Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Kathy, I had the same thoughts you did--little alarms going off in my head. Kelley in NV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Marilyn How old is now? Just a thought but maybe Bob draws attention to things that does not want. Maybe he feels gymnastics is just for him. It sounds kind of complicated to me so I am sure there could be many issues. Another may be that doesn't find Bob to be as helpful as you have and doesn't see the need to treat him as such. Have you asked your son privately about his feelings? Good luck Lynne > >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: My Son >Date: Sat, 03 Jan 2004 01:13:41 -0000 > >Hello, I hope everyone had a good New Years. My son had become very >attached to a councelor at his day camp two summers ago. As it turns >out this young man is in college and going to be a special ed >teacher. He picked up on right away and went out of his way >to learn more about OCD and help out anyway he could. Basically he >has become like another family member. In September joined >gymnastics. He is doing really well with it but yet it is his new >obsession. Now he has become very agitated with Bob (the young man) >he won't talk to him on line, if he stops by to vist just >basically ignores him. says he is anoying him. We have always >taught both our kids that you need to treat people with kindess. And >that we are upset to see him behaving like this especially to >someone who has been just such a big help to him and us all this >time. We asked if something had happened and he says no. Bob is very >upset about all this as well. Have any of you had your child just >all of a sudden react this way to a friend? Can it be just a typical >OCD thing and that gymnastics has become the only thing he can focus >on now? We are going to FLorida in April and yes Bob is going to.We >haven't got the tickets yet but do have the place already. We don't >know what to do about it because as you know this could be the trip >from you know what if continues this behavior! >Sorry so long! Marilyn in PA > _________________________________________________________________ Get reliable dial-up Internet access now with our limited-time introductory offer. http://join.msn.com/?page=dept/dialup Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Hi Marilyn, As I read your post, a little alarm went off in my head. Maybe this is not an issue but I think it's important to at least raise the question and rule it out. Bob sounds like a nice guy but it is rather unusual that a person his age would become so attached to a young child and his family. I'm a clinical social worker who has worked with many sexually abused children. The scenario that you describe with Bob becoming a member of the family, going on family vacations, etc. is one that is, unfortunately, very familiar to me. Some things to think about... Does Bob have meaningful relationships with his peers? Is he dating anyone? If no, I would be concerned about this. Has he spent time alone with in the past and now is reluctant to be with him but won't say why? I would be concerned about this too. I can't remember right now how old is but this can be an issue at any age. Have you ever talked with about the fact that it's not OK for an older person to touch him in ways that feel uncomfortable and to tell you if this were ever to happen? I don't mean to be alarmist and I hope that I'm wrong but I do think it's important to consider the possibilty. Maybe Bob is just a nice guy who has no ill intentions. Is he in college some distance from his family and has, perhaps, simply adopted yours? All of that said, sometimes kids with OCD get weird ideas about a particular person being " contaminated " or some such thing so that's always a possibilty too. Kathy on 1/2/04 8:13 PM, Marilyn at prschool4me@... wrote: > Hello, I hope everyone had a good New Years. My son had become very > attached to a councelor at his day camp two summers ago. As it turns > out this young man is in college and going to be a special ed > teacher. He picked up on right away and went out of his way > to learn more about OCD and help out anyway he could. Basically he > has become like another family member. In September joined > gymnastics. He is doing really well with it but yet it is his new > obsession. Now he has become very agitated with Bob (the young man) > he won't talk to him on line, if he stops by to vist just > basically ignores him. says he is anoying him. We have always > taught both our kids that you need to treat people with kindess. And > that we are upset to see him behaving like this especially to > someone who has been just such a big help to him and us all this > time. We asked if something had happened and he says no. Bob is very > upset about all this as well. Have any of you had your child just > all of a sudden react this way to a friend? Can it be just a typical > OCD thing and that gymnastics has become the only thing he can focus > on now? We are going to FLorida in April and yes Bob is going to.We > haven't got the tickets yet but do have the place already. We don't > know what to do about it because as you know this could be the trip > from you know what if continues this behavior! > Sorry so long! Marilyn in PA -- Kathy Mac LICSW kathymac45@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Alas, I have to agree that this is a possibility. When my son was about 10 y.o., a dear family friend from church, a married man about 65 y.o., invited him to a symphony orchestra concert. The friend was always particularly fond of my son, and my son was an excellent violinist who played in a regional youth orchestra, so I was all in favor of it. However, as the time drew near for the friend to pick him up, my son became increasingly agitated, then tearful, saying he didn't want to go. He said he felt like he was going to throw up. I forced him to go, but he behaved fearfully the entire time, according to our friend. Later in therapy, my son revealed that he had been fondled by an elderly pedophile at the mall, an oriental man who did amazing paper cutting art. He showed an interest in my son while we were shopping there and offered to teach him the paper cutting art when the store closed. He took my son into the store but didn't want me to come in (should have sent off alarm bells), but I could see both of their heads while he was there. Turrns out the guy was into feet, and made my son take off his shoes and touched him inappropriately. My son never told me that (his therapist did), but it caused a fear of elderly men. Thank God it wasn't our family friend, but it could have been. You never expect your male children to be vulnerable to sexual abuse, but they certainly are. Doesn't mean Bob is not legit, but you must be vigilant. Judy Re: