advice...

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

Bill has gone out on LT disability. In the meantime I went out and

got a full time job after 10 years of being home with the kids. I

was very excited about the new job which is quite a good opportunity

for me to get back into the work force and provide for my family.

It comes with tremendous health benefits also that would take Bill's

care on immediately. I am supposed to start a training program on

Nov. 6. The problem is that since I accepted the position, Bill has

began to show symptoms of his cirrhosis. I had to rush him (by

ambulance) to the hospital last week because of severe

disorientation. His amonnia levels were high and he was

dehydrated. They put him on lactulose and released him the next

day. Yesterday his doctor found blood in his urine and is concerned

about kidney problems. He is fatigued and

depressed....understandably. My concern is how can I start a new

job with all the commitment that goes with it when I have someone I

have to care for at home?? I also have 2 kids who have all that

stuff after school that kids have and feel that they will end up

getting the short straw in all of this. I'm afraid he will become

disoriented and not even be aware of it. I don't want the kids to

have to deal with this. Also I'm afraid that I will have to take

time off from work to care for him which would obviously be an

issue. Are there any caretakers out there who work outside of the

home?? How do you do it?? At this point we have health benefits

but they will end at the end of the year and we will have to COBRA

which is quite expensive. I will need to go to work at some point

anyway. there is no avoiding it. Any advice or suggestions?

Thanks once again,

[Guest guest]

My husband has cirrhosis and I work full-time outside the home. I manage an

operation of about 50 people for a very large corporation. I have 40

clerical people and 10 managers reporting to me.

Luckily when was diagnosed, I'd been with my company for 25 years. I

had an established track record, and I get 6 weeks of vacation per year. As

the boss, I can pretty much take a day off when I need to, and my team had

been superb in picking up any slack for me. (I'd like to think I'm a good

boss, and they are so good to me because I'm also good to them.)

Of course FMLA (the family medical leave act) is an option, once you qualify

for it, but you probably won't qualify as a brand new employee. I have not

actually needed to take FMLA time. Aside from a couple weeks last year

has been OK to be on his own during the work day.

However, and this is huge for you, , we don't have children.

There have definitely been days when I was reluctant to leave on his

own, and would never have left him home alone with children.

But your sons, as I recall, are not small and they may be your best source

of support. I think now is the time to enlist them.

I have two pieces of advice for you. I thought about calling them comments,

but they're really pieces of advice.

First, when last we spoke, you hadn't told your children about dad's

illness. If you haven't yet, I think you need to now. I understand you and

your husband wanting to manage his health so it doesn't effect them, but

that's not realistic. With an illness this serious, they need to be

involved. First, they already know something is amiss and they may be

imagining something really bad (yes, I know, ironic choice of words) like an

impending divorce, or that they are somehow at fault.

Second, if they know what's what, they can help. Is it " fair " for your sons

to be asked to do more chores than their friends do or to help dad? No,

nothing about this is fair. But I believe that ultimately your family will

be stronger if your sons are told the truth and they see that you NEED them

to pull some of the weight.

So, what about a support system? What neighbors, friends and family can you

call on for help? Can you set up a rotation for the boys? (If a problem

develops on Tuesday, call Joe; on Wednesday call grandma; etc.) What about

your church? What about home health care.

Some insurance will pay for home health care.

Check into the benefits at your new job and at DH's old job. Many large

companies have a service where you can call and get advice and referrals

about home health care and the like.

Does any of this help?

Hugs.

Dorothy