Guest guest Posted January 22, 2004 Report Share Posted January 22, 2004 Hi Jeanne, (((hugs))) for that feeling you're ready to snap...it's not funny how long, and on how many fronts, everyone has to struggle to get OCD on the run. It can be just plain exhausting. I haven't read an expert opinion on this topic, but our family's experience was when we got on the other side of the new obsessions thing (compulsions too for us), our daughter was much improved, and she made obvious progress from that point on. Someone on here refers to " extinction burst " which is when things get worse, then better. It does seem common when beginning meds or therapy (and my daughter went through this again when she began CBT/ERP), that things get worse for awhile before actual progress, i.e. reduced number of obsessions and compulsions, is seen. It's almost like when you begin fighting OCD, you make it mad and it hits you with all it's got. If you persevere, you come out the other side and from then on, progress is steady without two new obsessions or compulsions popping up to replace every one you manage to get rid of. I remember feeling pretty defeated with this process but we just soldiered on, I'd ask my daughter what OCD thing do you most want gone now? and she'd pick something to work on. We tried to have the attitude that we are only focusing on this one thing this week, everything else will just have to go on a waiting list. But once she started getting better, a lot of the new Os and Cs had magically disappeared or were low-level by time we got to them, and I learned later that ERP work can " generalize " . In other words you don't have to work on each and every O and C individually, some will probably just lose their punch during the recovery phase. The obsessions that my child started with, were the ones that took the most time and sustained effort to diminish, and they are the ones that want to come back whenever she starts a waxing phase. The ones that came late to the party tend to waste away on their own, or prove to be comparatively easy for her to boss. Take care, Kathy R. in Indiana ----- Original Message ----- > Are obsessions supposed to keep changing? It seems like every time we > have addressed one problem and really won some battles, something else > comes up! To make it worse, it's not like the original O/C has > entirely gone away (it's just become more manageable), so now we are > dealing with multiple things. > > We've made real progress on dealing with the " fear of others thinking > he is a girl " thing. (Although not totally gone at all). And before > that it was a fear of the bathroom. Now, he won't sleep in his room. > Af first, he wouldn't sleep in his bed because he's convinced that > there is glass in it. (He did break his lamp 2-3 weeks ago). Then, > after a few days of sleeping on his floor, he's become convinced that > there are bugs on the floor. It's definitely not just to get out of > going to bed because he won't even play in his room or on his bed. In > fact, we can hardly get him to go into his room at all! > > Now I feel like I've got a kid who still worries about germs in the > bathroom and turning into a girl *AND* glass and bugs in his room! > > I don't know if there's this, like, " obsession shaped void " in him so > that no matter what we do he will always have to have something he is > hung up on. Or, maybe all of these obsessions have been kind of > competing and as we deal with one, the next one comes forward for it's > turn. > > Meanwhile, he's got this doubting thing and also still wanting near > constant reassurance. " Right Mom, Right? Right? Is that right? " > And everything is a bit of a battle. Actually considering how > difficult everything seems to be for him, he's coping incredibly well. > I'm the one who feels ready to snap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2004 Report Share Posted January 22, 2004 Jeanne: I can completely identify with what you describe with obsessions changing and the constant reassurances. I've posted about my 14-year old soon to be step daughter (and thank everyone who responded). It seems we learn about a new obsession every few days around here. Last night she asked me to french braid her hair before bed and asked me if I thought she'd get sick if she used those two particular hair bands (because they didn't exactly match eachother?). Then she asked me to promise her that she wouldn't get sick from the hair bands. A few days ago she wanted to know if I thought she'd get sick if she didn't write out her homework on the 12th clean page of her notebook (which she has to actually turn to 4 times before she writes anything). Unfortunately she came home last night from cheerleading practice with a sore throat. Her younger sister just had Strep. We managed to get her in bed without too much drama, but she woke up today feeling worse and you can just see it on her face the turmoil she's going through, though, surprisingly, she's not performing any outward rituals. So, we have a dr. appt at 1:45, and I'm the one who gets to take her (both her mother and father are working today). I just hope not having one of them there doesn't add to her anxiety. <fingers crossed> We're not exactly sure what to do when she constantly asks for reassurances that may or may not actually be true. Her mother always just yesses her. But for instance, a couple weeks ago I bought 5 different " mini " desserts and we split them so everyone could have a taste of each dessert. She wanted me to promise her that she wouldn't feel sick if she ate the combination of desserts. Well, now I have no problem telling her she won't get sick as a result of not matching her hairbands not writing on a certain page in her notebook, but heck, *I* could feel nauseous from eating 5 bites of rich desserts, so how can I promise her something like that? changing obsessions Are obsessions supposed to keep changing? It seems like every time we have addressed one problem and really won some battles, something else comes up! To make it worse, it's not like the original O/C has entirely gone away (it's just become more manageable), so now we are dealing with multiple things. We've made real progress on dealing with the " fear of others thinking he is a girl " thing. (Although not totally gone at all). And before that it was a fear of the bathroom. Now, he won't sleep in his room. Af first, he wouldn't sleep in his bed because he's convinced that there is glass in it. (He did break his lamp 2-3 weeks ago). Then, after a few days of sleeping on his floor, he's become convinced that there are bugs on the floor. It's definitely not just to get out of going to bed because he won't even play in his room or on his bed. In fact, we can hardly get him to go into his room at all! Now I feel like I've got a kid who still worries about germs in the bathroom and turning into a girl *AND* glass and bugs in his room! I don't know if there's this, like, " obsession shaped void " in him so that no matter what we do he will always have to have something he is hung up on. Or, maybe all of these obsessions have been kind of competing and as we deal with one, the next one comes forward for it's turn. Meanwhile, he's got this doubting thing and also still wanting near constant reassurance. " Right Mom, Right? Right? Is that right? " And everything is a bit of a battle. Actually considering how difficult everything seems to be for him, he's coping incredibly well. I'm the one who feels ready to snap. Jeanne jwestpha@... NBCT - Exceptional Needs (2000) Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group// . Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, Kathy , Vivian Stembridge, and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2004 Report Share Posted January 23, 2004 HI Jeanne: This is an excellent sign that your son has started to get OCD on the run. In the old terminology he is starting to run OCD off his land! We learned that this was OCD's desperate attempt to keep a toe hold when it was being pushed to the background. IT comes up with more tricks to seem more powerful but can no longer rely on one or a few powerful obsessions to drive the sufferer into submission. Remember to celebrate the successes. E & RP tends to generalize so when the techniques of E & RP are familiar to your son he will be able to use them against the new O's and C's that pop up. And if some come to the surface then he will be able to manage them. I finally got tough with our son Steve and told him I would not talk to OCD when it was asking me for reassurance, however I was very keen to talk to him. Externalizing OCD as the problem really helps to develop a team in the family to cope with the disorder. It may seem undoable at first, but believe me if a family in as much of a shambles as ours was could figure this out, any family can! Good luck, take care, aloha, Kathy (h) kathy.hi@... -- In , Jeanne <jwestpha@a...> wrote: > Are obsessions supposed to keep changing? It seems like every time we > have addressed one problem and really won some battles, something else > comes up! To make it worse, it's not like the original O/C has > entirely gone away (it's just become more manageable), so now we are > dealing with multiple things. > > We've made real progress on dealing with the " fear of others thinking > he is a girl " thing. (Although not totally gone at all). And before > that it was a fear of the bathroom. Now, he won't sleep in his room. > Af first, he wouldn't sleep in his bed because he's convinced that > there is glass in it. (He did break his lamp 2-3 weeks ago). Then, > after a few days of sleeping on his floor, he's become convinced that > there are bugs on the floor. It's definitely not just to get out of > going to bed because he won't even play in his room or on his bed. In > fact, we can hardly get him to go into his room at all! > > Now I feel like I've got a kid who still worries about germs in the > bathroom and turning into a girl *AND* glass and bugs in his room! > > I don't know if there's this, like, " obsession shaped void " in him so > that no matter what we do he will always have to have something he is > hung up on. Or, maybe all of these obsessions have been kind of > competing and as we deal with one, the next one comes forward for it's > turn. > > Meanwhile, he's got this doubting thing and also still wanting near > constant reassurance. " Right Mom, Right? Right? Is that right? " > And everything is a bit of a battle. Actually considering how > difficult everything seems to be for him, he's coping incredibly well. > I'm the one who feels ready to snap. > > > Jeanne > jwestpha@a... > NBCT - Exceptional Needs (2000) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2004 Report Share Posted January 23, 2004 Hi : This situation just cries out (to me anyway) for some paradoxical humor. I think you can just promise your step-daughter that not only she but the entire family will get dreadfully nauseous and vomit all over the place from sharing these desserts. It is just a punishment that you deserve for buying these delicious treats ;-)!! Also you can have a competition to see who, as the Aussies say, has the most technicolor yawn! You are in a tough situation if some of the parents are providing reassurance. We found that our family had to all get on the same page about phasing out and stopping reassurance for our son to recover. He was very subtle about the reassurance seeking and would reword questions so we really had to pay attention to realize he was actually asking the same thing and needing reassurance. Good luck getting all this in sync, it will really be worth it. Take care, aloha, kathy (h) kathy.hi@... > Jeanne: > > I can completely identify with what you describe with obsessions changing and the constant reassurances. I've posted about my 14-year old soon to be step daughter (and thank everyone who responded). It seems we learn about a new obsession every few days around here. Last night she asked me to french braid her hair before bed and asked me if I thought she'd get sick if she used those two particular hair bands (because they didn't exactly match eachother?). Then she asked me to promise her that she wouldn't get sick from the hair bands. A few days ago she wanted to know if I thought she'd get sick if she didn't write out her homework on the 12th clean page of her notebook (which she has to actually turn to 4 times before she writes anything). > > Unfortunately she came home last night from cheerleading practice with a sore throat. Her younger sister just had Strep. We managed to get her in bed without too much drama, but she woke up today feeling worse and you can just see it on her face the turmoil she's going through, though, surprisingly, she's not performing any outward rituals. So, we have a dr. appt at 1:45, and I'm the one who gets to take her (both her mother and father are working today). I just hope not having one of them there doesn't add to her anxiety. <fingers crossed> > > We're not exactly sure what to do when she constantly asks for reassurances that may or may not actually be true. Her mother always just yesses her. But for instance, a couple weeks ago I bought 5 different " mini " desserts and we split them so everyone could have a taste of each dessert. She wanted me to promise her that she wouldn't feel sick if she ate the combination of desserts. Well, now I have no problem telling her she won't get sick as a result of not matching her hairbands not writing on a certain page in her notebook, but heck, *I* could feel nauseous from eating 5 bites of rich desserts, so how can I promise her something like that? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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