

and wife. She is not stupid, so I'm not really fooling anyone, but I

try not to dump on her just the same. She works her butt off and

doesn't need to hear me whine about anything when she gets home.

As for anger, I get mad too, but I think we as parents, those of

us who live with chronic pain I mean, probably appreciate our lives

and children more. We, that is I, don't take anything for granted.

Just being able to get up and cook breakfast for them is a joy,

painful as it may be some mornings.

I have osteo-arthritis, made worse by 20+ plus years of beating

up my body in the trades. No one else in my family has this type of

arthritis. There is no guarantee that any of us will give our pain

to our children. I didn't get my pain from my parents. I get mad at

myself too, but we shouldn't. We didn't ask for any of this. I do

the best I can and ask God for strength. I get bitter and upset just

like you do. It doesn't make us bad people, it just means we are

human beings with feelings.

There are days…like today, where I have to try real hard to get

going and fake my way through another day. I'm only a victim if I

give up. I may not have as much energy to fight back some days as

others, but I never give up. My family needs me, and I need to be

here for them. That's all I have, and that's all I need.

Zandra

All I am and all I have, is a Blessing for which I am thankful, All my pain

and all my loss~~~the hardest way to remember I am Blessed.

Please check out my Yahoo! 360

[Guest guest]

I was unsure how my input would be accepted here. I guess I was hoping

to meet others who could relate. I know what a crazy world we live in,

and how leery folks are of people they don't know. So thank you for

accepting my posts.

I was looking for someplace to vent I think. I had no idea how

moved I'd be by reading what others in my position had written. I can

relate to everything from dealing with dim bulb doctors, to fighting

being depressed when I can't do as much as I could do just a couple of

years ago.

I feel for you all. Pain is no fun for anybody. I tend to not

want to talk about it myself. It's nice to have someplace to speak

with out bruising the remainder of my pride. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Well, I'm glad that you feel well received and welcome here. I have found that

just being able to vent, talk, express yourself, and having someone who has/is

going through the same or similar thing, is of great help when dealing w/chronic

pain and the depression associated w/it.

Keep writing!

Take care and I'm looking forward to getting to know you, and everyone better.

Zandra

ottfab4 wrote:

I was unsure how my input would be accepted here. I guess I was hoping

to meet others who could relate. I know what a crazy world we live in,

and how leery folks are of people they don't know. So thank you for

accepting my posts.

I was looking for someplace to vent I think. I had no idea how

moved I'd be by reading what others in my position had written. I can

relate to everything from dealing with dim bulb doctors, to fighting

being depressed when I can't do as much as I could do just a couple of

years ago.

I feel for you all. Pain is no fun for anybody. I tend to not

want to talk about it myself. It's nice to have someplace to speak

with out bruising the remainder of my pride. Thank you.

Zandra

All I am and all I have, is a Blessing for which I am thankful, All my pain

and all my loss~~~the hardest way to remember I am Blessed.

Please check out my Yahoo! 360

[Guest guest]

>

> It's nice to have someplace to speak

> with out bruising the remainder of my pride. Thank you.

It sure is!!! Thank you for trusting us enough to speak.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Hang in there sweetie. Need anything just give a hollar!

Gentle hugs, Debi

-- Update

and all ~~~

I can certainly relate to feeling mean when you're in pain. There are

times when I'll tell people, " when I'm in alot of pain, I'd just as soon

bite

your head off. So you'll understand if I keep to myself. " I don't intend to

be

mean or angry, it just happens. It's all part of the disease of Chronic Pain

And angry I am. Pissed off at me, you, the whole world. Why? Because

it's not fair that I should have to live this way. Because I didn't do

anything

to deserve this, and sometimes it seems as if I'm paying for some unknown

sin

or wrong-doing. I've been good, never did drugs or booze while growing up,

never got into fights at school (or anywhere else); I was the good girl.

Well guess what? Come to find out, I was BORN with the majority of

my physical problems. I was screwed from the moment of conception!

Ain't that a hoot??? Now I have to ask, why did God make me this way? What

lessons do I need to learn? Or do other people need to learn from me? Like I

said before, I have over 25 medical diagnoses. Here are just a few:

Lymphedema, possible Narcolepsy, Sciatica, Spinal arthritis, Spinal

stenosis, Lumbar lordosis, Carpal tunnel, Nerve damage in hands, Mild asthma

Endometriosis, Hypothyroid, Degenerative disc disease, Facet joint syndrome,

Osteoarthritis, Bursitis, Tendonitis, Psuedotumor cerebri, Fibromyalgia,

Clinical

depression, Post traumatic stress, Social anxiety, Borderline personality,

Dysthymia, Panic disorder, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on & on. . .

I guess another question I ask frequently is, WHY ME??? And, one that

goes hand in hand, HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE??? It's been said that God won't

give you more than you can handle. HAHAHA!!! I must respectfully disagree

with

that statement. Most days, I can only deal with a few hours at a time.

Sometimes

not even that much.

***********************************

in Washington

Emotionally and Medically screwed up

***********************************

[Guest guest]

Hello again ,

If you go to Yahoos home page, scroll down a bit and on the left is 360.

That'll get you started, and let me know how you like it...I love mine, though I

have been ignoring it lately. I must work on it quite a bit more.

Have fun!

Zandra

ottfab4 wrote:

I was unsure how my input would be accepted here. I guess I was hoping

to meet others who could relate. I know what a crazy world we live in,

and how leery folks are of people they don't know. So thank you for

accepting my posts.