My Son Hi Marilyn, As I read your post, a little alarm went off in my head. Maybe this is not an issue but I think it's important to at least raise the question and rule it out. Bob sounds like a nice guy but it is rather unusual that a person his age would become so attached to a young child and his family. I'm a clinical social worker who has worked with many sexually abused children. The scenario that you describe with Bob becoming a member of the family, going on family vacations, etc. is one that is, unfortunately, very familiar to me. Some things to think about... Does Bob have meaningful relationships with his peers? Is he dating anyone? If no, I would be concerned about this. Has he spent time alone with in the past and now is reluctant to be with him but won't say why? I would be concerned about this too. I can't remember right now how old is but this can be an issue at any age. Have you ever talked with about the fact that it's not OK for an older person to touch him in ways that feel uncomfortable and to tell you if this were ever to happen? I don't mean to be alarmist and I hope that I'm wrong but I do think it's important to consider the possibilty. Maybe Bob is just a nice guy who has no ill intentions. Is he in college some distance from his family and has, perhaps, simply adopted yours? All of that said, sometimes kids with OCD get weird ideas about a particular person being " contaminated " or some such thing so that's always a possibilty too. Kathy on 1/2/04 8:13 PM, Marilyn at prschool4me@... wrote: > Hello, I hope everyone had a good New Years. My son had become very > attached to a councelor at his day camp two summers ago. As it turns > out this young man is in college and going to be a special ed > teacher. He picked up on right away and went out of his way > to learn more about OCD and help out anyway he could. Basically he > has become like another family member. In September joined > gymnastics. He is doing really well with it but yet it is his new > obsession. Now he has become very agitated with Bob (the young man) > he won't talk to him on line, if he stops by to vist just > basically ignores him. says he is anoying him. We have always > taught both our kids that you need to treat people with kindess. And > that we are upset to see him behaving like this especially to > someone who has been just such a big help to him and us all this > time. We asked if something had happened and he says no. Bob is very > upset about all this as well. Have any of you had your child just > all of a sudden react this way to a friend? Can it be just a typical > OCD thing and that gymnastics has become the only thing he can focus > on now? We are going to FLorida in April and yes Bob is going to.We > haven't got the tickets yet but do have the place already. We don't > know what to do about it because as you know this could be the trip > from you know what if continues this behavior! > Sorry so long! Marilyn in PA -- Kathy Mac LICSW kathymac45@... Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group// . Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, Kathy , Vivian Stembridge, and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Hi Marilyn, yes my daughter has suddenly wished to avoid certain people (pdoc, grandparents, " bad " boys in her classroom) due to them triggering OCD obsessions. Unfortunately though my first thought when reading your post is that Bob has been inappropriate in some way with your son. I am thinking possibly sexually. It is unusual for a college-age man to insinuate himself into your family to this degree, there are IMO red flags all over this situation. Most people who work with children, especially those who are trained as camp counselors and who plan careers in education, are very aware of the importance of not crossing boundaries, and avoiding even the *appearance* of an inappropriate situation. I think Bob is showing poor judgment, at the least. It is possible that OCD is behind your son's current reaction to Bob. Depending on your son's issues, it could be that Bob is now " contaminated " or there is something else about him that is triggering your son's OCD and so he wants to avoid him. Even if Bob has not been inappropriate in any way, he may be triggering homosexual obsessions in your son for example. These types of obsessive worries are pretty common. This situation is obviously difficult for your son to speak plainly about. Even if " nothing's happened " and it's " only " an OCD problem, your son may be highly embarrassed to discuss senseless feelings about a person that his parents highly esteem. Many kids are reluctant to discuss their OCD no matter the content. Also, if Bob has been inappropriate with your son, your son may be feeling guilty since he was the one who originally pursued a relationship with Bob at camp. You don't ask, but if this were my child, I would not be forcing a relationship with Bob or planning on vacationing together. I think you should take your son's sudden reluctance to interact with Bob seriously. If Bob is as understanding of OCD as you say, he will understand the irrational nature of the disorder and the fact that a flare can affect friendships, tra vel plans and all aspects of life. Take care, Kathy R. in Indiana ----- Original Message ----- > Hello, I hope everyone had a good New Years. My son had become very > attached to a councelor at his day camp two summers ago. As it turns > out this young man is in college and going to be a special ed > teacher. He picked up on right away and went out of his way > to learn more about OCD and help out anyway he could. Basically he > has become like another family member. In September joined > gymnastics. He is doing really well with it but yet it is his new > obsession. Now he has become very agitated with Bob (the young man) > he won't talk to him on line, if he stops by to vist just > basically ignores him. says he is anoying him. We have always > taught both our kids that you need to treat people with kindess. And > that we are upset to see him behaving like this especially to > someone who has been just such a big help to him and us all this > time. We asked if something had happened and he says no. Bob is very > upset about all this as well. Have any of you had your child just > all of a sudden react this way to a friend? Can it be just a typical > OCD thing and that gymnastics has become the only thing he can focus > on now? We are going to FLorida in April and yes Bob is going to.We > haven't got the tickets yet but do have the place already. We don't > know what to do about it because as you know this could be the trip > from you know what if continues this behavior! > Sorry so long! Marilyn in PA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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