Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Leigh, THis is the time you call on some old friends to help. If you have a friend who can help you read papers and do the emtional work, when they ask how they can help, tell them! Or call and ask them. Most people want to help if they know what to do. Do you attend church? Ask the pastor if someone can help. And if not, hire someone to help. That will save you some parts of you. We really shouldn't have to do it " all alone. " Just a thought. Donna R Do you want to read more about Lewy Body? You can also read the Thistle, the LBD Newsletter. Just click on: http://www.lewybodydementia.org Back from black to blue > > Hello to you all. It has been a few months since I posted anything on > here, but have been reading. There are so many new people! > I have spent the last several months preparing my mom's house for > sale, and it was supposed to close on Friday 12/31 but of course did > not. Nothing has gone smoothly. I feel like I have been in a black > funk for the whole of 2005 and while I am not still in that > black " zone " I am feeling really blue. I keep waiting for this whole > process with the house to BE DONE, and it just keeps hanging on, and > on, and on. It dragged into the winter, and I had wanted to be done > by fall...and here I sit, paying mymother's bills, organizing her > papers, finalizing what I can, and I feel so sad, and tired and > bummed out.The realtor we hired has lied to us on several occassions, > the surveyor " can't find the property lot pins " and the closing agent > is out sick...I have worked so hard on doing this well, and so much > has been out of my control. Mom is frail, and understands nothing > about reality, she still cannot walk since June, and I am frustrated. > OKAY< venting, i know. But I didn't expect to feel bad when the house > sold, I expected to feel sad to see it go, and relieved that it was > done. SO far, no relief. It was emotional to walk thru a house that > had been so full of things, and to see it empty,it was hard to > believe that I had actually accomplished the clean out, the auctions, > the movers, the work of it all. Where is the peace in being done??? > Leigh > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2006 Report Share Posted January 5, 2006 Hi Donna,] Thanks for your reply. The majority of the work is done, I am now just trying to " close " on the sale of the house.Mom's house is two hours away from me, and I can do the rest by fax. What has been so frustrating is that my mother was a realtor, and the realtor I hired was one of her coworkers so you would think that he'd take extra care of me and her house. Not so. They do work for themselves, that is true, although my mom was a woman of integrity and hard work, and she was one of the good guys. As far as friends helping, theres nothing left to do, except pray. I had to smile when you asked if I attend a church and could my pastor assist--he is recovering (healing?) from luekemia and is in need of our help...2005 has been a tough year for so many people, we survived 05, and need a divine fix for 06! Leigh -- In LBDcaregivers , " Donna Mido " <twomido@w...> wrote: > > Leigh, > > THis is the time you call on some old friends to help. If you have a friend who can help you read papers and do the emtional work, when they ask how they can help, tell them! Or call and ask them. Most people want to help if they know what to do. Do you attend church? Ask the pastor if someone can help. And if not, hire someone to help. That will save you some parts of you. > > > We really shouldn't have to do it " all alone. " > > Just a thought. > > Donna R > > Do you want to read more about Lewy Body? You can also read the Thistle, the LBD Newsletter. Just click on: > > http://www.lewybodydementia.org > > > Back from black to blue > > > > Hello to you all. It has been a few months since I posted anything > on > > here, but have been reading. There are so many new people! > > I have spent the last several months preparing my mom's house for > > sale, and it was supposed to close on Friday 12/31 but of course did > > not. Nothing has gone smoothly. I feel like I have been in a black > > funk for the whole of 2005 and while I am not still in that > > black " zone " I am feeling really blue. I keep waiting for this whole > > process with the house to BE DONE, and it just keeps hanging on, and > > on, and on. It dragged into the winter, and I had wanted to be done > > by fall...and here I sit, paying mymother's bills, organizing her > > papers, finalizing what I can, and I feel so sad, and tired and > > bummed out.The realtor we hired has lied to us on several > occassions, > > the surveyor " can't find the property lot pins " and the closing > agent > > is out sick...I have worked so hard on doing this well, and so much > > has been out of my control. Mom is frail, and understands nothing > > about reality, she still cannot walk since