(more thought on MDS)

[Guest guest]

I am sure many of you have gone through the process of finding out your child

has MDS and the resulting feelings. I feel now as though I have pretty much

accepted what is happening and that I will deal with it.

I remember the sadness and shock when I found out.

I have had the guilt because I didn't want a child because I was a gulf war

vet and afraid of birth defects. My step bro served in the gulf with me and

he had a child with a birth defect, so it scared me just to think of having a

child. I have somewhat been assured that my service had nothing to do with

MDS.

I have also had the guilt of knowing that I would have pushed my wife to have

an abortion had I known about his condition before he was born.

The most amazing thing is how okay I am with it now while he is just a month

old. I think it may because I am an attorney and I have to " deal with " stuff

every day and figure out a solution while ignoring as best I can the

" feelings " behind problems. I really didn't dwell on it that much. My wife

has had a harder time and has shouldered a lot of unnecessary guilt.

Can anyone express to me the grieving process they have experienced?

This is probably an odd request, but I have never lost anyone close to me, so

I have never really been through a " grieving process " that I can recall. As

in my other posts, I don't know what normal is, so I ask for input. I almost

feel like I should be feeling worse, but I don't have time for that. I have

to support the family and take care of business, and I still don't feel like

I am avoiding the problem, but instead jumping straight into it and attacking

it.

Any testimonials on yours experiences will be much appreciated.

Oh, and I really do have a sense of humor, it is just hard not to be so

serious about this.

Jeff, daddy of Reagan, 35 days old.