& Family

[Guest guest]

, I have some very strong opinions about your boys. If you'd prefer I

take this discussion off-line, or simply butt out, please let me know.

First, I think imagining children, especially ones as old as yours, " don't

know " that something very big is going on is just wrong. Whether we tell

them directly or not, kids aren't dumb. They pick up even the most subtle

signs. The issue with them is that if something is amiss, they believe it's

their fault. I think at some point very soon it's important that you sit

down and tell them what you know, and what you don't know.

They need to know Dad is ill so that when he can't do something -- when he

feels too unwell -- they don't think he's avoiding them on purpose. [i know

that thought has crossed my mind a time or two with , and I'm not 12. I

don't even play a 16 year old on TV!]

I think it's a matter of respecting the boys well enough to tell them the

truth, and getting their help when you need it. At 12 and 16 they are well

able to help you even if they have not in the past.

With the proper understanding they may become Dad's biggest defenders and

supporters. I strongly recommend Al-anon for you and Alateen for them. The

fact that your husband has stopped drinking doesn't mean that you and your

boys don't need that sort of support. I believe, in all honesty, that

Al-anon saved my sanity, if not my life.

Again, I truly hope my post is not offensive to you, but I have strong

opinions on this subject. Whether the elephant in the room is alcoholism or

a serious illness, passing the teacups around it doesn't make it go away.

And, as I mentioned, if you want to talk on the phone, I am available.

Hugs.

Dorothy