June, and I am > frustrated. > > OKAY< venting, i know. But I didn't expect to feel bad when the > house > > sold, I expected to feel sad to see it go, and relieved that it was > > done. SO far, no relief. It was emotional to walk thru a house that > > had been so full of things, and to see it empty,it was hard to > > believe that I had actually accomplished the clean out, the > auctions, > > the movers, the work of it all. Where is the peace in being done??? > > Leigh > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Leigh, I identified with you. Mom's house was in WI and I live in MI. (That is 12 hours away!) I had to move her out and get it rented so it wouldn't sit idle for another year when I had Mom with me. Then when she died, I had many more problems with Step-Bros who inherited the same time I did. They had robbed her blind when their Dad died. Then they wanted half of her stuff. And got it. There was to long of a time lapse and I was to tired. I have it rented again because I couldn't get it sold when my son and I went up to get it ready. And I guess folks thought I would give it away because I was so far away. Just couldn't afford to do that by the time it was over. Maybe next spring. You did see the email from another here who in into real estate? She did say she would talk to you if you needed her. That was nice. I certainly believe your Mom was good at what she did. Sounds like her friend isn't. Take some deep breathes and this too shall pass. Lots of cyber hugs. Donna R Do you want to read more about Lewy Body? You can also read the Thistle, the LBD Newsletter. Just click on: http://www.lewybodydementia.org Back from black to blue > > > > Hello to you all. It has been a few months since I posted anything > on > > here, but have been reading. There are so many new people! > > I have spent the last several months preparing my mom's house for > > sale, and it was supposed to close on Friday 12/31 but of course did > > not. Nothing has gone smoothly. I feel like I have been in a black > > funk for the whole of 2005 and while I am not still in that > > black " zone " I am feeling really blue. I keep waiting for this whole > > process with the house to BE DONE, and it just keeps hanging on, and > > on, and on. It dragged into the winter, and I had wanted to be done > > by fall...and here I sit, paying mymother's bills, organizing her > > papers, finalizing what I can, and I feel so sad, and tired and > > bummed out.The realtor we hired has lied to us on several > occassions, > > the surveyor " can't find the property lot pins " and the closing > agent > > is out sick...I have worked so hard on doing this well, and so much > > has been out of my control. Mom is frail, and understands nothing > > about reality, she still cannot walk since June, and I am > frustrated. > > OKAY< venting, i know. But I didn't expect to feel bad when the > house > > sold, I expected to feel sad to see it go, and relieved that it was > > done. SO far, no relief. It was emotional to walk thru a house that > > had been so full of things, and to see it empty,it was hard to > > believe that I had actually accomplished the clean out, the > auctions, > > the movers, the work of it all. Where is the peace in being done??? > > Leigh > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Hi Donna, I think people do think that because you are far away, and the situation is health related that you will give things away. Not true! We all need every dollar theses houses can generate, and our lo deserve it. We had a house sitter stay at the house the last year, and it was good. I did not realize that in order to take the one time capital gains exemption, a renter situation can impact that. I am not sure how...but i was glad i didnt rent it, just loaned it. The housesitter stayed there for free. She helped us by cleaning out the pantry and keeping the dishwasher,etc running. Not having any rent to pay allowed her, at age 23, to then buy her own house. She closed on her new house on the same day we were supposed to close on mom's. The timing....anyway. I know we did her a favor, and she did us one by being on site, and available. it worked out well. I did go thru two auctions of moms things, and can give youo some ideas when the time comes for you to clean out her place. For one thing, after it is mucked out and presentable, you might have a second hand store owner come by and bid on the funrniture and houselhold goods as " a lot of goods " rather than the auction route. IT would have been as good or better to do that. The auction did not generate much money, and was painful to experience. To have someone come in and buy it all outright would have been more expedient and less stressful, I think.I haven't added up how much it cost, but I spent a ton in disposing of the goods. Dumpsters, movers, auctioneers, hauling to the dump.My mom kept so much she thought was valuable, and the only real value was to those who disposed