Re: Re: Money Matters

[Guest guest]

/:

I also have been doing the " everything is fine, you have lots of money "

and then changing the subject bit, as have my sisters. Because we keep

sloughing it off, she takes it that we are hiding something. That's

why i thought perhaps writing some cheques with me might sink in a

little more. Kind off like the old " Tell me something vs show me

something " . The latter is supposed to have more of a lasting

impression, at least with children.

__________________________________________________________

Find your next car at http://autos.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I think her being able to sign some cheques (if she's able) is a great

idea. Even if she fudges her signature you can always rip up the

cheques later and write up a new one. Here in Toronto, our banks

provide us with little bank books that we can take to any branch and

banking machine and have it updated immediately. Does your mother's

bank have something like this? If so, why not let her have one to keep

on hand so that when she gets into the money bit you can show it to her

and explain that it is only the bank that is allowed to update this

book. Thinking out loud. I'm smiling now because I remember that my

mom wasn't fixated on money but she was convinced that everyone was

going to get a ticket from the police.

Courage

Skrabek wrote:

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

My mom is paranoid about spending money, but so far hasn't started to distrust

us. What I do is whenever I get statements about her investments etc. I just

write the total down on a piece of paper and give it to her and that seems to

satisfy her. Maybe if your mom just had that piece of paper with a total on it,

no one else has to know what it is about, no account numbers etc. or bank name

etc., then she might feel more in control even though she doesn't have direct

access to it. Just a suggestion. Doris

Skrabek wrote:

/:

I also have been doing the " everything is fine, you have lots of money "

and then changing the subject bit, as have my sisters. Because we keep

sloughing it off, she takes it that we are hiding something. That's

why i thought perhaps writing some cheques with me might sink in a

little more. Kind off like the old " Tell me something vs show me

something " . The latter is supposed to have more of a lasting

impression, at least with children.

__________________________________________________________

Find your next car at http://autos.yahoo.ca

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Last night Dad took the opposite extreme. He insisted that he was the richest

man in Texas and that he had millions and millions of dollars. I put the

complete story on http://lifewithdad.blogspot.com/

Usually, he thinks he is broke and worries about how to pay for food and care.

He also asks for his checkbook. Since he is nearly blind from macular

degeneration, even if I showed him statements, he couldn't read them. He can't

even read 96 pt font. We just reassure him that everything is taken care of and

try distraction. It usually works.

Margee

[Guest guest]

When my Dad was sick with LBD, money did not conern him. He just happily said

" I don't have any. " The problem was my Mother. My Mother has a history of

being very thrifty. She loves to save and invests her money wisely. Mom was

afraid to spend a dime. At first she said it was her goal to leave us children

a hefty sum, but later we learned that she was afraid that when Dad died her

Social Security would be reduced and then she would have to dip into her

savings. My Mother really irritated me, because she was very reluctant to hire

help. Between the two of us along with the help of Hopsice, we took care of Dad

24/7 for 4 years. It was very difficult, esp. on my Mother. Her memory start

slipping and she became more frail. Even though I am an RN, it was hard on me

too. I tried to expain to my Mother that if Dad was in a nursing home, it would

cost a lots of money. Dad died recently died, but Mom is thrifty as ever. I

take her out shopping, and she just looks at things, won't buy. I sure wish Mom

would spend our inheritance. One good thing, if Mom becomes ill, I have power

of attorney and believe me, I wil hire help to care for her. Even though I

love my Mother, I just can't do it again. Is anyone else facing this type of

problems with their families?

Thanks,

Gerry

Re: Money Matters

,

One of the common threads with LBD is the worry about money. In fact,

I see it in the Alzheimer's residents at the nursing home. I believe

what your Mother is exhibiting is mild paranoia and anxiety. Most of

us have grown up having to worry about money in one way or another and

when we are anxious it's natural to worry about money. Probably,

showing her the financial statements won't make any difference, she

might even think you are falsifying them. If you think it will help,

try it once and see. With my Mother, we just assure her that there is

enough money and then we change the subject. Fortunately, she doesn't

worry about it all the time.