I was looking for someplace to vent I think. I had no idea how

moved I'd be by reading what others in my position had written. I can

relate to everything from dealing with dim bulb doctors, to fighting

being depressed when I can't do as much as I could do just a couple of

years ago.

I feel for you all. Pain is no fun for anybody. I tend to not

want to talk about it myself. It's nice to have someplace to speak

with out bruising the remainder of my pride. Thank you.

Zandra

All I am and all I have, is a Blessing for which I am thankful, All my pain

and all my loss~~~the hardest way to remember I am Blessed.

Please check out my Yahoo! 360

[Guest guest]

,

I really appreciate hearing a man express his pain. So often the men go

unnoticed by pain docs, or even regular doctors, because they are programmed

from

birth not to complain or 'act wimpy' by admitting they are not the tower of

strength society would leave us to believe they are. As women, we are expected

to complain, fuss, cry, get emotional, etc etc. There goes the typical

stereotype again. And it's pure D wrong!

My husband has been in pain for a few years now, and has just recently sought

help for it, at my insistance. He is now a pain patient. He is not one to

complain usually, so I know if he mentions that he hurts, I know he really

hurts.

And I know now that he understands a little better about my pain and what I

go through, day after day. It is so very true that a person cannot understand a

certain situation until and unless he/she has been through it themselves.

Thank you for writing (typing, LOL).

***********************************

in Washington

Emotionally and Medically screwed up

***********************************

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a message dated 7/26/2006 2:27:38 PM Pacific Standard Time,

Hugs-N-Pain writes:

> I was unsure how my input would be accepted here. I guess I was hoping

> to meet others who could relate. I know what a crazy world we live in,

> and how leery folks are of people they don't know. So thank you for

> accepting my posts.

>

[Guest guest]

,

I'm sorry to hear your husband is also in pain. Really, I mean it,

nothing hurts worse than seeing the one you love hurt and feeling

helpless to do anything about it. My wife is healthy and basically

pain free, but the couple of times she was in pain and I couldn't

take the pain away for her it felt terrible. I live with pain every

day, but if one of my kids or Mother is in pain I'm beside myself.

Aside from being programmed as you put it, we are often times not

believed if we do tell our doctor. Oh sure, once the doctor sees one

of my knee x-rays, or gets a look at my shoulder replacement they

listen. It's been my experience that most often when I have seen a

new doctor as soon as I mention my osteo-arthritis I get the feeling

of suspicion, like I'm trying to scam them or something. I get the

standard speech about painkillers and the risk of addiction and the

usual tale of how the body builds a tolerance to these kinds of

medications. The fact that I didn't ask for painkillers seems to be

lost in the conversation. I've had this happen to me more than twice

now. I have seen the other kind of doctor too, the kind who has a

painkiller for every injury I've ever had.

My wife is after me again to see another specialist. She believes

that sports medicine has been the most helpful so far, and I would

have to agree with her. I'm just dreading it because I know I'm

facing more surgeries. It's not about fear. I'm not afraid to go

under the knife, I've gotten used to it, as sick as that must sound.

It's the down time waiting for something else to heal. The burden I

feel like on my family and all the work that won't be getting done

that is my responsibility. I'm only 42 years old, and I'm still as

active as I can be. It's just so frustrating. I worked my butt off

all my life to get where I am now. I have everything I ever wanted, a

loving wife, two wonderful kids, an old farmstead out in the middle

of nowhere, and now it's a constant battle with the pain to even

enjoy it.

I used to thing God had a sick sense of humor, given that bad

things happen to good people all the time. Then it dawned on me, who

am I to question Gods will? I treated this body worse than my old

work truck for decades, and now I'm going to whine because it's

broken down and falling apart? The people I feel for are the ones

who did nothing to deserve their pain but still suffer. I brought a

good share of mine on myself, and my family has to suffer through it

right along with me. My past is now part of their present. The

guilt from that is overwhelming at times.

I guess I've babbled long enough. Since pain free doesn't seem to

be an option, I'll wish everyone a tolerable day.

[Guest guest]

,

Thats what frustrates both hubby and me. . . we are both in pain, and can't

do a thing about each other's misery. I use to say, if only he could feel what

I feel for an hour, he's be screaming. I don't think he could even last an

hour with my back pain. He'd be lucky to make 10 minutes! Truthfully, he's a

wimp when it comes to pain. No kidding, he's very pain intolerant. An IV or a

blood draw is misery for him. I'm so use to both, they are nothing for me. So

like I said, if he tells me that he hurts, I know he really hurts.

But there isnt a damn thing I can do about it, nor he with mine. We each have

to deal in our own way. Pain affects people differently, and people react

differently as well. Some grin and bear it, kinda like me, I'll keep quiet, but

pop another pain pill. . . hubby will moan and groan, and not take anything

unless I practically shove a pill down his throat. He hates taking any kind of

pills, even aspirin. So getting him to take something for his pain is like

pulling hens' teeth -- almost impossible.

He has Vicodin, but doesnt like to take it. Says it makes him feel funny. I

tell him that to get past that funny feeling, he has to take it every da, so

his body will get use to it..

***********************************

in Washington

Emotionally and Medically screwed up

***********************************

******************************************************

In a message dated 7/29/2006 10:21:36 AM Pacific Standard Time,

Hugs-N-Pain writes:

> I'm sorry to hear your husband is also in pain. Really, I mean it,

> nothing hurts worse than seeing the one you love hurt and feeling

> helpless to do anything about it.