of it! I am sorry to hear about your your mom's family trouble-seems to always be some in every family who are like that. We have one too. Oh well, divine retribution is always good. Have a good day today, and take heart...the house things are a huge issue, but I know I will feel so much better when it is all resolved, and I know you will too. Hang in there, Leigh > > > > > > hi leigh, > > > > > > i see alot of things that you can try to gain peace with, > > > first you did the hardest most awfulest job to do, you cleaned > out > > a house > > > full of memories, that is the hardest thing to do, i am blessed > > that we > > > moved in with dad and i could gradually go thru his things, at my > > own pace. > > > it is awful even this way but to do it all at once had to be > hell. > > second, > > > you are dealing with your mother who is unable to help you and > yet > > demands > > > alot of your attention at this time. so you are successfully > *even > > ifyoure > > > frustrated * in multitasking all of htis at the same time. > > > do you stll have a buyer??? did not the closing agent have > someone > > to fill > > > in while he/she was out sick? what did the real estate agent > lie > > about??? > > > > > > what i would suggest is document, document somewhere what all is > > going on, > > > first to help you with dealing with any complaint syou make later > > to real > > > estate commissions etc. and just to get it off of your chest. > > > most of all my friend, you have to realize that you are ONE > > PERSON and > > > cannot do 200 million htings at one time . just take each step > one > > at a > > > time, and as each step is done get excited and praise yourself, > if > > there is > > > a delay, realize that YOU did not cuase the delay but are victim > of > > the > > > delay. and allow time for the step to be done. we all have an > > ideal > > > calendar we wish to get things done on. but it doesnt always work > > out that > > > way, we had to sell m yhouse in tenn 1 year after moving here to > > take care > > > of dad, i thought when i sold it , iwould be thru with it, but > > this was my > > > FIRST house, i loved my house, and becucase i had trusted a > > good 'friend 'to > > > stay in the house and prepare it for sale, i ASSUMED he did what > he > > was > > > supposed to do, but he didnt it and when i went to see the house > i > > was > > > devasted at the condition of the house, walls filthy, hole in > wall > > and we > > > were 500 miles away and i had to sell as is, and we made money on > > the h ouse > > > but not like we should have. it was bad, but i did sell it, and > > tried to > > > sue a friend, but alas he knew how to beat the system. anyway, i > > learned > > > from that, i cannot control everything deal with what i have and > > one step at > > > a time, i miss my little house, i loved my little house, but i > had > > to do > > > what i had to do, even if i didnt make as much money on my house > as > > i should > > > have. > > > take a step back, look at all that you have accomplished, and pat > > yourself > > > on the back, you deserve it for what you have done !!!! hugs > sharon > > > > > > -- Back from black to blue > > > > > > Hello to you all. It has been a few months since I posted > anything > > on > > > here, but have been reading. There are so many new people! > > > I have spent the last several months preparing my mom's house for > > > sale, and it was supposed to close on Friday 12/31 but of course > did > > > not. Nothing has gone smoothly. I feel like I have been in a black > > > funk for the whole of 2005 and while I am not still in that > > > black " zone " I am feeling really blue. I keep waiting for this > whole > > > process with the house to BE DONE, and it just keeps hanging on, > and > > > on, and on. It dragged into the winter, and I had wanted to be > done > > > by fall...and here I sit, paying mymother's bills, organizing her > > > papers, finalizing what I can, and I feel so sad, and tired and > > > bummed out.The realtor we hired has lied to us on several > > occassions, > > > the surveyor " can't find the property lot pins " and the closing > > agent > > > is out sick...I have worked so hard on doing this well, and so > much > > > has been out of my control. Mom is frail, and understands nothing > > > about reality, she still cannot walk since June, and I am > > frustrated. > > > OKAY< venting, i know. But I didn't expect to feel bad when the > > house > > > sold, I expected to feel sad to see it go, and relieved that it > was > > > done. SO far, no relief. It was emotional to walk thru a house > that > > > had been so full of things, and to see it empty,it was hard to > > > believe that I had actually accomplished the clean out, the > > auctions, > > > the movers, the work of it all. Where is the peace in being > done??? > > > Leigh > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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