Good luck,

in Dallas

>

> Hi All:

>

> I know that many of you have loved ones who worry about their money.

> So I hoped you might have some thoughts on this. I had a long chat

> with a " companion " of my Mum's who mentioned that Mum has told him

> that she thinks we (her daughters) are lying to her about her

> financial situation. She thinks there is no money left. My Mum has

> plenty of money to keep her comfortably for many, many years and we

> don't care if every penny is used to care for her. When Mum was

> mentally healthy she regularly helped all of us finacially (school

> fees, mortgages, car loans).

>

> I have been taking care of paying Mum's bills for several years,

> basically since the Parkinson's symptoms made it difficult for her to

> write cheques. Up until January of this year, when we put her POA

> for finances into effect, Mum still signed her own cheques and we

> discussed how much she would give to charities and to grandkids etc

> for Christmas and Birthdays.

>

> Now my question - I could print Mum statements of her financial

> position, and take then to her but I am loath the leave that sort of

> thing with her where she lives so I would have to go through them

> with her and take them away. I could bring her chequebook with me

> and suggest we distribute some money for birthdays to the grandkids

> as she is doing so well. I don't want her to think we are trying to

> take her money - she does keep telling me to stop giving money to her

> church because she doesn't go as often and she is afraid of running

> out of money (I haven't followed that instruction).

>

> What do you all think?

>

>

>

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Tom-

Thanks for your reply. Your words speak exactly what I fear. First one parent,

then the other.

How is you Mother doing and will she allow you to hire help for herself? My

Mother tells everyone that I bought the house next to them so I could take care

of them in their old age. Untrue! I know that my Mom still thinks I will take

care of her, but I am getting older (63) and I can't go through what I did with

my Dad. I tell my children that they can spend my retirement on care for me

when the time comes.

XXXOOO

Gerry

Re: Money Matters

,

One of the common threads with LBD is the worry about money. In fact,

I see it in the Alzheimer's residents at the nursing home. I believe

what your Mother is exhibiting is mild paranoia and anxiety. Most of

us have grown up having to worry about money in one way or another and

when we are anxious it's natural to worry about money. Probably,

showing her the financial statements won't make any difference, she

might even think you are falsifying them. If you think it will help,

try it once and see. With my Mother, we just assure her that there is

enough money and then we change the subject. Fortunately, she doesn't

worry about it all the time.

Good luck,

in Dallas

>

> Hi All:

>

> I know that many of you have loved ones who worry about their money.

> So I hoped you might have some thoughts on this. I had a long chat

> with a " companion " of my Mum's who mentioned that Mum has told him

> that she thinks we (her daughters) are lying to her about her

> financial situation. She thinks there is no money left. My Mum has

> plenty of money to keep her comfortably for many, many years and we

> don't care if every penny is used to care for her. When Mum was

> mentally healthy she regularly helped all of us finacially (school

> fees, mortgages, car loans).

>

> I have been taking care of paying Mum's bills for several years,

> basically since the Parkinson's symptoms made it difficult for her to

> write cheques. Up until January of this year, when we put her POA

> for finances into effect, Mum still signed her own cheques and we

> discussed how much she would give to charities and to grandkids etc

> for Christmas and Birthdays.

>

> Now my question - I could print Mum statements of her financial

> position, and take then to her but I am loath the leave that sort of

> thing with her where she lives so I would have to go through them

> with her and take them away. I could bring her chequebook with me

> and suggest we distribute some money for birthdays to the grandkids

> as she is doing so well. I don't want her to think we are trying to

> take her money - she does keep telling me to stop giving money to her

> church because she doesn't go as often and she is afraid of running

> out of money (I haven't followed that instruction).

>

> What do you all think?

>

>

>

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

gerry,

older, wiser and wisdom will make it easier for you and for her, good luck

and hugs, sharon m

-- Re: Re: Money Matters

Courage-

Believe me, I will take you advice and hire help when my Mother's health

requires it. I am getting older too and I just don't have it in me. Doesn

t mean I love her any less. Just means I have gotten a lot wiser.

Thanks for the advice,

Gerry

Re: Re: Money Matters

Hi Gerry,

Its so funny to read your post because I have thinking very hard about

if I am going to do the same amount of care for Dad that I did for mom.

Mom and dad were both very thrifty and didn't want to spend any money

and dad still freaks out a bit about the money that goes to caregivers

but we just had to do it.

Gerry, I would encourage you to use their money to hire help. It saved

us. I can't imagine what kind of shape I'd be in today if we didn't

have the caregivers. Please learn from me and hire them at the stage

where you need to do the heavy lifting. We only got outside help once

mom went into LTC.

I still haven't been able to answer my question about dad - its

important to be sweet to your children especially when they are trying

to help you.

Courage

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Tom

With dementia must come a whole book on a new set of thoughts. I heard that one

over and over, " you just want to get rid of me. " And that was if I was going to

work or she was going to day care.

One day, (and I hoped she wouldn't remember it to long) I finally told her she

was right. I needed to be away from her for a bit and SHE needed to be away

from me and I would be back.

I never got bothered with that statement again.

Donna R

Re: Re: Money Matters

Hard to tell how far along she is.....she had a bad seizure last Feb that she

amazingly made a decent recovery from that no one thought possible...we added

Namenda in late spring and it gave her a mentally decent summer, but her

mobility is only with assistance....her body is just getting worn out from age

and she may just fade away, sleeping more each day.....and the Namenda's effects

are wearing off and mentally we are almost back where she was a year ago....it's

only a few good hours here and there since mid-September.......and the night

confusion / acting out is starting again to exhaust her further.

As to the second part of your question.....after Dad was gone I had to put Mom

in the hospital as she passed out for over 4 minutes, was not eating, confused,

her thyroid levels were wacked and for several years she had low blood pressure

spells and had passed out a lot (the doctors we had then nor I had any clue of

LBD) and that was the opportunity I used to " take charge " and get to the papers

(Dad had told me where) ...she had no choice.....I hired some help during the

day to bring her home after a brief nursing home stay (during which of course

she stated every day how I must be happy I got rid of her) as we did not know

what was wrong as her mental state varied so day to day...as her night confusion

and episodes got worse, I burned out doing nights with her and trying to work

during the day, and take care of the house's physical needs too, and got help in

at night.....I'm doing as my parents asked to care for them at home using their

savings and an inheritance Mom got fr

om a cousin ( who died this year without a will...another mess I'm in charge

of)........my father also spent part of his last six weeks in a nursing facility

too as the lung cancer became too much for me to care for and Mom was no help

and started to just ignore Dad's needs as she could not do it.....after saying

that the point is....the nursing homes did fine, but ....if you don't get in

there often...things go wrong and you still have to spend time straightening it

out, chasing docs and everyone on the phone or in person...or they suffer....so

that also made part of my decision to bring her home.......

years ago her mother had many of the same LBD symptoms including the auditory

and visual hallucinations....Mom's sister cared for mean old Grannie (not sorry,

she was a nasty person) till she burned out...grannie was in the nursing home

for a few weeks when she got out and tried to " go home " one night(SOUND

FAMILIAR??)...they hit her with Haldol(or something like it) and she never

moved, talked, or opened her eyes for 5 plus more years till she died from

aspirating pneumonia), tho she did eat if the spoon was put to her mouth...she

was rigid and in the fetal position........much as grannie was a witch she may

not have deserved that.....and that's why I tried to care for them at home as

they asked......I haven't had time to type a rant like this on this board since

I joined..... but I took time today........hope it helps someone besides

me.........and hiring / supervising help is a job in itself and right now I've

got a great / good crew...but we've had some we had no choice

but to use till we found better then let go.

TG

Re: Re: Money Matters

Tom-

Thanks for your reply. Your words speak exactly what I fear. First one

parent, then the other.

How is you Mother doing and will she allow you to hire help for herself? My

Mother tells everyone that I bought the house next to them so I could take care

of them in their old age. Untrue! I know that my Mom still thinks I will take

care of her, but I am getting older (63) and I can't go through what I did with

my Dad. I tell my children that they can spend my retirement on care for me

when the time comes.

XXXOOO

Gerry

[Guest guest]

tom,

my daddy said the same thing to me over and over again, you want me dead,

you want me gone, you are stealing me blind, you are (words of profanity i

shouldnt repeat) many times i cried my eyes out behind closed doors,

knowing that it was lbd talking not my daddy, but never the less i saw his

mouth move and the words come out, so it still hurt,

best thing that i found to do, was to take advantage of some respite care,

have donnie stay with daddy or sissy so i can take break, go craft shoppig

which always made me feel better, as i love to do crafts, also i had a

circle of friends i could talk to and vent to and that helped. good luck

sharon m

-- Re: Re: Money Matters

Hard to tell how far along she is.....she had a bad seizure last Feb that

she amazingly made a decent recovery from that no one thought possible...we

added Namenda in late spring and it gave her a mentally decent summer, but

her mobility is only with assistance....her body is just getting worn out

from age and she may just fade away, sleeping more each day.....and the

Namenda's effects are wearing off and mentally we are almost back where she

was a year ago....it's only a few good hours here and there since

mid-September.......and the night confusion / acting out is starting again

to exhaust her further.

As to the second part of your question.....after Dad was gone I had to put

Mom in the hospital as she passed out for over 4 minutes, was not eating,

confused, her thyroid levels were wacked and for several years she had low

blood pressure spells and had passed out a lot (the doctors we had then nor

I had any clue of LBD) and that was the opportunity I used to " take charge "

and get to the papers (Dad had told me where) ...she had no choice.....I

hired some help during the day to bring her home after a brief nursing home

stay (during which of course she stated every day how I must be happy I got

rid of her) as we did not know what was wrong as her mental state varied so

day to day...as her night confusion and episodes got worse, I burned out

doing nights with her and trying to work during the day, and take care of

the house's physical needs too, and got help in at night.....I'm doing as my

parents asked to care for them at home using their savings and an

inheritance Mom got fr

om a cousin ( who died this year without a will...another mess I'm in

charge of)........my father also spent part of his last six weeks in a

nursing facility too as the lung cancer became too much for me to care for

and Mom was no help and started to just ignore Dad's needs as she could not

do it.....after saying that the point is....the nursing homes did fine, but

....if you don't get in there often...things go wrong and you still have to

spend time straightening it out, chasing docs and everyone on the phone or

in person...or they suffer....so that also made part of my decision to bring

her home.......

years ago her mother had many of the same LBD symptoms including the

auditory and visual hallucinations....Mom's sister cared for mean old

Grannie (not sorry, she was a nasty person) till she burned out...grannie

was in the nursing home for a few weeks when she got out and tried to " go

home " one night(SOUND FAMILIAR??)...they hit her with Haldol(or something

like it) and she never moved, talked, or opened her eyes for 5 plus more

years till she died from aspirating pneumonia), tho she did eat if the spoon

was put to her mouth...she was rigid and in the fetal position........much

as grannie was a witch she may not have deserved that.....and that's why I

tried to care for them at home as they asked......I haven't had time to type

a rant like this on this board since I joined..... but I took time today....

....hope it helps someone besides me.........and hiring / supervising help is

a job in itself and right now I've got a great / good crew...but we've had

some we had no choice

but to use till we found better then let go.

TG

Re: Re: Money Matters

Tom-

Thanks for your reply. Your words speak exactly what I fear. First one

parent, then the other.

How is you Mother doing and will she allow you to hire help for herself?

My Mother tells everyone that I bought the house next to them so I could

take care of them in their old age. Untrue! I know that my Mom still

thinks I will take care of her, but I am getting older (63) and I can't go

through what I did with my Dad. I tell my children that they can spend my

retirement on care for me when the time comes.

XXXOOO

Gerry